Archive

Archive for January, 2010

In Which It Seems That Even When You Write “SATIRE” In Big Letters Some People Won’t Get It

January 31st, 2010 No comments

Oy.

I posted the Scott Brown editorial as a Daily Kos diary making sure to tag it as satire because…well…it is. “Satire”, while not necessarily meaning “funny” implies the presence of something called “jokes”. “Jokes” are meant to produce “laughter” or “amusement”.

I’ve had other run-ins with my fellow liberals along these lines. I posted a video of Billy Bob singing “Killin’ Every Arab I See” with the chorus of

Killin’ every Arab I can see, see, see
Only way to set the country, free, free, free
To bring ’em peace and give ’em a democracy
Killin’ every Arab I can see, see, see

to the Huffington Post Viral Video contest a while back. I stood on a stage, in The Comedy Studio with the logo “The Comedy Studio” in back of me. During the set, people howled with laughter. At the end of the set, I got a huge round of applause. To the objective eye, it was a video of a guy doing stand up comedy, pretending to be a redneck. But not all eyes are objective and so I received the following email which still holds the rank of best…email…ever.

I hope you know they were laughing AT you and not WITH you!!!

Um. No. They were laughing with me. I was laughing at this guy and his inability to detach himself from his obsessions long enough to see that I was on his side.

As a liberal comic, it pains me to see liberals play into the stereotype of having no sense of humor at all. And, no, I don’t mean that all liberals walk around dissecting jokes until they lay limp and lifeless on the linoleum but, sweet fucking jesus, folks – lighten up!

In response to wondering if Brown might be Cuban, some charming person wrote

What makes you think you have to be born here to learn “proper” english?  Isn’t Palin and others like her proof one can master English from birth better than those who are born and raised here?

What makes you think cosmetic surgery is a must?  Is there A Cuban LOOK that is unique to Cuba and not like the USA where everyone or their ancestors come from somewhere else?  Brown is not your average looking Norwegian (obviously not USA).  What does an USA national look like?  He’s not blonde or so-called white.  The man is olive tone as is millions of people across the world and in Latin America.

People must stop thinking language, especially if it’s Spanish means you can’t have euro heritage.

/facepalms

But it doesn’t end there, of course. Although it’s not in the editorial, I do bring up the facts that looks can deceive, giving as proof Michael Jackson and Christine Jorgenson, the first successful male to female gender reassignment. It’s a good joke, I thought. Fairly obscure and smart. Even though I didn’t include it, some smart kossack brought the point up.

  • Grumpy Kossack 1: I don’t find this line of joking funny. So what if he was transgendered? There’s nothing wrong with that.
  • Me: You’re right there’s nothing wrong with it. So why would he hide it?
  • Grumpy Kossack 2: He would not be hiding anything if He declined to share his medical history. He would be protecting his own privacy, and he would be protecting himself from discrimination and violence. Transphobia is absolutely everywhere in American society, and it kills.
    Remember Duanna Johnson. Tortured by the Memphis PD for being black and trans. Killed by the Memphis PD for speaking up.

Yes, it’s true, of course. But that’s not the point. Nor was there any attempt to ridicule transgendereds. But let’s not let that get in the way of trying to hijack a thread to promote your own cause. Because, when you get down to it, even knock, knock jokes can be hurtful.

Knock Knock
Who’s there
Boo
Boo who
Don’t cry, it’s only a knock knock joke!

This hateful and discriminatory knock knock joke might push a manic-depressive to kill themselves. Shame on me for propagating it.

Since they left it alone, though, I can make as many Canada jokes as I want to.

Go figuh.

Categories: Culture, Daily Kos, Flame, Head Shaking, Kossacks Tags:

In Which I Provide A Preview Of A Fox Spring Replacement Show

January 29th, 2010 No comments

Categories: ACORN, Fox, James O'Keefe, Jeff Gannon Tags:

In Which I Send Some Letters To The Editor

January 26th, 2010 No comments

The founding of America came from a very simple question – Why should we pay unfair taxes? From the seed of that seemingly innocuous question sprung the greatest country on the face of the earth, her trunk strong and her branches wide enough to protect the entire world.
And all from a very simple question.

