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In Which It Seems That Even When You Write “SATIRE” In Big Letters Some People Won’t Get It

January 31st, 2010 No comments

Oy.

I posted the Scott Brown editorial as a Daily Kos diary making sure to tag it as satire because…well…it is. “Satire”, while not necessarily meaning “funny” implies the presence of something called “jokes”. “Jokes” are meant to produce “laughter” or “amusement”.

I’ve had other run-ins with my fellow liberals along these lines. I posted a video of Billy Bob singing “Killin’ Every Arab I See” with the chorus of

Killin’ every Arab I can see, see, see
Only way to set the country, free, free, free
To bring ’em peace and give ’em a democracy
Killin’ every Arab I can see, see, see

to the Huffington Post Viral Video contest a while back. I stood on a stage, in The Comedy Studio with the logo “The Comedy Studio” in back of me. During the set, people howled with laughter. At the end of the set, I got a huge round of applause. To the objective eye, it was a video of a guy doing stand up comedy, pretending to be a redneck. But not all eyes are objective and so I received the following email which still holds the rank of best…email…ever.

I hope you know they were laughing AT you and not WITH you!!!

Um. No. They were laughing with me. I was laughing at this guy and his inability to detach himself from his obsessions long enough to see that I was on his side.

As a liberal comic, it pains me to see liberals play into the stereotype of having no sense of humor at all. And, no, I don’t mean that all liberals walk around dissecting jokes until they lay limp and lifeless on the linoleum but, sweet fucking jesus, folks – lighten up!

In response to wondering if Brown might be Cuban, some charming person wrote

What makes you think you have to be born here to learn “proper” english?  Isn’t Palin and others like her proof one can master English from birth better than those who are born and raised here?

What makes you think cosmetic surgery is a must?  Is there A Cuban LOOK that is unique to Cuba and not like the USA where everyone or their ancestors come from somewhere else?  Brown is not your average looking Norwegian (obviously not USA).  What does an USA national look like?  He’s not blonde or so-called white.  The man is olive tone as is millions of people across the world and in Latin America.

People must stop thinking language, especially if it’s Spanish means you can’t have euro heritage.

/facepalms

But it doesn’t end there, of course. Although it’s not in the editorial, I do bring up the facts that looks can deceive, giving as proof Michael Jackson and Christine Jorgenson, the first successful male to female gender reassignment. It’s a good joke, I thought. Fairly obscure and smart. Even though I didn’t include it, some smart kossack brought the point up.

  • Grumpy Kossack 1: I don’t find this line of joking funny. So what if he was transgendered? There’s nothing wrong with that.
  • Me: You’re right there’s nothing wrong with it. So why would he hide it?
  • Grumpy Kossack 2: He would not be hiding anything if He declined to share his medical history. He would be protecting his own privacy, and he would be protecting himself from discrimination and violence. Transphobia is absolutely everywhere in American society, and it kills.
    Remember Duanna Johnson. Tortured by the Memphis PD for being black and trans. Killed by the Memphis PD for speaking up.

Yes, it’s true, of course. But that’s not the point. Nor was there any attempt to ridicule transgendereds. But let’s not let that get in the way of trying to hijack a thread to promote your own cause. Because, when you get down to it, even knock, knock jokes can be hurtful.

Knock Knock
Who’s there
Boo
Boo who
Don’t cry, it’s only a knock knock joke!

This hateful and discriminatory knock knock joke might push a manic-depressive to kill themselves. Shame on me for propagating it.

Since they left it alone, though, I can make as many Canada jokes as I want to.

Go figuh.

Categories: Culture, Daily Kos, Flame, Head Shaking, Kossacks Tags:

In Which MAF Stands For Morons Are Fucked

April 5th, 2009 No comments

I’ve said it before but it didn’t sink in so I’ll say it again – wingnuts, you need to stop making yourselves look needlessly stupid.  When the president (and, yes, Obama is the president) says the the market economy is the most important tool to pull us out of a recession, it’s gonna be pretty hard to paint him as a socialist.  When he says he doesn’t support gay marriage, it doesn’t mean he’s pro gay marriage.  When he increases the number of troops in the Middle East, it doesn’t make him anti-military OR pro-terrorist.

