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In Which The Government Is Soylent Green

February 3rd, 2012 No comments

I don’t think I’m particularly slow. I could, of course, be fooling myself. Plenty have people have told me over the years, “You’re not as clever as you think you are.” Perhaps they’re right. But as you watch this clip of Bryan Fischer (whose name is spelled a little faggy, if you ask me). At least one thing should jump out at you.

Jesus’ command to take care of the poor was not given to the government, it was give to us.

I’m going to go to dictionary.com and look up “government“. brb.

the governing body of persons in a state, community, etc.; administration.
Weird. “Persons”. That kinda sound like “people”. Which kinda sounds like “us”. Which kinda sounds like Jesus told us to take care of the poor. Am I missing something?

I’m a fair guy. Let’s give Bryan Fischer the benefit of the doubt and say that “government” is made up of something other than people. Like space rocks. Or fence posts. Something it would make sense for a government to be made of. Shag carpet, maybe.  In that case, then, certainly the “government” shouldn’t be taking care of the poor. As something non-sentient, it’s doubtful they can even conceptualize “the poor” let alone abstract ways to help them. If this were true, Fischer would have a pretty air tight case: Jesus did NOT tell shag carpet to take care of the poor. I’d cede that point to Fischer.

However, if you go the by the accepted dictionary definition of “government” it pretty quickly tells you that Fischer is ideological asshat. A government made up of people would, indeed, fall under Jesus’ “command” to help the poor. Because “we, the people” form a government “of the people, by the people and for the people.”

Let’s take this another step further. Fischer and his xtian buddies love to claim that our “government” is sanctioned by God. We fall under God’s laws. Everything we do in the US MUST sync up with Jesus and his Ten Suggestions…er….Commandments.

Everything. For instance, Jesus commanded that no one be gay and that no one have an abortion. So, the laws of the US should clearly state that….wait…He didn’t really say that. But he did say, “help the poor”. And he did say a rich man wouldn’t get into Heaven.

How does Fischer support the government forcing women to have their daddy’s babies but call it “socialism” to take care of those same women when they fall below the poverty line?

Because he’s kind of slow.

 

Categories: Abortion, AFA, Bryan Fischer Tags:

In Which I’m Busy But I Have Post This

February 9th, 2010 No comments

I am SO digging the American Family Association‘s American Family Radio podcast. It’s so chock full xtian hilarity, I may just not recover!

On the lame Focus on the Family Tebow Superbowl ad, they try so hard not to offend Dobson that they can barely talk.  They declare victory by trotting out an editorial from a  “liberal” columnist who claims that the global warming debate is over.  And since the global warming debate is dead, then cap and trade is dead. They repeatedly refer the the editorial as an “article”. Oh.  Yeah.  And she’s Canadian! Since when did wingnuts start caring about what the rest of the world says?  DOH! When they agree with the wingnuts! I forgot that xtians heart moral relativism. Color me embarrassed!

But it gets better! A bill called The Student Non-Discrimination Act got introduced on 1/27/10 that basically says don’t beat up LGBT kids. OR DOES IT??? Well, if you factor in the boy in Fulton, MS that got sent home from school for crossdressing then it all makes sense: if The Student Non-Discrimination Act gets passed it means that KINDERGARTEN BOYS WILL COME TO SCHOOL DRESSED AS GIRLS AND PERFORM HOMOSEXUAL ACTS IN THE CLASSROOM!!! I swear that they will!! How do you even make this shit up? It requires leaps of logic that are…well…biblical. (Me so FUNEE!)

Last but not least comes the best radio ad I’ve ever heard in my life. It’s for a company called Medi-Share (which in the ad sounds like “meta-share” making it harder to find – nice job, copywriters). Medi-Share is “where Christians share each other’s medical expenses much like the early church did 2000yrs ago.” Whoa! Jesus had an HMO? (“Yeaaaaah, I’m sorry, Jesus, but those nail wounds aren’t covered. You can pay out of pocket for them to get sutured or you can let ’em heal on their own.”) But, like a competently written comedy, you save the punchline for the end.  Really. It’s only a minute long. Listen to the whole thing. You won’t be disappointed!

Medi-Share Radio Ad

gtg, as the kids say!

In Which I’ll Say Something Nice-ish About christcons

December 29th, 2008 No comments

Oh, OneNewsNow.com!  Not only does your URL sound stupid but you’re quickly approaching WorldNetDaily as my favorite christo-fascist “news” site.  Really “One News Now”?  What does that even mean?  As opposed to multiple news whenever you want?  “One” is in “jesus is the One” or as in the Orleans song “Still the One”?  Or like the anagram of Neo from The Matrix?  Back to the drawing board for a new name, fellas.  You can always write a re-direct.

I thought I’d written about this but I guess maybe not.  On 12/18/08, the wonderfully moral truthtellers over there put out a story called “Obama planning billion-dollar ‘bailout’ for abortion industry” that contained the follow suspect paragraph

Last week, the Obama-Biden Transition Project posted a report on its website that calls for dramatic policy reversals on abortion, including $1 billion in taxpayer money for international abortion groups like Planned Parenthood. The report, titled “Advancing Reproductive Rights and Health in a New Administration,” also calls for a 133-percent increase in funding for the Title X program, which funds Planned Parenthood clinics across the country.

Really?  A $1b bailout just like they did for the banks and the auto industry?  Shocking!  Obama probably posted it himself, right?  He just loves dead pre-borns.

Naturally, it’s got almost nothing to do with Obama.  It’s a third-part position paper advocating for reproductive rights.  You’ll also notice that the bit talking about “on  its website” links to change.gov and not the actual report itself.  Mostly, because if they linked to the report itself John And Mary Godliness would know right off the bat it’s far less ominous done-deal than it sounds.  Imagine if someone had posted a position paper called “Foreign And Domestic Terrorism: Peace Through Free Ice Cream” on bush’s pre-inaugural website and claiming that’s what he’d do.

In one of those acts of futility I engage in occasionally, I wrote to the “editor” (which you may or may not call “god”) to point out that, as christians, jesus wouldn’t much care for misdirection/ends justify the means kinda thing.  Oddly, I didn’t hear back from them and the article remains on the web.

So, imagine my surprise when my daily digest came in with the following title, “Abortion industry asks Obama for billions in funding“.  Even more surprising was the following paragraph

Over 50 pro-abortion groups have submitted a 55-page wish list called “Advancing Reproductive Rights and Health in a New Administration” to the incoming Obama administration. Jim Sedlak of American Life League’s (ALL) Stop Planned Parenthood, or Stopp International, has tallied the cost.

Huh?  Wow.  I don’t mean to take credit but they actually reported the story correctly and characterized the report as a “wish list”.  Even the title reeks of…um…lack of hyperbole.  So it seems somewhat uncharitable to carp about repeating the story (albeit, correctly).  However, they still, for some [sarcasm] unknown reason [/sarcasm] won’t link directly to the report and declining to even link to change.gov.

Still, good for them.  Baby steps.  Perhaps one day they’ll get to the part where god gives us free will to make our own decisions and that only he can sit in judgment of them.

Maybe.