Today, in 2010, another very simple question pops up here in the state of Massachusetts. It’s a question so trivial that some find themselves shocked at the mere asking of it. It’s a question that hurts no one. It’s a question that takes no time to answer. It’s a question that those of us who have nothing to hide would, if not welcome it, at least not run from. After all, who of us would not want to proudly and loudly proclaim that “I am a natural born citizen of the United States of America”?

Yet, some do.  And, since he has not produced his long form birth certificate, Senator-Elect , Scott Brown (R-MA) appears to be one of those people.

One must wonder why. Is it out of arrogance and a sense of entitlement?  Does he believe that such questions are below him?  Is it out of contempt for the electorate of our great state of Massachusetts? After all, he ran on a platform of making the late Senator Ted Kennedy’s seat “The People’s Seat” and now that “The People” ask a very simple question, “Where is your long form birth certificate?” suddenly “The People” don’t seem to matter as much.

There is no proof that Scott Brown is a light skinned Cuban national that underwent cosmetic surgery and years of voice training to “pass” as an American?  Yet. As of this writing, there is no proof that he is a deep cover Russian agent sent to infiltrate the US Senate from the inside? Is Scott Brown actually Canadian? We don’t know. We have not seen his long form birth certificate.

Many Brown defenders and apologists point out that you do not need to be a natural born US citizen to take your place on the Senate floor and, of course, they are right. But you do need to be a citizen. Scott Brown, for reasons unknown, refuses to produce any documentation to the general public to resolve the status of his citizenship. Doing so should take less than an hour. Even if he kept the original copy in one of his other homes, UPS ships anywhere in the world overnight.

We Americans are a generous and trusting people. We welcome our legally-processed and green-carded immigrants with open arms, doing everything in our power to make them feel comfortable and give them not a hand-out but a hand-up. If Scott Brown turns out turns out to be one of the fortunate few to live out the American Dream he need only look to his truck for confirmation that we accept him as one of our own.

Leadership in this great country of ours comes with great responsibility. Massachusetts put its trust in Scott Brown to do what’s best for our state. Scott Brown needs to earn that trust. And the simplest way to do that is to answer a very simple question – Where is your birth certificate?

Paul Day is founder of the  non-partisan website, http://averysimplequestion.com

In Which WTKK Changes My Mind About Pimpmaster Brown

January 21st, 2010 No comments

The meme about liberals goes that they possess no capacity to change their minds in the face of rational arguments. Present them with irrefutable facts, neo-cons say, and they steadfastly stick to the party line like Larry Craig to an airport gloryhole. Iraq was a slam dunk, so why the hell would liberals want to be such dicks? After all the war liberation would pay for itself, right? And probably would have if liberals had stopped yapping and got on board the bush-mobile.

But we wouldn’t.  We hated America and freedom and God and KBR and no-bid contracts. What, my liberal brethren, were we thinking??

Thus, when Scott Brown pimped out his daughters to “anyone who’s watching throughout the country” my immediate liberal knee jerk reaction was to pick up my feng shui book (always on the coffee table) and cast out the bad vibes in the room. And then I renewed my NOW and ACLU membership. I spent the rest of the evening in fetal position hating God and the patriarchy.

This morning I jumped in the car and, for some reason, turned on WTKK (Boston Talks) and heard Michael Graham holding forth on how liberals (like me) could get so bent out of shape about a simple joke that any normal father in America would make about their daughters

And as always, I rely on Gail’s love and support and that of our two lovely daughters. So i want to thank Ayla and Arianna for their help as well. And just in case anyone who’s watching throughout the country they’re both available. No, no no. No. Only kidding, only kidding. Only kidding, only kidding. Arianna’s definitely not available. But Ayla is.

