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Archive for February, 2007

In Which I…It – HOW FUCKING DARE HE??

February 28th, 2007 No comments

Jeff “What, Me, Gay Conservative” Gannon really should be splitting his time between the YMCA and jail for shoplifting and prostitution instead being able to afford the $7/mo it takes to pay for his webhost.  This useless piece of shit spent his fifteen minutes of fame copy/pasting the text of articles from conservative sources, called them his own and then had the balls to poo-poo (pun intended) journalists who actually learn how to become journalists.  Here’s a hint – It doesn’t involve whoring yourself out as a gay escort in your fetish-y Marine Corp outfit.

That’s not a journalism.  That’s prostitution.

We will never know how the FUCK a prostitute got White House clearance to show up in the press room and ask the President of the United States some simpering softball of a question. (“Mr. President, you’re really great and all the other journalists in this room suck, so could you tell me the best news you can possibly think of?”)  I’m not going to rehash the whole thing, except to say that it was a classic example of Democrats fucking up a sure thing.

Jeff/James Gannon/Guckert no longer works as a “journalist”.  Instead he…blogs.  Kind of.  He still does his copy/paste bullshit but once in a while, he overhears someone say something funny in whatever gay bar he’s working that night and repeats that, too.

But how does this parasite live with himself when, after spending so much time in the closet, he snarks away with a picture of Barak Obama with the caption Brokeback Obama??

Somebody needs to screen the Judy Garland version fo A Star is Born and hope he gets the hint walks in to the ocean, never to return.

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In Which I Bait Denise

February 28th, 2007 1 comment

A prop is not just a prop. It is also a friend.  Can I get an Amen?

Part 1

Part 2

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In Which I Ask You To Cross Your Fingers

February 25th, 2007 No comments

Let’s hope that Tom Perotta brings the Oscar back to Belmont!

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In Which I Offer A Service

February 25th, 2007 2 comments

I’d like to work on the Watertown Tab if only to have the job of listening to the phone messages that make up the Speak Out section.

Fridays are always a happy time in my house since my wife loves to hear me read select items from that week’s Speak Out.  On a few occassions she’s asked me to repeat the performance for friends and it never fails to amuse.  So, as a service to those who’d rather be read to than read, here is my first public reading.  I’ll do my best to pick and record one a week, but no promises.

“Hi there, I was just reading the TAB and what right does anybody have to call Devaney a gangster. She doesn’t know what a gangster is. And as for her saying the Senior Citizens thinks she’s unfit, well I don’t think Devaney is unfit. At least she does her homework more than most people on the Government Council does, or for that matter on the Watertown Council, which is just a laugh. And as far as our Town Manager we should go back to having a Selectmen or vote to have a mayor and have him thrown out.”

Devaney Is No Gangster

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In Which The Best Way To Win An Argument Is Not To Respond

February 17th, 2007 2 comments

[NOTE – I’d like to thank Linda right off the top for her thoughtful response to the question posed at the end of this post.  I’d also urge any others who stop by to offer their thoughts.  Or to tell me I’m an asshole.  Either way.] 

Remember how the Tasmanian Devil used to whiz about and cut holes in trees?  That’s about where I am right now.  I’m completely Godfather III’d.

The DSM IV really should get updated to include BHT Syndrome.  BHT Syndrome manifests itself in the patient rabidly buying into whatever Beth Holloway Twitty says and reducing the world’s problems down to a dead prom queen.

Why do they do it?  Um.  Because…well…it’s got something to do with…it’s kinda like –

I CAN’T FUCKING FIGURE IT OUT, OK??

I don’t know.  Nobody will tell me.  Do they not know?  Have the BHT crowd gone so far down the fucking rabbit hole that they can’t conceive of a place that’s NOT Wonderland?  Where is the disconnect?  She wasn’t the fucking Limburgh baby? 

“This is NOT about just one missing girl.”  Really?  What’s it about, then?  I readily admit that I could knowingly be blind to all the good things that BHT does for other missing and exploited children.  But when I ask, like Ross Perot, all I hear is a giant sucking sound.

And I get an annuerism when that question is met with something like

This is beyond ridiculous….see you later.

Ridiculous?  What’s ridiculous is that you fail to see how this poor, probably dead girl’s memory is used to sell tampons at 8pm Monday through Friday on CNN.  That because of Natalee Holloway, you cannot watch the headlines on Headline News.  Wait.  That deserves it’s own line so that you can really try to wrap your mind around this concept

That because of Natalee Holloway, you cannot watch the headlines on Headline News. 

Perhaps I’m in my own little myopic world, but that is a profound statement.  The shocking part is not that Americans prefer lurid teen murder/rape stories over…say…learning that Iraq had no links to al Qaeda – that’s status quo.  What’s profound is that the Fourth Estate (or more properly, the new owners of the Fourth Estate) cares more about ratings than reporting actual news.

Anyway – at 6:50 I asked the following question on a pro-BHT site

Could someone (and, honestly, I’m serious) point me to some post or position paper as to why the disappearance of Natalee Holloway deserves the media attention that it has gotten. This does not mean something that tells me I’m wrong to ask the question, a rundown of the case or why the VDSs are guilty.

I want to know why I and the rest of America should care and why the cable new networks should still cover it.

Let’s see if the mystery gets solved.

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In Which Presentation Is Everything

February 15th, 2007 No comments

If you’re planning on accusing John Edwards of participation in a plot to make your life hell through rouge helicopter pilots, you may want to just…relax a little before hand
Please enable Javascript and Flash to view this Flash video.

