Archive for January, 2007

In Which It’s A Natural Follow-up

January 26th, 2007 No comments

I’m not “spiritual” enough to believe that this is a co-inicidence.  Every Crosstalk America show has this moment.  It’s that moment where you either gasp out loud, laugh, cry, scream or some combination of all of them.  Still, this is a classic moment.

The setup – Ingrid Slater hosted this show to discuss Christopher Noxon’s book, Rejuveniles about “kidults” who play kickball, watch ScoobyDoo and buy footie pjs.  I’ve heard about the movement which seems made up of people in their mid-20’s, so…not really adults yet anyway. You need to listen from the start to appreciate the stunning leaps of logic and to stand in awe of her odd misogyny (describing an “elderly” woman in a tight shirt and “low riders” as “revolting”).

Oh, I’ve said to much.  Just listen.

Wait – if you drink, get a bottle of whatever and a glass and then listen.

Twinkle Toes

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In Which Jesus Takes Zoloft

January 26th, 2007 No comments

VCY America runs TV and radio stations out of Milwaukee, WI.  It started a youth ministry and grew into a modest little empire.  It’s like PBS and NPR except with Jesus and God instead of Tom Ashbrook and Elmo.  Perhaps I’ll get into the line up of shows some day but for now, let’s focus on Crosstalk America.

Have you ever wondered if you could go any farther right than Dobson and not buy a shortwave radio?  Vic Eliason and company provide you with a Monday thru Friday show that, depending on your temperment, is either the funniest or the scariest thing you’ll ever listen to.

Let’s hear from Vic – Madison – Sodom By The Lake

And from a typical caller – Debbie From Georgia

And, at twenty after the hour, Back to Genesis – Dinosaurs!

Here’s a confession – I sometimes feel badly for the snarkiness of my stand up.  I’ve had friends from the South tell me (politely) that they don’t appreciate portrayals of them as ignorant, christo-fascist rednecks.  I, for my part, refrain from pointing out the belovededness of Larry The Cable Guy and Jeff Foxworthy.  So I inwardly cringe sometimes and wonder if it’s truly fair to be so…regionalist.

And then I hear Debbie.  And I hear Vic.  And I hear the gentleman who called from Arkansas to say (and I’m paraphrasing, but accurately)

Vic, the thing is that homosexuals are already morally lost.  They ain’t able to tell anymore what’s right and what’s wrong and if they can’t do that how do we know they won’t go out and kill somebody?

Honest.  I didn’t make that up.  If I remembered which show it was I’d post it.

Crosstalk America also leads the charge against Rick Warren’s Purpose Driven movement calling him the Anti-Christ.  Ok.  That’s not fair.  Vic never called Rick Warren the Anti-Christ.  He’s let’s his callers do it for him.  He does, however, directly question Warren’s committment to Christ.  What did Warren do?  Among other things (and, please, if you’re standing, sit down) he invited Barak Obama to speak at his church.  Warren hosted a global AIDS confernce at Saddleback (his church) and asked Obama to speak there.  Vic heard the trumpets of the End Times loud and clear, wasting no time in blurring the lines of precise speech to grand effect.  “Rick Warren has invite Barak Obama, an abortion advocate who supports partial birth abortion, who support the killing of pre-born children, into his pulpit.  You cannot be a Christian and support the killing of pre-borns.”

First off, Obama wasn’t preaching.  Second off, this was a one-off thing.  Third off, who is this jerk-…sorry!

But fairness and accuracy aren’t the point.  As a matter of fact, Crosstalk America went on record to proudly proclaim their opposition to fairness.

The new Democratic Congress might bring back the Fairness in Broadcasting doctrine.  What this says (in an oversimplified way) is that broadcasters need to give equal time to the groups they demonize.  Reagan got rid of it in 1987 and…hmmm…when did Rush Limbaugh take off?  Wingnut radio owes everything to the trashing of the Fairness Doctrines and stands to lose everything if it got reinstated.  Maybe.

