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Archive for the ‘Wingnuts’ Category

In Which I Write An Open Letter To Bryan Fischer’s Producer

March 4th, 2013 No comments

Hey buddy!

Y U keep deleting my comments on ur fb page, huh? Oh. Right. Because pointing out egregious lies and innuendo makes me anti-God. Sorry about that!

See, it’s just that the Jesus that I grew up with had this weird thing about the truth. He was for it. So when your boss, Bryan, ejaculates into Focal Point the mic about how gays and Muslims will allow NO dissent WHAT…SO…EVER and then goes on to praise CPAC for not inviting Christ Christie to the hate rally because he’s not ideologically pure enough…well, the Jesus I grew up with calls bullshit. And, even though I no long believe in Jesus, I haven’t stopped believing in the truth. I still have a fondness for him in my heart despite your efforts to turn him into a gun-totin’, libertarian he-man who punches fags in the mouth and sucker punches liberals.

You left a sweet response to someone saying that my accounts were only created for harassment.  Given that, let me tell you a quick story about this other guy who people found harassing.

Seems that in “olden days” these businessmen were in the public square doing what businessmen do – business. So this freak comes up and starts yelling at them to get out and they’re like, “DUDE, CHILL. We’re just doing business here like we always have. What’s your problem??” And the freak says, “you guys are in my dad’s house and he doesn’t like it” and the businessmen are like “DUDE, stop harassing us” and the freak starts screaming about truth and duty and honor and the businessmen are like, “whatever” so they leave.

I’m not gonna lie. I enjoy debunking your bullshit. There IS no biblical mandate for marriage in the Bible and the only reference you can come up with is a passage about divorce. That’s called a lose. You’re pulling your hair out because you think the Emergency Manager Law in Michigan acts as the precursor to the fascism. You’re right. And when I point out that the governor and legislature that enacted that bill both pay allegiance to the GOP, you delete and ban me. When I make a completely factual statement that if you obeyed the 9th Commandment your show would be two minutes long – you banned me. When you post a “prayer” asking for God to

“Remind us not to be alarmed when we hear of wars and rumors of wars, of nation rising against nation, of kingdom rising against kingdom, or when we hear of famines and earthquakes in various places” and then start pissing yourself because Iran might have a nuclear weapon, you’re acting like a fucking idiot and you deserve to be called out on it. NOT to harass you, but to help you see this little thing that Jesus called “the truth”.

And the truth is that you’re a fucking idiot. Any rational reading of the Bible runs counter to pretty much everything you say.

But it’s more than just your idiocy. It’s your blatant cowardice. To wit –

Grant us courage so that we may be willing, if necessary, to be persecuted and hated because of you.

Now you’re saying I’m harassing you…let’s even say persecuting you. This prayer make you look like a whiny little douchebag that plays with dolls. You’re asking God for the courage and then immediately go into your Chris Crocker impression crying LEAVE BRITNEY ALOOOOOOOONE and furiously pounding the delete key.

Did I call you a douchebag yet? Damn, I did.

Here’s the thing – you claim Jesus hung on cross in unbearable pain to make you clean. Man up and start acting like he gives you strength instead of running away like the little bitch-boy you are.

In Which “The Newsroom” Is 24 For The Intellectual Liberals

January 2nd, 2013 No comments

I’m a bad liberal. I admit it. Sometimes I put stuff in the trash that belongs in the recycle bin. I flick my cigarette (bad liberal) out the car window. I got sick of Keith Olbermann, no matter how much I agreed with him and I despise Laurence O’Donnell. I mean, despise.  The second Rachel Maddow ends, the TV is off, hopefully before he starts speaking.

Let me put this right up front. I’ve never seen The Newsroom and, even if I had HBO (which I don’t) I wouldn’t watch it. I’ve seen clips from it and it looks great. I love the cast. The writing is top notch. The problem is – it’s not real life. It is, like all TV, a dream world. It’s a world I’d love to live in, full of the proper mix of reason and passion where you win arguments with facts (“All presidents have used stimulus and you’ve never called them socialist”) and you’re not told “SHUT THE FUCK UP!! YOURA FAGOT. GO BACK TO NOTRH KOREA!!”

(Sidenote: I love the new North Korea focus. They can’t use Iran anymore because they actually realize that they wish the US transformed into a theocratic society.)

A scant 2 months after 9/11, Fox TV came out with the show 24.  Stop and think about that. TV shows just don’t create themselves overnight. What this implies is that pretty much the day after or even of 9/11, some one saw and opportunity to turn it into cash. Not just cash, but an electronic bully pulpit preaching that all Muslims wanted to kill us and that only the US could save the day. And do it all in 24 hours. This kind of propaganda is not unprecedented but it took 20 years for a show about wacky Nazis to get to TV after WWII. Did the propaganda campaign known as 24 work?

