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In Which Only REAL Americans Aren’t In The Bubble

September 6th, 2017 Leave a comment Go to comments

Let’s check out a population density map, shall we? The darker the color, the greater the number of people. Where do you think most of the people live? Are they farmers in the Midwest? Do they live in the cities? How about Alaska? Yeah. The cities have the largest population density. A lot of cities spring up because of trade which means they’re easy to get to. Coastal cities tend to be the most diverse because they traders from all over the world travel there to sell their goods. You can’t tell businessman from China to go fuck themselves because he’s got stuff you want to buy and that doesn’t make good business sense. People who live on trade routes, by the nature of commerce, have to get along with everyone. People who live in landlocked areas tend toward homogeneity and have no problem telling strangers to go fuck themselves because they don’t see many strangers and they’re scary.

There’s a lot of talk lately about the ideological “bubble”. Naturally, who’s in the bubble depends on whether you believe you’re in the bubble or not.  There are ways to look at the bubble objectively.

And then there’s Charles Murray.

Here’s something that Murray said: “Try to imagine a … presidential candidate saying in front of the cameras, ‘One reason that we still have poverty in the United States is that a lot of poor people are born lazy.’ You cannot imagine it because that kind of thing cannot be said. And yet this unimaginable statement merely implies that when we know the complete genetic story, it will turn out that the population below the poverty line in the United States has a configuration of the relevant genetic makeup that is significantly different from the configuration of the population above the poverty line. This is not unimaginable. It is almost certainly true.”
—“Deeper Into the Brain,” National Review, 2000

Let me put this as delicately as possible: Charles Murray is a racist piece of shit. So who better than to judge if “you’re” in the bubble or not? Guess what? If you’re not a underperforming white, Christian (probably) male who makes less than $50k and didn’t go to college, you’re in the bubble. Also: guess who went to Harvard.

A friend of mine posted this quiz. I took it without really paying attention to who put it together. As I continued, it became more and more obvious someone was trying to prove a point. It was only after I’d finished it that I went back and saw the name. At first it didn’t click but then…CHARLES FUCKING MURRAY??? THE BELL CURVE? The PBS News Hour is posting something from CHARLES FUCKING MURRAY? The guy who co-wrote The Bell Curve which posited that blacks and women were inferior because of their genes?

So take a gaze in horror what passes for intellect from a Harvard grad.
Because if you’ve never lived in a “rural” setting then you’re a snob and you live in a bubble. You city folk with your high-falutin’ ways just don’t understand America.
Notice the gentrification clause because that magically negates those 50 nearest neighbors not having college degrees because…stuff. Besides, college is for losers.

 Because you know that American dream thing about working your way up to the top? Yeah, that’s a lie. We’re penalizing you because your family did well. There’s no way to have a white collar job and not be in the bubble. If your parents had any kind of values, they’d have stayed working a back-breaking dead end job. THAT is what America is.

Oh! Look! Let’s demonize education some more! You know who lives in metropolitan cities? Snobs. And snobs invade small communities and establish “colleges” there that become the economy that keeps them alive. You’re just a tourist in the town that…your money supports.

Let’s set up some more very specific guidelines to downplay the fact that you could barely feed yourself during “graduate school.” That doesn’t count. That’s not four to ten years of poverty. You just pretended to be poor and struggle to make ends meet. You didn’t really mean it. You have to be a noble poor person with no possible way out. Also, it doesn’t count if you busted your ass at CVS and climbed the corporate ladder to a better life.

And this is where you tell Charles Murray to go fuck himself. This is basically a setup/punchline situation. “Did you actually work for a living or just stop by to sneer at the workers there?” Notice, too, the plural of “factory floors” implying that you’re some kind of management gadabout staying at the Ritz while you survey your flyover country fiefdom. Or maybe some government OSHA employee making life harder for the workers by enforcing stupid safety regulations.

Did you really work or just pretend to work before you went back to your cush Harvard dorm room after breaking your ass to scrape up tuition for the next semester?
No. Really. Did the job actually cripple you? Because if it didn’t, fuck you, bubble boy. You don’t know the common man. Go back to North Korea.

Another “fuck you” moment. Because if you’re not a Christian in America then you don’t know anything. There ARE no atheists on the factory floor.

Possibly the only honest question in the whole survey. This actually gets to the heart of what the bubble is about. Do you stay in your cocoon? Although, I suspect that an editor looked at the original draft and said “Ya know, we should add something about conservatives.”

More ideological bullshit. “Do you know a lot of dumbasses who can only get menial jobs on factory floors that keep them at the poverty line?” What does this have to do with the bubble? Answer: Nothing. What this basically does is lay the groundwork for the idiocracy. This is also the first hand-tip pointing towards Murray’s inherent racism. The person the question alludes to is the one who sues the local government because a more qualified minority got the job. Conversely, they’re the person who sues the government because a less qualified minority got the job. The big question is: why are C-students “more real” then and A or B student?

What the FUCK does this even mean?? And, no, I’m not reading the rationalizations provided. Smoking used to be a nation past time. Using smoking as some kind of gauge of credibility or demonization is just insulting.


0.4% of Americans are in active military service. I think it’s pretty obvious which side of the bubble they’re in. But, sure, let’s perpetuate the myth that you can’t be the salt of the earth if you’re not in the military or at least want to pretend that you could have been if it hadn’t been for the bone spur. This is a seriously alt-reality question.

Are you white trash? I didn’t know who Jimmie Johnson is. 80% of NASCAR fans are white. Yeah, there’s a racial component to this survey.

Are you white trash Part 2. I live in Boston. There are a FUCK load of shiny, shiny pickup trucks with nary a dent in them, no mud and have probably never left the city. This question serves only to show who the REAL Americans are.

What the actual fuck? Outside of the horrible phrasing of the question (“Hey, Kipster, I know the Regatta is coming up so I bought you some Pabst Blue Ribbon for your fridge.”) is Murray even away that PBR  came back from the grave due to…hipsters? If you’re defining a bubble by the kind of beer someone drinks…YOU MAY BE A REDNECK.

Nothing to do with the bubble and everything to do with defining what a REAL American looks like. Also…FIVE YEARS? Going fishing every five years keeps you in touch with the common man? Gimme a fucking break.

Do you like chain restaurants that serve heavily processed food that are usually travesties (that done mean perversion) of the original dishes? Are you afraid of strong tastes? Are regional variations on standard dishes the whole point of an open-carry law? Mass marketed food is the biggest bubble of them all.

You get bonus point for

  1. Date raping a cheerleader
  2. Beating up a chess club or debating team faggot
  3. If you’re a cheerleader, hiding an abortion from your parents
  4. A point for every time you relived that great play from that one game. Remember that one? GodDAMN that was great! Wonder how I’m gonna pay the cable bill AND the heating bill this month.

It is not enough to have worked on the factory floor you had be part of the power structure that worked for your advancement to the point where you could make enough money to negate all of your poverty and achieve the dream of living in the bubble.

If you needed any more proof that this survey is a complete fraud, look no further. It’s simply a glorification of wingnut values. So joining the Nazis in Charlottesville gets you a point. A gay pride parade just makes you a faggot. Faggots live in the bubble. Nazis don’t.

Condescending much? I guess if you live in the bubble then you don’t understand that a costume isn’t a uniform. I wonder if Murray considers those losers working at McDonald’s because they could only get C’s in school “uniformed workers.”

Nah. My chauffer drives me everywhere.

“We know things are bad – worse than bad. They’re crazy. It’s like everything everywhere is going crazy, so we don’t go out anymore. We sit in the house, and slowly the world we are living in is getting smaller, and all we say is: ‘Please, at least leave us alone in our living rooms. Let me have my toaster and my TV and my steel-belted radials and I won’t say anything. Just leave us alone.’ – Howard Beale
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Seriously, which bubble are we talking about here? Note the phrasing: “…all the way through”, because, as a country, we have such long attention spans. What about the “REAL” Americans (of whom I used to be one) who kept the TV on any time I was home, regardless of what was on? Does that count as “watching all the way through”? What about flipping around during the commercials?

And let’s end with another setup/punchline. Branson can only mean one of two things. Either it’s a rich guy using his money for the betterment of society and living life to the fullest or a place to go here Yakov Smirnoff’s new material. Obviously, the “entertainment center” is the only correct answer. Except it’s not a “center” it’s a city full of clubs theaters where you can see “Voices! A Salute to Fred Travalena” or “Ray Stevens: It’s OK To Compare Me To Jesus Because I’m Doing The Lord’s Work.” And do you really know Branson? Have you taken the time to check out Branson’s Famous Baldknobbers? Or The Shepard of the Hills Inspiration Tower?

Did you make it without throwing up? Good news! You’re not in the bubble!

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