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Posts Tagged ‘Vomiting in My Mouth’

In Which Mat Staver Is Missing More Than A T

March 28th, 2010 No comments

I was going to try to work up a head of steam on this but, ya know, it pretty much speaks for itself.

Vic Eliason – Professional Fucktard

Mat Staver – Professional Fucktard

In Which xtians Are Delusional Cowards

March 5th, 2010 1 comment

You know, I’m sitting here casting around for some kind of framework to talk about this press release from Concerned Women For America and my head is just reeling.

Penny Nance, CEO for Concerned Women for America, said, “CWA seeks to protect the individuals who signed the petition from having their support of Referendum 71, their personal information, and the address of their family’s home globally publicized on the Internet by groups with a history of harassment and intimidation against those opposed to the homosexual viewpoint.”

Maureen Richardson, State Director for CWA of Washington, said, “Privacy is a big issue.  The people’s right to ‘exercise the legislative power’ through referenda and initiatives will be severely hampered by publicizing names through Internet listings, etc. In a perfect world where others do not wish us harm, public disclosure of citizens’ personal information made available on a referendum or initiative might be acceptable, but in a world where advocates are threatened as I have been, making it easier for predators to access their victims is not necessarily in the public interest and certainly not in the victim’s.”

[/me scratches head and sighs]

We still live in America, right? What I got taught in Civics class was that America meant making your voice heard; about standing up for what you believe in. According to Concerned Women for America, it means shouting “FAGGOT!” from the safety of the shadows so that the rest of country can’t know what an absolute fucking ASSHOLE you are.

It wouldn’t piss me off half as much if CWA didn’t spend its time screaming about traitorous, America-hating liberals who don’t support our brave boys overseas fighting to protect our freedoms.  Freedoms? Guess what (he said, ratcheting up the irony) FREEDOM ISN’T FREE. Freedom, or so I’ve been told by people like CWA, means pain and sacrifice. It means doing what’s right no matter how hard it is. It’s about raising your hand and proclaiming, “this, I do believe” and taking the consequences and accepting the responsibility of your actions. It’s not about a bunch of over-privileged white, xtian conservatives cowering before the word “gay” like it was Kyser Soze. We know how prone to violence “teh gays” are.  How they go on rampages through Grosse Point and Scarsdale slaughtering all the straight people and having sex with anyone left standing.

Aren’t the greatest Christians the ones who endured the worst torture and persecution? Didn’t Jesus promise that Christians would be hated and reviled. Then fucking step up to the plate, boys and girls. You are pathetic pieces of cowardly shit to turn your back on both Country AND God. Hate gays and blacks and Mexicans and anyone else not like you all you want. Be my guest. But show us your face when you do. Let us see just how bitter, hypocritical and shameful the face of xtianity is. Let us see the face of those who play God while admonishing everyone with in earshot about the hubris and sin of playing God.

If you don’t trust that God will protect you, maybe you should rethink about whether God actually exists.

In Which The FRC Supports Christian Identity

January 17th, 2010 2 comments

Having grown bored of demonizing Kevin Jennings as proof that gays want to seduce kindergartners to create little mini-gays, Tony Perkins moves onto another Obama nominee – Errol Souther for head of the TSA. Why?

Because apparently one needn’t concern one’s self with anti-government racists and violent anti-abortionists. Extrapolating just slightly, the message plays something like

How can white people commit acts of terror? Only Muslims hate America. Muslim have dark skin. Therefore dark-skinned people hate America. Therefore white-skinned people don’t.

Things are so much easier with jesus, huh?

It’s a well know fact that god condones the killing of abortion doctors and that targeting the radical anti-abortion movement as “terrorists” is just communism in disguise. Not so well know, and kudo to Tony Perkins for pointing it out, is that targeting the Christian Identity movement as “terrorists” makes just as little sense. I mean, so you “identify” as a “Christian”, right? What’s the big deal?

Oops!

Christian Identity is a religious ideology popular in extreme right-wing circles. Adherents believe that whites of European descent can be traced back to the “Lost Tribes of Israel.” Many consider Jews to be the Satanic offspring of Eve and the Serpent, while non-whites are “mud peoples” created before Adam and Eve. Its virulent racist and anti-Semitic beliefs are usually accompanied by extreme anti-government sentiments. Despite its small size, Christian Identity influences virtually all white supremacist and extreme anti-government movements. It has also informed criminal behavior ranging from hate crimes to acts of terrorism.

So, let’s be clear – by defending the Christian Identity movement, Tony Perkins, president of the Family Research Council which is the political arm of Focus on the Family, has no problem with people who see Jews as evil, blacks as mud people and the violent overthrow of the US Government. Check out the redundantly named Pastor Pete Peters, one of the leading lights of these fucktards.

And, just so you don’t leave with a bad taste in your mouth, here’s Pastor Pete telling an HI-larious joke during a sermon!

Pastor Pete Peters Tells A Joke During Church

In Which All Xtians Agree With Pat Robertson

January 14th, 2010 No comments

Hey, remember a couple of years back when some miserable fanatics flew planes into the World Trade Center and the Pentagon? Remember how wingnuts and xtians used the occasion to blame all of Islam because, effectively, the president of Islam didn’t condemn the attacks quickly, strongly or believably enough?

By that measure, the measure which they hold other religions to, all xtians believe Pat Robertson 100% that Haiti made a pact with the devil. True story.

“Something happened a long time ago in Haiti, and people might not want to talk about it,” Robertson said on his Christian Broadcasting Network show. “They were under the heel of the French . . . and they got together and swore a pact to the devil. They said, ‘We will serve you if you’ll get us free from the French.’

“True story. And the devil said, ‘OK, it’s a deal,’ ” Robertson said. “Ever since, they have been cursed by one thing after another.”

How do we know this is true? Because in the 24hrs or so since Robertson vomited out his “blessing in disguise” not one xtian group has come forward to condemn him or his outward presentation of schizophrenia.

Christan Newswire is the place where xtians (and sometimes Christians) go to unleash their messages of love for homos, liberals, minorities and the current president.  Want to know about some preacher planning to bury himself alive for three days so he can return with a revelation? This is the place to go. Concerned Women For America shows their concern for women by decry rape exclusions in abortion. The American Family Association keeps you updated on who to hate. Randall Terry releases statements that dead abortion doctors had it coming to them.

And all of them speak for God and God says Haiti made a deal with Satan.

I don’t know exactly how far gone you have to be to actually buy into that. Apparently, if you’re an xtian, not very far.

So why haven’t the condemnations of Robertson flooded Christian Newswire like Christ’s blood dripping down his body on the cross? Because you don’t call your rich grandfather a “fucktard”. The xtain community knows that Pat still holds a lot of power.  Wanna take over the 700 Club? Wanna even be a guest on the 700 Club? Keep your mouth shut and nod…even when Grandpa calls you by the wrong name and tries to touch you when no one’s looking.

This kind of sin of commission (yes, D, I know it’s usually Catholic) is the kind of thing Christianity frowns on.  All the more reason to call out fake xtians when they allow their “leaders” to denigrate the victims of tragedy fairy tales and lies.

Let me be clear – it’s not that xtians hate black people. They just hate people in general. After all, that’s what Jesus would do.

In Which Dialog Is A One-Way Dynamic

December 7th, 2009 3 comments

Crosstalk America is not a religious show.  Anyone who listens to even the smallest snippet of it should come to that conclusion.  The show is about dogma and fear.  What little religion that pokes its head up from the slimy depths of the studio serves only to enforce the hatred du jour.  When hosting, Vic Eliason, the head brown-shirt, acts as grandpa with a tri-cornered blade and  basement full of crosses marking the graves of the sinners he correctly garroted in the name of Jesus.

Vic cannot have an honest debate.  When backed into a corner and called on his bullshit he defaults to the following steps

  1. The caller makes their point
  2. Vic tries to spin it
  3. The caller begins to push back
  4. Vic interrupts the caller in his folksy fashion to play the “we’re having a dialog” card
  5. The caller, annoyed about the interruption, continues to try to have the dialog that Vic just effectively ended
  6. Vic, the taste of blood and victory in his mouth, terminates the call, blaming the victim for his own rudeness in interrupting.
  7. He then laments that “some people” (code word the un-godly) care nothing about “dialog” and only call to push their evil agenda.

Of course, no mention of their own agenda makes it into that statement.  This happens over and over on the show and I’ve talked about it before.  What makes this clip different comes during the sermonette at the end.

Three things to listen for -

The first is the word “filibuster”.  During the bush years, filibuster meant evil.  It’s what “lie-berals” did to hold up the nomination of racist, though xtian, judges.  It’s what “dumbo-crats” used to attempt block legislation to stop funding of the effective program of giving condoms to countries with high rates of HIV in favor of the ineffective program of abstinence only.  Now, with the advent of socialist health and the destruction of America (TM), “filibuster” is a good word again.  Vic’s negative use of the word points up the bastardization of the language and the adaptability of true believers to switch contexts at the drop of the hat.  It’s a nice little Pavlovian trick. I don’t mean to imply that my side of the fence doesn’t do the same thing – but Vic’s mastery of verbal cues approaches evil brilliance.

The second points out the de-facto fascism of the show. “I happen to be the person that holds the control here.” Pretty straight forward – disagree with me and break my arbitrary decisions as to how much dialog I allow you and you’re gone.  Doing radio myself, though, this is more of a slip than it sounds like. The point he wanted to make was his fingers decide whether or not he’ll allow you to speak.  As such, he works the “controls”. In switching from the proper plural use to the singular use implying action, rather then object, he betrays his true agenda – xtian Stalinism

The third illustrates the basic hypocrisy of Crosstalk America – “We’re not going to let you abuse the program just because you want to be rude”. Really? Listen to the call again.

Vic: …Wouldn’t you agree that that’s a problem?

Caller: But that’s the way it’s always been…

Vic: No, no, no, no, no, no, no, wait a minute Maria. Take a breath. We’re going to have some dialog…

After the break, Vic turns on the condescension, explaining to Maria, whose call has been terminate, the rules of dialog. “I wish Maria had stayed on the line because we could have had dialog. Which means you make a statement, take a breath and let someone respond.” Obviously, Vic doesn’t have to play by his own rules.  He made a statement (to which Maria respectfully listened), asked a question and then cut off her response.

In the eyes of Crosstalk America, Jesus, apparently, was a passive-aggressive hypocrite.

Shut Up – We’re Having A Dialog And You Kept Talking

PS: If you’re new to the horror that is Crosstalk America, this show acts as a perfect primer, containing all the wingnuts talking points including the old “let’s stop blaming bush’s incompetence for state we’re in. After all, Obama promised to fix everything right away and we’ve successfully stopped him from doing that.” As an added bonus, you’ll get “Obama kind of sent more troops to Afghanistan and kinda listened to the generals BUT HE DIDN’T DO IT WHEN WE TOLD HIM TO SO HE IS EVIL” meme.

In Which Tony Perkins Hates Alaska, Hawaii And Muslims

November 13th, 2009 No comments

two_tonys

When I talk of Tony Perkins here, I don’t speak of the gay actor that dressed up in his mother’s clothing and killed Janet Leigh in the shower. Nor the actor who played the closeted photographer in Mahogony. When I talk of Tony Perkins, I speak of James Dobson’s bully boy and head of the Family Research Council. Tony is a capital-X Xtian who, I’m sure, if it wasn’t for those pesky “government laws” would have no problem killing his kid, as God urges you to do in Leviticus. He knows that God doesn’t like gays, that abortion is murder and that God forgave Sen. David Vitter for hiring whores to dress him up in a diaper so there’s no need to contest Vitter’s re-election bid. All of this is to say that, while he may not suck dicks, he’s a dick and he sucks.

Tony (the not gay one) bleats about the important issues of the day and why liberals will go to Hell on Washington Watch Weekly. While most shows fill the average listener with dread over what a theocracy might look like NOT GAY people like Tony Perkins (the not gay one) in charge, this past week’s points out just how fucking insane Dobson and the crew are.

It’s been proven by xtians that once upon a time in America there was no crime, no drug, no pre-marital sex, no gays, all wars were just wars and people only voted Republican. It was a simpler, better time because only xtians lived in America and you could beat the shit out your child without fear of prosecution.  To that end, xtians love looking backwards. Even to the extent that they favor dictionaries from 1912 and rely on previous drafts of state’s constitutions to prove that God created America.

This past Wednesday, the country celebrated Veterans’ Day. Tony did, as well, by flying a very special flag.  This flag represents a time when Americans believed in America and compassion for the enemies of America simply did not exist.  We gunned them down in cold blood, pissed on the dead and Jesus laughed, laughed, laughed. It’s a flag that flew over Pearl Harbor before the filthy, yellow Japs bombed it.  Which means it only has 48 stars.  Which means it doesn’t represent the whole country.  Which means that, mercifully, all the darker skinned Americans of Hawaii and Alaska get shunted aside.  God Bless (most of) America!

Tony (the not-gay one) knows that among Jesus’ wonderful messages, His message of helping your fellow man stands in the center of it.  One way to help your fellow man is, when they knock up their girlfriend in high school, to force them to have a child they’re not mature enough to raise.  In doing this, you ensure the child gets neglected and (hopefully) beaten.  Why? Because not only will the child want to get the hell out of that house and joined the Army, but when they do, they’ll already be battle hardened.  Some “Pro-Lifers” (at least pro-American lifers) praised the Stupid Stupak amendment to the rapidly toothless healthcare bill for making sure that xtians wouldn’t go to Hell because they paid for a girl to abort their daddy’s baby.  Tony (tngo) knows you have to cruel to be kind and that allowing the bill to become law means victory for the harbinger of the End Times, Barak Obama.  After all, you don’t need health insurance if you live your life in accordance to biblical principals.  What’s the point of Stupid Stupak amendment when the more important goals are 1) to actively work against the President of the United States and 2) let the people who don’t live their life by following biblical principles to die.  Yes, God is Love and sometimes love means killing that uppity bitch that refuses to do what you tell her to.

Lastly, as the Conservative Bible Project plans to make clear, Jesus was NOT a liberal.  When Jesus said “fellow man” he didn’t mean everyone. He meant (in the original Aramaic) “like-minded people” or, in the parlance of today’s vernacular “NOT TOWELHEADS.” Tony doesn’t truck with “intellectuals” who “think” and “analyze” and rely on “political correctness” and “other people” to inform their decisions. So, when a Muslim like Nidal Hassan opens fire and kills 13 at Ft. Hood, Texas, the way to make sure this never happens again is clear: kick the fucking Muslims out of the US Armed Forces.  Now.  Didn’t this same thing happen 6 years ago?!  Don’t you people get it?! Do you not see a trend?!  As most xtians, will tell you – when you become a Muslim you take an oath to kill as many Americans as you can. We are the enemy.  To hell with all this “diversity” and “inclusion”.  Letting Muslims into the military de facto means more dead American soldiers on the soil of our glorious homeland.

Do you think Jesus wants to see that?  Tony Perkins doesn’t.  But then again, he doesn’t like to acknowledge the 49th and 50th states of the Union, either.

In Which Our Country Deserves Better PAC’s Services Are No Longer Needed

May 22nd, 2009 No comments

I need to channel my energy better.  I always mean to troll and end up engaging, instead.  There comes a point where distanced amusement turns to outright anger and OCDBPAC tends to find that point as easily as Deborah Jones finds the closet she keeps her strap-on hidden in so she and Joe can play Secretary.

The level of their denial rocks the brain and approaches Sinclairian standards.  Take the recent email sent by Mr. Jones (who, btw, has a thing going on).

According to the folks at YouTube, only 1,538 of you have listened to the new radio ad I recorded yesterday that takes Harry Reid to task for dishonoring our military men and women.  Friends, we have a lot more members than that so this means a lot of you have yet to listen to the ad.

Gosh, Lil’ Debbie, it’s almost like (how shall I put this) NO ONE FUCKING CARES.

I know that only a handful of people read this and I cherish every single one of you.  I might bitch about low numbers sometimes but, guess what, at the end of the day, it’s my problem.  I could write good old-fashioned earthy-crunchy “yay liberals” stuff.  I could jump on whatever band wagon Dkos hitched up for the day.  There are 12 gazillion ways to up the numbers to the point where the Google ad revenue would keep me rolling in clover.  The last thing I would do is send an email blaming you, my cherished readers, for not reading this enough.  Or not sending me money

Please take a moment to listen to the new ad below.  And if you agree with my message, then help me make sure every single voter in Nevada hears this ad next week, by making a contribution so we can purchase as much airtime as possible.

Translation, as if it were plain – “Waaaaaaah!  It’s YOUR fault if America turns into an athieistic, Socialist dictatorship because didn’t pay for my salary.”  But that’s not really the point.

Let me state that not all Republicans are wingnuts.  I know plenty of perfectly nice people who respectfully disagree me.  They don’t call me names.  They don’t besmirch my character.  As a result, we actually talk about things, which isn’t to say that things don’t get heated or that we’ll ever agree.

The classic wingnut just lies without any sense of remorse, conscience or fact.  Obama is not a socialist.  He does not hate the troops.  He is an American citizen.  He did not get blown in the back of a limo by a psychotic gay man.

The classic wingnut loves to call the left “Stalinist” implying that we insist on absolute and total fealty to the dogma laid down by the wingnut target du jour.  There are, of course, those who insist on lockstep adherence to liberal dogma.  I’ve heard plenty of conversations about how someone wasn’t “liberal enough”.  I have no use for those people.  However, they generally don’t take their dogma and go home.

Like OCDBPAC does.

I noticed a couple of days ago that the two copies of their emails that I usually got mysteriously became one copy.  Perhaps it’s because they read my responses to them and decided that I wasn’t on their list for the “right” reason. (Me so funny!)  All the more reason to subscribe with two different addresses.  It’s not the first time they’ve cut me off.  I’m kicked out of their Facebook group for pointing out that their math was heniously wrong when I came to interpreting polling data, a fact confirmed my wife who interprets data for a living.

Now, however, they’ve taken to deleting and banning comments on their idiotic YouTube radio ad.

It doesn’t seem to take much to get banned, either.  Just counter “Harry Reid hates the troops” with something true, like, say bush cut funding for veteran’s benefits.  Or that Walter Reed Hospital willfully and knowing neglected the veterans in their charge.  You’ll be banned in a heartbeat. In my case, I was banned after asking someone to read sources “outside your comfort zone if only to debunk them.”  How fucking incendiary am I?

To sum up – I was banned from Our Country Deserves Better PAC for

1) Disagreeing with them

2) Asking them to consider all sides of an issue

In short – I was banned for acting like an American.

In Which All Squares Are Ovals

March 26th, 2009 3 comments

Not all Christians are assholes.  I pretty sure that I’ve said this before.  I know some very nice, kind, caring Christians.  Every year, it’s the churches that organize an MLK breakfast.  The woman down the street works in a food pantry and puts in time bettering the community.  I’d say, all told, that there are more nice Christians than not.  In my own odd way, I believe in the goodness of people.  Sadly, these are not the people that immediately jump to mind when many people (note the qualification) think of Christians.

They think of assholes like James Dobson.  They think of dickheads like Rod Parsely.  They think of absolutely losers like Jimmy Swaggart.

If there is a Hell then under the guidelines, I will be there and I will have many, many conversations with many, many Christians who will no doubt be shaking their heads as to how they got there.  It seems that no matter how many times you try to explain that telling other people that they’re going to Hell doesn’t mean you’re going to Heaven, they just don’t get it.  They also don’t seem to understand that Jesus didn’t preach that the way to Him was distorting the truth – AKA: Lying.

If I remember it correctly, there are sins of omission and sins of commission.  A sin of omission is failure to do what one can and must do.  Thus, Ted Haggard committed a sin of omission when he bought speed and had sex with a male prostitute.  A sin of commission is to know something is wrong and do it anyway.  Thus, James Dobson and his buddies knowingly and willingly tell lies in the name of Jesus.  These lies projectile vomit out of the mouths of their deluded followers.  People like this fine, caring xtian.

You may know a lot of atheists who help, but they are not the majority

Understand, they are taught that you cannot be moral without being a Christian.  I have heard someone say that homosexuals are more prone to murder because they have no morality.  They can kill and not feel anything.  I wish I was kidding.  And so, all atheists are homosexual sociopaths.

This is the way xtians survive to fill their coffers and preach their vision of the hateful Jesus.  In their view, extrapolation equals logic.  Thus, if Barney Frank calls Justice Antonin Scalia a homophobe what he’s actually saying is that any American that voted on a state Defense of Marriage law is a homophobe.  Which is not only stupid but a sin of commission.  xtian “leaders” knowingly and willfully took a satircal piece about a homosexual uprising, stripped out the prologue that explained

This essay is an outré, madness, a tragic, cruel fantasy, an eruption of inner rage, on how the oppressed desperately dream of being the oppressor.

and claimed it was the blueprint for the homosexual agenda.  Seriously.  When you hear someone claim that “I am holding a copy of the homosexual agenda in my hand” that’s what they’re referring to -  a satirical newpaper column in a gay paper.  (And I”m desperately trying NOT to make a joke about what’s in their other hand…OOPS)

It should be fairly obvious that these people are not Christians.  They are xtians.  Like the early Catholic Church, they are not about Jesus.  They are about earthly power.  I’m not even sure that they understand what they’re doing.  I do know, however, that Jesus wouldn’t have lied to spread lies about people he didn’t like.

See ya in Hell!

In Which I Have Excerpts From Blago’s “Closing Argument”

January 29th, 2009 No comments

[Note - Please do NOT ask me for my source.  I will NOT give it up.  I will spend the rest of my life in jail for contempt before I give up Judith Miller.]

Blagojevich:  Ok, motherfuckers, let me start by saying “FUCK YOU”.  Got it?  Was I speaking to quickly?  FUCK YOU.  You cocksuckers think I’m going down here?  You got another motherfucking thing coming to to you.  I am NOT fucking leaving this office until I’m given every fucking goddamn thing I’m fucking owed.  Who the hell do you think you goddamn fucks are, anyway?  The fucking pope?  No fucking way.

Stupid fucks, you can kiss my lily-white fucking Chicago ass…

Suck it.  I’m fucking serious.  Every single one of you fucks.  Form a goddamn line.

I had to beat Rachel Maddow off with a goddamn broomstick just to get out of the fucking building.  THAT’S the kind of badass motherfucker you’re fucking dealing with.  Got it?

I’m assured this will all be on the teleprompter for him.