Something always seems to come up lately as I sit down to write. Work. The Radio Show. The need to blow digital heads off. Oh, and parenting, too.
And the utter and complete time-sink of the Kvetch Board.
Sweet merciful Christ, make it stop! A few weeks ago, I had a block of time and in a rare show of self-control, vowed to spend the day focused on things that would advance my little pipe dreams of artistic success. And it was wonderful. Why don’t I learn? A year or so ago, a Board stalwart and Boston legend finally got fed up and announced, “Fuck this. I’m going to stop wasting my time here and write jokes instead.”
This past couple of weeks, thin skinned three years olds ran rampant and an old scourge went off his meds to start some shit.
A couple of points –
1) If you spend even three minutes spot-reading posts, it should become apparent that just saying “hello” is cause enough for someone to shit on you. Sorry! That’s just how the Board is. So what kind of mental illness causes you to believe that you’re special enough to avoid this kind of treatment?
So, I would ask Mr. Angry – if you hate the Board so much why bother posting? Oh, that’s right, because you get instant access to a bunch of comedians that will work for free. Sorry! Let me put it a different way – why bother responding to every single slight against you? Post your shit and go. You hate them anyway, so why bother trying to prove anything? Save yourself the stress. If not, find a therapist that can help you get over your pathological need for respect by those who you disrespect. Additionally, who wants to work for someone who tells people to fuck out right out of the gate?
2) Fighting with pyschos is masturbation without the release.
I’m not saying that I’m not guilty of this. God knows there’s a certain catharsis in a well-crafted fuck you. But, my god, wake up! If you’re so deeply into your sqabble that you can’t see that you’re getting played…I don’t know what to say. And just what the fuck does “putting people on notice” mean? You mean, like that guy in Stripes? “You touch my stuff…and I’ll kill you.” Pyschos are like boggarts. The only way to get rid of them is to laugh at them. Unless, of course, you’re a boggart, too.
3) The “K” stands for Kunt.
Every nine months to a year, someone appears on the Board and, with only a few months of actual performance under their belt, proceeds to tell ten-year veterans exactly how the Comedy Scene should work. Sometimes, after being served what I’ve recently heard as “a big glass of Shut The Fuck Up” they quietly recede into the shadows. And sometimes not. Sometimes they continue to spout off no matter what’s said or who says it. After all, once you’ve performed for six months, you’re a veteran, right?
I’ve run out of steam.