I’m of two minds about it.  On the one hand, free speech is free speech.  Wingnut radio wouldn’t be the empire it is if no one was listening.  Hell, I listen to wingnut radio.  I make a point of not buying the products advertised on it, but I listen to it.  It’s theatrical and compelling.  Air America, I’m sorry to say, doesn’t work for exactly those reasons.  Wingnuts know they rule the airwaves and tactically do NOT call the opposition.  Hence, no drama.

But on the other hand, what’s the problem with an actual discussion on the issues?  Well, because they’ll find out that not everything they spew is true.  I’m not saying that they conciously lie – just that they don’t always check the facts.

Example – Last week, a caller to Crosstalk said that he held in his hands a copy of the Homosexual Agenda.  I did not know they had written it down but apparently they did.

I want you to listen to this, Vic, it says that they will come for our children in bathrooms.

Hm.  Really? They wrote that down?

Well, it was written down, but it’s not the Homosexual Agenda.  It’s a cautionary piece written by Michael Swift.  Some congressman read it into the Congressional Record but they left out the preamble explaining that the piece is fictional.  Knowing this would dilute the power of gays assaulting children in bathrooms.

The fact that a Christian group would work against fairness takes the sting out of what I do.  As does this closing thought from Vic.

Folks, this thing would mandate that if you spoke about something controversial you’d need to have someone from the opposite side on to give the opposing view.  I couldn’t say that the homosexual lifestyle is un-Godly without having a homosexual on to tell you how really, really wonderful it was.

If I were to do a show about…I don’t know…stealing cars, would they then force me to have a car thief on to extoling the virtues of stealing cars?

Uh.  Probably.

The important thing to know is that Vic is not Rush Limbaugh or Mike Gallagher.  He doesn’t get angry.  He’s your grandad – kindly, wise, thoughtful.  What better way to disguise hate speech?

In Which She Makes A Good Point

January 24th, 2007 No comments

Shelly of Citizens Against Lies isn’t far off the mark when she says that Main Stream Media discovered that podcasting mean moola.  As a result, more and more corporate sources (not just news sources) produce podcasts that quickly eclispe home grown podcasts.  You could argue that a podcast (jesus, how many times can I say “podcast”?) recorded and mixed in modified guest bedroom with a microphone, laptop and a copy of Audacity is more honest than one (a podcast, I mean) assembled by a staff of twenty-seven people on the 78th story of an entertainment complex in the middle of Manhattan.  What you can’t argue is that the lone podcaster whole-heartedly believes in the importance of their area of expertise.

You will never hear of a lone podcaster that’s in it for the money.  There is no money.  That’s not to say that all podcasters happily toil away in obscurity.  Everyone wants to get paid for what they love.  But you’ve got to love it first.  Otherwise (and all due respect) you might as well go to law school.

So, download the Citizens Against Lies podcast, check out her site, find other great non-MSM podcasts and download them, too.  AND give them feedback.  Comments are the coin of the realm.  Plus, if you like to hear your voice, most podcasts have voicemail to leave encouraging messages on.  Chances are good yours will end up in cyberspace!

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In Which I Offer You Hope

January 20th, 2007 No comments

Whenever things seem gray and horrible remember this –

Joe Mantegna was in Xanadu.

You’re welcome.

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In Which The Cut Tree Part Depicting People Who See, Mirth Brings To My Mouth Causing Exhales Of Quizzical Giggling

January 17th, 2007 No comments

Or (if you’re not translating from Japanese) – In Which My Referer Log Makes Me Laugh.

Sometimes it’s tough to tell the veracity of link in your referer log.  Is it spam that slipped through the twelve security measures implemented to prevent spam or is it a real?  Clicking the link will take you to a webpage that will either attempt to infect your computer, show you bodacious ta-tas and/or punani or take you to a page written in Japanese.

That’s when you pull out Google Translator* to find out that…um…you still don’t know what the hell it means.  The part in blue is the translated Japanese.

The bedspread which it seeks finally

When they came out for Kitten, I thought, wow and that’ s pretty stupid and ostentatious.  There’ s a long tradition of white people and gospel choirs.  Sing it!



At this song is right the thing 1000% the bedspread which it believes firmly…What [lal] it peels somehow and nine bedspreads the song which ripens considerably in the ear than

It becomes help, route …..