Thus, when Move America Forward (the idiots that hate Democrats enough to forget to included the name of the Republican candidate in their emails) hyperbolically hyperventilates “Obama’s Candidate REJECTED!” they forgot to mention that, um, the election isn’t over yet and that it’s pretty much a tie and well come down to the mail-in ballots.  After the election, Murphy lead by a slim margin.  As of the 3rd, when MAF sent out the email, the Republican candidate (whose name the mysteriously began to use) lead by, waiiiiiiit for it – 12 whole votes!!  RE-FUCKING-JECTED, MR. OBAMA BIN LYIN’S CANDIDATE!!

Oh.  Did I forget to mention that the 20th is/was a safe Republican district?

So let’s put that headline into a little bit of context.  Republicans suck so badly that they’ll define “victory” as being up by 12 votes in a race that isn’t over yet in a district they should have won handily.

Their sub-headline does nothing to help de-stupidfy them

Anti-Military Canidate Scott Murphy Stunned By Election Results

Stunned?  If Murphy got stunned by anything it’s that he metaphorically walked into a Klan rally in drag and got blown by half the attendants.  Seriously?  Stunned?  Of course, there’s not a bit of reporting in the email.  They just made up the “stunned” part.  It’s mostly fiction.

But it does correctly point out what a scumbag, loser, dickhead, fuckface, faggot Democrat does when he’s down by 12 votes in a heavily Republican district.  Rather than do the honorable thing and concede, like Norm Coleman did, the useless piece of shit “quickly got the most expensive hired gun lawyer he could find in the State of New York.”  Can ya beat that??  He hired a lawyer!  I’ll bet the Republican candidate didn’t hire a lawyer and if he did, it was a really cheap, shitty lawyer.  Probably the worst lawyer in the country because Republicans don’t need lawyers.  They have God.

Don’t let the Democrats high-priced fast talking lawyers STEAL this election from the good people of New York!

Is this not propaganda-speak of the highest order?  I’m going to admit that the phrase “high-priced fast talking lawyers” produces a gut response of revulsion.  Contrast that with the “good people of New York” bit and you’re looking at a sea of brownshirts ready to put bricks through the storefront windows of the enemies.

Two other bits to look at.  The election would not be stolen from the “good people of New York” but from the “good people of New York’s 20th district”.  Or, as Morons Are Fucked would put it – “good people of New Yorks 20th district” – because only Liberals use possessive apostraphes.  Because Satan and the MSM demand good grammar and all God-fearing, moral Republicans want is to be heard without all the mucky-muck.

One thing is clear, if the Murphy pulls ahead in the recount, Morons Are Fucked will be the first to carve an “M” into some girl’s face and claim the Murphy camp did it.  Because that’s what Jesus would do.

In Which I Posted On The New Majority

March 3rd, 2009 No comments

Isn’t blogging lovely?  If I felt like it, I could post the word “ocelot” everyday until my hosting company went out of business!  Yesterday, someone said they started a new blog but couldn’t think of anything to write.  Normally, that’s not a problem for me.  It’s not the subjects I have trouble with, it’s the time and space to actually get them down.

David Frum, writing at the New Majority, has a heartwarming piece that, if he were a liberal, would be called Fuck Rush.  He finishes off, thusly

But do the rest of us understand what we are doing to ourselves by accepting this leadership? Rush is to the Republicanism of the 2000s what Jesse Jackson was to the Democratic party in the 1980s. He plays an important role in our coalition, and of course he and his supporters have to be treated with respect. But he cannot be allowed to be the public face of the enterprise – and we have to find ways of assuring the public that he is just one Republican voice among many, and very far from the most important.

Amen!