Party-line, brainwashed liberal that I am, I’d forgotten, as Graham pointed out that “this whole fathers-paying-for-their-daughter’s-marriage thing came from a time when daughters were hard to move merchandise.” I guess I hadn’t looked it that way. He took call after call from normal parent after normal parent assuring him that, no, he wasn’t crazy. Scott Brown simply showed his affection for his daughters by telling the country how fuckable they were…after some anonymous American married them first, of course.

“I’d love to find a nice guy for my daughter to hook up with,” one male caller told Graham, “and I mean ‘hook up’ in the old sense of the word, not, ya know, the…new one.” Hm. Did I miss an evolutionary step of the phrase “hook up”? Well, I’m old and married so why should I be following that.

A woman called up to say that she would do the exact same thing to her son.

Woman: Oh, all the time! If we were in Starbucks, I’d always say he was available.

Graham: Starbucks?

Woman: Yeah!

Graham: Starbucks? I mean…were you trying to hook him up with another guy?

Good point! You might find that statement assumptive but mothers frequently cause homosexuality in their sons and only gay men hang out in Starbucks. So…ya know.

By this time I’d hit redial on my cellphone about 58 times. Finally, I got through. The screener asked what my comment was and, still closed-minded, I said I found it really creep for Brown to pimp out his daughters like that. He told me to stay on the line.

So I did.

And as I did, I listened.  I listened carefully. I opened my ears AND I opened my mind. And something odd happened – I understood. I saw it all very clearly in a way that my liberal brain, clouded by rationality and reason and reality-based media, could not see previously.

Scott Brown showed the ultimate affection to his daughters by embarrassing them on national television…because that’s what dads do. All dads. That’s our job. To embarrass our daughters in public. It made so much sense. As I reeled from this discovery, Graham picked up my call.

Graham: You’re on the air.  What’s on your mind?

Me: Hey. You know, when I first called I planned on saying that this whole thing creeped me out – this whole pimping-your-daughter thing. But waiting on hold, I think I get it. You’ve really changed my mind about it.

Graham: That’s great! You got daughters?

Me: Yeah, two of ’em

Graham: How old?

Me: 13 and 16.

Graham: (computing in his head) Yeeeeeeah, that’s just about the right age for you to start saying that kind of thing.

Me: Yeah, probably. But here’s the other thing I was thinking.

Graham: What’s that?

Me: See, it makes so much sense to me now. All he’s doing is showing appropriate love for his daughters…

Graham: …yeah…

Me: And he is who he is…

Graham: …right…

Me: …and if I were the kind of dad that posed nude in Cosom, I’d probably say that kind of thing, too. He just wants them to have what he had…

Graham: …huh?…

Me: Yeah, I mean, I’m hoping to see both of them in Playboy or Penthouse soon.

Graham: (blindsided but getting it) …HA!…that’s…

Me: …And I bet that he could help with that!

Graham: …that’s…that’s really funny

Me: I really do

Graham: (hangs up)

So, Scott – Larry Flynt is waiting for you and/or your daughters to call him. Because they’re really fucking HOTT, buddy. And every psycho in America knows they’re available. At least Ayla is.

In Which The FRC Supports Christian Identity

January 17th, 2010 No comments

Having grown bored of demonizing Kevin Jennings as proof that gays want to seduce kindergartners to create little mini-gays, Tony Perkins moves onto another Obama nominee – Errol Souther for head of the TSA. Why?

Because apparently one needn’t concern one’s self with anti-government racists and violent anti-abortionists. Extrapolating just slightly, the message plays something like

How can white people commit acts of terror? Only Muslims hate America. Muslim have dark skin. Therefore dark-skinned people hate America. Therefore white-skinned people don’t.

Things are so much easier with jesus, huh?

It’s a well know fact that god condones the killing of abortion doctors and that targeting the radical anti-abortion movement as “terrorists” is just communism in disguise. Not so well know, and kudo to Tony Perkins for pointing it out, is that targeting the Christian Identity movement as “terrorists” makes just as little sense. I mean, so you “identify” as a “Christian”, right? What’s the big deal?

Oops!

Christian Identity is a religious ideology popular in extreme right-wing circles. Adherents believe that whites of European descent can be traced back to the “Lost Tribes of Israel.” Many consider Jews to be the Satanic offspring of Eve and the Serpent, while non-whites are “mud peoples” created before Adam and Eve. Its virulent racist and anti-Semitic beliefs are usually accompanied by extreme anti-government sentiments. Despite its small size, Christian Identity influences virtually all white supremacist and extreme anti-government movements. It has also informed criminal behavior ranging from hate crimes to acts of terrorism.

So, let’s be clear – by defending the Christian Identity movement, Tony Perkins, president of the Family Research Council which is the political arm of Focus on the Family, has no problem with people who see Jews as evil, blacks as mud people and the violent overthrow of the US Government. Check out the redundantly named Pastor Pete Peters, one of the leading lights of these fucktards.

And, just so you don’t leave with a bad taste in your mouth, here’s Pastor Pete telling an HI-larious joke during a sermon!

Pastor Pete Peters Tells A Joke During Church

In Which All Xtians Agree With Pat Robertson

January 14th, 2010 No comments

Hey, remember a couple of years back when some miserable fanatics flew planes into the World Trade Center and the Pentagon? Remember how wingnuts and xtians used the occasion to blame all of Islam because, effectively, the president of Islam didn’t condemn the attacks quickly, strongly or believably enough?

By that measure, the measure which they hold other religions to, all xtians believe Pat Robertson 100% that Haiti made a pact with the devil. True story.

“Something happened a long time ago in Haiti, and people might not want to talk about it,” Robertson said on his Christian Broadcasting Network show. “They were under the heel of the French . . . and they got together and swore a pact to the devil. They said, ‘We will serve you if you’ll get us free from the French.’

“True story. And the devil said, ‘OK, it’s a deal,’ ” Robertson said. “Ever since, they have been cursed by one thing after another.”

How do we know this is true? Because in the 24hrs or so since Robertson vomited out his “blessing in disguise” not one xtian group has come forward to condemn him or his outward presentation of schizophrenia.

Christan Newswire is the place where xtians (and sometimes Christians) go to unleash their messages of love for homos, liberals, minorities and the current president.  Want to know about some preacher planning to bury himself alive for three days so he can return with a revelation? This is the place to go. Concerned Women For America shows their concern for women by decry rape exclusions in abortion. The American Family Association keeps you updated on who to hate. Randall Terry releases statements that dead abortion doctors had it coming to them.

And all of them speak for God and God says Haiti made a deal with Satan.

I don’t know exactly how far gone you have to be to actually buy into that. Apparently, if you’re an xtian, not very far.

So why haven’t the condemnations of Robertson flooded Christian Newswire like Christ’s blood dripping down his body on the cross? Because you don’t call your rich grandfather a “fucktard”. The xtain community knows that Pat still holds a lot of power.  Wanna take over the 700 Club? Wanna even be a guest on the 700 Club? Keep your mouth shut and nod…even when Grandpa calls you by the wrong name and tries to touch you when no one’s looking.

This kind of sin of commission (yes, D, I know it’s usually Catholic) is the kind of thing Christianity frowns on.  All the more reason to call out fake xtians when they allow their “leaders” to denigrate the victims of tragedy fairy tales and lies.

Let me be clear – it’s not that xtians hate black people. They just hate people in general. After all, that’s what Jesus would do.

In Which I Need YOU To Help The Teabaggers Write A New Pledge

January 9th, 2010 No comments

Oh my.

Apparently, the current Pledge of Allegiance leaves great big holes for “the libs, fools, and enemies” to walk right in and pervert the true meaning of America.

Dear Friends and Patriots.

For all my life I have proudly said the Pledge of Alligence to the flag. Perhaps WE can do better. The Flag is a symbol of our union and our identity. Unfortunately I believe it is NOT a pledge to the US Constitution and I think THAT is needed. Therefore I would like to submit this following PLEDGE OF ALLIGIANCE TO THE CONSTITUTION. In my not so elequent way I submit the following, encourage it’s development and debate.

