Archive for October, 2009

In Which Commercials Are An Accurate Reflection Of America, Apparently

October 18th, 2009 2 comments

Yes, Glenn Beck is a fake.

Yes, Glenn Beck is a partisan hack.

Yes, Glenn Beck is dangerous.

BUT – he knows that the best way to gauge the moral fabric of any given time in American is to look at the TV commercials of that period.

I’ve never read Marshall McCluen, but there is something unbelievably meta about someone raised on TV using marketing to prove a point. “Here is an example of how Madison Avenue played on the hopes and fears an Americans to sell soda and cameras.  It was a simpler time back then.”

Honestly, what does a kid giving a football player a bottle of coke have do with Obama destroying America with a potent combination of socialism, fascism, communism, homosexuality, drugs and hope? And, frankly, I wonder how much Coke and Kodak paid Fox News for product placement.

Yes, this is Fox News.  Mr. Beck scheduled a crying thing for 10/15 and is working on a script using old TV commercials.  We’re accepting bids for heartwarming, iconic commercials that show America in a simpler time…well, bidding starts at $1,000,000 but that’s already been shattered since every time Mr. Beck cries it goes on YouTube and will increase the visibility of your production by about a bizzillion….$5mil?…no, I’m sorry, we’re already at $7mil…sure, have a talk with your CEO…there’s plenty of time, since it’s only September.

Is there really any doubt that such conversations take place?  What Beck does is not spontaneous.  If you watch the clip it’s fairly obvious that 1) he’s not speaking extemporaneously and 2) he’s not trying to stop crying he’s trying to start crying.  If, for some reason, you’re Beckish and reading this you might take offense at the suggestion that Jesus is not really using Beck to channel His thoughts via Fox News.  “How,” you might ask, “could he seem so sincere if all of this is written in advance?”

Simple – sit down with a video of Obama’s acceptance speech and the text of said speech and you’ll see just how easy it is to come across as genuine while reading off a teleprompter.  It’s called oratory, folks.  Some folks excel at it.  Obama and Beck do.

Here’s the thing – wingnuts love claiming that Obama is nothing without a teleprompter.  Well, so is Beck.

Categories: Glenn Beck Tags:

In Which Beck Thinks The Peace Prize Should Go To Racists?

October 10th, 2009 3 comments

Michael Steele sent me a message yesterday

I’m sure you’ve heard the news — Barack Obama has been awarded the Nobel Peace Prize. It’s a stunning, if not truly surprising, indication of just how meaningless a once honorable and respected award has become.


This shows the level of attack the mainstream Republican party descended to.  Pretty much anyone that speaks with Obama these days can be fairly assured that within a couple of hours they’ll find their name in print with a scarlet O beside it for “Obama Lover”.

Any other year, this would be politics as usual but the twist is that this year the whackjobs are w(h)ackier.  It’s one thing to suggest plausible alternative winners but when Glenn Beck (who may or may not have raped and murdered a young girl in 1990) suggests that

The Nobel peace prize should be turned down by Barack Obama and should be given to the tea party goers and the 9/12 project. Because of the tea party goers and the 912 project people that stood in his way and stopped him from accomplishing from the things that he thought, ‘Please I’m the messiah, I’ll be able to accomplish that.’

we’re in a whole new fucked up bizarro world full of shattered paradigms of civility and tablets made out of silver.

When uber-hypocrite, Rush Limbaugh, starts proudly agreeing with the enemies of the United States

Something has happened here that we all agree with the Taliban and Iran about and that is he doesn’t deserve the award.

some cosmic, anti-Age Of Aquarius shift has occurred

When Red State Update seems to seriously suggest that Obama got the award simply for being black

I did not realize the Nobel Peace Prize had an affirmative action quota for it, but that is the only thing I can think of for this news.

Republicans need to take a long, hard look at themselves and say “what the fuck are we doing here”?