Plenty of the commenters agree with him.  Plenty of the commenters effectively call him, as Rush would, a faggot.  I’ll probably be called a faggot, too, for leaving the following comment –

The fact is that Rush does nothing. Nor does Medved. Nor does Randi Rhodes. Nor do ANY talk show host. If you want to hold up Limbaugh as the savior of the right then elect him president. If you believe he’s right on every issue and that only he can save America then it is your duty as an America to do so. Not to take this action proves that you hate your country…or you don’t have the courage of your convictions. It’s a simple as that. If Limbaugh refuses to run then he is a coward. If he refuses to run then he is admitting that he is, for lack of a better phrase, “all talk and no action”. That goes for all talk show hosts. It’s the easiest thing in the world to make up insults like “Hitlery” and “Feminazi”. You cannot govern with those words, though. Governing takes intellect and tact. Limbaugh has none of those. Instead, he is the middle school football dad kicking the crap out of a referee because he knows more than the ref but is too unstable and lazy to do the job himself. You may hate Al Franken but he had the guts to get out from behind the mike and put his words (faith?) into action. Limbaugh can’t and won’t. In the real world, you can’t scream insults into the face of world leader and expect to get your way. It’s time to put away childish things and one of those things is Limbaugh.

How does Limbaugh do when he has to physically face his opposition?  Horribly.  That’s why he’s on teh radio where he can keep his little bubble in tact and not have to witness the destruction he causes first hand.  That’s why he’ll never run for office – because once you physically see him and he can see you, he turns into the chubby third grader that got his ass kicked over and over again for mouthing off.

Enjoy the sight of ordinary Americans verbally kicking the shit out of Limbaugh.  I did.

In Which Facts Are Stupid Things

February 21st, 2009 2 comments

Facts are stupid things.
Ronald Reagan

Ok, so Reagan really said it but probably not on purpose.  He was quoting (or tried to quote) John Adams.

Facts are stubborn things; and whatever may be our wishes, our inclinations, or the dictates of our passion, they cannot alter the state of facts and evidence.

I could, of course, have just started this off with the quote without providing any context and we all could have had a good laugh at Reagan’s expense.  But then I would be doing what Our Country Deserves Better PAC does.

I’m not sure if you’ve noticed, but we have a new president and there are some people that believe that he will DESTROY AMERICA (emphasis NOT added).  Despite a wealth of evidence to the contrary, they believe he’s a radical communist, a soclialist, that he’ll sell us out to Africa, that he dealt drugs, that he’s on the down-low and (though I’m sure it’s a joke) that he’s a voodoo priest.  These are the same people that crow that after 30 days he’s “changed nothing” and that sneer about him not being “bi-partisan”.  This would imply that they would EVER consider working with him, period.  It’s the same as saying “I’ll stop punching you in the face when you stop asking me to stop punching you in the face.”

Before I go on, I want to acknowledge that latte-sipping liberals such a myself engage in the same disingenuous fiddling that dickheads like OCDB PAC does.  (See, that was a little meta-joke there!)  The main difference, I think, is that we generally cave in like Pelosi and Obama have over the Patriot Act.  Democrats will actually vote for what they believe in as opposed to the ‘licans who’ll skunk the stimulus bill despite the fact that it was reported they wanted it to pass.

Ok.  That’s out of the way.

Take a look at the most recent volley from the stomach of OCDB PAC.

As opposition to Barack Obama’s collectivist, big-goverment economic policies & confused and weak national defense/foreign affairs policies grows, support for Obama has taken a hit in the polls.

The Gallup polling organization has been conducting a daily tracking poll and in the past month Obama’s job approval ratings have plunged by 19%.  The drop in support has been particularly noticeable among Independents and Republicans (one month ago a narrow plurality of Republicans approved of the way Obama was handling his job, now a majority of Republicans say they disapprove).

Down 19%??  Holy shit!  If, as they say, his approval rating is down 19% he’s in pretty big trouble, isn’t he?  It sounds like the entire country has deserted him!  Buyer’s remorse, as the wingnuts’ new talking point says.

Not surprisingly, it’s not true.

I’ve been…let’s call it “monitoring” the OCDB Facebook page and chiming in occasionally.  So, I left this on their message board

Numbers are fun! Obama down 19%! He’s gotta be sunk now! 19% is a really big number! It’s a lot. But you’ll notice that the actually poll numbers aren’t used.

According the Gallup (and, please remember, if you don’t back up your statements with links, nobody will check because he’s hated SO MUCH that nobody cares if it’s true or not) Obama started off with at 67% approval rating. (http://www.gallup.com/video/113977/Obama-Job-Approval-Ratings-High-First-Days.aspx). The new poll has him at….63%

It’s much more dramatic to say that his numbers fell by 19% than he dropped 4 points.

