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In Which All I Can Say Is…

May 23rd, 2008 No comments

HOO!

Categories: Bntanc Tfunb, Navel (Gazing At) Tags:

In Which A Step Is 1/1,760,000 Of A Thousand Mile Journey

April 5th, 2008 12 comments

A friend of mine in New York called last week to tell me he had an extra ticket to the Bob Elliot panel at the Paley Center.  I almost passed out.  Bob And Ray influenced just about every smart comic that ever came down the pike.  If you watched the Fernwood 2 Nite clips, Martin Mull is a direct comedic descendent  of them.  For those of you who don’t know Bob and Ray the following two sketches are some of the greatest comedy ever written and performed.

The…S….T….O….A

Komodo Dragon

And if you don’t know Bob Elliot, you probably know his son, Chris Elliot from whose semen he was created.

I jumped up and down and screamed and yelled and made a general idiot of myself.  If I drank, I would have taken out the chamapagne.  Party hats, streamers, noise makers – you name it, I was ready to use them all.  What a great day!

Then I realized that I had to get down to NYC.  The car was in the shop.  Money was tight.  BUT there’s always the Fung Wah bus and where there’s a will there’s a way.  I jubillantly booked my bus ticket and practically floated down to the bus station to find that…several buses broke down and everything was backed up.  Without spending money we didn’t have, I was screwed.

I went home and wept.

The moral – Don’t count the best laid plans before they’re hatched.

The larrytards and the Big Tard himself would do well to heed this cautionary tale.  As with all things larrytard, the current situation is rife with irony.  Just this morning they growled and snarled and talked about how the Forces of Good were “pissing themselves with fear”.  Tonight, they’re pissing themselves with joy.

“SOMETHING BIG IS GOING TO HAPPEN IN JUST A FEW MINUTES”, one crowed and then with all the grace and discretion of a four year proceeded to proclaim that he wasn’t going to say what it was until he knew a representive of the Forces of Good was listening.

618. Stepping In It said:

HEY MITCH……………

HEY NAN………………

HEY PAUL………………..

HEY CONCERNED………………

ARE YOU LISTENING?

DO I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION??????

I HAVE AN ANNOUNCEMENT!!!!!!!!!!!!

posted April 4th, 2008 at 5:03 pm | Quote

Four minute later –

619. Stepping In It said:

I’M NOT GOING TO GIVE YOU THE BREAKING NEWS UNTIL I KNOW I HAVE YOU ATTENTION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

posted April 4th, 2008 at 5:07 pm | Quote

“WE ATTENTION” was not forthcoming.  One thing about the Forces of Good – we’re clever enough to know not to respond to a four year old screaming “LOOKA ME LOOKA ME LOOKA ME LOOKA MELOOKA ME LOOKA ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”  Six minute later, he dropped the bombshell that – HOLY SHIT – the judge was going to allow Larry to ask YouTube, Democratic Underground and DIGG for the personal information of the posters he wants to sue.

Bombshell?  Um.  Not really.  But you’d think that their every dream had come true.  Honestly, it’s pretty pathetic.

634. Stepping In It said:

 

WORLD SERIES—–THE PEOPLE VS THE KOOL-AID DRINKERS

THE SCORE IS 3-0

Bottom of the 9th……………

full count……………………..

Bases loaded………………..

paul on 1st…………………..

MZMolly on 2nd…………………..

Tubesocktedd on 3rd………………….

Mitch piching…………………………….

Larry up to bat……………………………….

Judge Kennedy catching……………………………

AND IT’S A GRAND SLAM………………………………….

OUT OF THE PARK………………………………………….

LARRY SCORES THE WINNING RUN………………………………

AN THE PEOPLE WIN THE WORLD SERIES, THANKS TO OUR HERO LARRY SINCLAIR.

HIP HIP HOORAY

HIP HIP HOORAY

posted April 4th, 2008 at 5:30 pm | Quote

“Won the World Series”?  Do you now see why “larrytard” is a charitable term as opposed to the many others that are crueler but more accurately descriptive?  How about “post-abortion candidates”, “choad jockeys” or “taint lickers”?

They’re engaged in an orgy of self-congratulations because they didn’t get kicked in the balls.  How desperate do you have to feel about losing are you if you describe a ruling to “engage in limited discovery” as winning the World Series?  Answer?  Pretty fucking desperate.

Unless I’m mistaken (and I very well could be) Stepping In It must be the Papa Tard in diguise since the post on his website is pretty much a reworking of the World Series metaphor.

I’m waiting for word from the crack legal team at Hbee Inc. (The firm of Obama and Axelrod, if truth be told) to find out the road map for this smokescreen of a lawsuit.  I’m pretty sure that Papa Tard thinks that if he makes it to court, he can call on Obama to testify to the lies Papa Tard tells.  I don’t think it works that way.  Again, I’m not a lawyer, but I can’t see any reason why Obama needs to be anywhere near that court room.  Didn’t Saddam insist that bush, Rumsfeld and Cheney testify at his trial?  I…uh…don’t think they did.

One new character is worth noting – What A Crazy World started off as a polite, well mannered character that bemoaned the lack of civility and rapidly turned into a raving larrytard shrieking “WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?” and asking annoyingly rhetorical questions that she’d ask again even when answered while avioiding answering the key question that will never, ever get answered –

If sinclair can put Obama away then why is he allowing a gay, murderous crackhead to walk the streets?

It’s a pretty good question.  Too bad we’ll never find out…even 8 yrs from now.

There are, of course, some fairly amusing aces that have yet to be played.  It makes me laugh just to think about it!

In Which Obama Has Corrupted My Hard Drive And Stole My Cigarettes

April 4th, 2008 14 comments

You folks know that I’ve been very skeptical about the charges against Obama.  They really haven’t added up at all.  I consider myself to fair and even somewhat impartial.  I’m not thrilled with some of Obama’s policies but my guy, Kucinich, got ignored by the MSM so he had to close up shop.  I mean, Michelle is pretty hot but, DAMN, Elizabeth Kucinich is…um…can you excuse me for a moment?

Thanks.

Where was I?

Right.  Anyway.  I’m having serious doubts now about Obama’s innocence.  Here’s why –

I had a gig last night.  I tend to drink a fair amount of Coke while I’m waiting to go on, which means that by the time I get home I’m fairly wired and I wake up to go to the bathroom more frequently.  I got to bed around 2:30am.  Usually the last thing I do before brushing my teeth is grab a smoke on the front porch.  Our “condo” is a two family house, so there’s the front door that leads into a little anteroom with the doors that lead to the two units.  Generally, I keep that front door closed but it was chilly so I cheated a little and kept the cigarette outside while I was more or less inside the anteroom.

Around 3am I was up again needing to pee.  Walking out of the bedroom door I heard a crash in the front room.  I switched on the light and saw my laptop on the floor.  The cats were freaked out.  They dashed out of the room and into my oldest daughter’s bedroom.  And then I noticed the door to the anteroom slightly ajar.  And the unmistakable smell of smoke.  Suddenly, it all clicked.  Barack Obama had broken into my home, thrown my laptop on the floor, taken some cigarettes from my inside coat pocket and smoke one.  When he heard me get up, he dashed out the door, scaring the cats.  There really is no other solution.

All of this is to say that I’ve got to get a new hard drive and reinstall my latpop.  I may be offline for a little bit.  I’m actually looking forward to the break because this new information gives me a lot to think about.

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March 13th, 2008 1 comment

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