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Archive for January, 2009

In Which It’s Not Enough To Not Be Dead

January 30th, 2009 3 comments

Dear sweet fucking jesus – seriously?  A flock of geese bring down the plane you’re on, the pilot pulls of THE most difficult landing in aviation delivering all passengers relatively safe and sound, the airline gives you $5000 for lost luggage and expenses plus a free upgrade to first class on your next flight and that’s not enough?

Folks – you’re looking at what’s wrong with America.  You’re looking about the selfishness that we as a country have bred within ourselves.

“I think if you survive a plane crash, being upgraded permanently is a good gesture too,” said Fred Berretta, 41, of Charlotte, NC, where the Airbus A320 was headed.

Manhattanite Tess Sosa, who escaped the sinking plane with her husband and two small children, thought the airline was too focused on self-congratulations – and “they want to exonerate themselves as much as they can.”

“They are happy they had such amazing results, and they applaud themselves, and then give us a small token?” she said. “That’s how I take it.”

News flash – the airline can’t control the geese and YOU’RE NOT FUCKING DEAD.  You are alive by the skill of the pilot hired by US Airways.  THAT is your reward.  Frankly, it’s probably more than you deserve.

So, Passengers, go ahead and file your goddamn lawsuits about how the flight path had some deep, unseen flaw that put the plane in the flight path of the birds and how the only miracle is that hundreds of thousands of people haven’t died already because of US Airways neglect.  Go ahead and sue because some other passengers baby threw up on your pant/leisure suit.

YOU’RE.

NOT.

DEAD.

Why not thank the pilot, ask what his favorite charity is and dump as much money as you can into it?

Fred Berreta and Tess Sosa – meet me on the docks so I push you back into the Hudson and see if anybody tries to save you.  It’s worth whatever jail time I’d incur.

In Which It…Can’t Work!!

January 29th, 2009 1 comment

In Which I Have Excerpts From Blago’s “Closing Argument”

January 29th, 2009 No comments

[Note – Please do NOT ask me for my source.  I will NOT give it up.  I will spend the rest of my life in jail for contempt before I give up Judith Miller.]

Blagojevich:  Ok, motherfuckers, let me start by saying “FUCK YOU”.  Got it?  Was I speaking to quickly?  FUCK YOU.  You cocksuckers think I’m going down here?  You got another motherfucking thing coming to to you.  I am NOT fucking leaving this office until I’m given every fucking goddamn thing I’m fucking owed.  Who the hell do you think you goddamn fucks are, anyway?  The fucking pope?  No fucking way.

Stupid fucks, you can kiss my lily-white fucking Chicago ass…

Suck it.  I’m fucking serious.  Every single one of you fucks.  Form a goddamn line.

I had to beat Rachel Maddow off with a goddamn broomstick just to get out of the fucking building.  THAT’S the kind of badass motherfucker you’re fucking dealing with.  Got it?

I’m assured this will all be on the teleprompter for him.

In Which I Promise Not Become Obsessed

January 27th, 2009 3 comments

I guess this could also be called “In Which I’m A Total Dick”, but, really Eric – think before you post.

Why are we NOT violating the rights of them murderous towelheads at Gitmo?  Simple!

The Geneva COnvention only applies to nations. Al Queda is not a nation. They are not entitled to any protection that Geneva covers.

So, by that logic, you’re saying that that since “Jews” aren’t a nation then their rights weren’t violated during the holocaust.

Or am I missing something?

More concretely, here’s another example of what I’m going to call the Hannity Syndrome in which you claim to be neutral and then drop all pretense of neutrality.  For the sake of coaxing the point out, I’m going to switch the order of the paragraphs

I have vowed for the most part to sit back and let him [Obama] govern. I have no interest in reflexively opposing him. He has to make decisions that I believe are so fundamentally wrong on an issue so deep inside my heart for me to intervene.

The pain of the Twin Towers has been compounded by a pair of decisions that will hopefully never come to be known as the “Twin Blunders.”

Dig the almost perfect passive aggression of that last sentence.  “That will hopefully never be known…”  HA!  Dude – don’t be so fucking coy!  Just come right out and say, “hey, here’s a snappy soundbite for OneNewsNow or, if I’m lucky, Fox!”