You can also just make up a number that sounds good, too. Do the math, folks. Here’s the Gallup graph – http://www.gallup.com/poll/113980/Gallup-Daily-Obama-Job-Approval.aspx

For the sake of math-iness, let’s say Obama had a 70% approval rating and and it fell 20%. 10% of 70 equals 7 – double that to get 20% and you’ve got 14. 70-14 equals 56.

That’s not terribly close to 63.

Dissent IS patriotic and there’s much to dislike about Obama on both sides of the aisle. But, please, don’t be dishonest about it.

To which Joe responded.

Paul: We take issue with, “Dissent IS patriotic and there’s much to dislike about Obama on both sides of the aisle. But, please, don’t be dishonest about it.” Especially since we provide the graph with the number scale showing the poll results at each interval.

I’ll help you out with specific numbers on specific dates, but I’d ask in the future if you have a question about something we put out, simply ask and we’ll be happy to provide you with clarification or supporting material. But we don’t appreciate people suggesting we’re somehow dishonest. I surely think you’d want us to treat you in the same accord and fashion, yes?

OK, so here we go:

Gallup Daily Tracking Poll
1/21/2009 – 1/23/2009:
68% Approve
12% Disapprove
Net Approval Margin: 56%

Gallup Daily Tracking Poll
2/16/2009 – 2/18/2009
62% Approve
25% Disapprove
Net Approval Margin: 37%

That’s a drop in Obama’s job approval rating by 19% in less than one month.

OK – we’re good now?

HUH?  Wait.  Go and look at the link to the email they sent out.  I see “approve”.  I see ” disapprove”.  What I don’t see is 1) any numbers at all and 2) any reference to “net job approval”.  Sooooo…how, then, do you use numbers that don’t exist to make up a metric that you never defined?  Wouldn’t you call that…um…what’s the word I’m looking for…dishonest?  Isn’t this the same math that got us into the economic debacle that we’re in now?

If you’re looking for some fun, you’d could do worse than join their Facebook group.

In Which It’s Not Enough To Not Be Dead

January 30th, 2009 3 comments

Dear sweet fucking jesus – seriously?  A flock of geese bring down the plane you’re on, the pilot pulls of THE most difficult landing in aviation delivering all passengers relatively safe and sound, the airline gives you $5000 for lost luggage and expenses plus a free upgrade to first class on your next flight and that’s not enough?

Folks – you’re looking at what’s wrong with America.  You’re looking about the selfishness that we as a country have bred within ourselves.

“I think if you survive a plane crash, being upgraded permanently is a good gesture too,” said Fred Berretta, 41, of Charlotte, NC, where the Airbus A320 was headed.

Manhattanite Tess Sosa, who escaped the sinking plane with her husband and two small children, thought the airline was too focused on self-congratulations – and “they want to exonerate themselves as much as they can.”

“They are happy they had such amazing results, and they applaud themselves, and then give us a small token?” she said. “That’s how I take it.”

News flash – the airline can’t control the geese and YOU’RE NOT FUCKING DEAD.  You are alive by the skill of the pilot hired by US Airways.  THAT is your reward.  Frankly, it’s probably more than you deserve.

So, Passengers, go ahead and file your goddamn lawsuits about how the flight path had some deep, unseen flaw that put the plane in the flight path of the birds and how the only miracle is that hundreds of thousands of people haven’t died already because of US Airways neglect.  Go ahead and sue because some other passengers baby threw up on your pant/leisure suit.

YOU’RE.

NOT.

DEAD.

Why not thank the pilot, ask what his favorite charity is and dump as much money as you can into it?

Fred Berreta and Tess Sosa – meet me on the docks so I push you back into the Hudson and see if anybody tries to save you.  It’s worth whatever jail time I’d incur.

In Which I Am A Last Minute Person, Too, But…

January 1st, 2009 No comments

Parent-wise, I now kind of get the “do as I say, not as I do” thing.  It’s not ideal, I admint.  We, as parents, should model the behavior we expect from our kids but there’s an element of nature/nuture in the calculus.  Thusly, I’d rather teach my kids things that I didn’t learn and give them good habits that left me behind.  Some of it’s simple stuff like flossing. Some of it’s community stuff like opening door for people and not parking like an asshole.

With one child, though, I’d like to teach her that if you wait until the last minute then you get what you get so don’t whine about it.  My parents both grew up in the mid-west so nature/nuture-wise I got the stoicism gene and nature/nuture-wise I don’t think that’s a bad thing.  While it didn’t help me NOT be a last minute person, I’d like to think that when I screw up because of it I take responsibility for it.

So I get a little cranky when I read about how it technology’s fault that some kids had trouble submitting their college applications an hour before the deadline.  And I get even crankier when their parents say shit like

“This is completely unacceptable,” said Stephen Dear, a North Carolina father whose son was unable to submit his applications for more than an hour. “You have these wonderful kids who’ve been working so hard on their applications and they’re completely at the mercy of the Common Application.”

Sir – Your “wonderful kids” had more than a year to work “so hard” on his/her application as did all the other “wonderful kids” who overloaded the system with their hard work.  It’s not technology’s fault.  It may not even be your fault.  It’s your child’s fault.  That doesn’t necessarily make that kid a “bad” kid but rather than bitch to the New York Times about the failures of a system not built for the load placed on it why not sit your child down and talk to them about the virtues of time-management and planning?

And while I’m being judgmental about the NYT and luxury problems – OMG!  You’re saying you can’t get divorced because there wouldn’t be enough assets to divvy up for you to both buy comfortable houses?!  You poor, poor people!  Holy shit!  Let me start a telethon to raise the missing $300,000 out of the $2m the housing crisis sucked out of your home!  OMFG!  You’d rather live with someone you despise than rent an affordable apartment in a less-desireable section of town and shop at Johnny Foodmaster rather than Whole Foods (nee Bread and Wallet)?

Wow.  Wonder how your kids will turn out?

In Which Some Letters Are Better Than Other

December 27th, 2008 2 comments

Ok.

Sorry about  this, but here goes – When you get to the point where you have to write it “LGBT/GLBT” then you need to move to a deserted island by your self where no one will EVER make you sad ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever again.

Seriously – when does it fucking stop?  When do you stop labeling?  When do you just flip a coin, stick with the decision and stop changing what you call some thing/one just because some little asshole got bent out of shape because S/HE calls them eyeWHISKERS instead of eyeLASHES because “lashes” implies a pro-slavery/pro-capital punishment imagery.  (AND THEN, of course, some BDSM lobby cries foul because they are, ONCE AGAIN, being oppressed and their lifestyle choice denigrated.)

From Negro to colored to black to African American back to black…where next?  Seriously – where next?

Yes, yes, I understand how, as a white man I’m not allowed to comment on race/creed/color stuff because I cannot possibly understand what oppression means…outside of the 6 years I spent being called faggot, homo, queer etc in pre-college.  I’m not approaching this as a white man’s burden kind of thing.  I’m approaching this as people relating to people.  I’m looking at this from a practical standpoint.

If you want to invite me to your non-straight/non-white dance – wonderful.  I’d love to go but, frankly, I’m not sure I want to because I’m afraid that I’m going to make some kind of slip-up like saying “African American” when I should say “black” or LGBT when I should say GLBT.  I’ve gotten screwed by this before.  “Even thought everybody else here says it, you’re not allowed to say ‘faggot’ or ‘nigger’ because your honorary membership is not valid in this specific clique”.

Oh.  Do please forgive me.  How about if I just call you a fucking asshole instead for 1) needing to label yourself as different from me so you can 2) despise me for being different from you.

I’m not saying I’m perfect.  Yes, there are times I slip back into the patterns and prejudices taught to me by my parents.  I’m doing my best to not pass those on to my children.  To (as I’m led to believe) teach them that we are all equal.

What I’m saying is to stop insisting on equality by inventing new labels.

LGBT/GLBT?  How about “Paul”?  Or “Jane”?  Or “Chet”? Or “Kiwmabechocula”?

How about we toss out the labels?  Or does that make an anti-labelist?

Fuck You, Hillary

May 23rd, 2008 4 comments

I’m contemplating blacking this blog out until Clinton withdraws.  I know it wouldn’t mean anything but it would be a sign of my own contempt for a person who consistently shows America that four years of her presidency is Russian Roulette with three bullets in the chamber.

RFK’s assassination?  At long last, have you no shame.  (I’m sure that Olbermann had that in his first draft, btw)

Despite the spin on both of the campaigns, I believe she knew what she was doing.  On many occassions, I, like probably 90% of Americans, said out loud or to themselves, “Obama could get assassinated”.   Some “hard working white person” could snap and rather than pull out of this hell called the bush years, we’re plunged in more confusion and hatred.  I do my best to stuff those thoughts down.  It’s a nightmare scenario.  For Clinton, though, it’s a dream and a good one because it’s the only possible way that she can legimately win the nomination.  As of 4pm today, according to the News Hour Delegate Tracker, Obama need 56 votes to clinch the nomination.  Clinton needs 246.  Killing Obama is just about the only way to stop him and Clinton blind, power-hungry ego isn’t above praying to the God she recently became aquainted with in order to appease the Evangelicals.

Leaving aside her cynical moving of the goalposts to fool herself into thinking she’s got a chance (“John McCain came from behind, why not me?”) think about her responses to her multitude of mistakes – she never apologizes and she never backs down.  It’s not really her fault that she repeated her lies about Bosnia. – she was sleep deprived and anyone could have made that kind of mistake. Now contrast that with bush’s Politco interview where he would apologize for the clusterfuck in Iraq because “some people told [him] there were weapons of mass destruction.”  Has Clinton ever apologized for her role in advancing the Iraq war?  No.  She just blames bush who blames “people”.  Notice any similarities?

When the phone rings at 3am do you really want someone so “sleep deprived” that they cannot understand how incredibly fucking stupid bringing up the RFK assassination was?  Hillary’s not apologizing for it.  No, no, she’s digging herself deeper by half-assing some feeble explanation without even acknowledging that she implicitly wished death on Obama whether she meant to or not.

You probably don’t remember the Rev. Wright issue.  Oh.  Wait.  Hillary still beats that dead horse.  Anyway – what was Obama’s reaction?  Did he spout some kind of double-speak?  Did he blame Michelle because he didn’t really want to go to that church anyway?  No.  At first, he stood up and defended his pastor and used his demi-bully pulpit to address the subject of racial divide in America and in it, apologized to those who were offended.  Can you see Clinton apologizing for anything?  I can’t.  Clinton strikes me as closer to bush in temperment than McCain.  I’ve already had 8 years of that.  I don’t want more.

There’s a theory that Reagan wanted Gobachev to hear the “evil empire” comment.  It was psy-ops.  Clinton’s not stupid.  I don’t believe that kind of thing just slips out.  I believe that, with no June surprise on the horizon, no Obama “fucks puppies stories”, no “Michelle sacrifices Christian babies to Allah” stories, Clinton at last threw the kitchen sink – Someone’s going to kill Obama, the party will be even more fucked up than she made it and then you’ll be sorry you didn’t listen to her back in Iowa!  All of this party strife was so easily avoided by sticking with the candidate that everyone said would be the nominee until Mr. Hopeful showed up with his patriarchal oppression and relying on race instead of substance to carry him through.

She meant to say it.  If she’s putting out 3am scare ads and pictures of bin Laden – she meant to say it.  Pure and simple.

Why hasn’t there been a concerted effort to kick her ass out of the race?  Because she’s a girl.  Every pundit I’ve seen talks about “letting Hillary down easy” like the girl you asked to the prom when your first choice managed to survive an assassination attempt.  “Um, Hillary, I’ve…um…got some bad news…Emily’s going to pull through so…um… I can’t go with you.  Can I have my ring back?”  If Clinton wasn’t relying on gender, she wouldn’t make such a big deal of it.  “The biggest and last glass ceiling”?  Fuck you.  I have never heard Obama make a speech about how proud Harriet Tubman would be of him personallly.  Yes, he talks about race but he keeps it on a national level – AMERICA can accept a black president, any black president.  He de-emphasizes his role.  Clinton can only think about her role.  It’s not that America can accept any woman as a president but that it accepts HER as the first woman president and isn’t she brave to chart these waters.  She’s Sally Fields accepting an award for playing a candidate.

