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Archive for March, 2013

In Which I Write To Michelle Malkin

March 25th, 2013 No comments

Dear Ms. Malkin,

I was just reading the comments on your Facebook hatefest about Jim Carrey and I have a question. Before you answer, though, please read through a few

Joe Hebert- Hypocrites must absolutely hate the internet!!!
Faith Hisgen – I never liked carry anyway never saw a single movie he was ever in and would never want to he sucks as an actor … just makes me like him even less now!!
Pete Ayers – we the people put these filthy rich elitist scums where they are today and in turn they want to dictate us , screw you holly wood politicians ………

And, of course, my favorite

Frances Hollander – I’m so sick of Hollywood ignorance trying to ME what’s right!

Here’s my question – Are you actually proud that your job consists of throwing red meat to ignorant assholes that can barely put two words together, let alone turn those words into some sort of complex thought?

Almost every single comment comes to down to “FUCK JIM CARREY”. Personally, I find him annoying, but it’s one thing to say that and another to start a bonfire in the middle of the town square and to shout, “I THINK JIM CARREY  SHOULD BE THROWN ON THIS BONFIRE, DON’T YOU??”

I know you make a pretty good living as a hate monger. But do you ever look at your children as they giggle away at Ace Ventura – Pet Detective and wonder if it’s worth it?

In Which I Write An Open Letter To Bryan Fischer’s Producer

March 4th, 2013 No comments

Hey buddy!

Y U keep deleting my comments on ur fb page, huh? Oh. Right. Because pointing out egregious lies and innuendo makes me anti-God. Sorry about that!

See, it’s just that the Jesus that I grew up with had this weird thing about the truth. He was for it. So when your boss, Bryan, ejaculates into Focal Point the mic about how gays and Muslims will allow NO dissent WHAT…SO…EVER and then goes on to praise CPAC for not inviting Christ Christie to the hate rally because he’s not ideologically pure enough…well, the Jesus I grew up with calls bullshit. And, even though I no long believe in Jesus, I haven’t stopped believing in the truth. I still have a fondness for him in my heart despite your efforts to turn him into a gun-totin’, libertarian he-man who punches fags in the mouth and sucker punches liberals.

You left a sweet response to someone saying that my accounts were only created for harassment.  Given that, let me tell you a quick story about this other guy who people found harassing.

Seems that in “olden days” these businessmen were in the public square doing what businessmen do – business. So this freak comes up and starts yelling at them to get out and they’re like, “DUDE, CHILL. We’re just doing business here like we always have. What’s your problem??” And the freak says, “you guys are in my dad’s house and he doesn’t like it” and the businessmen are like “DUDE, stop harassing us” and the freak starts screaming about truth and duty and honor and the businessmen are like, “whatever” so they leave.

I’m not gonna lie. I enjoy debunking your bullshit. There IS no biblical mandate for marriage in the Bible and the only reference you can come up with is a passage about divorce. That’s called a lose. You’re pulling your hair out because you think the Emergency Manager Law in Michigan acts as the precursor to the fascism. You’re right. And when I point out that the governor and legislature that enacted that bill both pay allegiance to the GOP, you delete and ban me. When I make a completely factual statement that if you obeyed the 9th Commandment your show would be two minutes long – you banned me. When you post a “prayer” asking for God to

“Remind us not to be alarmed when we hear of wars and rumors of wars, of nation rising against nation, of kingdom rising against kingdom, or when we hear of famines and earthquakes in various places” and then start pissing yourself because Iran might have a nuclear weapon, you’re acting like a fucking idiot and you deserve to be called out on it. NOT to harass you, but to help you see this little thing that Jesus called “the truth”.

And the truth is that you’re a fucking idiot. Any rational reading of the Bible runs counter to pretty much everything you say.

But it’s more than just your idiocy. It’s your blatant cowardice. To wit –

Grant us courage so that we may be willing, if necessary, to be persecuted and hated because of you.

Now you’re saying I’m harassing you…let’s even say persecuting you. This prayer make you look like a whiny little douchebag that plays with dolls. You’re asking God for the courage and then immediately go into your Chris Crocker impression crying LEAVE BRITNEY ALOOOOOOOONE and furiously pounding the delete key.

Did I call you a douchebag yet? Damn, I did.