(The blunders that will hopefully never be known as the “twin blunders”, btw, are 1) closing the farce called Gitmo and 2) actually NOT torturing people when we say we won’t.  *sigh*)

Finally – God knows that I fuck up all the time but

Sometime between January 20th and January 25th of 2008, a new President made grave strategic mistakes.

That’s some serious freaky wormhole time travel there!

In Which I Want To Give Eric A Heads Up

January 27th, 2009 No comments

Well, Eric gave me quite the drubbing in the comment section because of my foul fucking mouth and horrible manners in writing a post for my own website. Now, we can agree to disagree over whether “goosestepping” means calling someone a Nazi or whether it means marching in lockstep.  Personally, I meant it in the latter sense, but I do understand that offense can be taken.  Plenty of people get upset that “drinking the Kool Aid” became divorced from the horrific massacre in Jonestown and now is used as a punchline.

Still, it’s a little disingenuous to hear him say –

Lastly, my holocaust surviving father would take offense at your referring to any American politican as a “goose-stepper,” “Nazi,” or “Brownshirt.”

Which is pretty funny since hardcore conservatives and christians spent the last, desparate moments of the 2008 campaign calling Obama “Adolph Hitler” who was, if memory serves…um…a Nazi.

I’m far too shallow to really look in depth, but the cursory search for “nazi” on Eric’s website didn’t show any posts warning his conservative breathern to cut the shit – oops, rather, to knock it off with the insulting references to Hitler.  Nor, I’m assuming (and, please, prove me wrong) are there any posts decrying the use of “the American Holocaust” when refering to abortion in America.

And why would there be?  Very few ideaolouges one either side of the fence would risk pissing off – goddamn it, did it again – annoying their breathern by speaking up for their core beliefs.  That kind of behavior bruises the gin, after all.  Why?  Because dissent inside your own party is not patriotic.

Two items –

1) A new friend stopped by the blog a short time ago and sent me an email saying, “I’m not quite sure that we’re on the same side of everything”.  And while that might be true, I still consider myself to be pretty fucking goddamn goshdarn liberal.  Not on everything, though, it’s true.  I’m not big into the group think and run into problems challenging my fellow liberals on some issues.  Nobody on the far left or far right likes a moderate.  We’re seeing Obama pay the price for his independence right now.  I haven’t read Eric’s stuff terribly deeply but it strikes me as faux-moderate as when Hannity says things like “Obama has no hope of succeeding but I’m going to give him 72 hours to prove me wrong because I’m a fair guy”.

2) I hope that soon you’ll be able to bookmark and copy audio from your mp3 player onto your computer.  Had this been the case, I’d have the audio from Focus On The Family that makes my case better than I can.  Dobson and company nattered on about how horrible the left was that, as Eric pointed out, they called republicans that had never killed any Jews, Nazis.  “This,” they said, “just added to the proof of what horrible people liberals were and how they’d do anything to twist the truth so that it lined up with their non-christian views.”

But it gets better.

About five minutes later on the same show (which was a typical christcon lie-a-thon) one of the guests started a new thread about how “the culture of death” didn’t really care who they killed.  They’d kill grandmothers simply because their life support systems cost tax payers hundreds of millions of dollars in Medicare payments.  Yes.  They’d kill the old people (waaaaait for it) JUST LIKE THE NAZIS DID.

HAHAHA!

Again – I wish I had the audio for that program.  Within the space of five minutes they whined about being called Nazis and then called other people Nazis.

So, Eric, I hope I didn’t trample on your right to dissent.  And please write a post about how Dr. Scott Lively somehow feels that allow gays in the military will turn the US Military into…well, I’m not really sure what the point is but it’s got to do with faggots and Hitler.

In Which All Wingnuts Are In Fourth Grade

January 26th, 2009 3 comments

Nah, nah, nah, boo-boo
Stick your head in doo-doo
– Typical fourth grader

Nah, nah, nah, boo-boo
Stick your head in feces
– Typical wingnut

Welcome, wingnuts, to the Other Side Of The Mirror.  This is the sane side of the mirror – the side where we don’t invade countries because our penises are smaller than our daddy’s. This is the side where “thoughtfulness” and “intelligence” are virtues and not weaknesses.  This is the side where, while you don’t have to lay down and show your belly, you accept defeat with a little more grace and not sabre rattle when you know the Senate vote’s gonna wind up 94-6.

