It’s not that I don’t stay up late to begin with, but it was slightly later than normal last night/this morning because…oh, god, I’m going to have to admit this, aren’t I…
This guy has a joke with the punchline, “I’m Chris Hansen from Dateline”. I don’t spend much time on network shows but given the context of the punchline, I pretty much knew what it was. For those who don’t (and I’m probably the only one who doesn’t/didn’t), Chris Hansen does a show called To Catch A Predator in which adult males looking to have sex with a 12-15 year old instead get confronted by Chris Hansen with a fistful of chat transcripts and, when he’s done “interviewing” them get arrested outside by the cops as they attempt to get stupidly back in their car.
What I saw last night was Predator Raw (mmmmm) on MSNBC. I suppose you’d call it a documentary about the documentary. It consisted of the “raw” footage of these idiots getting caught, how they conduct the sting and some very enlightening interviews with Chris Hansen himself.
It was astounding and not in a good way.
I’m not sure about the logistics of the show and, frankly, I’m not going to look into it right now, but what I saw was a disquieting blending of a news network and the police that reminded my of the the Clash song, Death Or Glory
I believe in this and it’s been tested by research
That he who fucks nuns will later join the church
This show isn’t like Cops where a camera crew follows cops and (theoretically) stays out of their way. This show is built around the television network grabbing the glory as the cops (following the metaphor) bend over for Chris Hansen.
This sting happens thusly – NBC rigs a house with cameras. Someone goes online pretending to be a minor and allows willingly scumbags to come over and have sex with her. The perp shows up. The “teen” played by a woman who looks child-like, excuses herself right off the bat. She walks through a door and then turns into Chris Hansen who “just wants to talk to you for a couple of minutes”. Chris listens to the perp and, if the perp tries to talk his way out of it, reads the chat transcripts. This is the second most gratuitous part of the show
Perp: I was…I wasn’t gonna, you know, disrespect her, you know…I was…
Chris: But here it says, and I’m quoting, “I want to put my thang in your mouth”. (Pause) What does that mean?
Perp: (Looking confused at the idiocy of such a question) Um…
Chris: “I want to put my thang in your mouth”? Can you explain that?
Perp: Uh…I wanted to put my dick in her mouth.
You can make a case (a bad one) for this kind of questioning. We know this guy wants to fuck a teenager so what’s the point of ramming the point home repeatedly…particulary when the guy isn’t really putting up a struggle? He knows he got caught. Sure, he’s still got a surprise when he leaves but why read lines like “Are you wet?” on air? I’m not necessarily saying that Chris gets half a chubby reading stuff like that but it makes me wonder how many teen-fuckers watch this show not as a cautionary tale, but as the equivalent of soft porn.
Once Chris proves to the perp and the public that his crusade for video justice once again saved the world he tells them surreally, “If you have anything else to say to us, we’d love to hear it. Otherwise, you’re free to go.” HA! Chris Hansen believes he’s truly a judge. What kind of power trip must that be?! “I’m Chris Hansen and for the next three to five minutes, you will believe that I actually hold sway over the course of your life. Ha, ha, just kidding! Get outta here you knucklehead!” Why can’t I get paid to judge people television with no consequence to myself? (This also brings up a question – When Chris has sex does he say, “Call me Daddy” or “I’m…Chris…Hansen…from…DAAAATELIIIIIINE”?) Blackwater International is a private for-profit army. Chris Hansen is a private for-profit court. How long is it until Blackwater gets off their ass and produces their own show?
Once the perp walks out the door the cops descend upon him – with guns drawn and push him face down to the ground. WHAT? We’re talking about a non-violent crime here! Over-react much? If this scummy asshole with the white chocolate and the condoms guy had a weapon, he would have pulled it on Chris Hansen. I understand cops screaming “YOU’RE UNDER ARREST! HANDS IN THE AIR!!” I even understand having a gun drawn, but four cops with four guns pointed directly at the perp makes no sense at all. It’s television. It’s strictly for effect.
Hansen: Now, when you arrest him, can you, you know, really play it up?
Cop: Whaddya mean?
Hansen: You know, like they do on the crime shows. Guns drawn, screaming, yelling, push him onto the ground.
Cop: Sir, this is a non-violent offender arrested for a non-violent crime. There’s no good reason for it.
Hansen: Hm. Can I ask you one more question?
Cop: Of course, sir.
Hansen: Can you give me the names of a couple of other cops who’d actually like to be on TV, because you won’t be.
Cop: Ah. So you’re saying kinda like “DOWN ON THE GROUND, MOTHERFUCKER, OR I’LL BLOW YOUR FUCKING HEAD OFF!!!”
I hope it’s clear that I am not pro-teen sex here. I’m anti-“making money off it”. I also want to address the somewhat awkward avoidance of the term “pedophile”. In Georgia, a seventeen year old kid went to prison for having sex with fifteen year old girl. Yes, it’s statutory rape, but it’s NOT pedophilia. Calling it that negates the power of the word.
Teen-sex is a problem and don’t think it’s not. If you want to get really depressed, create an AIM profile and try it yourself. Pretend to be a 14yr old girl throw in a couple of flirty (or not so flirty) attributes and go online. You’ll get inundated with chat requests sometimes within seconds of signing on. Some will be horny teenage boys but they’ll be a fair amount of legal adults. Most will want to have sex with you both cyber and real.
It’s depressing – but should it be entertainment?
* * * * * * *
Bonus Material – Not For The Faint Of Heart
Years ago, Doug Stanhope ran a site (now defunct but still available) called Baiting.org. The focus of the site was to see how far these online assholes would go to have sex with a teenager. By that, I mean, Stanhope and friends would get progressively more horrific, foul and deviant and wait for the perp to vomit and/or leave. Stanhope’s rationale, beside comedy, was to freak the assholes out to the point where they could no longer IM. Sadly, they stay around for far too long.
Here’s an almost palatable taste of it
NYCockExchange: I’m not so much into music, as I am into poetry.
NYCockExchange: I don’t just share my poems with anyone, though… In fact, I haven’t shared them with *anyone*. You can be the first.
tenchi27858: whose ur fave poet
NYCockExchange: I like Robert Frost, his style takes me another world. He was a true poet.
tenchi27858: i like egar allen poe
NYCockExchange: That’s cool. You don’t find him… umm… a little morbid?
NYCockExchange: Good! Well, let me share my poems with you, okay?
NYCockExchange: time comes to a halt as we fuck / father time gets a stab wound in the back / between the ribs / blood flows into his lungs so he cannot even scream in pain / yet, the death begets a new life / joy takes the stage in this act of life / like an infant rising out of a c-section cut
NYCockExchange: Do you like it?
tenchi27858: pretty cool
NYCockExchange: Right on! What is your interpretation of these verses? How do they speak to your heart and soul?
tenchi27858: its like we are dust in the wind
NYCockExchange: Oh? That was a little different than what I had in mind, but, hey! Whatever makes your monkey jump, I guess.
tenchi27858: ur pretty cool
NYCockExchange: Thanks. What I had in mind, really, was a scene of myself stabbing a guy in the back during sex, then gutting him.
NYCockExchange: Anyway, here’s my next poem!
He stays on for several more poems before NYCockExchange casually mention that he has a penis.