A few years ago, One News Now, a fake news site run by the American Family Association, asked its xtian readers if they thought torture was a viable option in the war on terror. These salt-of-the-earth, turn-the-other-cheek, that-which-you-do-to-the-least-of-these xtians responded with a deafening FUCK YEAH! Just how loud was the response? 89% said they had no problem with it. Bear in mind that after WWII, the US prosecuted Japanese soldiers for waterboarding Americans.

Even liberals ate up the whole “they hate freedom” bullshit that 24 pedaled. And you can’t really blame them. Most people wanted comfort and assurance that a once in lifetime event wouldn’t happen again. So much so, that we took off our unalienable rights with the Patriot Act and put them in the bin with our shoes at the airport. In the end, though, 24 served only to increase national paranoia and hits on the job site at the CIA and FBI.

You’re going to tell me The Newsroom and 24 can’t be compared. Getting all sweaty from running around diffusing bombs isn’t the same thing as getting all sweaty because you’re living on coffee and running downstairs to not get caught smoking. True. But at the concept level, it’s the same thing: Intrepid People Intrepidly Saving The World From The Enemy. In the case of 24, the enemy wore turbans, long beards and spoke a foreign language. In The Newsroom, the enemy wears suits, flag pins and speaks a foreign language – Teabaggese.

Wingnuts don’t have a problem with blood and violence. They love seeing people get the shit literally kicked out of them. Their default action is “punch”. Liberals don’t. We’d prefer our smack downs bloodless. We’d rather eviscerate with words (raises his hands) than violence. To put it in teabagger terms: Liberals think the motherfucking SHIT out of teabaggers – HOO-ah! The pen is mightier than sword, weak limbed thinkers are told, but smugness in the safety of your facts rarely protects you from getting stabbed. Paradoxically, reason tends to incite violence.

In dream world of  The Newsroom, that hermetic seal stays unbroken. Sure, danger will happen, but in the end everything works out. The danger, though, isn’t the lulling thoughts that every works out. The danger, or at least the reason I don’t watch it, comes from the knowledge that it takes a fictional character to speak the truth to power. Put another way, very few politicians want to speak the words spoken on that show. Even fewer want to act on them. And that’s a big problem – investing energy in a show that not only mirrors reality but outdoes it.

I’m not up for watching a show that leaves me saying, “Wow. If only someone had the guts to say that in real life.”

In Which The Gist Is More Important Than The Whole

November 8th, 2012 No comments

This may come off as bragging or it may come off as stupid, but, to the best of my knowledge,  I’ve never used Cliff Notes. I was drunk for most of my brief and abortive college career so it’s possible that that I took a Lit class without knowing it.  Perhaps it’s selective OCD, but if you’re going to read something, read it. While I was courting my bride, I remember feeling shocked and somewhat outraged to find that, as she sat reading Wittgenstein for her MDiv program, she was actually reading it.

“How many pages do you have left,” I asked.

“Like a hundred or so.”

“WHUH? I really don’t know how you do it. One hundred pages of that stuff? And you’re just ripping through it so quickly!”

“Oh,” she said, “you don’t have read every word. Just enough to get the gist of it.”

“B-b-but,” I stammered, “it’s a philosophical argument! The words are important!”

She patted me on the head like a cute but incurably stupid dog and continued reading.

YouTube, it needn’t be pointed out, isn’t literature. About 90% of it isn’t even art. One notable exception is “Chimpanzee Riding on a Sequeway.”

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 But I digress.

Now that the election is over, we can all go back to our normal, non-batshit crazy selves, take our fingers off the triggers, flip the safety on and put down the guns.

JK! It’s gonna be even more fucked up than ever. Prime example: ShellyMicAB.

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 I guess she chose her name because someone already claimed “CrazyDrunkenPsychoticMess”. I’ve listened to about three of the twenty-four mind numbing minutes of this and unless there’s some masterful stroke of rhetoric at the end, I’m not sure I need to listen to anymore. The shorter version goes like this

We lost th’ election! I’m drunk! I didn’t get my own waaaaaaaaay! Nobody watches my YouTube videoooooooooooooooooooooooooooos! If you had shared my YouTube videos Romney would be President. But, NOOOOOOO! you didn’t want to OFFEND anybody.”

I could probably spend a couple thousand words analyzing the nihilistic camera work but why bother?  [<—– Philosophy joke!]

The video itself doesn’t matter and is nothing that special. It’s typical whackjob ranting. It’s a somewhat subtle point, but there are two features that make this a perfect microcosm for the Wingnut-o-sphere.

The first one is obvious.

Comments are disabled for this video.

The second only pops up if, like me, you wanted to ask CrazyDrunkenPsychoticMess shellymicAB to have your rape baby and tried to send her a message to plead your case.

User shellymicAB has enabled contact lock. You will not be able to send messages to them unless they add you as a contact.