Yes, this is the side where Obama is president and, sorry, you’ll have to deal with that.

Let’s make something clear – we (the lie-beral defeato-crat, islamofascist lovers) didn’t hate bush right out of the gate.  Getting us to hate him was the only thing he really worked hard at.  9/11?  Did we hate him after 9/11?  Answer – no.  We didn’t even blame him for unti until that silly piece of paper surfaced with something about “bin Laden determined to attack inside the US blah blah blah”.  I didn’t hate him for going into Afghanistan and kicking the ass of the perpetrators of 9/11…even though they 90% Saudi citizens.  I didn’t really hate him that much for allowing AIDS patients in some countries to die because those countries allowed abortion.

No – I hated him because he invaded a country that, even to my unpracticed eye, had NOTHING TO FUCKING DO WITH 9/11.  I hated him because, after swearing up and down that killing bin Laden was Job #1, HE THREW UP HIS HANDS AND SAID FUCK IT.  I hated his propaganda machine made disagreement with his policies REASON TO BE FUCKING SPIED ON.

Now, it’s not like I expect you folks to act like adults since you’ll always be bullies no matter which party is in power.  You’re fouth graders with hardons for war movies but not for personally going to war.  So Tygrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr Express (or how many “wicked kewl” r’s you use), if your going to masturbate, do it in private, ok?

From what I have learned over the last few days, it is very important that “we all come together.”

Yet from what I remember during the previous 8 years, the main phrase was that “dissent is patriotic.”

It is amazing how the rules of civility are completely altered when a democrat wins the White House. Perhaps that is what Barack Obama meant by “change.”

We have tough problems to face, so we have to rally around our new leader and support him. Funny, in 2000 the mantra was, “Let’s destroy this guy because we feel like it.”

Now that those that know only insatiable bloodlust are being forced to smile and be pleasant, they expect conservatives to just let vicious bygones be vicious bygones.

It doesn’t work that way.

I have nothing against Barack Obama personally. He seems to be a likable fellow that is right about some things and wrong about many more.

His presidency is less than a week old and you and your conservative buddies have done nothing but act like dicks.  And limp ones, at that.  So spare me your cheap irony that we’re telling you to shut up and silencing your dissent.  We’re not.  We’re not telling homeland security to spy on you just because you have an R next to your name or because you voted for Alan Keyes or some other fanatic.

“I don’t have anything against him personally…”  Sweet fucking jesus – do you really expect anyone to believe that?  That particular code was busted decades ago.  “Oh, he’s a nice enough guy, given that he rapes puppies and sells crack to kids.”

Stop.

Bang your little to xylophones and tin drums.  Do your little goosesteps around the Washington Monument.  Have all the dissent you want.  No one is calling you unpatriotic because you have different ideas.  No one is using that Patriot Act to track you down in your home.  No one is trying to fire you because you’re a closet gay who’s blowing Grover Norquist.

We. Don’t. Care.

No matter how many times you try to force people into believing that we will ship conservatives off to concentration/re-education camps it just won’t be true.  Most people know that.  That’s why they voted democratic instead of republican.

They got tired of feeling afraid of their government.

So, cry all you want – it’ll set a good example for your children: even without facts you must hate the opposition.

You’re disgusting.

BUT you have the right to be disgusting.

In Which It’s Almost Too Confusing To Title

January 25th, 2009 2 comments

[Note – I started this before I broke my leg so it’s not a topical as it was]

The New York Times had an article about immigrant charter schools that pretty much made my head explode trying to wrap it around the ever deeper shades of what it says about America and the folks clamoring to live here.

Fartun Warsame, a Somali immigrant, thought she was being a good mother when she transferred her five boys to a top elementary school in an affluent Minneapolis suburb. Besides its academic advantages, the school was close to her job as an ultrasound technician, so if the teachers called, she could get there right away.

