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In Which Oprah 2020 Is Just Fucking Stupid

January 8th, 2018 No comments

“If Jimmy jumped off a cliff, would you?
– Your mom

Look. I get it. (t)Rump is a piece of shit who had a hit TV show, name recognition and played the MSM for every dime he could wring from their shrinking budgets. He’s made good on almost none of the promises in his ridiculous Gingrich rip-off, The Contract With American Voter. He’s made America more of a laughing stock and alienated our allies. Every day brings a new low in his presidency both personally and poll-wise.

The correct response, in my opinion, is to learn the lessons and NOT act like the wingnuts who sat on their asses gobbling up his racist, sexist rhetoric thinking they’d, at last, found a white man who told the truth and wouldn’t lie to them because he wasn’t a politician.

[I’m sorry. I just spit lemonade all over my keyboard laughing about this. Think about how fucking stupid you have to be to believe that the not-a-politician guy is honest because…he’s not a politician? “He gone do what he done say he gone do cuz he ain’t from that thar lyin’, theivin’ Warshington! Thaz gud nuff fer me!” And these are most likely the same people who’ve lost their life savings to the soldier in Iraq would found $7.2m and want their help to illegally smuggle it out of the country.]

To continue: The correct response is for Democrats to sit down and (as HRC declined to do) look at the landscape of the America psyche and find a candidate that could win. In this case (and call me whatever the fuck you want to, I don’t really care) that’s a white male that will comfort the rednecks and farmers who fell for (t)Rump’s bullshit. I’m not going to belabor this point, honestly, but HRC was the wrong candidate at the exact wrong time. I can almost hear the pitch in my head:

Well, SURE they call Obama a Commie, Muslim, faggot nigger to his face. But once they get to know Hillary, they’ll fall in love with her!

And that’s what this Oprah thing is to me on both of the worst levels.

Level One: I had a bunch of friends who took off because I couldn’t support HRC. One accused me of “personally” electing (t)Rump. Personally? Yes. Personally. That’s why I put it in quotes. I am, with my 300 odd FB followers apparently SO FUCKING POWERFUL I elected (t)rump. And, since I’m a recovering alcoholic, he told me he wished I’d never stopped drinking. Because…party unity? If, and I wouldn’t put it past her, Oprah (who I guess we’d call President Oprah because President Winfrey doesn’t scan as well) decides that she wants to give all America BEES A NEW CAR and runs, she will be a force to be reckoned with. That train will be tough to stop because wingnuts aren’t the only ones who sit on their asses watching biased news and Dancing With The Stars. There’s a lot of Democrats, too. The amount of erect lady-wood from Democrats over a black, female president…holy crap, I almost passed out from the estrogen overload. If you were a Bernie-crat, you know where I’m going with this because you’ve lived it. If you were an HRC supporter, you’re already retooling your HRC memes and adding the word “racist” to them. With Oprah in the mix, we’re at a point where this is no longer about who the best and brightest is to lead the country. It’s about who a small group of ideologues thinks should lead the country. More succinctly, it’s about who’s the bigger TV star. Because…

Level Two: Experience no longer matters. That boat sailed. This is the ultimate tragedy of (t)Rump. Literally, anyone can be president. During the bush administration, I casually said, in response to the president-you-can-have-a-beer-with bullshit, that we should just elect that really nice guy at the 7-11. We’re at that point now. Every hour bring us closer to the place where Sideshow Bob says at Krusty’s trial for robbery, “You don’t have to read to enjoy the Springfield Review of Books! Look at all these amusing caricatures of Gore Vidal and Susan Sontag!” Anyone can be president because no one can train to be president. (Except…ya know…alderman…and state legislators…and congresspeople…and governors…and…) Because a bunch of red-meat loving rednecks honestly don’t understand how government works no one else needs to, either. And, with Oprah, it seems like Democrats decided to make that leap as well. I’ve literally seen people on social media say that the problem with (t)Rump wasn’t that he didn’t have experience but that he was evil.

That’s a Democrat. And she’s AMPED about Oprah. Fuck experience! She’s not evil!

Mom: If President (t)Rump jumped off a cliff, would you?
Child: Is the cliff evil?

The actual question is “Is the cliff qualified to be a fucking cliff to begin with?” Maybe it’s just a curb.

So here we are. There are no standards left in American government. This was the GOP plan all along. It’s what Grover Norquist has dreamed about his entire life (besides banging a Muslim woman.) “I don’t want to abolish government. I simply want to reduce it to the size where I can drag it into the bathroom and drown it in the bathtub.” Democrats, by refusing to put forth candidates of substance who speak plainly and bring their case to the people who need it most, Middle America, are guilty of hastening the Republican dream.

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