Personally, I don’t think Obama was a great choice.  I understand it, somewhat.  After all, when the bully of the playground gets deposed it’s natural to exalt the deposer and pray that they do not follow in the old boss’ footsteps.  Obama truly seems to want to make the world more peaceful.  Then again, I want my own show on Comedy Central.  Roadblocks exist for both Obama and I.

Still, for Glenn Beck to claim, even hyperbolically, that the Nobel Peace Prize should go to the people  that carried loaded firearms, shouted down free speech, compared Obama to a Nazi and gleefully made racist statements…

I’m going to curl up under the covers now

Categories: Navel (Gazing At) Tags:

In Which Obama Is Apparently A Porn Mogul

October 7th, 2009 No comments

Oh, Family Research Council! Without you, xtians wouldn’t know who to hate and why!  They also wouldn’t know that if, like Beetlejuice, you say the word “Jesus” three times and blow Dr. Dobson, you get a free pass to pretty much do anything you want.

Thus, the Obama administration gets the blame for porn surfing employees at the National Science Foundation.  And FRC is there to makes sure that everyone knows just how wicked and sinful the Obama Administration is.


The amusement comes in a couple of different flavors, though.

1) The timeline

…one senior executive spent at least 331 days looking at pornography on his government computer and chatting online with nude or partially clad women without being detected, the records show.

Math is hard, but if a year is 365 days and this guy surfed porn for at least 331 days…hm…how long has Obama been president?  Has it been a year already?  OH!  It hasn’t! So that must mean…………that the bush administration also blatantly and with malice aforethought condone porn surfing.

Oh.  Right. Sorry!  bush blew Dobson.  He’s absolved.

2) If you compare the print edition and the FRC edition of the story something weird happens.

The problems at the National Science Foundation (NSF) were so pervasive they swamped the agency’s inspector general and forced the internal watchdog to cut back on its primary mission of investigating grant fraud and recovering misspent tax dollars.

But the FRC version basically says – “Obama hearts porn so who cares”.

3) Both versions pretty much make it sound like the NSF are one great big circle jerk.  It’s also unclear that taxpayer’s actually footed the bill for the porn.

The more important point comes a little bit later in the show when they crow about “bizarre czar” and “radical homosexual” (because the only gays are radical gays) Kevin Jennings who, 21yrs ago (1987) didn’t turn in a 15yr old boy for having anonymous sex in bus station restrooms but rather told him to use a condom.


Leaving aside the correctness of that decision (and let’s remember that 1987 was a much different time than 2009), Tony Perkins jumps on his high horse for Jennings’ not apologizing correctly but even but even better damns him for not knowing the difference between right and wrong.

Hypothetically, let’s say it comes out that a senator got outed due to his proclivity for hiring whores to dress him up in a diaper.  And, again, hypothetically, you were the type of Christian who really, truly believed that all sin needed to be wiped from the face of the earth.  And you had the chance to strike a blow for God’s justice by running for his seat.  Shouldn’t you, as a model of Christian judgment and discernment run for his seat?

Ok, maybe the senator blew Dobson AND you, so you take a pass on doing the right thing because you, too, have blown Dobson.

But would then bring that senator onto your radio program to discuss ethics?

It’s almost like Tony Perkins doesn’t know the difference between right and wrong!

Categories: Navel (Gazing At) Tags:

In Which PFOX Doesn’t Get To Bitch About It

October 6th, 2009 No comments


“Books about leaving homosexuality are censored in most high school libraries, although gay affirming books for youth are readily available,” said Griggs. “For example, Charlie Makela, supervisor of library services for Arlington County, Virginia public schools, rejected PFOX’s donation of ex-gay books although she accepts books from gay groups. Ms. Makela is also the chair of the ALA’s Supervisors’ Section of the American Association of School Librarians. Shouldn’t the ALA enforce its own diversity policy?”

Maybe I haven’t had enough coffee, but this is making my head hurt.