Her sons informed her that this was the way things were in America. But not in this Somali mother’s house. She soon moved them back to the city, to the International Elementary School, a charter school of about 560 pupils in downtown Minneapolis founded by leaders of the city’s large East African community. The extra commuting time was worth the return to the old order: five well-behaved sons, and one all-powerful mother.

The article goes on to talk about how some Muslim immigrants find the lack of morals in America problematic.  Their reaction is to set up their own communities that are more or less insular rather than risk the souls of their children to whatever the Muslim version of Hell is.  Thus, they find public schools breeding grounds of…well…vice and dissension.

In the case of the mother, it’s about control.  Actually, all parenting is about control.  Most parents would rather not raise children who run wild in the streets, break laws, get pregnant too soon or are regarded by the general populace as “bums”.  There are exceptions, of course.  Some parents can’t monetarily afford to monitor such things.  Some can but, in the name of “openness”, choose not to. (I’m thinking here about an upper middle class mother I met whose 15yr old daughter was openly doing drugs and dating well above her age bracket.  She was just fine with it.)

Confusing thing #1: Immigrants want to move here but can’t stand the culture.  I understand this completely.  I’m a card-carrying liberal and American “culture” is broken.  Or perhaps it never actually congealed to begin with.  We are a nation made up overwhelmingly of self-professed “christians” that don’t actually care about the religion.

[I know what that last sentence sounds like and you’d be forgiven for thinking that I’ve gone over to the dark side but I haven’t.  And that’s the confusing part.  There is a HUGE difference between morality and religion and they are NOT interchangable.  Religion generally exists as a structure for external rewards for doing the right thing and punishment for doing the wrong things.  conservatives want to paint liberals as immoral or a-moral.  That’s simply not the case.  At fifteen and twelve, neither of my daughters haven’t done drugs, drank, been arrested or gotten pregnant.  Raised presbyterian, I’d gotten two out of four and I just hadn’t gotten caught shoplifting.  And we haven’t raised our kids christian nor voted republican.]

Allah requires more from the believer than Jesus does.  Seven times a day v. once a week?  I’d think Allah was watching my every move, too.  Jesus, though, only guilt trips believers on Sundays.  For the rest of the week, they’re free to rob, rape, lie and pillage.  And so they do.  The article speaks of kids doing drugs, committing crimes and doing the whole baggy-pants thing but the author, who makes a lot of connections, misses something important – the mother seemed unable to keep her kids under “well-behaved” within the framework of public school.  Only through NOT integrating with the society they choose to join (ie – charter school) could she retain control of her kids.

That seems a little counter-intuitive.  I realize that we live in a fairly stable community with a low crime rate but this is far from an exclusively white suburban community.  Every year our elementary schools do a census that shows we have kids from 20-40 different countries here.  As one parent said snarkily, “the private schools can only dream of that diversity.”  So I think the charge of “white suburban privileged” can get tossed out.  Sure, we have the usual assortment of punks and ne’er-do-wells.  We know one family whose son got busted for smoking weed.  They weren’t happy about it.  But they didn’t blame the school to the point where they went private or charter.  I’m not going to claim that parents can have 100% control over their kids but school choice won’t solve the problem.

Confusing thing #2

Getting lost in America, Mr. Somo explained, means losing your culture, your language, your identity. It means acting like the teenagers the parents see on the street — wearing baggy jeans, smoking, using drugs, disrespecting elders.

As shown above, it’s just not a national truth that all America is a crackhouse.  But let’s say that it is.  Let’s say that moving your family to American means turning your back on your old way of life and offering your family to Satan in a red, white and blue top hat.  This brings up Bill Hicks four question – “Yeah? And? So? What?”

You make a massive life change and you want everything to stay the same?  That’s nuts.  You want all the benefits of America and none of the theoretical downsides?  That’s nuttier.  AND you want federal financing of charter schools to facilitate your detachment from the country you just moved to?

Again, I know what it sounds like – but I’m really not a wingnut.  The fact that wingnuts support financing charter schools – ALL charter schools including Muslim charter schools – is baffling to me.

