Hbee Inc.

Chauncy left the following comment on the recap of the Star Market Adventure

I thought the whole point of improv was to create a spectacle – WITHOUT causing harm or expense to anyone involved. Instead, you’re cheering about the damage/expense being caused.

Not cool.

My knee jerk response was a tart – “I didn’t know Winston Smith taught improv nowadays”.  Instead, I read through the post and realized that without reading the previous post (which I lazily didn’t link to) one could get the impression that I planned on costing Star Market money.  That was not the initial plan…only a happy by-product.

Happy?  I’m happy that I cost a large corporation money?  Well.  Yeah, I am, for the simple reason that they completely over-reacted.  Below is the text of the second email I sent to the list with the mole on it.  The most important thing to note (outside of the lack of malice or calls for “damage” or violent overthrow of the store, if not the entire chain) is the following sentence towards the end.

If they ask you to leave, leave graciously.

I’m not sure how much clearer one could be about keeping this on a civil level.  “You could,” Chauncy might argue, “have had a clown blowing up balloons in the parking lot.  Or stayed home and watched TV.” 

True.  I put this together as a socio-political act, not just a happy, funny, OMG, thing.  There was a point.  If Star Market took the point as Communist Overthrow Of The Frozen Food Aisle, they didn’t get it from me.

To be even clearer – Management read both emails.  Read them.  With their eyes.  And (possibly) their brains.  From the emails they somehow managed to find a threat.  Well, bush invaded Iraq on less information, so who can blame them.

And so…the email!

Hi Kids!

Here’s the scoop and some thoughts:

First – Thanks to everyone for participating in this!  I’m very excited about this and heartened that you are, too!

On to the meat of the matter –

Meeting

We’ll meet at the dry cleaners in the mini strip mall in the main parking lot at 11:45AM on Saturday 1/7/06.  The address, if you need to get directions from the web, is 699 Mt. Auburn St, Cambridge, MA 02138.  There’s a crude map at the bottom of this email.  It’s not mandatory to meet before hand, but it’s nice to check as to number of people and to say hello.  I’ll be wearing a shin-length, warm looking black coat with a red carnation.

Meat-ing

The effect I’m going for is everyday shoppers transfixed by and pleased about the TVs.  This should all appear as an organic, rather than a planned thing.  To that end, try to keep it subtle. This is just a normal shopping day except that you’ve gotten sucked in by whatever is on the screen. 

To keep it organic-looking, we’ll enter in two’s and three’s every five minutes or so.  I think a slow build is key.  If you’ve brought a friend, by all means, hang out with them.  We want to avoid overwhelming the store right off the bat.  Don’t go straight for the TVs, either.  Take your time.  Think about getting sucked into the orbit of the TV.

The one thing that I’d ask is that everyone pick up a hand basket and put a greeting card in it which you’ll purchase on your way out.  Why?  First, it’s a nice way to identify each other.  Secondly, there’s something about a bunch of people carrying a basket with only a greeting card in it that I like.  Thirdly, if management senses something’s odd, you are there to make a purchase.  Fourthly, and most importantly, once the prank’s over mail your greeting card back to the store saying “Thanks for letting me watch TV!”  I’ll try to provide you with mailing labels and stamps.

There are two main, big-ass TVs.  As you enter the store, walk to the right and towards the salad bar.  Bingo!  The second is a little ways up and across from the fish counter.  Spend time at both of them.  Chat with your fellow pranksters and shoppers.  Take notes.  Ask a stock person if they know where to get the items they talk about on the screen.  Or just stare zombie-like.  Once you’ve watched enough TV, make your way to the checkout.  MORE TVs!  This is great!  DAMN!  Was that a clip from Saturday Night Live?  HA HA!  I LOVE that sketch!  Enjoy the checkout experience!  If need be, let people go in front of you especially if you still only have your greeting card.  Then – home again, home again!  If people are up for it, let’s meet at Not Your Average Joes in Watertown Sq to compare notes.

Also, In the pharmacy aisles, there are security TVs.  Sadly, they have no programming on them, yet they may be worth watching, well.

Time

I’m thinking that we should stay there 45 minutes tops.  Probably closer to a half an hour.  As people leave the TV someone else should subtly replace them.  That way we keep the TVs packed but not with the same people.  Spend about 10 minutes straight at each TV, more if you’re really engrossed.  The time, of course, is based on the number of people we have.

Other Stuff

Store Management – Will they catch on?  Who knows.  Can they kick us out?  I’m really not sure for what.  If they approach you, be pleasant and clueless.  Genuinely compliment them on the TVs and the programming Shaw’s chose to provide.  If they ask you to leave, leave graciously.

Cameras and Video – YES!  However, most stores have a policy against such things.  Why?  I couldn’t tell you.  So be very discreet.  Whatever footage and photos we could get will be fabulous.  Once everything is collected, I’ll put up a page documenting our lovely Saturday outing!

Contact Info – If you have any questions, please call me at XXX-XXX-XXXX.  You can text message me at the same number.  My email address is hbeeinc@gmail.com. If you’d like to see the final product once it’s assembled, drop me an email.  (Also, if you’re good at putting this kind of thing together, let me know that, too!)  If you’re interested in other Social Actions, let me know and I’ll add you to the list.  As always, feel free to forward this to anyone who might enjoy this type of thing!

Thanks again and I look forward to seeing you all!

Paul

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