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In Which I Post The Highlights From The Best Crosstalk Ever

August 9th, 2011 No comments

I’ve been off Crosstalk for awhile mostly because you can only listen to so much of this shit before I start having fantasies about playing Swimming With Sharks with Vic and the gang.

“Vic. There IS no homosexual agenda. What you claim is
the homosexual agenda was a satirical piece in a gay newspaper
that was read into the Congressional record without the pre-amble.
Say it!”

I’m not ashamed to say it. The lies and rationalizations warrant the harshest treatment imaginable. I heard a guy at an AA meeting once

If you wish good things for a person you hate for a month straight, that person at the end of them month that person will no longer be a problem to you. And it works. Usually, I wish that the person would go to Hell sooner rather than later.

A-fucking-men.

I guess it’s a sign of the times that the 8/5/11 Crosstalk stands out as the quintessential guide to xtianity. It literally shows you everything that’s wrong with this particular brand of SkyDaddy-ism.

Note: All clips are verbatim and not edited. There is one exception that I will flag. I cut out a chunk of crap for the sake of time.

Atheistic Scientists Waste Citizens Tax Dollars – Why do we bother exploring the universe when GOD created it? Three interesting things to listen for -

  1. “interesting”. Whenever a VCY host says this (and I’m pretty sure they’re trained on the proper inflection) you know that bitter, Christly sarcasm lurks just around the corner.
  2. “fiiiive yeeee-ers”. The setup for the punchline. Normal people might think, “wow! Jupiter! I wonder what that will look like?” xtians only see xtian oppression and proof America’s slow decline into Communism and race mixing.
  3. Faux-folksy chuckle – I actually admire their delivery. You can just feel the old folks sitting in their nursing home chuckling appreciatively and desperately trying to remember the joke so they can tell it to their nurse.

You Are Automatically A Member Of Whatever Group Endorses You – The Communist Party endorsed Obama so Obama is a Communist. Makes sense, right? Hagee endorsed McCain so that make McCain and anti-semite. White Pride Preacher Pastor Pete Peters endorses Jesus. That makes Jesus racist.

This is the one that is edited. I took out Jim’s recitation of the speech the godless Communist made which is all standard blah-blah and cut straight to the incitement to outrage of “get your reaction to that later in the broadcast.” News round ups need that punching up in case granny needs her memory jogged.

Taxpayers Paying For The President Doing Things That President’s Does – Whuh?? The President of the United States of America is going to travel around the country he’s the president of and talk to its citizens??? AND WE’RE GONNA PAY FOR THAT??? How fucking dare he! Spreading commie propaganda, promoting the homosexual agenda and denying the supremacy of Jesus on OUR DIME! What has this country come to?

It’s this kind of bullshit that makes me insane. As if Obama should pay for this out of his own pocket. Obama’s townhalls accept all questions. He does them completely unscripted. I believe he’s at his most powerful when he does them. All these wingnuts that say he can’t function without a teleprompter need only to watch a townhall to know that he’s actually better without it. What’s next? “OMG! Obama gets room and board at the taxpayers’ expense??”

Census Shows Gays Are Taking Over – Why bother to explain something when just stating raw facts with no context is so much more frightening? Gay households up 49% sounds like a lot…until you find out that the Census didn’t previously include gay households. Kinda puts that into perspective, huh? Which is why it’s not mentioned. The last thing you want is people feeling like the news may not be as horrific as it sounds.

Why Can’t We Teach People That Jesus Loves Blowing Shit Up? – When you need to hold a class to twist the Bible to support your agenda, there’s something wrong with your agenda.  Thus the Christian Just War Theory class (“Hey! C’mon, you pussy! It’s just war“) shouldn’t really be needed. Since the Bible is God’s inerrant word, we should all be het up and raring to wipe out the infidel Muslims, Commies, yada yada. Of course, if you’re using the King James Version (commissioned by bi-sexual King James) it’s gonna come out all wrong. Instead, use the Conservative Bible Project’s version and all becomes clear.

Laws Against Lying Aren’t Christian – The case that wingnut girls over at the Susan B. Anthony List, rather than staying home and taking care of their kids and serving their husbands the way God wants, instead descend, harpy-like, on anyone they feel isn’t anti-abortion enough. They did this to Steve Driehaus, a Democrat who voted for the Health Care bill. Even though the bill does NOT include “taxpayer funded abortion”, the girls put up billboards saying that Driehaus voted for taxpayer funded abortion. In other words, they lied. It’s what Addison DeWitt would call “a stupid lie, easily proven.”