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In Which We ALL Want Them Dead, Don’t We?

February 15th, 2007 No comments

Despite comments to the contrary, I am staunchly anti-death, whether it’s my own or somebody else’s.  Yes, it seems kind of like a no-brainer and yet, given this email from…well…as they say – don’t telegraph your punchline.

i hope you two faggots get your heads bashed in with baseball bats and your throats ripped out…i hope your mom dad, and satish get cut down by gunfire as you head out to go to the supermarket.

DAMN, you might say to yourself (or at least I hope you are saying to yourself) that’s just a little bit over the line.  What kind of heinous act could elicit such blind, pro-death hatred?  Here’s another clue:

you lying little disgusting fucking piece of shit.

you know what is coming your way for the lies you have told, don’t you?

do you have any idea of how many americans want to murder you?

you are probably going to get your mother, father, sister, and brother killed for being such a fucking lying little dick sucking…

YOWZA!  Could this be from the ghost of Charles Bronson?  An anti-war demonstrator gone bad?  Dick Cheney?  It’s over-generalizing to say that this kind of email could only come from an American, but not by much.   After all, Americans told King George to “haveth repeated and painful intercourse with thine own personage” where as Canadians waited until 1982 to formally split from England.  Plus, I’m unaware of any other culture that believes in the teaching of Jesus and supports professional wrestlers bearing John 3:16.

The question remains coyly unanswered – who wants who dead?  Let’s go to the full quote

i hope you two faggots get your heads bashed in with baseball bats and your throats ripped out for murdering natalee holloway.  [emphasis added]

AH!  Of course!  Wait.  You don’t know who Natalle Holloway is?  B-b-but so many Americans want her uncaught, untried and unconvicted murder(s) dead!  How could you have missed one of THE MOST IMPORTANT STORIES EVER?

How can you be more interested in thousands of dead American soldiers sent to Iraq on false pretenses than one dead prom queen?  You selfish, heartless bastard.

If any of the pro-Natalee forces that stop by here on occasion to wish death upon me and my family (all with the full blessing of Christ, I’m sure) would like to step up to the plate and denounce this kind of email, please, be my guest.  My sense is that no one will.

It’s not George Bush or Hillary Clinton or democrats or republicans or God or Not-God that harm America,  it’s these non-issue androids that keep Nancy Grace and Greta van Sustern on the air to spread non-information death porn for these useless, myopic skidmarks to jerk off to.  These are the people that write letters to People Magazine protesting the voting on American Idol but can’t get up off of their asses to go to the polls. 

I’m gonna give this one more shot –

Dear Natalee Holloway Death Groupies –

Instead of threatening the lives of people you’ve never met over the death of a girl you’ve never met, why not gather your vast millions into a new political party – The Natalee Nation.  Your new party can easily sweep the House, the Senate and the Presidency in 2008.  Once this is done, you can pass the Prom Queen Protection Act which allows you to kill ANYONE suspected of murdering a white, upper-middle class girl without benefit of due process.  Only then can we all feel safe.

I’m am more than willing to host www.killfornatalee.com on my server.  Please contact me.

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In Which It Didn’t Help

February 14th, 2007 No comments

I’ve spent the past 14 hours throwing up.  I thought I felt better.  Then…I stumbled on this site

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In Which You Should Check Out The Next Big Thing

February 11th, 2007 No comments

Kyria Abrahams deserves your full attention.  Really.  You’ll be on the ground floor of an exciting new business opportunity that could net you more nets than you’ll know what to do with.  If you like cute, friendly dogs following you around, you should read it.  I’m sure there are tons more features than the two mentioned but those two should be enough to get you over there

Oh – one more reason – when she winds up on Oprah, you’ll be entitled to sneer about what a fucking sellout she is because her you’ll know how derivitive her new stuff is compared to the old stuff.

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In Which The Redundancy Is Repeated To Clear Up Clarification

February 11th, 2007 No comments

gayhomosexual_sm.jpg
click for larger image

Exodus International wants to help you stop being gay.  And if you’re not sure what they mean by “gay” or don’t do well with monosyllabic words, they can help you with that, too.  The question is – why?  Not “why do they want you to not be gay” but “why do they need to define the word ‘gay'”?  And, having made the editorial decsion to do so, use “homosexaul” as its definition? 

Let’s say you’re a guy who, for a reason you can’t understand, finds himself attracted to other guys; not just a hanging-out attraction but an out and out hide-the-salami way.  Or, in the interest of fairness, you’re a woman who feels the same way towards women except without the salami stuff.  Now, for the sake of argument, you’ve managed to get through your life without ever having heard the word “gay.”  What’s more, you, without the possibility of identifying yourself as “gay”, figured out that this was somehow wrong and went to find help to stop having feelings that you can’t put a name to.

How would you find out where to go?  I think that in the course of your searching (“penis mouth bad stop” “vagina mouth bad stop”) you’d find out that you were what people called (horrors!) gay.  And that gay meant homosexual.

It’s a small detail, but it points up the pointlessness of the “stop being gay” movement – allowing something like this on your anti-whatever site is akin to thinking Reefer Madness will frighten a crack addict in to rehab.  It won’t.  Even a parent looking to force their child into a program like this would have to laugh.

I hope this is more a case of playing around with plugins (like the one where the word “bush” flashes a picture up when you pass your cursor over it) than a serious attempt to win converts. 

 

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