So if you didn’t mean to RFK statement the way it came out – fuck you for not issuing an immediate and heartfelt apology.  I know you couldn’t anyway, because you’re not programmed for apology and Karl Rove has your heart.

If you did mean it – then fuck you for your cynicism in thinking America would vote for you because Obama would probably be killed soon.

I truly hope your political career has ended.  You’ve worked so hard to destroy it.

In Which Obama Is Keyser Söze

March 11th, 2008 7 comments

Here’s a quiz –  

Let’s just say, for shits and giggles, that at some unspecified period of time you received $10,000 because you said you put someone’s penis in your mouth while the two of you were doing drugs.  Now, because you’re a really good person and concerned about your community, you split that $10,000 into two $5000 checks and present them to, say, the Boys and Girls Club and (off the top of my head) a women’s rape shelter.  Perhaps, you neglected to fully disclose to the charities where and how you got the money or maybe they didn’t ask.

Either way, some weeks later, you find out that they returned the checks you got as a result of putting your mouth on someone’s penis while the two of you did drugs.  It turns out, they say, that they (the Boys and Girls Club and the women’s rape shelter) now feel slightly squeamish about keeping the money now that they (or maybe the director of the charity) understand method in which the money got to them.  What is your reaction?

a) Anger – at how picky they’re being
b) Regret – they that would return the check
c) Understanding – since the words “blow job”, “drugs” and “Boys and Girls Club” should under no circumstances appear even in the same zip code as one another
d) Fury – because this is just obviously one more link in the conspiracy to silence you and to cover up for a gay negro crackhead so that he can become president and destroy America

I’d guess that the vast majority of Americans would pick either b) or c) with the majority of those people going with c).  I could see very few people picking a) and only one person pick d).  Can you guess who that might be?

Good!  You’ve been following this fucked up little story then!  Yes, it’s true.  Larry believes (and really truly believes) that Obama is Keyser Söze.    Obama, via some unnamed power, directs his supporters to thwart Larry’s every single move.  Even though he has evidence, bullet-proof evidence, the MSM refuses to cover this story  (Larry claims that the MSM does not disbelieve the facts he presented) because….um…they really like Obama…I think.  Recently, Larry revealed on the highly reliable Jeff Rense program (find it yourself) that after speaking to Larry on the phone, a gay priest in Obama’s church WAS BRUTALLY MURDERED.  Is it just co-incidence??  Rense, always the model of a hard-hitting, truth seeking journalist, commented, “well, we’re going to follow this story with as much depth as we possibly can” and then proceeded to not question a word Larry said.

While I’m on the subject of Rense, this is the third interview Larry’s done with him.  Larry made passing reference to sleeping through one of the shows he was supposed to be on.  I guess not eating and drinking 36 Pepsis a day is going to wear you down after a while.  Rense said something that I think should sum this up for anyone who has even the smallest doubt that this whole thing is a farce.  He addressed those who believe that they are targeting Obama.  Not true, says he.  We are just as hard on Hillary and McCain.  IN FACT, he continued, there is an article on the front page that accuses John McCain’s post-war behavior as treasonous and about Hillary’s upcoming fraud trial.  What Rense is saying is that an 8 1/2 year old blow job and drug use is of more importance than treason.  I really need to make sure that this is completely understood –

an 8 1/2 year old blow job and drug use is of more importance than treason 

No.  It’s not nor will it ever be.  Ever.

I’m really behind on some actual writing I’m supposed to do but let me just clear something up because Larry is so fucking concerned with getting the truth about him and BarackaSDF;LKASJDF;POIKQJEW[IOFPJUE ASDFA – oh, sorry, I just vomited on my keyboard…again.  On the Rense interview, Larry refers to the gay dead priest that Obama apparently took a hit out on as “Paul Young”.  He’s later corrects himself saying he’s should have said “Don Young”.  “I said ‘Paul’,” he says, “because I’m sitting on my laptop looking at an email from a Paul Day, who’s been harassing me…”  This is a lie.  I don’t believe I’ve ever sent Larry and email directly and definitely not in March.  (As scan of my Sent Mail says I haven’t)  I rarely comment on his blog since he likes to either delete comments or alter them.  What he’s referring to is comments on Big Head DC and very few of them directly addressed to him. 