SBA claims First Amendment rights for “criticizing a politician”. But when does outright lying become criticizing a politician? SBA, like most wingnuts, screams to what they take to be the heavens any time someone challenges them. Like Jesus, they willingly climb on the cross, dripping blood on anyone foolish enough to come to close to them. Outside of the illegality of blatantly lying about your opponet, one would think that the whole “thou shalt not bear false witness thing” would come into play. You’d be wrong.

What amazes, amuses and saddens me about Crosstalk is just how far the rabbit hole they are. They do shows on how it’s in the Koran that you’re allowed to advance Islam with seemingly no clue as to how their actions mimic those of the heathen infidels. It’s the same thing with religious supremacy. While claiming that bloodthirsty Islam won’t rest until the entire world converts to Islam, they believe that they can’t rest until the same wicked Muslims that want to convert the world to Islam convert to Christianity.

Old Chestnuts Never Die – One thing you may not understand about Crosstalk’s special brand of xtianity is their deep and abiding hatred of any physical connection between body and soul. It’s just not ok. Wicked things like “yoga” and “feelings” lead straight to the pit of Hell. I’m not kidding. They’ve done whole shows on the evils of Christian yoga which, according to them, can allow you to relax to a point where Satan can physically enter you. Basically, the moment you start feeling ok about yourself is the precise moment when you sin. Brannon Howse once said that he wakes up every morning and hates himself…so that he doesn’t sin. I would think he hates himself because he’s a lying, scumbag race-baiter, but that’s just me.

Either way, Crosstalk never misses a chance to talk about how “new-age spirituality” and the apostates who love it, will no doubt bring down “the church” if they are not stopped and not stopped NOW. It’s really the same Pavlovian trigger as “communist” and “homosexual agenda”. The image of the earthy-crunchy devil worshiper with their beads and their crystals fires up the base as much a black man being president. So when some group comes out with the 10 billion beats to cure the world the through the power of a drum circle….well…I think it’s ripe for ridicule but it’s not evil.

HEYA! Let’s go to the phones! It’s really the main reason to listen to Crosstalk. The hosts and guests rarely match the level of crazy that Brother and Sister Xtian can bring. To wit -

I’d Rather Be A Terrorist Than A Commie – Mark came loaded for bear. He had a statement and he was gonna make it, gosh darn it! It doesn’t matter that it makes no sense. He mostly likely heard it last night at the bar. Note the conditional “if I was a Tea Party member”. That’s some commitment! Note, too, how pleased Jim sounds.

How Can Obama Push The Muslim Agenda AND The Homo Agenda? – What a great question! If Obama is the devout Muslim that Shirley believes him to be, how can he push the homo agenda when Islam (just like xtianity) hates gay people? My question would be “Why don’t we ever get pictures of him bowing to Mecca?” Shouldn’t there be tons of those? Jim can’t actually answer the question so he falls back on the “Muslims can do whatever they want to advance their agenda” line, effectively saying “do you expect consistency from the wicked Nation of Islam?” The question is answered by a caller later in the program. It turns out Muslims are using the homosexuals to destroy America and, once it’s destroyed, will kill all the gays. Clever!

They Want To Make Us Give Up Our Capitalism – I love the callers that pretend they’re actually sticking to the subject when they’re going somewhere completely different. I also love callers the define “the enemy” as everyone who is not them. Thus, the New World Order consists of Jews, Muslims, gays and pretty much everyone who is not American.

Exactly how would one be forced to give up their capitalism. I was pretty sure the whole New Word Order thing was based on capitalism. Right?

Uhhhhhh…Uhhhhhh…Uhhhhhh…I’m Crazy – Why is this best Crosstalk ever? Because, almost as if by (intelligent) design, they save the best for last. Daniel probably doesn’t get to talk to too many people because he’s busy cleaning he’s guns when he’s not collecting his socialist unemployment check and/or disability. You really have to wonder about folks who listen to Crosstalk and STILL have to ask what the “Muslim bible” is called. He’s not even functional enough to remember that. And yet…there he is. Think about the construction of his statement -

Uhhhhh….Uhhh…what’s the Muslim Bible called? Right. Uhhhhh…uhhhh…Isn’t Islam bad?

But the coup d’ grace comes with “the chemicals in our food are destroying us.” Where the HELL did that come from? Perfect!

I really can’t urge you strongly enough to listen to the whole show. Completely worth it!

In Which Teabaggers Will Hang Themselves Through Their Own Ignorance

February 26th, 2010 No comments

Some wingnut moran posted the following video of Hitler ranting and raving, whipping up a crowd into a murderous frenzy.

Somehow, this is supposed to be Obama. Because Obama is so angry and emotional and people who support him all want to kill Jews. The Hitler analogy doesn’t make sense to those who do things like…I don’t know…read or watch the History Channel. It doesn’t matter to wingnuts, though.  Bad is bad > Hitler is bad > Obama is bad > Obama is Hitler.

It seems to have gotten to a point where some brainless fucktard that doesn’t understand that you can’t blame Obama for getting you fired before Obama even announced his intention to run, can throw up some video of Hitler and not even bother to read the text and still claim Obama is Hitler. Because anything Hitler says MUST be something that Obama said.

Right?

Not so much.


Since when our party was just seven men, we already spoke two solid phrases: First, it wanted to be a true world view party. And, hence, secondly, you uncompromisingly wanted the only and sole power in Germany. It wasn’t the intellectuals who gave me the courage to undertake this task….I found the courage because I encountered two classes. Country people and German workers.

Hm. Weird.

Let me if i can paraphrase this – A small bunch of guys, pissed of at the intellectuals, got together to figure out how rip down the existing power structure and “take back the country” by forcing out the people they considered evil. The took their message to the poor country folk and the workers pissed off about the economy and stirred them to action.  And they really, really disliked Jews, Blacks, Gays and Gypsies…and tramps and thieves. Once roused and enraged, they took pride in the fact that they were an angry mob.  They used physical intimidation and brutality to get their way. They shouted down their opponents.

As always, your mileage may vary, but I’m not sure this describes Obama or any of his supporters. Indeed, this sounds more like the average teabagger, shouting down people in wheelchairs, carrying Obama monkeys, carrying nooses and guns to health care town halls.

But, like Reagan said, facts are stupid things.

In Which WTKK Changes My Mind About Pimpmaster Brown

January 21st, 2010 1 comment

The meme about liberals goes that they possess no capacity to change their minds in the face of rational arguments. Present them with irrefutable facts, neo-cons say, and they steadfastly stick to the party line like Larry Craig to an airport gloryhole. Iraq was a slam dunk, so why the hell would liberals want to be such dicks? After all the war liberation would pay for itself, right? And probably would have if liberals had stopped yapping and got on board the bush-mobile.

But we wouldn’t.  We hated America and freedom and God and KBR and no-bid contracts. What, my liberal brethren, were we thinking??

Thus, when Scott Brown pimped out his daughters to “anyone who’s watching throughout the country” my immediate liberal knee jerk reaction was to pick up my feng shui book (always on the coffee table) and cast out the bad vibes in the room. And then I renewed my NOW and ACLU membership. I spent the rest of the evening in fetal position hating God and the patriarchy.

This morning I jumped in the car and, for some reason, turned on WTKK (Boston Talks) and heard Michael Graham holding forth on how liberals (like me) could get so bent out of shape about a simple joke that any normal father in America would make about their daughters

And as always, I rely on Gail’s love and support and that of our two lovely daughters. So i want to thank Ayla and Arianna for their help as well. And just in case anyone who’s watching throughout the country they’re both available. No, no no. No. Only kidding, only kidding. Only kidding, only kidding. Arianna’s definitely not available. But Ayla is.

Party-line, brainwashed liberal that I am, I’d forgotten, as Graham pointed out that “this whole fathers-paying-for-their-daughter’s-marriage thing came from a time when daughters were hard to move merchandise.” I guess I hadn’t looked it that way. He took call after call from normal parent after normal parent assuring him that, no, he wasn’t crazy. Scott Brown simply showed his affection for his daughters by telling the country how fuckable they were…after some anonymous American married them first, of course.

“I’d love to find a nice guy for my daughter to hook up with,” one male caller told Graham, “and I mean ‘hook up’ in the old sense of the word, not, ya know, the…new one.” Hm. Did I miss an evolutionary step of the phrase “hook up”? Well, I’m old and married so why should I be following that.

A woman called up to say that she would do the exact same thing to her son.

Woman: Oh, all the time! If we were in Starbucks, I’d always say he was available.

Graham: Starbucks?

Woman: Yeah!

Graham: Starbucks? I mean…were you trying to hook him up with another guy?

Good point! You might find that statement assumptive but mothers frequently cause homosexuality in their sons and only gay men hang out in Starbucks. So…ya know.

By this time I’d hit redial on my cellphone about 58 times. Finally, I got through. The screener asked what my comment was and, still closed-minded, I said I found it really creep for Brown to pimp out his daughters like that. He told me to stay on the line.

So I did.

And as I did, I listened.  I listened carefully. I opened my ears AND I opened my mind. And something odd happened – I understood. I saw it all very clearly in a way that my liberal brain, clouded by rationality and reason and reality-based media, could not see previously.

Scott Brown showed the ultimate affection to his daughters by embarrassing them on national television…because that’s what dads do. All dads. That’s our job. To embarrass our daughters in public. It made so much sense. As I reeled from this discovery, Graham picked up my call.

Graham: You’re on the air.  What’s on your mind?