If I’m understanding this correctly, a group that would burn books about gays is petitioning their enemies to include books about NOT being gay in their censored book list because…it’s fair?  Isn’t that kind of like the Klu Klux Klan petitioning the NAACP to include The Turner Diaries or the 88 Precepts in its library?


In theory, sure, a banned book is a banned book is a banned book.  Free speech is free speech and books espousing racial hatred (like it or not) deserve just as much shelf space as book espousing homosexuality or french cooking or any of the bullshit that Ayn Rand vomited onto the page.  You need to know your enemy and that doesn’t happen by listening/reading to a synopsis written by someone else.  That’s how the “death panels” meme came about.   Rather, it happens by reading the miserably written The Turner Diaries or radical black sites or Al Qaeda or Army of God whatever.

HOWEVER – if you dedicate your life to demonizing and discriminating against gays then (and listen closely) you don’t get to bitch about imbalance and unfairness.

Because that’s your status quo.

Categories: Christians, Gay/Not Gay Tags:

In Which Hunches Are Hunches For A Reason

October 3rd, 2009 No comments

So, I’m listening to the xtian fucktard, Brannon Howse yesterday rave on about a private armies and police forces in the US and it became pretty clear that before too long, he’d be very disappointed when the actual story came out.

You see, Brannon really, really hopes that we’ll have a race war soon.  He spends entire shows talking birther nonsense and how Obama plans to use Americorp to recruit “urban thugs” as soldiers in some mythical Black Pride army that will take over the country, arresting and imprisoning “Christians” (aka – white people).  I’ve got some of the shows but it’s just too depressing to go through them.

On the 9/30 Crosstalk, one of his subjects was about something called American Police Force and how they were patrolling the streets of Hardin, MT in black Mercedes SUVs passing themselves off as police. American Police Force hires former and retired police officers as staff for private enforcement.  This, to Brannon, is more proof that “the government” (aka – Barack HUSSEIN Obama) wants to turn America into a dictatorship and run his own private army arresting “Christians” (aka – white people).  He took off on this lovely little “forces of evil” rant about how police officers should live in the towns they patrol and not be outsourced to some corporate police force with no sense of the community.  And, yes, he’s right. But then he went on to expand it to some conversations he’s had with police officers in which they said they felt a day was coming when they’d have to choose between being police officers or Christians.

YOW! Dire indeed! I guess you can’t work for your Socialist overlord if you believe in Jesus.  The point of the show, as it always is with Brannon, proved that before too long Christianity will be illegal in the US, that Christians will be hated just like Jesus said they would and that means…RAPTURE-TIME!!

(Just a quick digression – xtians really need to get their logical shit together.  Folks, you’re either welcoming the Rapture or not.  If you’re welcoming the Rapture then you should be cheering the destruction of America.  You should want Socialism to reign because the means you’re that much closer to your ultimate dream of laughing while folks like me suffer the untold horrors of Hell. Instead, you keep preaching against immorality and trying to stave off the whole reason that you’re a Christian to begin with – getting to Heaven.  My question is: Why are you so distrustful of God’s plan for us that you feel the need for human intervention?)

Anywho – to recap: There’s a private army in Montana pretending to be a police force.  Anyone with even a modicum of sense can see the punchline of this.

I’m trying to think of another time when a private army was brought in to an American city as a security force…hm…let me seeeee – OH! Right! New Orleans! And who was that security force? OH! Right! Blackwater!

And who, then, would you imagine this odd little company called American Police Force might be a spin-off from?  OH!  Right! Blackwater!

AND (just to bring home the irony in grand style) what is one of the goals of Blackwater? To be God’s army on Earth.

Again, to recap – Brannon Howse screamed about a private army taking over an American town in the service of some Socialist overlord that would persecute Christians when, in fact, it turned out to be the Christian jihadist group, Blackwater, which he should actually support.


Categories: Navel (Gazing At) Tags: