Archive for the ‘Digital Crack’ Category

In Which “The Newsroom” Is 24 For The Intellectual Liberals

January 2nd, 2013 No comments

I’m a bad liberal. I admit it. Sometimes I put stuff in the trash that belongs in the recycle bin. I flick my cigarette (bad liberal) out the car window. I got sick of Keith Olbermann, no matter how much I agreed with him and I despise Laurence O’Donnell. I mean, despise.  The second Rachel Maddow ends, the TV is off, hopefully before he starts speaking.

Let me put this right up front. I’ve never seen The Newsroom and, even if I had HBO (which I don’t) I wouldn’t watch it. I’ve seen clips from it and it looks great. I love the cast. The writing is top notch. The problem is – it’s not real life. It is, like all TV, a dream world. It’s a world I’d love to live in, full of the proper mix of reason and passion where you win arguments with facts (“All presidents have used stimulus and you’ve never called them socialist”) and you’re not told “SHUT THE FUCK UP!! YOURA FAGOT. GO BACK TO NOTRH KOREA!!”

(Sidenote: I love the new North Korea focus. They can’t use Iran anymore because they actually realize that they wish the US transformed into a theocratic society.)

A scant 2 months after 9/11, Fox TV came out with the show 24.  Stop and think about that. TV shows just don’t create themselves overnight. What this implies is that pretty much the day after or even of 9/11, some one saw and opportunity to turn it into cash. Not just cash, but an electronic bully pulpit preaching that all Muslims wanted to kill us and that only the US could save the day. And do it all in 24 hours. This kind of propaganda is not unprecedented but it took 20 years for a show about wacky Nazis to get to TV after WWII. Did the propaganda campaign known as 24 work?

A few years ago, One News Now, a fake news site run by the American Family Association, asked its xtian readers if they thought torture was a viable option in the war on terror. These salt-of-the-earth, turn-the-other-cheek, that-which-you-do-to-the-least-of-these xtians responded with a deafening FUCK YEAH! Just how loud was the response? 89% said they had no problem with it. Bear in mind that after WWII, the US prosecuted Japanese soldiers for waterboarding Americans.

Even liberals ate up the whole “they hate freedom” bullshit that 24 pedaled. And you can’t really blame them. Most people wanted comfort and assurance that a once in lifetime event wouldn’t happen again. So much so, that we took off our unalienable rights with the Patriot Act and put them in the bin with our shoes at the airport. In the end, though, 24 served only to increase national paranoia and hits on the job site at the CIA and FBI.

You’re going to tell me The Newsroom and 24 can’t be compared. Getting all sweaty from running around diffusing bombs isn’t the same thing as getting all sweaty because you’re living on coffee and running downstairs to not get caught smoking. True. But at the concept level, it’s the same thing: Intrepid People Intrepidly Saving The World From The Enemy. In the case of 24, the enemy wore turbans, long beards and spoke a foreign language. In The Newsroom, the enemy wears suits, flag pins and speaks a foreign language – Teabaggese.

Wingnuts don’t have a problem with blood and violence. They love seeing people get the shit literally kicked out of them. Their default action is “punch”. Liberals don’t. We’d prefer our smack downs bloodless. We’d rather eviscerate with words (raises his hands) than violence. To put it in teabagger terms: Liberals think the motherfucking SHIT out of teabaggers – HOO-ah! The pen is mightier than sword, weak limbed thinkers are told, but smugness in the safety of your facts rarely protects you from getting stabbed. Paradoxically, reason tends to incite violence.

In dream world of  The Newsroom, that hermetic seal stays unbroken. Sure, danger will happen, but in the end everything works out. The danger, though, isn’t the lulling thoughts that every works out. The danger, or at least the reason I don’t watch it, comes from the knowledge that it takes a fictional character to speak the truth to power. Put another way, very few politicians want to speak the words spoken on that show. Even fewer want to act on them. And that’s a big problem – investing energy in a show that not only mirrors reality but outdoes it.

I’m not up for watching a show that leaves me saying, “Wow. If only someone had the guts to say that in real life.”

In Which It…Can’t Work!!

January 29th, 2009 1 comment

In Which It’s Studio 54 Writ Small

January 6th, 2009 1 comment

Why, when it obviously sucked, did disco become such a national craze?  One word: Cocaine.

Yes, it had a good beat but, please – Disco Duck?  When not on cocaine, Jack and Jill Wallstreet generally pooh-poohed this shit.  However, once they stepped on the 8-ball Express they danced wildly and vigorously until Brett Easton Ellis breezed through and got blow jobs from both of them.

Turns out, bees react the same way!  How much cocaine do you, as a human, have to do before you turn to your lab partner and say – “what would happen if bees did cocaine?”  I used to get our dog stoned and it was hilarious!  Turns out when dogs get stoned they get lethargic, hungry and sleepy.  WHO’DVE THOUGHT?

So, it’s not that surprising that coked-up bees act just like coked-up humans.

The researchers looked at honeybees whose job is finding food — flying to flowers, discovering nectar, and if their discovery is important enough, doing a waggle dance on a special “dance floor” to help hive mates learn the location.

“Many times they don’t dance,” Professor Robinson said. “They only dance if the food is of sufficient quality and if they assess the colony needs the food.”

On cocaine the bees “danced more frequently and more vigorously for the same quality food,” Dr. Barron said. “They were about twice as likely to dance” as undrugged bees, and they circled “about 25 percent faster.”

The bees did not dance at the wrong time or place. Cocaine only made them more excited about the food they found. That’s like “when a human takes cocaine at a low dose,” Dr. Barron said. “They find many stimuli, but particularly, rewarding stimuli, to be more rewarding than they actually are.” ”

“Twice as likely to dance as undrugged bees.”  I rest my case.

I only hope that this does not end up in a bees-on-coke pandemic with a new class of unemployed junkie-bees living in crack-combs walking around in circles muttering, “I gotta make more money to buy more coke so I can work harder to make more honey to buy more coke so I can work harder…”  Let’s not even start talking about bee-on-bee violence.

It’s too depressing.

In Which I Find More Digital Crack

May 15th, 2008 1 comment

I blame Dani.

I didn’t know about Bitstrip and I now I do.  It allows you to make your own cartoons.  I can’t draw for shit but I’ve always yearned to do a comic strip and I have the perfect idea for a comic book:  Poreman.

It’s about a guy that’s beaten with in an inch of his life and becomes a parapelegic.  He used to be a go-getter but now he’s lying in the hospital, slowly giving up on himself.  His girlfriend, heartsick by it all, comes up with a plan to get his head back on straight.  She burns a copy of the theme from Xanadu and leaves it on repeat in his room.  He hates that song.  After two days of listening to it, he learns how to manipulate his pores so that he can shoot various bodily liquids with deadly accuracy.  In this way, he short cicuits the CD player, saves his sanity and gets back his self-worth.

Then he starts fighting crime.

Yes, brilliant, I know.  And if I could draw I’d have a bigger home and a larger TV set.

As it stands, I’ve done my first cartoon on Bitstrip.  Who knows?  Maybe I can do Poreman with it.