Me: Hey. You know, when I first called I planned on saying that this whole thing creeped me out – this whole pimping-your-daughter thing. But waiting on hold, I think I get it. You’ve really changed my mind about it.

Graham: That’s great! You got daughters?

Me: Yeah, two of ‘em

Graham: How old?

Me: 13 and 16.

Graham: (computing in his head) Yeeeeeeah, that’s just about the right age for you to start saying that kind of thing.

Me: Yeah, probably. But here’s the other thing I was thinking.

Graham: What’s that?

Me: See, it makes so much sense to me now. All he’s doing is showing appropriate love for his daughters…

Graham: …yeah…

Me: And he is who he is…

Graham: …right…

Me: …and if I were the kind of dad that posed nude in Cosom, I’d probably say that kind of thing, too. He just wants them to have what he had…

Graham: …huh?…

Me: Yeah, I mean, I’m hoping to see both of them in Playboy or Penthouse soon.

Graham: (blindsided but getting it) …HA!…that’s…

Me: …And I bet that he could help with that!

Graham: …that’s…that’s really funny

Me: I really do

Graham: (hangs up)

So, Scott – Larry Flynt is waiting for you and/or your daughters to call him. Because they’re really fucking HOTT, buddy. And every psycho in America knows they’re available. At least Ayla is.

In Which Giving Your Life To Christ Doesn’t Make You An xtian

January 3rd, 2010 1 comment

Xtians want you to believe that if only the Muslim president converted to xtianity, everything would be ok. He’d understand that Jesus would waterboard terrorists before putting two Godly bullets through their skulls. He’d get that personally killing pre-borns contradicts God’s laws. Jesus would lead him to the founding of the American theocracy that God created America for.

You see, they’re not hateful. They want the best for the other 80% of the population that is not totally fucking insane. All they want is for the rest of us to understand that America needs to be saved before God can destroy it in the Armageddon.

But.

Converting to xtianity is not enough.

Apparently, Jesus doesn’t always save. It’s so confusing. Once upon a time, you turned your life over to Jesus and, BOOM, that was that. Past sins forgiven, milk and honey at the signing of the death certificate, moral clarity – in short, you, like the folks at Crosstalk, got a pre-approved ticket to Heaven. Guess not.

I’m not sure who gets to change the rules, but all signs point to Vic Eliason. Vic decided that just being xtian isn’t enough. Thus, even if President Obama converted to xtianity Vic still wouldn’t support him.

There’s really only one way that this works – Jesus can’t forgive all sins. If, after dedicating your life to Christ, your earthly judges (Vic, Jim and Ingrid, I guess) still find your soul tainted and wicked, then Jesus didn’t do His job very well.

Ok. I lied.  There’s another way it works. It works if Vic, Jim and Ingrid hold themselves pridefully above the rest of humanity in some special xtian skybox halfway between Heaven and Earth set up as Jesus’ hallway monitors. I’m a little rusty on my bible passages, but I’m sure they can tell me which chapter and verse gives them authority to judge the strength of someone’s faith.

Vic? Ingrid? Jim? Bueller?

Help me out, here.

Jesus Doesn’t Save

Caller: [I was asked] What if Obama had a conversion and got saved and became a Christian, what would your response be and my response sadly was, man, I’d start praying for him and asking God to protect him…

Sadly? Really? You’d be sad about an enemy of America converting from the dark side to the light side? I could have sworn that the a lost lamb coming back to the flock meant rejoicing. Boy! What a dumbass I am! It’s actually cause for regret and suspicion.

Still, Vic, as God’s Hallway Monitor, explains, after a conversion, it gets kicked up the chain of command to Vic, Jim and Ingrid. Only after they sign off on the new recruit, does God make the final judgment.  And, really, how can anyone know what God thinks. Maybe, Vic hints, God would kill the newly xtian Obama just to teach him a lesson.

Because, as stated earlier, Jesus can’t absolve all sins. Especially the sins of Socialism, Communism, Fascism, Saul Alinksy-ism and all those poor pre-borns that, had they been born, would have saved the Social Security system.

http://www.rnclife.org/faxnotes/2005/jan05/05-01-14.html

In Which Michael Savage Proves Wingnut Radio Is Useless

May 6th, 2009 No comments

Wingnuts love prattling on about how the Fairness Doctrine would stifle free speech.  If implemented, they whine, their right to free speech would be stifled.  No longer could they call non-wingnuts terrorists, America-haters and homos.  No longer could they say, as Jay Severin did

So now, in addition to venereal disease and the other leading exports of Mexico – women with mustaches and VD – now we have swine flu.

When we are the magnet for primitives around the world – and it’s not the primitives’ fault by the way, I’m not blaming them for being primitives – I’m merely observing they’re primitive.