What does that tell you? That she literally lives in a bubble, firewalled from the outside world. And, honestly, I don’t have any problem with that except that she makes this statement repeatededly

…you didn’t want to OFFEND anybody

This kind of one-way communication nests almost exclusively in the Wingnut-o-sphere. “You will LISTEN to what I tell you and because it’s true, you are NOT allowed to point out my logical mistakes and/or outright lies.

Put another way, she doesn’t wish to be offended.

Maybe irony did die on 9/11.

In Which Opinion Isn’t Fact And I Coined The Word “Fauxopinion”

October 27th, 2012 No comments

Quiz time! Which of these statements fall under the category of fact.

  1. Water is wet.
  2. Water makes makes plants grow.
  3. Water makes me want to vomit.
  4. Water in a basement can grow mold.

Who chose number three? You’re voting for Romney, aren’t you.

I do my best to stay away from hyperbole because it’s the ONE THING I THINK THAT WILL DESTROY THE COUNTRY and it gets boring to hear that every single election is the MOST IMPORTANT ELECTION IN OUR LIFETIME. All elections are important and it’s time to stop hyperventilating every two year over them. As Tommy Lee Jones says in Men In Black, “the world is always about to end.”

Still. A new brand of stupid emerged from the 2012 election. Let’s call it Fauxpinion. Fauxpinion is when you state an opinion as fact which you cannot back up with fact but only with more opinion. I offer the following example.

This is the current cover of my Facebook page. I rearranged it from Rape Babies For Romney. The current GOP party platform advocate 14th Amendment rights to…um…fetuses. It’s on page 14.

We support a human life amendment to the Constitution and endorse legislation to make clear that the Fourteenth Amendment’s protections apply to unborn children.

This is what’s called a “fact”. That means “something that actually exists; reality; truth“.

Used in this way, the 14th amendment bestows “Personhood” on a fetus so that abortion literally becomes murder. It doesn’t matter how the sperm meets the egg – consensual sex, rape, incest – the nanosecond the egg is fertilized, it’s a person and aborting it means you’re a legal murderer. No. Srsly. It does.

Knowing this, the graphic points out that this sweet adorable girl who got raped by someone must carry that pregnancy to term. She must have that baby. Again, going off of the GOP platform which provides no exception for any complicating factor (rape, incest, life of the mother) the law would legally obligate the girl to deliver a child. If she dies in childbirth – tough. She had 13 good years and that fetus only had 6-9 months. Aborting it would not only be selfish but punishable.  What kind of punishment? Um…ya know…punishment…like…ya know…punishment. I guess this could be anywhere from docking her allowance to the electric chair. No one really wants to go on record about the punishment part.

In response to this graphic, a wingnut posted the following. No words. Just the link.

 http://www.usnews.com/opinion/blogs/mary-kate-cary/2012/10/26/lena-dunham-ad-shows-obama-thinks-women-are-dumb 

It references this Obama campaign ad which saucily insinuates that voting has parallels to the first time you were raped.

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The title of this piece is pretty self-explanatory. It appeared as a news article in US News and World Report. JK! It’s an editorial. An editorial is not fact. It is an opinion; an argument as to how to interpret facts. They may have facts in them but they are not in and of themselves fact.

It honestly took me aback. An slightly slutty Obama ad bears no relation to forcing a 13 year-old to have a baby and I said as much. And this is where the Fauxpinion comes in.

Mr Wingnut’s reply

I just met opinion with your opinion piece. Don’t get your ball’s twisted in a knot.

Well then!

It’s kind of the perfect wingnut response – ignorant of the issue discussed and ending with some statement s/he thinks is clever and demeaning when it’s really neither. You would have to work pretty hard to make the Obama ad dovetail with rape babies.

But more importantly, the word choices leap off the charts – I just met opinion with your opinion piece. This is the state of wingnuttery – “Herrr derrrrp! Sumbuddy sed sumthin I don’t agree wid so I’M gonna say sumthin that THEY don’t agree with and I win! Herrrrrp derrrrp!” This wingnut truly seems to believe that debate has no set rules. They believe that this to be intelligent debate.

Sane Person: Over the past two years, the GOP has actively worked to limit a woman’s right to choose.

Wingnut: SQUIRREL! Why don’t you go bang your [same sex partner].

Sane Person: Here’s a detailed argument proving what I said.

Wingnut: I LIKE STUCCO!

I’m not joking. Well, maybe a little bit. I’ve…”debated” is overstating it…chatted with this guy before.  A few months ago he came on my page calling me a pussy for getting tired of arguments like the one above and banning someone. It went something like this. (And, yes, this is humorous paraphrase for effect.)

Mark: YOU BIG PUSSY! YOU LIBS ARE ALL THE SAME!!

Me: Whatever. I got tired of her posting stuff on my wall and not be allowed to annoy her back.

Mark: PUSSY! Now you have to deal with ME! And I play hard ball. Let’s have a nice fact based debate.

Me: Sure. Go ahead.

Mark: Barack Obama is a Socialist Marxist Muslim who is hell bent on destroying America.

Me: I thought this was going to be about facts.

Mark: THAT IS A FACT, YOU DICKSMOKER!

Me: Bye.

Mark: PUSSY!!

Given that he used “pussy” three times, I assume he felt he coup d’grace was “dicksmoker.” Either way, he felt that he won.

One last note – Fauxpinion shouldn’t be considered a hack of “Faux News”. It’s more along the lines of a square is a rectangle but a rectangle isn’t a square. And it shouldn’t be considered the sole domain of wingnuts, either, because the left does it too and I’m sure I’ve been guilty of it. That said, the split on Fauxpinion runs about 70/30, heavily favoring wingnuts…the dicksmokers.

In Which A Corner Seems To Have Been Turned

June 1st, 2011 No comments

What wingnuts want (and xtians and radical muslims, too) more than anything else in life is to rule the world. So strong is their belief in the correctness of their world-view that everyone else has the obligation to kill themselves or convert.

Before going on, let me explain why liberals aren’t on the list. Liberals are cats: they do what they want, when they want and regardless of the desire of the other cats. For that reason, liberal fascism is an oxymoran. (And, yes, I misspelled that on purpose.)

Teabaggers are a slow lot and for that reason, technology scares them. But, like cavemen discovering fire, they eventually get less scared and figure out how to harness it. Judson Phillips over at Tea Party Nation figured out that sending out an email every three hours with a scary subject line such as “USA RIP” and a body that reads something like

America died today. It no longer exists. What happened to America? Click here to find out.

drives up his web traffic and thus his sales of “Teabagging for Dummies” and Ayn Rand pacifiers.

What’s the point of all of this? Read about it here!

The ever entertaining Christian Newswire recently delivered the following press release.

DES MOINES, Iowa, May 31, 2011 /Christian Newswire/ — Tea Party News Brief, LLC is the nation’s first nonpartisan news service for the Conservative Movement with an animated news show with news anchor, Ava. The Tea Party News Brief now provides daily news alerts on www.Twitter.com/TPNewsBrief. (Emphasis added)

Hopefully, you spotted the anachronism.

What does this mean? I emailed Dr. Jessica Davis to find out.

I’m having trouble understanding this. Are there now partisan factions within the Conservative Movement? And if so, what are they?

Surprisingly, she wrote back.

Thank you for your question. The premise is that both Democrats and Republicans are involved in this 21st century Conservative Movement.  We have common ground, the core beliefs identified on www.TeaPartyNewsBrief.com. The mission of @TPNewsBrief is to provide nonpartisan information so our citizenry can make educated decisions versus being told what to think. We have very few legitimate news services any more. Our mainstream news services are clearly partisan. We can do more together. We can hold more accountable for their decisions if we work together.  I invite you to follow us on twitter and the website for a full understanding of what we are trying to do as a new source of nonpartisan conservative information. I hope this is helpful. (Emphasis added)

Really? Democrats are involved the Conservative movement? Maybe I’m running with the wrong Democrats but I’ve yet to hear one call Obama a socialist. Or compare him to Hitler. Or to claim that he’s from Kenya.

Once upon a time, say, three years ago, the “Tea Party” stood for fiscal responsibility. Or so they said. To that end, good for the Tea Party. It quickly became a front for anti-Democrat and anti-Obama demagoguery. Tea Parties rapidly filled up with racist and Nazi paraphernalia.  Ask a teabagger why they weren’t pissed off about government waste during the bush administration and they won’t and can’t answer you.

I’ve spent a fair amount of time trying to rationalize how you can have “non-partisan” news about the “conservative movement”. I keep coming up short. Reagan’s 11th Commandment “Thou shalt not speak ill of any Republican” consistently gets in the way. Reagan, as the father of the modern conservative movement, would not allow non-partisanship. Take this clip from the GOP’s 1984 convention

Her comment about having “very few legitimate news services any more” piqued my interest. So, I asked

What is regarded as a legitimate news service

She responded in a Sphinx-like manner. That is, if the Sphinx were actually a hologram that you could see through and looked like Sarah Palin

If you follow the tweets, you will see that a news source is a source that provides the facts not commentary as if it is fact. If we provide commentary, we try to make it very clear that we are providing commentary. News is what, where, and when?  If you have enough information, you can make your own conclusions.

Dr. Jessica Davis

P.S. I challenge you to analyze the next news program you see with this criteria and tell us what you conclude. Are they providing news or commentary? If they provide commentary, is it presented clearly as such?

The answer to “What is regarded as a legitimate news service?” contains actual new services rather than some vague statement of condemnation for the “lame stream media”. It seemed obvious that straight answers and non-partisanship don’t mix. Ever the optimist, I wrote back.

My question was – what do you consider a legitimate news source.  Are you doing original reporting? If not, which new source will you rely on to be factual?

Can you guess her response? Can you? I bet you can’t. Come on. Click that PayPal button, drop in $5 and bet me that you know her response.

Thank you for your inquiries. This is our last individual response to you at this time given the limitation of our time. However, I again invite you to follow us on Twitter and www.TeaPrtyNewsBrief.com. As you already know, the best news is going to the source directly. Again, we have appreciated your questions tonight.

Shit. I owe you $5.

Given that my audience appeared ended, I threw in the towel

Thank you for not answering my question in a factual and straight forward manner.

NOTE: I would, in the interest of non-partisanship, like to point out that I spoke with the Dr. Jessica Davis the theologian and NOT Dr. Jessica Davis who is in manure management.

In Which The Key To Credibility Is The Prefix “Ex”

April 4th, 2011 No comments

Yesterday, I watched a clip of Louie “I Used To Be A Judge” Gohmert embarrassing himself by yelling at Anderson Cooper about Terror Babies. (HT to Beverly Russell)

What are Terror Babies? Generally, the term refers to other people’s children but in this case it refers to the babies of Muslim Extremists who travel to the US for the express purpose of giving birth in the US so that the child gets a US passport. After that, and I’m totally making a guess here since Gohmert doesn’t seem to know either, the proud, evil parents strap a bomb onto the new born and blow up a New Horizons day care center.

How does Gohmert know this? Because an ex-FBI agent told him. Which ex-FBI agent? Apparently, that’s none of our goddamn business. Does the FBI actually believe this? According to a statement given to CNN, no.  But it’s true because an ex-FBI agent to him.  Did Gohmert actually talk to the FBI about it? What’s the point? “On 9/10, the FBI would have said the same thing about an attack on America.” Which is true because the FBI deals mostly with domestic stuff. It’s the CIA that released the “Bin Ladin Determined To Strike in US” info that bush ignored.

Speaking of the CIA – Now another ex, this time an ex-CIA agent, the vaguely foreign sounding Kent Clizbe, has written a hard-hitting article for NewsMax with the damning title of Ex-CIA Operative: Obama Never Properly Vetted. And when I say “article” I mean “poorly written and reasoned piece of shit”. BUT. He’s an ex-CIA agent so it’s gotta be true.

This power of this kind of PWARPOS rests in the presumption that the reader a) believes the premise and b) won’t actually read the PWARPOS since if they did they’d dismiss it immediately. The outline goes like this

  1. Trust me, I’m an ex-CIA guy and I can sneak up on ninjas.
  2. I have vetted people in the past. EXECUTIVE people. In the private sector.
  3. I vetted a tea party candidate and found out he was a scumbag. Hm. Maybe I shouldn’t have said that.
  4. A lying, thieving scumbag in the private sector isn’t the same thing as having a president who’s a lying, thieving scumbag like we have now.
  5. The media went NUTS vetting everything about John McCain.
  6. Obama was not vetted properly because he got elected.
  7. We need a professional vetter to make sure Obama never gets elected again.
  8. Commies are evil.

The slight of hand happens in these two back to back paragraphs:

In the 2008 presidential election, candidates were vetted by the press in varying degrees. The media examined, analyzed, and publicly evaluated them. They explored in detail John McCain’s personal wealth, marriage, place of birth, mental stability, and other important issues. McCain cooperated, provided documents, and answered questions.

On the other hand, Barack Obama’s background remains nearly a blank slate. His school records, from kindergarten to law school, remain hidden. The story of his financial support is hidden — his private elementary and high school in Hawaii, his international travel, his graduate and undergraduate tuition and living expenses, and more. And these are just the beginning of the Barack Obama vetting failure.

Who vetted McCain? The media. Who vetted Obama? I’m not going to tell you that but they didn’t do a very good job. What criteria did the media use to vet McCain? Everything. What criteria did this non-existent vetting organization use to vet Obama? A completely different set of criteria. Did McCain cooperate? Yes. Did Obama cooperate? Obviously not because the lying thieving scumbag get elected.

How does someone who wrote an autobiography qualify as a blank slate? How, when you use the information he provided in the autobiography against him, does he qualify as a blank slate? And who the hell would want to read an autobiography that included a chapter “My Kindergarten Records” or “Filling Out My Financial Aid Forms For Harvard”?

The most disturbing aspect of attempts to vet the mystery candidate was the Obama camp’s vigorous response. Their stereotypical response is nearly as damning as any information that could be revealed: Admitting nothing, denying everything, and making counteraccusations, the vetting of candidate Obama continues.

Good point. bush still hasn’t properly addressed his military service or the issues of his drug use. Obama did. In writing.

In the end, Clizbe believes we need a professional vetter. Who is this person? Do we create another layer of federal bureaucracy, increasing the size of government and bilking the tax payer out of his paycheck? Or do we subcontract the job out to some non-partisan company like Blackwater/Xi.

Oh! I get it. We should hire Kent Clizbe!

In Which Brannon Howse Lies Through His Teeth

June 25th, 2010 No comments

If you’re just an ordinary person trying to scrape by and don’t ‘t have a lot of time to check things out for yourself chances are good you find your “experts” and believe whatever they say. Despite the fact that Tony Perkins of the Family Research Council has a “good friend” that hires whores to dress him up in diapers, you’ll still believe Tony Perkins when he says don’t give money to left-wing, gay, socialist politicians. Despite the fact that Rush Limbaugh called for any drug abusers to go to jail, you’ll still forgive when he abuses drugs. Are there examples on the other side? Of course there are. But since the evangelical right never acknowledges their mistakes until someone holds their feet to the fire, then why should I?

The whole basis for the evangelical right (and I’m trying very, very hard to maintain some semblance of civility right now) is “truth”.  Not just “truth” but “biblical truth”. And not just “biblical truth” but unerring “biblical truth”. According to them only one “right” exists in the world. If you even acknowledge a second option in any question then you’re practicing “moral relativism”.  And that’s bad. Really, really bad.”  In their world, big-G God has one answer and one answer only. Of course, it depends on which sect of Christianity you belong to as to what that answer is. It’s simpler to quote their philosophy with a quote from David Mamet. “The other guy’s cigar always sucks.”

It’s that philosophy that allows them to hate the rest of the world and to decry “worldly things” simply because big-G God doesn’t, in their non-morally relative view, endorse them. Thus, they can decry mega-churches “diluting” God’s word in order to put butts in the seat while begging for money to keep their radio stations on the air. To put it another way – one side makes money from the folks who say “God is love” and the other makes money off the folks who say “God will destroy those who say ‘God is love'”.

One of the best ways to make someone believe something is through humility. Let me rephrase that. One of the best ways to make someone believe something is by listing all of the sins someone else is guilty of in the greatest possible detail and then saying that you don’t do those things.

Example:

There are a lot of ministers who, once the lights come down in the 10 million dollar mega-churches built with the money bilked from useless sheep that flock to their clarion call of sedentary salvation and moral relativism, think nothing of strangling little tiny baby kittens, freshly from their mothers womb and smearing their blood all over their faces. It’s not something I would ever do. Do I sin some times? Sure. We all do. We are of the flesh. I’m not holy. How can I be? But does that mean I can’t speak out about people strangling little tiny baby kittens, freshly from their mothers womb and smearing their blood all over their faces? No. It’s important that we do.

Another way is to tell your own sheep that if you’re ever wrong, all they need to do is bring it to your attention and you’ll apologize. Something along the line of this –

Beat Up Brannon Howse

That’s pretty straight forward, right? “I make a mistake, the Christian thing to do is admit, not make the same mistake and move on.” But built in to that statement comes a paradox. You worship someone because you believe they’re infallible. If you believe they’re infallible, chances are good that 1) you’re not listening terribly close 2) if you find some inconsistency then you’re hero is no longer infallible and 3) who has the balls to spit in Superman’s face. Because of these things, Brannon Howse can make these kinds of statements with 95% certainty that his audience will quietly accept what he says with even more docility than before.

What’s implicit in that statement is that it only applies to those who agree with him. He will only apologize to those who buy into his “world view”. Everyone else can, literally, go to Hell.

Proof – Of course!

Some quick background. Religious conservative and wingnuts in general love to point to Obama’s use of “czars” as proof that he’s really a communist.  In this paradigm, everyone who’s ever taken a bath is a Christian because you dunk yourself in water. The shell game works like this:

  • Russia had czars
  • The communists were Russians
  • Communism is bad
  • Czars are Communists

I’m not making that up.

Of course, the Communists overthrew the Czars. That makes Obama’s czars…um…not Communist.

Given this shockingly true information, a fair, thinking person would have to admit that the whole “czar” thing makes no sense at all. Right?

Wrong.

Did that sound like any kind of an apology? Did that sound like a man humbling himself before the truth? Or did that sound like a man struggling to maintain his hold on a lie that’s a central part of his hate?

Personally, I think the latter. Of course, as a moral relativist, I could be wrong

PS – Let’s see how legalistic his defense and/or defenders get. Legalism, btw, is also a bad thing. It’s either right or wrong and God decides.

In Which Moral Relativism Is, Apparently, Morally Relative

May 15th, 2010 No comments

I remember a Focus on the Family around 5/22/06 where Bilbo Dobson and his comedy troupe screeched on and on about “moral relativism”. Apparently, it’s not only a stupid concept, but an evil one, too. You see, once you cast aside “absolute truth” you might as well start bathing in hot, burning lava to get used to the feeling since you’ll wind up in Hell. Communists believe in moral relativism. Democrats believe in it. Unitarian Universalists believe in it, too. Shit. I can smell the sulfur already.

What is absolute truth? Well…

  1. God created the world in six days and the Grand Canyon was created by the flood waters receding.
  2. God sent his son, Jesus, down to earth as a man so he could be killed by the Jews for our sins
  3. Being gay is bad
  4. If you disagree any of the above, you’ll burn in Hell

Sure, there’s a couple others, but that pretty much sums up the basic tenants of xtianity. Here’s a great example of an absolute truth via Back to Genesis put out by the Institute for Creation Research.

BTG – Why Creation

“But,” you might say to Dr. Morris, “isn’t that kind of a circular argument? Using the Bible to prove that the Bible is true? I mean, the Bible proves that the earth is the center of the universe, too, right? But you’d get laughed out of the institute for saying that. Ok. Maybe you wouldn’t because it’s yours. But you get my point.” Yes, that would be moral relativism.

If, for example, you try to argue that we should actually thank Judas for narc-ing on Jesus since otherwise we couldn’t have been saved from sin then you’re engaging in moral relativism. Similarly, if you ask about the validity of a religion started by glorifying the breaking of one its parent religion’s 10 commandments (“Thou Shalt Not Kill”), that, too, is moral relativism. But I’m being inarticulate, here. Listen to this, instead.

True For You

See? Either you have $5000 or you don’t. Either the Bible is true or you’re going to Hell.

And yet…xtians engage in moral relativism all the time. Case in point – yesterday I called up my buddies at Crosstalk to ask them to take the Anti-Socialist Teabagger pledge and refrain from using socialist services like libraries, parks, sewage facilities, electricity and eating any food that the government subsidized. However, I made two mistakes. Firstly, I stopped talking. That’s a big no-no. As soon as you stop talking you get hung up on. Secondly, I got waylaid by the fucktard going on about how welfare turned all black kids into criminals. He vomited up the lie about how rich a black women could get at the taxpayer expense by sitting on her ass having babies and before I could tell him that most recipients of welfare were white, well, I got hung up on.

Thinking they might have a thread on the Crosstalk Blog. They didn’t. But they did have a post allowing xtians to talk about how shitty Mexicans are and how their grandparent came here legally and didn’t sneak across the US/European border to here. One woman said that the Bible said nothing about immigration or illegal aliens so she could hate them all she wanted without having to ask God’s forgiveness. I was pretty sure this wasn’t true, having gotten about 1/2 way through the ol’ Old Testament and, sure enough

Exodus 22:21, You shall not wrong or oppress a resident alien, for you were aliens in the land of Egypt.” Reminding the people of biblical Israel that they had been slaves in Egypt

Leviticus 19:34 The alien who resides among you shall be to you as the citizen among you; you shall love the alien as yourself, for you were aliens in the land of Egypt; I am the Lord your God.

Hebrews 13:2 Be not forgetful to entertain strangers: for thereby some have entertained angels unawares.

The angels quote got me thinking. I’m reading/listening to The Odyssey at the moment and the other gods (the fake ones) loved disguising themselves to get the skinny on the mortals. That led me to think about how the anti-abortion morans love pulling out the argument that “you may be killing the next Mozart or supreme court justice that will overturn Roe v. Wade”. (Of course, you could be killing the next Hitler or Ted Bundy, too). It occurred to me that  xtians have none of this compassion for illegal children. That they might be deporting the next Mozart or supreme court justice that will overturn Roe v. Wade.

And, so I submitted my comment, which got held for moderation. And then deleted.

I’m not sure how much you know about xtians bu they are (especially the white ones) persecuted at every turn. No one allows them to speak. They have no voice anywhere in the world. All they get is silenced and disrespected. As one pious xtian correctly noted

if America were being invaded by right wing Christians the Gov would be offering a bounty for each captured

It’s true! America hates xtians. All America cares about is killing babies and getting free sex change operations. If I censored xtian comments on this blog (which I don’t and won’t), I’d be persecuting xtians. But when Crosstalk does it, it’s “defending the faith.”

Which sounds a lot like moral relativism to me

Exodus 22:21, You shall not wrong or oppress a resident alien, for you were aliens in the land of Egypt.” Reminding the people of biblical Israel that they had been slaves in Egypt

Leviticus 19:34 The alien who resides among you shall be to you as the citizen among you; you shall love the alien as yourself, for you were aliens in the land of Egypt; I am the Lord your God.

Hebrews 13:2 Be not forgetful to entertain strangers: for thereby some have entertained angels unawares.

So there’s that.

The other irony is that the pro-life movement uses the argument that the unborn might be the next supreme court judge to overturn Roe v. Wade while brush past the argument that the child of an illegal immigrant could also be the next supreme court judge to overturn Roe v. Wade.

