I know, I Know, I KNOW! But, c’mon. Cut me some slack. Papatard is running for Congress?? HAHAHA! Guess the private money well dried up so it’s time to move on the public sector. Not that he hasn’t been living off the state for awhile, anyway.
Papatard isn’t smart but he does have a certain cunning. But cunning without smarts equals jail. And Papatard knows a lot about that.
Papatard, for someone living off assistance, gained an awful lot of fucking weight over the past year. I never quite understand how folks pull that off. Does public assistance breed gluttony? Also, what happened to the cane he so pathetically waved around at his press conference. The second one that he got thrown in jail after.
For those of you who don’t know Papatard, he claims that he blew Obama in the back of a limo in Chicago in 1999. Oh, and Obama sold him drugs…because he gave the then State Senator the money to buy them. Oh, and that Obama killed three black guys who knew about it. And a bunch of other lies that I forget. Did he ever back any of this up? Of course not. He promised a whole bunch of stuff. He even put up a flowchart that showed a hierarchical map of which of the bloggers paid to torment him reported to whom. I, apparently, had other “paid bloggers” reporting to me. Wish I’d seen ever 5% of the money that I allegedly got because it was rumored to be a lot. It speaks to just how much shit he’s thrown out there the I can’t find it. It’s probably been taken down.
Anywho – Papatard self-published a book-length Penthouse letter about the whole thing (Dear Penthouse: I never thought that I’d be blowing a state senator…) and, not surprisingly, the “publishing company” shut down recently. I guess if you own a publishing firm you’re not supposed to mooch off government agencies. It speaks to just how cruel people can be to the handicapped when they report Papatard for such misdeeds. SHAME! Yet another persecution of the only honest man in America that went to prison three times and ran drugs and humans across the border.
Which is why, I assume, he’s running for Congress.
You’d be forgiven if you thought this post represented another flare-up of my Papatard fixation but you’d be wrong. In my last post someone commented that trying to understand wingnuts makes your head explode. I’m not sure why mine hasn’t but maybe the exception proves the rule. The thing is that in some odd, alternate universe, Papatard shines forth as the brightest star in the wingnut sky.
Family Values – This is a catch-all euphemism for hating gays and non-white people. Non-white people? When did it turn into a race thing? Wingnuts understand that Family Values is not just about non-propagation through, effectively, onanism. Yes, spilling your seed outside of a vagina and/or allowing something into your vagina that would not result in pregnancy makes Jesus cry. And, yes, not believing in Jesus means that you’re most likely a pedophile. But it also means that you belong to a race class of people that understand those rules, don’t live off the state and don’t sneak across the border to steal church pews from hard working Americans in direct contradiction for the Nth Commandment. It’s a proven fact – Jesus loves the unemployed, unwed, coke addicted, white single mother more than the unemployed, unwed, crack addicted, black or latina single mother. That’s why, as an unemployed, unwed, drug using, homosexual of Mexican descent, so many wingnuts flocked to Papatard.
Law And Order – Papatard did three separate bids in the Big House for fraud. In Papatard-speak, these represent “bad life choices”…that he made over and over and over again. He transported drugs. He transported people. He stole. If you listen to him talk about it, he sounds almost proud of it all. It’s like some fucked up variation on Elton John’s “I’m Still Standing”. More to the point, in Papatard’s Bizzaro-World wired head, being the “most vetted candidate” means he should win. Because he’s taken responsibility for his “bad life choices”. By this logic, the only person that could beat him in this election is Stalin. Since Stalin committed worse crimes than Papatard, he’s the better candidate. Thankfully, Stalin is dead.
Character – Pretty much a re-working of the Law and Order section. You can trust Papatard because he’s been such a scumbag. You can trust Papatard because he trusts no one. Especially Joe Biden, who he claimed tried to force a special law through Congress to be signed by bush specifically meant to persecute Papatard. Such a brave, brave man standing up to power like that!
Anti-Government – Congress makes too much money. They feed off the American people like leeches with their big-time salaries and top-tier health care and nice offices and free plane trips. They bleed us dry and don’t leave enough money for people like Papatard to draw disability and social security from! FAIL!
Sexual Orientation – Papatard likes to play coy on whether he’s gay or bi-sexual. He’s not quite as coy on whether he swallows or not. He does. This makes him pretty the capo di tutti capo or teabaggers. Experience, after all, counts for a lot
It’s hard to imagine some other career criminal that could orchestrate a semi-serious bid for national (or even local) elected office. And when I say “career criminal” I don’t mean “white collar career criminal”. They’re already elected. Why, then, does even one person in the United States of America take Papatard seriously?
This, I think, is the key to the teabagging wingnuts brain: Papatard is such a scumbag that he has to be honest. He admitted to all of this horrible stuff about himself* – why would he lie to us? To put it another way – if someone you disagree claims a statement is false, that’s proof that it’s true. Thus, if a liberal like myself presents any evidence factually refuting Papatard or death panels or any such issue then the facts I cite are fake. Even if they’re backed up by multiple sources since those multiple sources belong to the conspiracy against America.
To put it another way – Only liars can be trusted not to lie.
It’s pushing it a bit to far to claim that teabaggers and wingnuts learned this trick from Papatard. But in terms of de facto stonewalling and la-la-la-I-can’t-hear-you-ism, many of these same folks got their intro to teabagging via Papatard.
Honestly, if I weren’t flat broke (hint – see that tip jar at the top of my blog? Use it!) I’d be donating to Papatard’s campaign. I have always believed that the rest of America needs to see these dangerous assholes rather than sweeping them under the rug. I don’t always agree with MSNBC and Olbermann continues to tread the line between slightly unreasonable and unbearably pompous, but they don’t shy away from presenting these hypocrites in their natural environment. Perhaps I’m too much of an anarchist, but liberals should allow the wingnuts to win the culture war. Let them show average Americans what a theocracy actually feels like. It’ll take four to six years of fascism for them to understand the mistake they’ve made. And then we can get some actual, permanent change in America.
*Note – Most of what he admitted to got dragged out of him. Rarely has he offered up information not found out by others first.