It’s millions of leeches from a primitive country come here to leech off you and, with it, they are ruining the schools, the hospitals, and a lot of life in America.

We should be, if anything, surprised that Mexico has not visited upon us poxes of more various and serious types already, considering the number of criminaliens already here.

They’d be held immediately responsible for the shit they spew since the opposing side would be on the other mic.  Wingnuts are quite literally against fairness.

If you don’t know Michael Savage, consider yourself lucky.  He’s the number three wingnut radio host in the US and hates just about everything and everyone.  And his actual name is Michael Weiner so you figure out what happened in his childhood.  It’s not just Muslims he hates

Now, the illness du jour is autism. You know what autism is? I’ll tell you what autism is. In 99 percent of the cases, it’s a brat who hasn’t been told to cut the act out. That’s what autism is. What do you mean they scream and they’re silent? They don’t have a father around to tell them, “Don’t act like a moron. You’ll get nowhere in life. Stop acting like a putz. Straighten up. Act like a man. Don’t sit there crying and screaming, idiot.”

Yeah.  He’s like that.

England just banned him from entering the country which, as a sovereign nation, it’s in their right to do.  Honestly, I’m not sure why they’d bother with him, but they did and it gave him something else to get pissed off about.

Normally, it’d be a big “who cares” except that NPR, for some reason, put him on Talk of the Nation for his reaction.  Weiner is so hard wired for assholery that he couldn’t even remain civil on someone else’s show.  Think about it – the most liberal radio station reaches out the third most conservativeve talk show moron, giving him a platform make the case for free speech and what does he do – he acts like it’s his show.  It’s akin to improv performers who are always on and won’t shut up.  Pretty much right off the bat, he tries to tie Neil Conan to the liberal agenda and hurls insults at England (bad teeth, bad food).

Conan does his best not to take the bait, preferring, instead, to keep the conversation on track rather than follow the gerbil in the habitrail that leads into Weiner’s ass.  There are moments that Weiner sounds down right sane and professional.  But then Conan takes the first call and Weiner’s auto-pilot kicks in.

CONAN: Let’s see if we get a caller in on the line. 800-989-8255, email: talk@npr.org. Our guest is Michael Savage, the host of “Savage Nation,” learned earlier today that he’d been banned from entering the United Kingdom.
Jeffrey is on the air. Jeffrey is calling from Des Moines, Iowa.

JEFFREY (Caller): If you listen to Michael Savage – if every time he says Islam or Muslim, you insert either Jew or Christian, he would be off the air in one day. I’ve had…

Mr. SAVAGE: Wait! I don’t want to listen to this foaming lunatic. I came on the air to give you my opinion, not to listen to someone in pajamas in a mental asylum in Iowa. So if…

(Sound of laughter)

JEFFREY: You know…

Mr. SAVAGE: No, no, you listen to me. You’re a nobody!

JEFFREY: (Unintelligible)

CONAN: Michael Savage?

Mr. SAVAGE: You’re nobody and I’m not going to talk to you!

I listen to a lot of this stuff so I’m somewhat numb to the ad-hoc attacks.  It’s one thing to do it on your own show.  It’s another to piss all over the guests on someone else’s show.  And a billion-tuple more so when you’re bitch about your right to free speech getting taken away.

Let’s distill it down to it’s essence

Conan:  Here’s a caller.

Caller: I don’t like Michael Savage

Savage: Shut the fuck up, you don’t deserve to talk.

And this is the guy that says liberals want to stifle free speech.  Savage can’t even be bothered to try to defend himself because he’s indefensible.  He knows this.  Even David Duke and Fred Phelps do their level best to sound sane when they speak.  They understand that calling someone a mental patient in pajamas (and I’m compelled to point out it’d be about 1pm or so in Iowa when the guy called) alienates the person you’re talking to and kills your chance of converting them.  That means that you’re point, assuming it’s valid, can never be heard.  That’s the whole paradigm behind wingnut radio – assholes calling people assholes.

It’s not often that someone delivers their own coup d’grace.  Weiner, though, has no self-control.  As the dictator of his own show for so long, he can’t break his habit of threats and bullying.  Lucky for us, he’s not on his own show and he falls into the trap of thinking that he can run over weak-kneed, lily-livered liberals by threatening to walk out of the interview.

He was wrong.

SAVAGE: Now, Neal, if you’d like to continue the discussion, I’ll do so. Otherwise, I have more important things to do than talk to someone in pajamas in an institution in Iowa.

CONAN: Then go do them, please.

SAVAGE: [Hangs up]

In a sane world, this is the end of Michael Weiner.  His base would call him a pussy for running away from a fight.  They’d see him for the coward he actually is.  Sadly, it’s not a sane world because people who listen to wingnut radio are cowards.  They live in their little echo chamber where torture is hazing and where they piss on the ACLU that has defended their own right to free speech.  I’m guessing the reaction to Weiner’s rapid and shameful retreat will break down into

1) Boy, oh, boy, you sure showed them!

2) See how those liberals tried to make him look stupid?!

Yeah.  It’s pretty sad.

Thanks very much to Wolfetone for getting the transcript from NPR

In Which I Posted On The New Majority

March 3rd, 2009 No comments

Isn’t blogging lovely?  If I felt like it, I could post the word “ocelot” everyday until my hosting company went out of business!  Yesterday, someone said they started a new blog but couldn’t think of anything to write.  Normally, that’s not a problem for me.  It’s not the subjects I have trouble with, it’s the time and space to actually get them down.

David Frum, writing at the New Majority, has a heartwarming piece that, if he were a liberal, would be called Fuck Rush.  He finishes off, thusly

But do the rest of us understand what we are doing to ourselves by accepting this leadership? Rush is to the Republicanism of the 2000s what Jesse Jackson was to the Democratic party in the 1980s. He plays an important role in our coalition, and of course he and his supporters have to be treated with respect. But he cannot be allowed to be the public face of the enterprise – and we have to find ways of assuring the public that he is just one Republican voice among many, and very far from the most important.

Amen!

Plenty of the commenters agree with him.  Plenty of the commenters effectively call him, as Rush would, a faggot.  I’ll probably be called a faggot, too, for leaving the following comment -

The fact is that Rush does nothing. Nor does Medved. Nor does Randi Rhodes. Nor do ANY talk show host. If you want to hold up Limbaugh as the savior of the right then elect him president. If you believe he’s right on every issue and that only he can save America then it is your duty as an America to do so. Not to take this action proves that you hate your country…or you don’t have the courage of your convictions. It’s a simple as that. If Limbaugh refuses to run then he is a coward. If he refuses to run then he is admitting that he is, for lack of a better phrase, “all talk and no action”. That goes for all talk show hosts. It’s the easiest thing in the world to make up insults like “Hitlery” and “Feminazi”. You cannot govern with those words, though. Governing takes intellect and tact. Limbaugh has none of those. Instead, he is the middle school football dad kicking the crap out of a referee because he knows more than the ref but is too unstable and lazy to do the job himself. You may hate Al Franken but he had the guts to get out from behind the mike and put his words (faith?) into action. Limbaugh can’t and won’t. In the real world, you can’t scream insults into the face of world leader and expect to get your way. It’s time to put away childish things and one of those things is Limbaugh.

How does Limbaugh do when he has to physically face his opposition?  Horribly.  That’s why he’s on teh radio where he can keep his little bubble in tact and not have to witness the destruction he causes first hand.  That’s why he’ll never run for office – because once you physically see him and he can see you, he turns into the chubby third grader that got his ass kicked over and over again for mouthing off.

Enjoy the sight of ordinary Americans verbally kicking the shit out of Limbaugh.  I did.

In Which I’m A Liberal Faggot

May 11th, 2008 5 comments

Ohhh, those neo-cons are so predictable and www.blogtalkradio.com is so much fun!  I don’t know what’s funnier, that those that claim to defend freedom demand that you SHUT THE FUCK UP or that when you throw a fact at them, like, say, bush admitted there were no weapons of mass destruction, they call you a faggot.

My favorite argument, though, is – “It doesn’t matter how we got there!  We’re there right now and we have to win or American will be destroyed.”  There are two ways to fight this both of which will, of course, get you branded a faggot.

1) Did the communists destroy America when we pulled out of Vietnam?  Not the last time I looked.  The whole point of Vietnam was to stop the spread of communism.    Pulling out meant that communists would be emboldened and take over the woooooorld!  So, pulling out of the cluster fuck of Iraq is not a guarantee that bin Laden…oh…wait.  I forgot.  We don’t care about him any more, do we.  SORRY!  It’s amazing that the neo-cons demonize the country that they invaded for not following the path we told them to take.  The Iraqi paliament goes on vacation for August and they suck.  bush goes on vacation for August and he’s a strong leader.  Some asshole even brought up the coalition of the willing as proof that we were righ to go in.  Too bad we threaten to cut of aid to some of those countries if they didn’t join.  And, btw, fuck you, Tonga, for withdrawing your 40 troops!

Fun fact!  Out of the 40 orignal countries 18 found something better to do!

Fun fact!  Out of the 40 original countries, 13 committed less then 100 troops!

Fun fact!  Nobody told The Solomon Islands they were on the list and, boy,  were they pissed!

2) Ok, so it doesn’t matter how we got there.  All that matters is that we WIN, goddamn it!  Sooo, that means if you’re daughter comes home from high school knocked up then you don’t really care who was fucking her.  Right?  I mean, what does it matter how she got that way?  You just need to deal with the present situation.  Focusing on the past is just a waste of energy!

