Yes, folks, it’s another King of the Blog challenge!
In this installment, the blogosphere has just been invaded by space aliens from the planet Zebnon. As King of the Blogs it is my duty to meet the threat. I must put together a delegation of bloggers to rise up and meet the aliens.
Before going any further, I’d like clarify that the judges are not referring to this Zebnon the noted French Hétéro with a webcam (oui).
but rather to the Planet Zebnon which, according to a Google search, does not have a webcam (non). Just so we’re clear on that.
With any other interplanetary life-form, this challenge would be a piece of cake, but Zebnon is badass and that complicates matters. All the other planets (Xorsarl, Qisk, Feican, you know the rest) would never dare to attack a blogosphere sporting Atrios, Instapundit, InfoWars, Belle Du Jour and my own favorite Dura-Luxe. Never. Well, they might if they got whacked out on coensarcq, but you can’t really hold a planet responsible for what it does while it’s in a blackout.
Zebnon, though. Man. They’re just plain crazy. And that natural, drug-free crazy, which is the worst crazy of all. They’ve got absolutely no content up on Zebnon, which is why they’re invading in the first place. I mean, Jesus, they’re still on Netscape 0.96! Throwing premium blogs at them is akin to Bush actually finding WMD in Iraq. They’d go nuts and start invading everything wanting more and more and the next thing you know the blogosphere winds up with nothing but blogs like The Cat’s Meow and…wait a minute..I’ve got an idea and I think it’s a good one.
Follow me on this – We need to convince the Zebnonians that our blogosphere is content-free. Once they see for themselves that our blogs suck, they’ll find some other blogosphere to invade. True, it sucks for the other blogosphere they wind up raiding, but, hey, that’s cyber-life.
So, here’s my presentation to them-
Hi, I’m Hbee. Nice to meet you. I’m not sure what to call you so I’ll just call you, Sir. Do they have that term on your planet? It’s a term of respect, sir
I know you think this blogosphere has some killer content, but I’m afraid you made a mistake. I have a feeling that what you saw was a data refraction from another blogosphere during the last solar flare up. Our content, for lack of a better word…sucks. Do they have that word on your planet? Sucks? It means really, really bad. Here, let me show you.
Here’s The Cat’s Meow, whose subtitle is “You’ll save us both a lot of time and trouble if you just accept right now that I know everything.”
I’ve realized my last few posts are a little boring, since all I do is complain about being tired… Still tired, but kind of hyper because seeing my sisters does that to me! So in a few minutes I’ll go to bed.
See? Look, here’s another entry.
I can’t believe how tired I am right now but I tried going to sleep and interruptions kept popping up. That’s all right. Okay, self, the plan is… go to dinner at six, meet Kevin in the chapel to give him music at 6:30, practice for an hour or so, come back to my room and maybe sleep, probably just hang around, until 10, at which time I will mosey to the Phi Mu lodge and learn about the letter I… yay!
Dinner at Baldy…yay.
Sir, please don’t growl at me like that.
Yeah!!! so damn happy 2dae…i feel tat every thing is juz right…in the mornin i was early 4 sch….tat means i didnt meet ahem ahem…..den lata durin chinese teacher said my compo was good…its like in my entire life 4 chinese compo i scored above 27….haha…then lata 4 my lit test i passed…it was unbelieveable…coz i suck at lit coz i hate readin
(At point I sense the Zebnonians shifting nervously from tentacle to tentacle twisting their triangular shaped head around to look for a clock.)
No. I didn’t think so. Look, I want to assure you that I’m giving you the best that we have. Believe me, if we had your kind of firepower, we’d be hunting for content, too.
I’ve got a couple more for you, if you’re interested. Let me introduce you to Rabbi Jones Funny Bones
[Monkey]: Oooo Oooo, Ahh Ahhhh.
[Dog]: Yip, Yip
[Fat man] : That aint right.
[Skinny man]: Boy, you’re fat.
Hey, Rabbi – do the Poor Lemur Poem
I got a snake.
I keep it in my pants cuz it’s brown.
My brown snake bites my hand.
I beat my snake.
I got some bees.
I keep them in my pants cuz they’re sad.
My sad bees sting my choad.
I hate my bees.
I got a lemur.
I keep it in my pants cuz it’s dead.
My dead lemur is creepy.
I love my lemur.
Why do you keep looking at the clock? Do you have another blogosphere to invade? Ok. I’ve been holding back. Meet Perpetual Puppy.
I hate how people can never live up to their f**king promises…….like ever. Wheather its “Sure Ill call you about that job”, or “Yeah Ill email you”, or “Of coarse Ill buy you a riding jacket for your birthday,well maybe christmas,well actually why not valentines day….Easter?” Um, how about NEVER! How about Hey, youre just not worth it at all
Yes, I know it was more teenage angst. That’s what our blogsosphere consists of – teenagers who have computers but NOT riding jackets. Really. That’s it.
Maybe that’s a bit disingenuous. We do have Lisa’s Wrestling Tapes. See. One page and that’s an AD.
Or maybe, My Life In Haiku.
It tingles through my body
I am on the floor.
Hey! Hey! Where are you going? Come back! I’m not done yet! We’ve still got 13,456 blogs in North America, alone. HEY!!
And that, as Bugs Bunny says, is that!