Archive for the ‘Glenn Beck’ Category

In Which Opinion Isn’t Fact And I Coined The Word “Fauxopinion”

October 27th, 2012 No comments

Quiz time! Which of these statements fall under the category of fact.

  1. Water is wet.
  2. Water makes makes plants grow.
  3. Water makes me want to vomit.
  4. Water in a basement can grow mold.

Who chose number three? You’re voting for Romney, aren’t you.

I do my best to stay away from hyperbole because it’s the ONE THING I THINK THAT WILL DESTROY THE COUNTRY and it gets boring to hear that every single election is the MOST IMPORTANT ELECTION IN OUR LIFETIME. All elections are important and it’s time to stop hyperventilating every two year over them. As Tommy Lee Jones says in Men In Black, “the world is always about to end.”

Still. A new brand of stupid emerged from the 2012 election. Let’s call it Fauxpinion. Fauxpinion is when you state an opinion as fact which you cannot back up with fact but only with more opinion. I offer the following example.

This is the current cover of my Facebook page. I rearranged it from Rape Babies For Romney. The current GOP party platform advocate 14th Amendment rights to…um…fetuses. It’s on page 14.

We support a human life amendment to the Constitution and endorse legislation to make clear that the Fourteenth Amendment’s protections apply to unborn children.

This is what’s called a “fact”. That means “something that actually exists; reality; truth“.

Used in this way, the 14th amendment bestows “Personhood” on a fetus so that abortion literally becomes murder. It doesn’t matter how the sperm meets the egg – consensual sex, rape, incest – the nanosecond the egg is fertilized, it’s a person and aborting it means you’re a legal murderer. No. Srsly. It does.

Knowing this, the graphic points out that this sweet adorable girl who got raped by someone must carry that pregnancy to term. She must have that baby. Again, going off of the GOP platform which provides no exception for any complicating factor (rape, incest, life of the mother) the law would legally obligate the girl to deliver a child. If she dies in childbirth – tough. She had 13 good years and that fetus only had 6-9 months. Aborting it would not only be selfish but punishable.  What kind of punishment? Um…ya know…punishment…like…ya know…punishment. I guess this could be anywhere from docking her allowance to the electric chair. No one really wants to go on record about the punishment part.

In response to this graphic, a wingnut posted the following. No words. Just the link. 

It references this Obama campaign ad which saucily insinuates that voting has parallels to the first time you were raped.

YouTube Preview Image

The title of this piece is pretty self-explanatory. It appeared as a news article in US News and World Report. JK! It’s an editorial. An editorial is not fact. It is an opinion; an argument as to how to interpret facts. They may have facts in them but they are not in and of themselves fact.

It honestly took me aback. An slightly slutty Obama ad bears no relation to forcing a 13 year-old to have a baby and I said as much. And this is where the Fauxpinion comes in.

Mr Wingnut’s reply

I just met opinion with your opinion piece. Don’t get your ball’s twisted in a knot.

Well then!

It’s kind of the perfect wingnut response – ignorant of the issue discussed and ending with some statement s/he thinks is clever and demeaning when it’s really neither. You would have to work pretty hard to make the Obama ad dovetail with rape babies.

But more importantly, the word choices leap off the charts – I just met opinion with your opinion piece. This is the state of wingnuttery – “Herrr derrrrp! Sumbuddy sed sumthin I don’t agree wid so I’M gonna say sumthin that THEY don’t agree with and I win! Herrrrrp derrrrp!” This wingnut truly seems to believe that debate has no set rules. They believe that this to be intelligent debate.

Sane Person: Over the past two years, the GOP has actively worked to limit a woman’s right to choose.

Wingnut: SQUIRREL! Why don’t you go bang your [same sex partner].

Sane Person: Here’s a detailed argument proving what I said.


I’m not joking. Well, maybe a little bit. I’ve…”debated” is overstating it…chatted with this guy before.  A few months ago he came on my page calling me a pussy for getting tired of arguments like the one above and banning someone. It went something like this. (And, yes, this is humorous paraphrase for effect.)


Me: Whatever. I got tired of her posting stuff on my wall and not be allowed to annoy her back.

Mark: PUSSY! Now you have to deal with ME! And I play hard ball. Let’s have a nice fact based debate.

Me: Sure. Go ahead.

Mark: Barack Obama is a Socialist Marxist Muslim who is hell bent on destroying America.

Me: I thought this was going to be about facts.


Me: Bye.

Mark: PUSSY!!

Given that he used “pussy” three times, I assume he felt he coup d’grace was “dicksmoker.” Either way, he felt that he won.

One last note – Fauxpinion shouldn’t be considered a hack of “Faux News”. It’s more along the lines of a square is a rectangle but a rectangle isn’t a square. And it shouldn’t be considered the sole domain of wingnuts, either, because the left does it too and I’m sure I’ve been guilty of it. That said, the split on Fauxpinion runs about 70/30, heavily favoring wingnuts…the dicksmokers.

In Which Commercials Are An Accurate Reflection Of America, Apparently

October 18th, 2009 2 comments

Yes, Glenn Beck is a fake.

Yes, Glenn Beck is a partisan hack.

Yes, Glenn Beck is dangerous.

BUT – he knows that the best way to gauge the moral fabric of any given time in American is to look at the TV commercials of that period.

I’ve never read Marshall McCluen, but there is something unbelievably meta about someone raised on TV using marketing to prove a point. “Here is an example of how Madison Avenue played on the hopes and fears an Americans to sell soda and cameras.  It was a simpler time back then.”

Honestly, what does a kid giving a football player a bottle of coke have do with Obama destroying America with a potent combination of socialism, fascism, communism, homosexuality, drugs and hope? And, frankly, I wonder how much Coke and Kodak paid Fox News for product placement.

Yes, this is Fox News.  Mr. Beck scheduled a crying thing for 10/15 and is working on a script using old TV commercials.  We’re accepting bids for heartwarming, iconic commercials that show America in a simpler time…well, bidding starts at $1,000,000 but that’s already been shattered since every time Mr. Beck cries it goes on YouTube and will increase the visibility of your production by about a bizzillion….$5mil?…no, I’m sorry, we’re already at $7mil…sure, have a talk with your CEO…there’s plenty of time, since it’s only September.

Is there really any doubt that such conversations take place?  What Beck does is not spontaneous.  If you watch the clip it’s fairly obvious that 1) he’s not speaking extemporaneously and 2) he’s not trying to stop crying he’s trying to start crying.  If, for some reason, you’re Beckish and reading this you might take offense at the suggestion that Jesus is not really using Beck to channel His thoughts via Fox News.  “How,” you might ask, “could he seem so sincere if all of this is written in advance?”

Simple – sit down with a video of Obama’s acceptance speech and the text of said speech and you’ll see just how easy it is to come across as genuine while reading off a teleprompter.  It’s called oratory, folks.  Some folks excel at it.  Obama and Beck do.

Here’s the thing – wingnuts love claiming that Obama is nothing without a teleprompter.  Well, so is Beck.

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