I pledge allegiance to the Constitution of the Union of Independent American States,
and to the Republic which it defines, establishes, and preserves,
One Nation, under God.
Indivisible and dedicated to Liberty and Justice for all.

What do you all think? Good Idea? Please contribute any re-writes. I encourage debate and I truly believe we need an oath that will seperate those of us who truly stand for that great Constitution and then the rest of the libs, fools, and enemies of it who are just taking up space and wasting MY air who will and do not support it. I think the Constitution is the one common and overiding concept behind TPN.

Personally, I think it’s a GREAT idea.  The logic is flawless: re-writing the Pledge of Allegiance will separate the patriots from the commies and…um…and…see, once we know who’s who we can…ya know…do stuff.

Reply by Chris Fa. 1 day ago
Good idea but what happens if an amendment to the constitution is passed? Would we be automatically against that amendment because it changes the constitution to which we are pledging our allegiance?

Buck Turgidson Permalink Reply by Buck Turgidson 1 day ago
Chris, the Constitution is made so that the american people can add amendments. Otherwise this country would be overrun by communists.

Chris Fa. Permalink Reply by Chris Fa. 1 day ago
Good point, Buck. I sorta forgot about that. Been a while since US History… Anyway I think that new pledge is ok as it stands, but we might want to change the end of it to “liberty and justice for all CITIZENS” so we don’t give terrorists rights, you know?

joane golub Permalink Reply by joane golub 1 day ago
yes. the commie people and the libs.

I encourage you all to help out the teabaggers by posting your edits or original re-workings of the Pledge of Allegiance! Post them in comments!

Bonus Points: Can you spot the troll?

|

|

|

|

This is one of the more amusing aspects of trolling: References to names that your victims most likely don’t know. In this case, it’s Buck Turgidson, the commie hating, war-room fighting, mine-shaft-gap-admonishing General from Dr. Stranglove.

In Which The Tea Bags Are Full Of Shit

January 9th, 2010 No comments

Here in Massachusetts, Ted Kennedy’s seat is up for grabs. Naturally, the teabaggers want some pay back for fucking up NY-23 and getting a Democrat elected.  Actually, in the type of wishful thinking that characterizes the whole teabagger movement, they see NY-23 as a victory.

Whuh?

It’s true! They see the Kool-Aid pitcher half full!

They don’t see the election of the first Democrat since Reconstruction as a public rebuke of Christo-fascism. They see it as the successful sabotage of a RINO, a moderate Republican that no one really had a problem with until the homophobic teabaggers putt-putted into town like an elderly Marlon Brando in The Wild Ones…except on Hoverounds

Hoveround!

So now, fresh off the heels of the “victory” in NY-23, the slack-jawed teabaggers believe that they, and only they, can deliver a Massachusetts senate seat…as long as the candidate teabags them.

This is from the HILARIOUS Tea Party Nation forum so you’ll have to have an account to view the thread.  If you join in, behave yourself because LIBERAL TROLLS WILL NOT BE TOLERATED. *laffin*

RJ, I think this is an excellent opportunity for the entire Traditional American Movement to give the prospective candidate, Mr. Brown in this case, the chance to apply for our support.

If he passes our sieve for support and we pledge it, the die is cast and we must follow through with all means possible. We have the golden opportunity to test a candidate and our own ability to harness the power of this huge movement. It is here and now.

A member from Mass. should contact Mr. Brown and have him ask Judson how to get our support. This is important and the candidate must appeal to us, not the other way around.

Note the language.

1) “Traditional American Movement” – What – teabagger isn’t good enough for you any more?

2) “apply for our support” – Maybe it’s me, but doesn’t this sound vaguely scary and threatening? “Sure, Spanky, he can apply for membership in the He Man Homo Haters Club but that sure don’t mean that we gotta let ‘im in!”  They view the “movement” as the fraternity the trailer park never had.

3) “our sieve for support…the die is cast” – Self-published much? I’m pretty sure this is the guy that ghost-wrote Larry Sinclair’s book. This is how they (and, to be honest) we hook people – with all the baroque self-importance and sham of a Viagra-induced hardon.

4) “the candidate must appeal to us, not the other way around.” – How do you say in wingnut-speak “special interest group”? When the teachers’ union goes fishing for a candidate that appeals to it, it’s a communist plot. It’s proof that politicians exist only to court the favor of those who can help them.

4a) Even if teabaggers had the power they think they do (and they don’t), there aren’t enough of them in Massachusetts to make a difference at the polls. The best they can do is throw a bunch of money into TV and radio ads viciously attacking Coakley. These ads, I’m guessing, will have very little to do with issues pertaining to the state and everything to do with…um…running against the President…like they accused us of doing in  2008.

America is under attack by socialist homosexuals who want to kill your grandmother and make it legal to have sex with your pets. Is that what America means to you? It does to Martha Coakley. Martha Coakley even has the word “democrat” hidden in her name…if her name had a “d” in it. Don’t let Martha Coakley have sex with your dog on the corpse of your grandmother.  The fate of America depends on it.

Paid for by Tradition Americans Against Liberal Bestiality.

In Which Nothing Bad Must Ever Happen To An American

January 7th, 2010 No comments

Osama bin Laden said it right up front – we’re going to bleed America like we did Russia.

And, thanks to Americans, they’re succeeding because Americans are pussies. Well before 9/11, this nation was well on its way to (for lack of a better word) emasculating itself. We became obsessed with safety.

When my first daughter was born 16yrs ago, the hospital sold our name and address to several catalog companies, one of which was Safety 1st. Thus began a favorite game between my wife and I – Safety 1st Or Fucking Stupid. One of us would leaf through the catalog and read out (or make up) a product. The other would have to guess whether was Safety 1st Or Fucking Stupid.

For example – knee pads for crawling toddlers. It was an actual product. I remember winning on a portable bus stop shelter so the little Brittany and Jason didn’t get wet waiting for the bus while Mom and Dad were…somewhere else. Yes.  It was an actual product.

And it points out the problem – If Mom and Dad are so fucking concerned about their kids getting wet, why not 1) drive them to school or 2) let them wait in the car for the bus? Why spend good money on something so totally useless that provides, at best, minimum protection when personal involvement ends up costing much less? And what’s so bad about getting wet…unless, of course, you’re an anal-retentive, risk-averse, safety obsessed asshole who, in some cases, works on Wall St. risking billions of other people’s money. Portable bus shelters don’t grow on trees, ya know.

Another example – somewhere in the suburbs of Boston, some total fucktard decided they could walk across tracks before the train came.  They were wrong. They died. In a sane world, the story ends there.  It’s not a sane world. Instead, the state blew god-knows how many dollars investigating something that they already knew – some fucktard tried to beat the train and lost. Once that was (re)established, they tried to make that section of the track safer. I guess there was a slight chance that the fucktard might rise from the grave and try it again.  I’m not sure.

Look at the response to 9/11 – absolute insanity. I’m not saying that it didn’t shake me up. It did. But think about it: well-trained prison guards can’t keep drugs out of prison and we’re expected to be that some newly hired security guard will find a bomb under a car or spot a fake ID?  How many other shoe bombers has America caught? Is screening for this truly worth long lines at airports? Can we not understand that the billions of dollars thrown away on this kind of pointlessness allows the terrorists to win?

The sad fact is that Americans will die. As much as I hate to say it, 9/11 wasn’t bush’s fault just as Detroit isn’t Obama’s fault.  Shit happens. The crushing irony of it all is that if Americans were as brave as we claimed our response to 9/11 would have been “fuck you, when’s the next plane.” Instead, those brave chickenhawks ran around like Chicken Little convincing us that it could happen tomorrow. And the vast majority of the country cowered in fear. Like pussies.

Put it another way. Every day American soldiers, cops and firemen put their lives on the line for us. We, as a nation, can’t even risk stubbing our toes let alone standing up for the freedom we send others to die for by getting on a plane that has a 0.009% chance of blowing up. Every time you take your shoes off in an airport, you bow to bin Laden. You let the terrorists win. When you allowed bush to tap your phones. You let the terrorists win. When the goddamn democrats allowed themselves to get bullied into support invading a country where bin Laden wasn’t, you not only blew bin Laden but you swallowed.