Here’s the thing – you claim Jesus hung on cross in unbearable pain to make you clean. Man up and start acting like he gives you strength instead of running away like the little bitch-boy you are.

In Which White People Can’t Keep Their Grubby Mitts Off Anything

March 1st, 2013 No comments

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Anti-Rock: The Opposition To Rock ‘n’ Roll isn’t, per se, about how white people stole rock and roll from the blacks who created it but the theme runs strong through the book. As with most things American, the original art form scares the living bejesus out of John and Mary Whitebread so steps must be taken to either kill it or to suck out what makes it great. I mean, really? Pat Boone??

The lobotomizing of rock began when white men started fraternizing with the help. This isn’t a bad thing but, sadly, rather than hang out at the help’s houses they grab their food and anything that’s not nailed down and take it to our own houses where the help is not welcome. It’s not that they wouldn’t invite them into their  homes but…ya know…society is so cruel and maybe one day that will change but…until then, keep your eyes on the prize, proud, noble, black people!

Public Enemy got into a shitload of trouble with the lyric

Elvis was a hero to most
But he never meant, shit to me you see
Straight up racist that sucker was
Simple and plain
Mother fuck him and John Wayne

But this is what they talking about.

“HUH? Elvis Presley didn’t write Hound Dog?”

No. No, he didn’t.

“But Elvis was a champion of black music! He loved black people!!”

I’ve heard arguments that Elvis did black people a lot of good by stealing songs from black people. I think Big Mama Thorton would disagree with that. Again, back to Public Enemy

Most of my heroes don’t appear on no stamps

The plot goes like this – you get white people “discovering” rock and roll. The parents get outraged over their kids listening to “nigger music” even if it’s performed by white people. The “good music” industry tries to literally kill rock and roll but, in the end, it’s too profitable so they allow it to live.

Kind of.

What they actually do is take Little Richard, straighten his hair, bleach him white, put a suit on him and nail his feet to the floor so he can’t move. Then they attach their names to the songs he wrote and take his money. It’s enough to make you quit rock and roll. Which Little Richard did for a time.

More insidiously, you replace Alan Freed, who truly loved rock and roll and played the original black versions of songs, with some smiling zombie like Dick Clark. This industry did this on purpose and Dick Clark knew what he was doing. The industry invented a payola scandal and pinned the blame of Freed. Payola, of course, existed well before rock and roll and Clark took his fair share of it. But, not so oddly, Congressional hearings at the time believed Clark when he shunted away owning a stake in the music he was pushing as simply “promotion” and condemned Freed for accepting money from the industry that was behind his own prosecution.

Clark came away smelling like a rose because he was so boring and drenched in industry-approved deodorant that his shit literally didn’t stink. The government continued to hound Freed until he drank himself to death.

Read that again – “The GOVERNMENT continued to hound Freed until he drank himself to death.

Yes, the government. Freed spent his last years simply trying to cobble together a living as the IRS continue to break down his door demanding back taxes on the over-inflated amount of payola they accused him of taking.

Obviously, Dick Clark won because now we have Justin Beiber.

But the extent of the victory, the sheer Genghis Khan devastation of rock may shock  you and, hopefully, make you weep.

Rock and Roll started as black music. Budding white rock and roll bands knew this, covered the originals and sometimes did a great job. But what’s the end effect? I did a very unscientific poll with my Facebook friend asking, “When you think of rock and roll, who or what band first pops into your head?”

With the exception of two people, everyone thought of a white band. There was one black guy that said Jimi Hendrix and a white woman that said Chuck Berry.

Such is the extent of the theft of rock and roll that black rockers like Lenny Kravitz, Fishbone and Living Color prove the exception rather than the rule. And, to my shame, when Lenny Kravitz first came on the scene, my first thought (and I wasn’t alone) was, “black people don’t play rock and roll! What the fuck?”.

While this book focuses on rock and roll, the pattern shows itself in jazz. How do you go from Louis Armstrong to Glen Miller? When you hear “jazz” what first pops into your head?

Thus far, rap/hip hop seems to have broken this pattern. But let’s remember it took MTV seven full years to recognize rap and, if I recall, Blondie’s horrible “Rapture” got play before actual rap music did. But despite the Beastie Boys, Vanilla Ice and Eminem, rap manages to keep it roots intact.

So maybe that’s progress.