This, then, is my liberal dilemma.  To tell you the truth, I tear up sometimes when everybody’s singing the Star Spangled Banner.  Stupid?  Maybe, but this fucked up country is my home.  I don’t say that in a “freedom isn’t free” way.  I mean that in a “I’m allowed to say ‘fuck America’ and not (generally) be carted away by my government” way.  I mean that in a “my country doesn’t censor web content like China or (amazingly) Germany” way.  Everyone is welcome here.  But what winds up happening is NOT the melting pot of old where you started out in your ethinc enclave and the whole point was to move away but to establish a permanent Minnestani or Calimexico.  And why?

To protect themselves from the influence of America.

It’s not a right/left issue.  It’s so much deeper than that.  The problems immigrants want to protect themselves from are not political.  People don’t come here for the politics.  They come here because for some odd fucking reason they STILL believe the streets are paved with gold.  You might frame immigration to the US in terms of “greed” or simply “wanting a better life”.  Take away the morality, though, and it’s about money.

And, to wrap this up, it’s about risk free money.  It’s about getting the benefit while keeping yourself and your loved ones as far away from the risk as possible.  Muslim charter schools, christian charter schools – both want their agendas of separateness publicly funded.  Neither want to join the wicked, wicked world but are willing to benefit from it.

And what’s more American than that.

In Which I’m Not Sure If Updates Are Being Picked Up By Facebook

January 25th, 2009 2 comments

So, I’ll test it

Categories: Navel (Gazing At) Tags:

In Which No One Cares About The Sound Of One Hand Clapping

January 23rd, 2009 No comments

But you SHOULD care about the sound of a bunch of liberal putting together and album of great music to support Netroot Nations in Second Life.  Can’t make this year’s Netroots Nation conference this year for whatever reason?  I probably can’t either – why not attend online then?  It’s a helluva a lot cheaper if not free.

Of course, nothing is free so who’s gonna pay for it?  You can help by buying The Revolution Will Be Streamed on www.amazon.com. It’s an album (or CD or whatever you want to call it) of music donated by the Thinking Liberally crowd on Second Life.  14 songs for $8 AND you get to help out a good cause?  That’s not too bad.

And outside of the brilliant talent, you can hear Billy Bob Neck…umm…rapping.

In Which YouTube Puts You Down The Tube

January 22nd, 2009 1 comment

Take look at this title –

Canada – Evil Empire Or Third World Country

Notice anything odd about it.  Is Canada evil?  Is it part of the Third World?

If you have not spent the better part of a decade or four in a vat of lysergic acid you’ll probably answer “no” to both of these questions in which case you’re left with two viable options.

1) The person that came up with the title could well win the “Most Fucked Up Person On Earth” title

2) It’s a joke.

A piece of advice – when faced with that kind of choice – go for the joke.

When you watch a video criticizing Canada for having a corn and maple syup based economy and how there are corn fields 1/2 a mile outside of major metropolitan cities – it’s a joke.

When you read something along the lines of “Calling people a buncha names isn’t a substitute for a debate, you stupid retard loser,” it’s a joke.

When you…well, I could go on for days and days.  The moral of the story is that censorship is completely random.  I’ve been part of campaigns to get videos taken down from YouTube and NOTHING has been done despite so-called “community standards” rules.  I guess baseless accusations are only allowed on YouTube if you’re serious about them.  If you’re joking, they’ll get trashed.

How many complaints does it take to get a video removed?  Beast me.  They won’t say.  It could be one complaint, it could thousands.  What’s almost funny is what they tell you when, after fifteen minutes of digging, you find the complaint form.  This is it:

We are unable to provide specific detail regarding your account suspension or your video’s removal. For more information on our what we consider inappropriate content or conduct while using YouTube, please visit our Community Guidelines and Tips at http://www.youtube.com/t/community_guidelines and our Help Center article at http://help.youtube.com/support/youtube/bin/answer.py?answer=92486.

Translation – Why did we take it down?  You’ll have to guess because, frankly, we’ve got better things to do than bother with customers.

I’m both pissed and pleased, though.  Pissed because out of the 73 BBN videos on YouTube, one of the LEAST offensive got pulled.  And pleased because out of the 73 BBN videos on YouTube, one of the LEAST offensive got pulled.

I don’t get it, sometimes

Check out the original video on Facebook.