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You know, I’m sitting here casting around for some kind of framework to talk about this press release from Concerned Women For America and my head is just reeling.

Penny Nance, CEO for Concerned Women for America, said, “CWA seeks to protect the individuals who signed the petition from having their support of Referendum 71, their personal information, and the address of their family’s home globally publicized on the Internet by groups with a history of harassment and intimidation against those opposed to the homosexual viewpoint.”

Maureen Richardson, State Director for CWA of Washington, said, “Privacy is a big issue.  The people’s right to ‘exercise the legislative power’ through referenda and initiatives will be severely hampered by publicizing names through Internet listings, etc. In a perfect world where others do not wish us harm, public disclosure of citizens’ personal information made available on a referendum or initiative might be acceptable, but in a world where advocates are threatened as I have been, making it easier for predators to access their victims is not necessarily in the public interest and certainly not in the victim’s.”

[/me scratches head and sighs]

We still live in America, right? What I got taught in Civics class was that America meant making your voice heard; about standing up for what you believe in. According to Concerned Women for America, it means shouting “FAGGOT!” from the safety of the shadows so that the rest of country can’t know what an absolute fucking ASSHOLE you are.

It wouldn’t piss me off half as much if CWA didn’t spend its time screaming about traitorous, America-hating liberals who don’t support our brave boys overseas fighting to protect our freedoms.  Freedoms? Guess what (he said, ratcheting up the irony) FREEDOM ISN’T FREE. Freedom, or so I’ve been told by people like CWA, means pain and sacrifice. It means doing what’s right no matter how hard it is. It’s about raising your hand and proclaiming, “this, I do believe” and taking the consequences and accepting the responsibility of your actions. It’s not about a bunch of over-privileged white, xtian conservatives cowering before the word “gay” like it was Kyser Soze. We know how prone to violence “teh gays” are.  How they go on rampages through Grosse Point and Scarsdale slaughtering all the straight people and having sex with anyone left standing.

Aren’t the greatest Christians the ones who endured the worst torture and persecution? Didn’t Jesus promise that Christians would be hated and reviled. Then fucking step up to the plate, boys and girls. You are pathetic pieces of cowardly shit to turn your back on both Country AND God. Hate gays and blacks and Mexicans and anyone else not like you all you want. Be my guest. But show us your face when you do. Let us see just how bitter, hypocritical and shameful the face of xtianity is. Let us see the face of those who play God while admonishing everyone with in earshot about the hubris and sin of playing God.

If you don’t trust that God will protect you, maybe you should rethink about whether God actually exists.

Hbee CWA, Family Values, Republicana, Vomiting in My Mouth, xtians CWA, Family Values, Republicana, Vomiting in My Mouth, xtians

The meme about liberals goes that they possess no capacity to change their minds in the face of rational arguments. Present them with irrefutable facts, neo-cons say, and they steadfastly stick to the party line like Larry Craig to an airport gloryhole. Iraq was a slam dunk, so why the hell would liberals want to be such dicks? After all the war liberation would pay for itself, right? And probably would have if liberals had stopped yapping and got on board the bush-mobile.

But we wouldn’t.  We hated America and freedom and God and KBR and no-bid contracts. What, my liberal brethren, were we thinking??

Thus, when Scott Brown pimped out his daughters to “anyone who’s watching throughout the country” my immediate liberal knee jerk reaction was to pick up my feng shui book (always on the coffee table) and cast out the bad vibes in the room. And then I renewed my NOW and ACLU membership. I spent the rest of the evening in fetal position hating God and the patriarchy.

This morning I jumped in the car and, for some reason, turned on WTKK (Boston Talks) and heard Michael Graham holding forth on how liberals (like me) could get so bent out of shape about a simple joke that any normal father in America would make about their daughters

And as always, I rely on Gail’s love and support and that of our two lovely daughters. So i want to thank Ayla and Arianna for their help as well. And just in case anyone who’s watching throughout the country they’re both available. No, no no. No. Only kidding, only kidding. Only kidding, only kidding. Arianna’s definitely not available. But Ayla is.

Party-line, brainwashed liberal that I am, I’d forgotten, as Graham pointed out that “this whole fathers-paying-for-their-daughter’s-marriage thing came from a time when daughters were hard to move merchandise.” I guess I hadn’t looked it that way. He took call after call from normal parent after normal parent assuring him that, no, he wasn’t crazy. Scott Brown simply showed his affection for his daughters by telling the country how fuckable they were…after some anonymous American married them first, of course.

“I’d love to find a nice guy for my daughter to hook up with,” one male caller told Graham, “and I mean ‘hook up’ in the old sense of the word, not, ya know, the…new one.” Hm. Did I miss an evolutionary step of the phrase “hook up”? Well, I’m old and married so why should I be following that.

A woman called up to say that she would do the exact same thing to her son.

Woman: Oh, all the time! If we were in Starbucks, I’d always say he was available.

Graham: Starbucks?

Woman: Yeah!

Graham: Starbucks? I mean…were you trying to hook him up with another guy?

Good point! You might find that statement assumptive but mothers frequently cause homosexuality in their sons and only gay men hang out in Starbucks. So…ya know.

By this time I’d hit redial on my cellphone about 58 times. Finally, I got through. The screener asked what my comment was and, still closed-minded, I said I found it really creep for Brown to pimp out his daughters like that. He told me to stay on the line.

So I did.

And as I did, I listened.  I listened carefully. I opened my ears AND I opened my mind. And something odd happened – I understood. I saw it all very clearly in a way that my liberal brain, clouded by rationality and reason and reality-based media, could not see previously.

Scott Brown showed the ultimate affection to his daughters by embarrassing them on national television…because that’s what dads do. All dads. That’s our job. To embarrass our daughters in public. It made so much sense. As I reeled from this discovery, Graham picked up my call.

Graham: You’re on the air.  What’s on your mind?

Me: Hey. You know, when I first called I planned on saying that this whole thing creeped me out – this whole pimping-your-daughter thing. But waiting on hold, I think I get it. You’ve really changed my mind about it.

Graham: That’s great! You got daughters?

Me: Yeah, two of ‘em

Graham: How old?

Me: 13 and 16.

Graham: (computing in his head) Yeeeeeeah, that’s just about the right age for you to start saying that kind of thing.

Me: Yeah, probably. But here’s the other thing I was thinking.

Graham: What’s that?

Me: See, it makes so much sense to me now. All he’s doing is showing appropriate love for his daughters…

Graham: …yeah…

Me: And he is who he is…

Graham: …right…

Me: …and if I were the kind of dad that posed nude in Cosom, I’d probably say that kind of thing, too. He just wants them to have what he had…

Graham: …huh?…

Me: Yeah, I mean, I’m hoping to see both of them in Playboy or Penthouse soon.

Graham: (blindsided but getting it) …HA!…that’s…

Me: …And I bet that he could help with that!

Graham: …that’s…that’s really funny

Me: I really do

Graham: (hangs up)

So, Scott – Larry Flynt is waiting for you and/or your daughters to call him. Because they’re really fucking HOTT, buddy. And every psycho in America knows they’re available. At least Ayla is.

Hbee Family Values, Mass. Senate Race, Michael Graham, Political Whatever, Republicana, Scott Brown, Talk Radio, Teabaggers, Wingnuts Family Values, Mass. Senate Race, Michael Graham, Political Whatever, Republicana, Scott Brown, Talk Radio, Teabaggers, Wingnuts