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In Which It’s Studio 54 Writ Small

January 6th, 2009 1 comment

Why, when it obviously sucked, did disco become such a national craze?  One word: Cocaine.

Yes, it had a good beat but, please – Disco Duck?  When not on cocaine, Jack and Jill Wallstreet generally pooh-poohed this shit.  However, once they stepped on the 8-ball Express they danced wildly and vigorously until Brett Easton Ellis breezed through and got blow jobs from both of them.

Turns out, bees react the same way!  How much cocaine do you, as a human, have to do before you turn to your lab partner and say – “what would happen if bees did cocaine?”  I used to get our dog stoned and it was hilarious!  Turns out when dogs get stoned they get lethargic, hungry and sleepy.  WHO’DVE THOUGHT?

So, it’s not that surprising that coked-up bees act just like coked-up humans.

The researchers looked at honeybees whose job is finding food — flying to flowers, discovering nectar, and if their discovery is important enough, doing a waggle dance on a special “dance floor” to help hive mates learn the location.

“Many times they don’t dance,” Professor Robinson said. “They only dance if the food is of sufficient quality and if they assess the colony needs the food.”

On cocaine the bees “danced more frequently and more vigorously for the same quality food,” Dr. Barron said. “They were about twice as likely to dance” as undrugged bees, and they circled “about 25 percent faster.”

The bees did not dance at the wrong time or place. Cocaine only made them more excited about the food they found. That’s like “when a human takes cocaine at a low dose,” Dr. Barron said. “They find many stimuli, but particularly, rewarding stimuli, to be more rewarding than they actually are.” ”

“Twice as likely to dance as undrugged bees.”  I rest my case.

I only hope that this does not end up in a bees-on-coke pandemic with a new class of unemployed junkie-bees living in crack-combs walking around in circles muttering, “I gotta make more money to buy more coke so I can work harder to make more honey to buy more coke so I can work harder…”  Let’s not even start talking about bee-on-bee violence.

It’s too depressing.