I think “bedspread” might mean “cover” as in “cover song”.  I think.

*If you installed Google Toolbar, right click on page bearing characters of Japan, go to Page Info and choose Translate Page Into English.

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In Which MLK Moves Product

January 15th, 2007 1 comment




I don’t listen to a lot of commercial radio.  I know that shocks many of you that read this regularly.  I’m more (and, again, please stifle your gasps) of an NPR kind of guy with stops on my favorite wingnut radio station on the AM dial.  More and more, though I listen to podcasts on my rapidly dying iPod.  All of this means that outside of the ubiquitous pledge drive and commercials for General Steel pre-fab buildings (“perfect for your warehouse or church”), I’m fairly out of touch with the things I’m supposed to buy and the process of selling them unless it comes with a free tote bag or a church, should I start one.

The family doesn’t share my radio/podcast tastes, however, so I got a nice dose of commercials as we drove around yesterday.  I spaced out through most of them until my wife pointed out the numerous commecials touting MLK Day sales.

“That seems somehow…wrong,” she said.

“Are you saying that you object to the commercialization of the one of the greatest civil rights leaders the world has ever known,” I asked increduously?

“Uh.  Yeah.  I am,” she told me.

Maybe she has a point or maybe she’s just felt cranky but it’s an American tradition to take holidays that celebrate important milestones in American history and use them as a way to increase sales revenues.  Who wouldn’t want to celebrate the birth of our country by purchasing electronics at 10-25% off?  I’m certain the pilgrims (had the timing worked out) would have jumped at replacement windows at a bargain prices.  And before you drone on about assisination as discount tool, let’s recall that President “four score and twenty bucks ago” Lincoln makes merchandise fly off the shelves faster than…well…a bullet from a gun.

So let’s tear down the remaining remnants of racism by erasing the color barrier to three-day weekend holiday marketing campaigns.

Since ad agencies lamed out on the MLK ads I heard, I present some tag lines.  I expect full credit, a cut of your sales and/or a nice cushy job at an agency.

Our prices won’t assisinate your wallet!

Do not judge a man on the color of his skin but on the contents of his iPod.

Join the march on high prices!

Nobody shall overcome our deep discounts!

Keep your eyes on the prizes you’ll win just for entering our showroom!

This time YOU can investigate HOOVER – the best vacuum cleaner around!

If I see any of these used in the next twenty years and no checks in my mailbox, you’ll be hearing from my lawyer.

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In Which I Almost Hate To Write It Down

January 14th, 2007 No comments

Sometimes you find a term that’s just so…well, if I could find the right words then I wouldn’t have Googled it – “onion booty.”

I just pray that this isn’t going to open me up to tons of attempted comment spam.

What is onion booty?  I quote –

Asses so fine they make you want to cry

I have not done the research to back up this claim.

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In Which Someone Needs To Fire Their Speechwriter

January 11th, 2007 No comments
“Victory will not look like the ones our fathers and grandfathers achieved. There will be no surrender ceremony on the deck of a battleship.”

Yes.  He really said it.  I can’t think of a better example of the absolute inability to of this administration to look backwards and learn from their mistakes.  Or maybe their just idiots.  How, in the name of Christ, do you allow a line like that in a major address about how you’re trying to un-fuck yourself in one of the worst debacles since someone greenlighted Pink Lady and Jeff?

I guess there’s hope for me still to be a speechwriter.

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In Which There’s A Better Word Than “Retarded” But I Can’t Think Of It

January 7th, 2007 1 comment

Ok.  Read the following statement –

If you are a legitimate user who has never posted please PM (Private message) me and I won’t delete your account. Otherwise, the account will be deleted.

Quick quiz –

1. When should you contact me?

a) you have an account but haven’t posted in a while
b) you have an account but you don’t post frequently
c) you have an account and you post but want to make sure you’re account isn’t deleted
d) you have never posted

2. How should you contact me?

a) via email
b) via telephone
c) reply publically to the post
d) PM me

I’m just saying that “rational hatred” can exist.

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In Which eBay Really DOES Have It All

January 2nd, 2007 No comments




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