In Which This Is One Reason I Won’t Run For Congress

March 4th, 2010 No comments

I haven’t slogged through Paul Schiffer’s website all that much, but, really, how deeply do you have to look to see that anyone that would put out a press release like this is a fucking NUTJOB.

Paul Schiffer, Republican Candidate for Congress in Ohio’s 16th Congressional District, has written legislation to outlaw Barack Obama’s dozens of ‘CZARS’ in the White House. Schiffer promises to introduce this legislation in Congress after election to Congress. Schiffer explained:

“I believe ‘Czars’ are un-American. It started out as almost an inside-the-Beltway joke under Republican Administrations — calling a Presidential adviser a ‘Czar.’ But the idea of Presidential ‘Czars’ has become a worrying trend. If we continue on this path, Presidential over-use of White House ‘Czars’ threatens to weaken America’s democratic system.”

WHUH?

I guess under Reagan it was funny because Reagan hated commies more than Jane Wyman. Thirty years later, though, with an admitted Commie, Socialist, Nazi Muslim in the White House it’s not longer a joke but REALITY.

Making an issue out of czars shows just how far wingnuts will go to avoid talking about issues. Politico today had a story about an RNC FUNdraising meeting that explicitly advocated the use of terrifying the populace with false claims of socialism simply to win elections.  Think about the desperation and hatred it takes for some wingnut fucktard to not only want to destroy the President of the United States but to have resort to what can only be described as terrorism. What’s an even bigger stretch is latching onto czars to do it.

If you weren’t home schooled you probably already know that “czars” have nothing to do with Communism. The Communists overthrew the czars. I know I’m burying a good punchline here, but this makes Paul Schiffer a Communist since he’s advocating the overthrow of czars. Such is the sheer, blind stupidity of the wingnut they literally believe that “czar” means “commie”. When confronted with the historical reality they plug their ears and shouting, “LA LA LA I CAN’T HEAR YOU.”

I’m not kidding. I called up the xtians at Crosstalk America one afternoon when the czar bullshit got to much. Brannon Howse, a seriously dangerous man, hypnotically chanted

“commie…czar…commie…czar…commie…czar…commie…czar…commie…czar…commie…czar…

for more than a half hour. I really tried to resist the call of my commie master, but I couldn’t and picked up the phone to defend old Nicholas II. How’d it turn out? Take a listen:

But It DID Come From RUSSIA

Let’s bear in mind – this guy considers himself to be smart. He’s a thinker.

I can only quote A Fish Called Wanda

Otto: Apes don’t read Plato
Wanda: Yes, they do, Otto, they just don’t understand it.

That said, everybody makes mistakes. Sometimes BIG mistakes. Like putting out a press release claiming to have “written legislation to outlaw Barack Obama’s dozens of ‘CZARS’ in the White House” and posting that legislation…which turns out to be four blank .pdf pages. (noczars.pdf – just in case he actually writes it)

OOPS!

Wingnuts aren’t funny but they ARE hilarious.

In Which Teabaggers Will Hang Themselves Through Their Own Ignorance

February 26th, 2010 No comments

Some wingnut moran posted the following video of Hitler ranting and raving, whipping up a crowd into a murderous frenzy.

Somehow, this is supposed to be Obama. Because Obama is so angry and emotional and people who support him all want to kill Jews. The Hitler analogy doesn’t make sense to those who do things like…I don’t know…read or watch the History Channel. It doesn’t matter to wingnuts, though.  Bad is bad > Hitler is bad > Obama is bad > Obama is Hitler.

It seems to have gotten to a point where some brainless fucktard that doesn’t understand that you can’t blame Obama for getting you fired before Obama even announced his intention to run, can throw up some video of Hitler and not even bother to read the text and still claim Obama is Hitler. Because anything Hitler says MUST be something that Obama said.

Right?

Not so much.


Since when our party was just seven men, we already spoke two solid phrases: First, it wanted to be a true world view party. And, hence, secondly, you uncompromisingly wanted the only and sole power in Germany. It wasn’t the intellectuals who gave me the courage to undertake this task….I found the courage because I encountered two classes. Country people and German workers.

Hm. Weird.

Let me if i can paraphrase this – A small bunch of guys, pissed of at the intellectuals, got together to figure out how rip down the existing power structure and “take back the country” by forcing out the people they considered evil. The took their message to the poor country folk and the workers pissed off about the economy and stirred them to action.  And they really, really disliked Jews, Blacks, Gays and Gypsies…and tramps and thieves. Once roused and enraged, they took pride in the fact that they were an angry mob.  They used physical intimidation and brutality to get their way. They shouted down their opponents.

As always, your mileage may vary, but I’m not sure this describes Obama or any of his supporters. Indeed, this sounds more like the average teabagger, shouting down people in wheelchairs, carrying Obama monkeys, carrying nooses and guns to health care town halls.

But, like Reagan said, facts are stupid things.