I’m sorry. I’m pissed off about this.

If you’re all freaked out about the infinitesimal odds that you might die in an attack on the United States then you don’t deserve to live here.

Categories: Navel (Gazing At) Tags:

In Which, Apparently, The Middle Class Has No Need For Religion

January 6th, 2010 No comments

A couple of days ago, Joe Scarborough, of MSNBC’s Morning Joe, cranked up his incredulity over poverty as a recruitment tool for jihad.  Paraphrasing, he said

Obama, and I’m not knocking the president, said that Yemen is under crushing poverty and that poverty drives terrorism.  Well, that’s just false. Look at this underwear bomber. His dad’s a banker.  He’s middle class.  There’s no poverty there.  Same with most of the terrorists.  Osama bin Laden grew up rich! This isn’t about poverty.

It took me a minute to understand what he really meant and once I did, it shocked me. The underlying message of Scarborough’s statement is

Once you reach the middle class, the basic tenants of your religion mean nothing.

One of the key points of all (well, most) religions is kindness, specifically helping those worse off.  Worse off, generally means “poor”. Christian, Jewish, Muslim and [insert religion] organize outreach programs like soups kitchens, shelters or counseling programs specifically because their respective gods said they should.  Love her or hate her, Mother Teresa devoted her life to helping the poor.

In America, the middle class can make the choice not to see poor people.  They can move to a nicely regulated suburb where everyone makes more or less the same amount of money, drives more or less the same car and shop at the same malls. While poor people might work at the mall, a true suburban mall is hard to get to on public transportation, which cuts down on the riffraff.  Growing up in Pittsford, NY, I don’t actually recall seeing poor people.  In fact, my family lay on the lower end of the income scale.  Sure, I heard rumors of people worse off than us at church (while I still went) but then we’d go home and play Pong and hope my dad didn’t get too drunk after golfing.

To say that we weren’t spurred to action would be an understatement.

So it makes sense for Scarborough (brewed by Starbucks) to not understand that other religions (aka: Islam) might actually take their commitment to the poor seriously, to the point where they conduct their own “war on poverty” better known as “jihad”. As I understand it (and higher-power knows I could be wrong), the whole point of wiping out “the west” is, ironically, to gain freedom from moral and economic tyranny.  You know, the freedom they hate so much.

Think about it a second. Picture yourself, wherever you are, surrounded by poverty.  Not just poverty, but extreme poverty. Next time you walk down the street or drive past a strip mall imagine the houses and shops ripped apart by bombs or crumbling through neglect. See, not fat, happy Americans, but rail thin starving people, rooting through garbage to eat. Imagine your life without electricity or running water.  Or a DVR.

Now imagine that someone came along and told you how you’d go to hell if you didn’t help those people.

The crimes of the West against the Middle East are pretty well documented and irrefutable.  They had shit that we wanted and we took it by hook and by crook. George Orwell hit the nail on the head when he wrote in 1984 that the Middle East exists to keep the war machine going. Like the cocaine commercial from the ’80’s, we fight harder to get more oil to run the tanks so we can fight harder to get more oil to run the tanks so…. Who gets screwed? The poor.

So when a Muslim cleric sets it up for some wild-eyed rich boy like bin Laden to believe that Allah demands that he use his money for good, that he use his money to make the world safe for Islam and eradicate the infidels that bring misery upon His people and bin Laden falls for it at a very basic level, he’s simply being devout.

Kind of like a not-for-profit Blackwater.

And if you subscribe to a religion that believes that it is the ONLY religion in the world, then, if you are devout, you evangelize.  To your buddies.  Who you went to boarding school with.

So, really, the only difference between “us” and “them” is that their middle class has the balls to get involved in their non-state sponsored religious war on poverty while our middle class throws religion to the wind and fights a personal battle not to be poor.

Categories: Navel (Gazing At) Tags: