Archive for June, 2010

In Which Brannon Howse Lies Through His Teeth

June 25th, 2010 No comments

If you’re just an ordinary person trying to scrape by and don’t ‘t have a lot of time to check things out for yourself chances are good you find your “experts” and believe whatever they say. Despite the fact that Tony Perkins of the Family Research Council has a “good friend” that hires whores to dress him up in diapers, you’ll still believe Tony Perkins when he says don’t give money to left-wing, gay, socialist politicians. Despite the fact that Rush Limbaugh called for any drug abusers to go to jail, you’ll still forgive when he abuses drugs. Are there examples on the other side? Of course there are. But since the evangelical right never acknowledges their mistakes until someone holds their feet to the fire, then why should I?

The whole basis for the evangelical right (and I’m trying very, very hard to maintain some semblance of civility right now) is “truth”.  Not just “truth” but “biblical truth”. And not just “biblical truth” but unerring “biblical truth”. According to them only one “right” exists in the world. If you even acknowledge a second option in any question then you’re practicing “moral relativism”.  And that’s bad. Really, really bad.”  In their world, big-G God has one answer and one answer only. Of course, it depends on which sect of Christianity you belong to as to what that answer is. It’s simpler to quote their philosophy with a quote from David Mamet. “The other guy’s cigar always sucks.”

It’s that philosophy that allows them to hate the rest of the world and to decry “worldly things” simply because big-G God doesn’t, in their non-morally relative view, endorse them. Thus, they can decry mega-churches “diluting” God’s word in order to put butts in the seat while begging for money to keep their radio stations on the air. To put it another way – one side makes money from the folks who say “God is love” and the other makes money off the folks who say “God will destroy those who say ‘God is love'”.

One of the best ways to make someone believe something is through humility. Let me rephrase that. One of the best ways to make someone believe something is by listing all of the sins someone else is guilty of in the greatest possible detail and then saying that you don’t do those things.


There are a lot of ministers who, once the lights come down in the 10 million dollar mega-churches built with the money bilked from useless sheep that flock to their clarion call of sedentary salvation and moral relativism, think nothing of strangling little tiny baby kittens, freshly from their mothers womb and smearing their blood all over their faces. It’s not something I would ever do. Do I sin some times? Sure. We all do. We are of the flesh. I’m not holy. How can I be? But does that mean I can’t speak out about people strangling little tiny baby kittens, freshly from their mothers womb and smearing their blood all over their faces? No. It’s important that we do.

Another way is to tell your own sheep that if you’re ever wrong, all they need to do is bring it to your attention and you’ll apologize. Something along the line of this –

Beat Up Brannon Howse

That’s pretty straight forward, right? “I make a mistake, the Christian thing to do is admit, not make the same mistake and move on.” But built in to that statement comes a paradox. You worship someone because you believe they’re infallible. If you believe they’re infallible, chances are good that 1) you’re not listening terribly close 2) if you find some inconsistency then you’re hero is no longer infallible and 3) who has the balls to spit in Superman’s face. Because of these things, Brannon Howse can make these kinds of statements with 95% certainty that his audience will quietly accept what he says with even more docility than before.

What’s implicit in that statement is that it only applies to those who agree with him. He will only apologize to those who buy into his “world view”. Everyone else can, literally, go to Hell.

Proof – Of course!

Some quick background. Religious conservative and wingnuts in general love to point to Obama’s use of “czars” as proof that he’s really a communist.  In this paradigm, everyone who’s ever taken a bath is a Christian because you dunk yourself in water. The shell game works like this:

  • Russia had czars
  • The communists were Russians
  • Communism is bad
  • Czars are Communists

I’m not making that up.

Of course, the Communists overthrew the Czars. That makes Obama’s czars…um…not Communist.

Given this shockingly true information, a fair, thinking person would have to admit that the whole “czar” thing makes no sense at all. Right?


Did that sound like any kind of an apology? Did that sound like a man humbling himself before the truth? Or did that sound like a man struggling to maintain his hold on a lie that’s a central part of his hate?

Personally, I think the latter. Of course, as a moral relativist, I could be wrong

PS – Let’s see how legalistic his defense and/or defenders get. Legalism, btw, is also a bad thing. It’s either right or wrong and God decides.

In Which I Offer A Few Insights On Wingnuts From Recent Events

June 20th, 2010 No comments

The past couple of days, I’ve had some fun run-ins with some new wingnuts. I’m sure that nothing I offer raises any new pathologies to those familiar with this sub-category of humans but…

The aptly named Charile0 on twitter makes me happy that twitter got invented. Charlie’s xtian bona fides blow everyone out of the water and scream DON’T FUCK WITH CHARLIEZERO!

Christian, Conservative, Pro-Life, Teacher, Retired from State Police (civilian.) That means I am civilized.

There’s nothing like showing your hand. I don’t mean to imply that all cops suck because they don’t. But I’m pretty sure that Abner Louima and more than a few other alleged perps and mob bosses might disagree with that generalization. Charlie is the hyperfocus kind of wingnut on twitter. They find a victim they think they can beat on and bang away until they run out of steam…then bang away some more. After he evangelized to a few twitterbuds, I couldn’t help but jump in.  Especially when he started in about how God wanted him to to “sow his seed” even in infertile ground. How can you pass up a good semen joke?

Isn’t it a sin to waste your seed?

Hilariously, it took him a little while to understand the reference. Most of our precious time spent together consisted of him trying to suss out whether I was a xtian. They want to know since it really does affect how they talk to you. Apparently, dealing with a fellow xtian that disagrees with you calls for different rules and it twists their little brains into balloon animals to talk about pretty much anything outside the context of God. “You’re profile doesn’t say whether you’re a xtian”, he grumped.

Insight 1: Wingnuts constantly try to make you play by the rules that they make up. I honestly don’t mean to denigrate tw0-years but c’mon!  That’s like having a conversation about fruit and insisting that everything be put in terms of cantaloupe.

As he blathered on about “God” and the US and the troops he tried to take me to task about my “tcot hates America” avatar. (“tcot” for those of you who don’t know, stands for “top conservatives on twitter”. my own hashtag for them, Conservative Understanding Nothing Tangential, never took off.) it occurred to me just how powerful the wingnut echo chamber is.

Charlie0: why do you say tcot hates america?

Me: lemme ask you – do you support killing our own troops?

Charlie0: of course not!

Me: Yes, you actually do. haliburton has electrocuted several of our troops through faulty shower wiring and STILL got paid.

Charlie0: i didn’t hear about that

Really? And why might that be, Charlie? Maybe because your sources of “news” tell you that everything is running to plan and anyone who says differently is lying? Maybe, if you got outside of your lil Jesus-cocoon you might realize the “main stream media” is “main stream” for a reason – ie: they report on far more aspects of a story than Fox. You would like to think that if a contractor killed the troops that wingnuts say we hate they’d raise a fuss. Ironically, the only sources that really reported it were…the sources that theoretically hate the troops.

Insight 2: Wingnuts mis-read 1984.

Later in the week, I popped on the Facebook group I hate it when I wake up in the morning and Barack Obama is President. And, yes, it’s as horrible as it sounds. What brought me into it was one in a series about fake founding father quotes that are so popular with the brown shirts. The way it works is…well, you just make something up that advances your agenda and say a founding father said it. Take, for example, Billy Bob Neck’s entry

“We, as a people, must always remain vigilant that the Negro not attain office. It will signal the rise of communism” Thomas Jefferson

The most dangerous thing about fake quotes is that, like WMD, even after debunking they continue to be used. Picture Winston Smith busily modifying the “facts” to fit the current administration. In fact, even with such an obviously fake quote (which sadly finally got removed) it got at least one comment to the effect of – “I don’t care WHAT the founding fathers said, posting that wasn’t right!”

Again – back to Winston Smith.

Insight 3: Only Democrats do bad things.  If Patrick Henry turned out to be a serial rapist, wingnuts would find some way to mitigate the damage and would probably succeed. The lamest outrage against Obama is…golfing…twice during the BP crisis. And he did a bunch of stuff like campaign for other Democrats.  What he should have been doing, I guess, is sleeping in the oval office and pissing in jars until every last drop of oil got scooped up. Naturally, I’ve not heard one wingnut go after bush for not only golfing during the war but promising not to and doing it anyway. Obama would have gotten the same treatment if he’d cleared brush with bush in Crawford.

Insight 4: Even when blatantly shown the truth, wingnuts will continue the lie.  During my roll in the mud, I happened to call someone a “moran”.  To the politically astute, this is an obvious dig at the illiterate teabaggers and their even more illiterate signs.

Since very few teabaggers actually follow politics, preferring just to scream whatever they’re told to and wave guns around, he didn’t pick up on it. Rather, he criticized me for my spelling. When I pointed out that I actually meant to call him a “moran” and linked him to the source, he shut up for a little bit. Until someone commented on it. His response was not to just shrug it off. Instead, he said “Well, he said he did it on purpose but I’m not so sure.”

This is the most disturbing aspect of wingnuttery. It’s one thing to blindly parrot everything Fox tells you. After all, why would a politician lie? It’s quite a different thing entirely to, in a face to face interaction with a live human being, to reject iron-clad evidence simply because you’re on opposite sides of the political fence.  In general, I don’t believe most of what comes out of any wingnuts mouth. BUT. I usually take the time to research what they’re saying.  The only thing the teabaggers have done for America is make it ruder and more distrustful of its fellow citizens. They pervert almost everything they touch.

What started this all off was a “quote” from Abraham Lincoln.

“America will never be destroyed from the outside. If we falter and lose our freedoms, it will be because we destroyed ourselves.”

He didn’t say that. He said something similar, true, but it apparently had too many words and wingnuts got confused so someone helpfully shortened it and turned it into “English”.  Plug the phrase into Google and you’ll get 1000’s of hits…all of them from wingnut websites and since it’s on so many websites, it must be real, right? It took some digging to get to the truth.

Lincoln is right, though. Even now, wingnuts actively work to literally change the historical record to fit their twisted, lop-sided vision of truth. And they don’t care if they’re right or not.

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In Which Ilsa Gets A Download

June 4th, 2010 No comments
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