Anywho – thanks to the manly named Jihad Killer Hour for the inspiration.

Your faggot, Muslim, liberal, retard, freedom-hating, code pink pamphlet reading, talking points spouting, hypocritical (and, really, you never did explain that), lying, scumbag, douchbag…um… I know I’m leaving a few out but I can’t remember them…friend, Paul.

P.S. – Thanks for fighting to defend your own right to tell me to shut the fuckand for me to keep my mouth shut.

In Which Vic Eliason Might Kill Your Child

February 14th, 2008 32 comments

Look at that picture! LOOK AT IT!!!

obama-che.jpg

That’s a Barack Obama campaign office Houston, TX – NOW YOU TELL ME HE’S NOT IN CAHOOTS WITH THE FORCES OF EVIL.  CAN WE FOLLOW OBAMA INTO HELL??  YES – WE – CAN!!!

That was basically the message on VCY America‘s Crosstalk radio program today.  Not ONLY is his middle name “Hussein” – not ONLY did he not salute the America flag – not ONLY did he forsake the Bible for the Koran when he was sworn into the Senate – not ONLY is he a Muslim – not ONLY will he put the interests of Africa (all of it, I guess) before those of the United States – BUT his followers put up pictures of Che Guevara in his campaign office(s).

Don’t know what Crosstalk is?  It’s a show where “you can voice your concern for Biblical principles”.  You know, Godly principles like lies and innuendo along the lines of “The Koran allows Muslims to lie to advance the cause of Islam which is the destruction of all other religions”.  You know, little WHITE lies.  Lies that, oh, I don’t know, help to further the cause of Christianity.  Remember that Onion headline after 9/11 – “Hijackers Surprised To Find Themselves In Hell” – that’s what’s will happen to Vic and pretty much anyone who contributes to VCY America.

The “logic” goes that because the worker put up a picture of Che in her office, Barack Obama explicitly approves of Communism and, if elected, would destroy America.  It’s really as simple (minded) as that.  They throw this slop out for the pigs to chow down on and chow they do.  All the anti-Obama talking point came up and were explicitly or tacitly sanctioned by Vic.  Don’t get me wrong, he’s not stupid/evil he’s smart/evil.  Listen to a snippet

Now I want clarify that it was NOT Barack Obama who swore his oath on the Koran.  It was another politician.  And I don’t know if he’s a Muslim or not.  I can’t really say.  I don’t know his heart.  Next caller.

HA!  It’s an almost perfect statement.  If brought up in a court of law, he’s got full deniability.  Fortunately, God’s not stupid and will send Vic to the circle of Hell where he and Falwell will be viciously and brutally sodomized by Satan himself.

I’ve probably posted it before but it’s worth re-posting to establish the level of discourse the callers bring to the program and willful lack of analysis of the hosts.  This is a woman that called to talk about God’s punishment of John Lennon.  Trust me – it’s the best 38 seconds you’ll ever spend (outside of sex)

God’s Punishment of John Lennon

They don’t cut off critical callers immediately.  In fact, they try to engage them which entails asking if they believe in God and if so, if they believe the Bible is inerrant.  From there, Vic will continually ask “what’s your creed” followed by the ever popular “without God there are no morals and everyone would go around killing everybody else.”  By this time, either the caller has hung up and Vic smugly names the act as a lack of courage or a break comes up.

Let’s just pretend for a moment that Vic is right – Obama is a threat to the security of the United States because he allows his campaign volunteers to post portaits of communist leaders.  If that’s true, then what inferences could we draw from a man who runs a summer camps for children and believes the Bible to be the inerrant Word of God?  Well, Deut. 21:18-21 says that you can bring a stubborn and rebellious child before the elders who can stone him to death.  God sanctions it.  Now, I can’t say if Vic would stone a child to death – I don’t know what’s in his heart – but I do know that “inerrant” means…well…without error.  You need to kill the person that does not observe the Sabbath.  That’s God’s Law.  I’m just not sure how comfortable I’d feel leaving my child with someone who might kill my precious son or daughter with God’s blessing and even command.

One thing Vic loves to go on about is how Bill Clinton talked about “redefining the immutable”.  “You can re-define something that’s immutable”, his shtick goes.  And yet – If Vic Elison is not killing children (and adults for that matter) then he, too, redefines the immutable which is the inerrant Word of God.  Either way, he ends up in Hell.

In Which A MySpace Mystery Is Solved

September 16th, 2007 No comments

Wow.  Just.  Wow.