Weeks and weeks ago, Larry made many statements insisting that he did not need to and would not respond to challenges on the web.  As with many things about Larry, it’s not been true.  He’s been posting frequently on Big Head as “Lorenzo” (yeah, I don’t get it either).  I’m pretty convinced that he’s posting anonymously as a several others.  But (and here’s words Larry never says) I can’t prove it.

In Which They Folded Like A Crumpled Suit

March 9th, 2008 8 comments

First off, my profound apologies to D-Rob for bringing her into the vortex of Larry “I’ll Keep This Up Into Obama’s Second Term” Sinclair.

Secondly (and for those who actually follow the action – you’re gonna love this), I just got a message from what I guesstimate to be the 1037th person Larry is suing.  That’s not the good part.  The good part is that Larry told this person that (waaaaaait for it) he only has a year to live.  Don’t get me wrong – that is NOT cause for celebration.  I wish nothing for Larry except a long life of ridicule.  Speaking of which, I hope Larry’s lawyer knows about this year-to-live thing, otherwise they’re getting screwed out of some legal fees.  No, what’s cause for celebration is that Larry, once again, fucked up and left another clue showing he’s a liar.  To wit….”I have not allowed any Dr. to tell me what they believe is my expiration date.”  Now, I’ll admit that sometimes I’m a little literal and legalistic BUT when it comes to death, for me there’s a fairly large chasm between “don’t know” and “a year to live”.  Especially if you owe me money.

Onto the evening’s entertainment  –

larrytards (and, stylistically, that should always be lower case) are a brave lot.  It takes a fair amount of courage to stand before the entire internet and spew the same talking points day after miserable day.  It’s like an Ironman competiton that consists solely of how long you can hula hoop.  Not only are you horribly sore by the end of it but everybody points and laughs at you because you look really fucking stupid.

Oh.  Shit.  Bad analogy.  larrytards are anonymous.  Duck, Phone Record Nov 1999 and pathetically predictable, outlawales, all hide in the piss-stink shadows of internet anonymity with something I assume is supposed to be humor.  It must be funny to other larrytards or maybe they really  are in fourth grade.  Lots of cock and homo comments such as someone who used the name “Cock-Ass For Obama”.  Get it?  “Caucus”?  “Cock-ass”?  Yeah,  I know.

Actually, outlawales has at least one identifiable alter ego – Paul and the Puppy.  I’m more and more convinced that outlawales may actually be the only existing larrytard.  I woudn’t put it past him.

I’ll admit up front that I post anonymously on on Big Head and I’ll rationalize it by saying that when I do it’s for the increased ridicule effect.  However, when I confront their lies and slander head on, I don’t hide.  As a matter of fact, I put the link to this blog on it.  When Larry threw a hissy fit about anonymous people posting on his YouTube page (which, having just checked, found out that he disabled and deleted ALL comments – a stupid move from a legal standpoint, IMHO) I sent him a message with my full name and email address so he knew who I was.  Okay, so BBN left him a voicemail thanking him for keeping negros out of the White House…what of it?  (Larry also sent BBN a message that included an acknowledgement the supportive voicemail.)

The anonymous larrytards, when their back is against the wall, love to scream about how it’s sooooo easy to make accusations when your hiding behind….an….anonymous……..screen……………………..name.  No.  They don’t get the irony. 

At one point some anonymous  little larrytard quipped, “What’s that?  Do I smell FEAR from you?”

“No,” I responded, “vomit.”

“That’s because you make me sick, Paul.”  ouch.  that hurt.

“No, your fear makes you sick.  You’ve invested so much hate and spite in your little enterprise that with every day that Larry refuses to release actual evidence, that tiny seed of doubt grows bigger and bigger. What’s worse – we could have a black president! Talk about FEAR!!  I don’t have any fear.  You’re the one hiding behind the fake name.  C’mon.  Out yourself!  Be brave, larrytards!  Publish you’re email address!”

The response?  After about 15mins of laughing and name-calling, they mysteriously disappeared.

I’ll give Larry this much – no matter what kind of a deluded, lying bastard he is – he’s upfront and accessible.  I’ve got his numbers if you want them.