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In Which Jesus Can Only Do So Much

August 27th, 2010 No comments

The Sex Offenders in the Church Survey from Christianity Today came out and it pretty much provides all the evidence I need for why I’m not a Christian. The magazine sits squarely in the mainstream of Christianity. My understanding is that it’s not terribly political. Unlike the rabid World Net Daily, they don’t seem to really care if Obama is a Muslim or born in the US. Although, Franklin Graham (son of founder, Billy), phrased his answer to that question in less than concrete terms.

The point is, they’re not crazy. Or, rather, really, really crazy.

And you have to give them a good deal of credit for even thinking of doing this survey.¬† It’s an important aspect of society in general – what do we do with the worst of us? One place where survey falls down, though, shows up in the lack of definition of “sex offender”. Is this someone who tortures, rapes and kills children? Or adults? Gay men having consensual anonymous sex in an airport bathroom? Having straight sex in a baseball stadium? Urinating in public? All of those get you on the sex offender list. Without a clear definition or section allowing respondents to personally define “sex offender”, the survey renders itself slightly useless.

Putting that aside, it quickly becomes clear that despite claims to the contrary, Jesus’ magic powers only go so far. Sure, He can cure cancer but He can’t regenerate limbs. He can bring down gas prices but not by creating new oil fields. Most distressing, he cures gayness but if you’re a sex offender…well, you’re pretty much screwed.

Can Sex Offenders be Rehabilitated?
Q: In your opinion, can sex offenders be completely rehabilitated to the point where they no longer pose a threat to others?
Yes 38%
No 25%
Not sure 37%

In other words, more than 3/5ths of professing Christians answering the survey believe Jesus’ love incapable of stopping sex offenders from offending again.

To repeat – this is a mainstream publication and not like the radical xtian One News Now poll where 90% of xtians believed waterboarding to be “ethical”

Oh, ye of little faith.

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In Which It’s One Of My Favorite Real Life Lines

August 12th, 2010 No comments

The family next door was about as white trash as it got. It wasn’t as fun as it sounded.

The dad, a tall, thin, dangerous looking biker guy who deserved a nickname like “Lobo”, most likely did far too much coke and meth in the not too distant path. The mom, once upon a time hotter than hell, aged with the grace and speed of a banana. She still wore tube tops , low heeled open toed shoes and far too much lipstick and blush. They had two boys, the younger around 10 and Robert, about 17 or so. Dad did something with fixing things. The house was section 8. They once got busted for pouring motor oil down the sewer grate.

Robert, who may or may not have graduated high, fixed cars and worked on stereo equipment. At any time of the day or night. Revving engines at 2am happened all the time as did the ear blasting decibels of

AND NOTHING ELSE MATTERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRS

They woke about 6:15am every  morning. I know this because we could here the clock radio which, for some reason always seemed to play Hotel California.

One evening, around 2am, the noise started up. It wasn’t a car or a stereo, but mom and dad. They screamed like wrestling fanatics at each other from inside the house. Looking out the window, I saw Robert tinkering with something or another. The argument heated up until Dad came storming out onto the sidewalk. The upstairs window opened and mom stuck her head out and screamed

YOU FUCKED MY BRAINS OUT!! AND NOW LOOK WHAT YOU DO TO ME!!!

Robert looked up at the window non-nonplussed and said in his best Boston accent, “Maaaa. Close da window. People’ll he-ah.”

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