I’m uploading a video to myspace and something is just not going right.  The form looks properly completed but every time I hit continue to get to the upload screen it kicks me back to the form.  WTF (he wrote, trying to be hip)!  After a couple of go-rounds I noticed that there was a none-too-obvious note next to the tag box saying that I had invalid tags and I needed to fix them.  Ok.  I looked them over and they didn’t look invalid – no commas or anything like that.  Here they are.

bbn billy bob neck muslims hate jesus god iraq terror war GOP

Seems pretty whatever.

Maybe, I thought, the ALL CAPS threw off the system.  So I deleted GOP.  Nope.  That wasn’t it.  Feeling somewhat cynical, I tried my next choice and it worked.  The culprit?

“Muslims”

Now, if I was Rush Limbaugh or Mike Gallagher, I could say something like, “Once I got rid of the “muslims” the problem was solved.”  I wouldn’t do that.  That would be cheap.

I know that MySpace is owned by Fox which makes it weirder because you’d think that Murdoch would be more than happy for users to throw rampant anti-Muslim statements around just like they do on FoxNews.  That doesn’t seem to be the case, though.  Maybe his new pastor, Rick Warren, convinced him to be nicer.  Probably not since Warren’s an asshole, too.

I held off posting this until I had a chance to try it again.  The voices in my head (other people’s, thankfully) reminded me that I have, on occasion, made mistakes and jumping to conclusions never helped anybody.  So I did another video.  This time the keywords were

bbn billy bob neck muslims osama bin laden jesus god iraq terror war

I submitted it and, viola, the same thing happened  – I got kicked back to the form.  I removed “osama” and it didn’t go through.  I reinstated “osama” and it still didn’t go through.  I took out “muslims” and it didn’t go through.  I took out “osama” and “muslims” and, bingo, I could upload the video.

Weird, huh?

Categories: Conspiracy, myspace, Talk Radio Tags:

In Which Dobson Exists For A Reason

March 9th, 2007 No comments

So, let’s say that you’re a politician with an image problem.  You resigned from the House of Representatives under a cloud of suspicion.  You spent most of your political life fighting dirty and wound up getting thoroughly spanked.  Let’s say, too, that you served your wife divorce papers in the hospital while she recovered from cancer surgery.  Oh, and when you fuck around with other women, you have oral sex so you can say you didn’t “sleep” with them.

The questions are -

1)  Could such a person be president?

2)  How do you rehab your image to make that possible?

The answer, I hope, should be obvious.  Which leads another question – if Newt Gingrich give James Dobson a blowjob does that make him gay or just political expedient?

Newt wants to test the waters and get the Christian Right behind him (pardon the pun) again.   So he’s written a new book called (without a trace of irony), Rediscovering God In America and Dobson, swell guy that he is, gave Newt not one but two shows for Newt to prove himself worthy of God love’s again.  I haven’t heard the first show yet, but the second show is a doozy!

For the first fifteen minutes, Newt gets to scaremonger his little black heart out and explain why Jesus wants us to take away personal liberties in order to protect the United States of America from future terrorist attacks.  “Take down every single website that poses a threat to America,” Newt during a speech to either robots or a computerized applause track.

The last fifteen minutes, though…mmm.  Dobson literally gives Gingrich the microphone to spin away his “indiscretions”.    Democrats forced him out of office simply because he didn’t read one letter that he let somebody else write.  That simple.  Democrats suck.

And as to his miserable performance as a husband and father (child support?  I don’t think so!), well, let’s look at Clinton.  Look at him!  He lied under oath and nobody asked me under oath about the plethora of blow jobs I received or how I met my third wife who was an aide and twenty-three years my junior.

And then, something weird happens.  Dobson actually tells him, somewhat gently, that he didn’t address the question.  HUH!?  Don’t worry, though, Dobson was just helping him out.  Once a spinner, always a spinner.  Newt slips in a quick “yes, I had an affair” (and note the singular use of the noun) and then takes off again about bad decisions and how he has grand kids that he loves very much.

I may be reading more into it out of wishful thinking, but Dobson does not seem satisfied.  He tells Gingrich that what he’s saying sounds different from the conversations they had about it the topic earlier.  It sounds like a bad lawyer leading the witness.  “What about repentance?,” Dobson urges and I imagined him as Don Corleone subtly nodding to his henchmen that Newt will sleep with the fishes for not following the plan.

In the end, they sound jovial and self-congratulatory but it plays like Who’s Afraid of Virginia Wolf with the knives poised to dig into each other’s backs.  At least I hope so.

All of this is recommend the new book The Jesus Machine: How James Dobson, Focus on the Family, and Evangelical America Are Winning the Culture War.  They’ve actually lost a lot of ground with one third of white evangelicals voting Democrat in the past election.  Still, if anyone could make President Gingrich a reality, it would be Dobson.

Categories: Dobson, Talk Radio Tags: