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While I’m going through Crosstalks, yanking audio, it’s worthwhile posting a few of the latest of the Back To Genesis series from The Institute For Creation Research. Their tag line is “Biblical. Accurate. Certain.”

“Certain”?

That’s one of those words that I use when I’m sure of something.

“I’m certain that I chanted ‘Hail Chucky’ three times before I put the chicken foot on my head….didn’t I?”

I don’t mean to get into my personal life.

I really wish they would podcast this series. Instead, they stick it in at the 20min break of Crosstalk so you have to edit them into their own file.  Perhaps that’s the point. If the rest of the nation heard what utter foolishness Creation “scientists” try to pawn off as fact, the series would shoot to number one on the comedy podcast list.

Lately, they’ve switched from talking about earthly matters such as how man couldn’t have come from monkeys

Proof Of Creationism – Man Can’t Swing From Trees

And proving that Noah’s Ark could have held two of everything

Noah’s Secret? Dinosaur EGGS!

BTW, BTG can’t even stay consistent within itself. “Dozens of horses”? Um. You’d only need two, right?

To heavenly matters such as solar eclipses

And…Um…God Made It

And how there is no fucking way that Jesus will walk on the Moon.

Fuck The Sun! God Loves The Earth More!

I wouldn’t go so far as to say they’ve jumped the shark, but they’re certainly running out of material. As my friend, Kevin Harrington, pointed out, “It’s kinda like they’re saying ‘here’s a bunch of information and, btw, God made the world.”

And, because I can’t seem to stop, here’s one of my top three

Noah’s Elves

See, the Bible is the inerrant word of God, right? It’s the history of the world and how God made it. So, just because God spends entire chapters on on geneology and sacrifices made unto doesn’t mean that everything is in there. Just because it doesn’t talk about Noah sub-contracting some of the ark construction to outside firms doesn’t mean it didn’t happen.

Got it?

Neither do I.

Hbee Back To Genesis, Bible, Creationism, CrossTalk, ICR, Lovable Psychos, Navel (Gazing At), Religion, xtians Back To Genesis, Bible, Creationism, CrossTalk, ICR, Lovable Psychos, Navel (Gazing At), Religion, xtians

Xtians want you to believe that if only the Muslim president converted to xtianity, everything would be ok. He’d understand that Jesus would waterboard terrorists before putting two Godly bullets through their skulls. He’d get that personally killing pre-borns contradicts God’s laws. Jesus would lead him to the founding of the American theocracy that God created America for.

You see, they’re not hateful. They want the best for the other 80% of the population that is not totally fucking insane. All they want is for the rest of us to understand that America needs to be saved before God can destroy it in the Armageddon.

But.

Converting to xtianity is not enough.

Apparently, Jesus doesn’t always save. It’s so confusing. Once upon a time, you turned your life over to Jesus and, BOOM, that was that. Past sins forgiven, milk and honey at the signing of the death certificate, moral clarity – in short, you, like the folks at Crosstalk, got a pre-approved ticket to Heaven. Guess not.

I’m not sure who gets to change the rules, but all signs point to Vic Eliason. Vic decided that just being xtian isn’t enough. Thus, even if President Obama converted to xtianity Vic still wouldn’t support him.

There’s really only one way that this works – Jesus can’t forgive all sins. If, after dedicating your life to Christ, your earthly judges (Vic, Jim and Ingrid, I guess) still find your soul tainted and wicked, then Jesus didn’t do His job very well.

Ok. I lied.  There’s another way it works. It works if Vic, Jim and Ingrid hold themselves pridefully above the rest of humanity in some special xtian skybox halfway between Heaven and Earth set up as Jesus’ hallway monitors. I’m a little rusty on my bible passages, but I’m sure they can tell me which chapter and verse gives them authority to judge the strength of someone’s faith.

Vic? Ingrid? Jim? Bueller?

Help me out, here.

Jesus Doesn’t Save

Caller: [I was asked] What if Obama had a conversion and got saved and became a Christian, what would your response be and my response sadly was, man, I’d start praying for him and asking God to protect him…

Sadly? Really? You’d be sad about an enemy of America converting from the dark side to the light side? I could have sworn that the a lost lamb coming back to the flock meant rejoicing. Boy! What a dumbass I am! It’s actually cause for regret and suspicion.

Still, Vic, as God’s Hallway Monitor, explains, after a conversion, it gets kicked up the chain of command to Vic, Jim and Ingrid. Only after they sign off on the new recruit, does God make the final judgment.  And, really, how can anyone know what God thinks. Maybe, Vic hints, God would kill the newly xtian Obama just to teach him a lesson.

Because, as stated earlier, Jesus can’t absolve all sins. Especially the sins of Socialism, Communism, Fascism, Saul Alinksy-ism and all those poor pre-borns that, had they been born, would have saved the Social Security system.

Hbee Bible, Blatant Assholes, Christians, CrossTalk, Religion, Republicana, Talk Radio, VCY America, Vic Eliason, Wingnuts, xtians Bible, Blatant Assholes, Christians, CrossTalk, Religion, Republicana, Talk Radio, VCY America, Vic Eliason, Wingnuts, xtians

First off, I have no idea if they do or not.  I can’t see into their souls or know what they do when no one is looking.  And if it’s true, I’m sure they wouldn’t want anyone to see the kind of shocking immorality personified by having forced sex with little tiny dogs.  One wonders how you would go about such a thing.  Would you have to tie them down?  Would you drug them first so they were docile?  I really can’t answer these questions.  No can know for certain if the founder of World Net Daily and the on-air staff of Crosstalk America, a Christian radio talk show, engage in the kind of acts that Jesus would most certainly frown on.  But no one can rule it out, either.

Can they?

After all, the halls of Christian broadcasting lie littered with the remains of the fallen – Baker, Swaggart, Haggard – you know who they are.  Circumstantial evidence would suggest that if you make your living broadcasting your love of Jesus that there’s a high probability that you hide some deep, filthy secret that at some point in time will come out.

To be clear – I’m not accusing them of sadistically and brutally violating cute, fluffy, innocent, cuddly puppy dogs for base, sick, sexual gratification.  I said up front – I don’t know if they do.

Still, I call upon them to devote a segment of Crosstalk America to address these possibly damaging allegations – to give them to proper airing and vetting that they demand of…say…the President of the United States.

You see, Crosstalk isn’t actually a Christian radio show.  I used to give them benefit of the doubt.  No longer.  They morphed into a political extremist group singularly focused on overthrowing the American government and replacing it with a theocracy similar to that of Iran.

When you allow so-called “journalist” Joseph Farrah to spout the most irresponsible lies and half truths about the President of the United States, you have left the realm of humanity.  And, as Crosstalk will tell you, once your morals go, anything is possible – even puppy fucking.

Here are few of the myriad pieces of filth that Farrah spews

• There’s evidence that Obama’s grandmother is his mother
• Obama may not actually know his true relationship to his family
• Obama probably did not write either of his books
• Maybe it’s a co-incidence that Hillary Clinton “who’s in succession for the Presidency” just happened to travel to Kenya
• Farrah will not trust the Director Of Public Health’s confirmation of Obama birth certificate – he needs to see it himself
• Every Kenyan believes that Obama was born there and that should be proof enough that he was

I’m trying think of another time in which a political figure was accused of not being the mother of her baby and people condemned the rumor as baseless and proof of how low the political process had sunk.

Oh yeah.  Sarah Palin. To even suggest impropriety in that case got the torches of the religious right burning and the nooses looped.  Of course, it wasn’t up them to prove that it wasn’t true.  The accusers had to prove it was true.  Sarah was too demure to get her feet dirty answering such spurious charges.

So, Crosstalk Staff, where the hell do you come off insisting that the President of the United States respond to shit that you fling at him?  Really – is this the biblical way to act?  Does Jesus condone the kinds of lies and whispering that you give voice to?  Is your faith in God so weak that you will not trust in God’s plan for us? Do you honestly believ that it is incumbent on YOU to bring down a democratically elected official?  Do  you hate America that much?

Once more, I have no proof whatsoever that Farrah and the staff of Crosstalk are anything other than garden variety hypocrites whose zeal causes them to forget the teachings of the God they profess to believe in.  Apparently, though, you don’t need proof to make conditional statements – “they may,”they might”, “it’s possible”, “evidence leads me to believe that”, “it’s within the realm of possiblity.”

Thus, I call on Joseph Farrah, Jim Schneider, Vic Eliason, Brannon Howse and Ingrid Slueter to take to the airwaves and spend the hour assuring me, personally, that, despite baseless claims to the contrary, they do not rape puppies.  Furthermore, they need to take calls from the listeners – I’m sure they’ll have some questions.

Note: I have never understood those who said they felt physically sick listening to something.  I know do.  I literally almost threw up listening to this show.

Hbee Analogies, Bible, Blatant Assholes, Christians, CrossTalk, Ridicule, Sarah Palin, VCY America, Vic Eliason, Vomiting in My Mouth

I totally forgot about one of my new favorite sound clip from Crosstalk.  I have to admit that I don’t listen every day because I’m too busy worshipping Satan and searching for new commandments to break – I mean, it seems like there’s a whole lot more than ten out there.  Anywho – somebody must have done some pretty good trolling because all of the sudden the policy on calling in changed.  No longer will they pick up any old call, no, no – you must have a valid caller ID or they won’t even pick up.

Vic Explains The New Policy

YOIKS!

My favorite part is “the integrity of this show depends upon it.”  Whuh?  Integrity?  Vic, you’re “integrity” is, for lack of a better word, shit.  Especially since you spent a fair amount of the first part of the show riffing on some black helicopter World Net Daily “article” about how the 2010 census is using GPS to map people’s front doors and how GPS was used in the Iraq to send missles through windows.  Of course, you assured people, you weren’t saying the government was planning on killing Americans.  Not American forces, at least, since Obama was “decimating” the military.  But if some force decided to invade America and had to locate a certain house, they probably wouldn’t know English and would have to rely on GPS to figure it out.  And since Obama had mapped all of the houses with GPS then what makes you think that he wasn’t working for…well…no need to say more.  As any lawyer knows, you don’t have to explicitly say what you mean to inflict damage.

Yes, Vic, among the sane and thoughtful, you’re integrity is like Ted Haggard’s butt – stretched and lax.  Remember that time you had the conversation with the guy that said that since homosexuals were immoral they couldn’t feel remorse and therefor could kill anyone they wanted to and not care?  A person of integrity would have at least challenged such insanity.  You didn’t.  A person of integrity wouldn’t allow a host like Ingrid to knowingly let a caller rewrite history

John Lennon Killed Immediately After The Bigger Than Jesus Statement

Rather, your integrity is like honor among thieves – it sounds good but it’s just not true.  They’re still thieves and by any objective standard, you still lie and, worse, enable others to lie through your silence.

Hbee Bible, Christians, CrossTalk, Lovable Psychos, VCY America Bible, Christians, CrossTalk, Lovable Psychos, VCY America

[Note - Newton Wilcox on the Board of Directors of www.shelleytherepublican.com, which is to say he's a fucking nutcase.  This letter was leaked to me anonymously and is posted without comment.]

Dear Mr. Justice Scalia

It goes without saying that God is the judge of us all, but until Jesus returns to earth to judge the naked and the dead (and if they’re naked it’s pretty much assured that they’re going to Hell) then you, and NOT Barney Frank, are the right man for the job. How dare he call you a homophobe!? This “politically correct” term is used simply to demonize those who hate gay people. I hate broccoli. Does that make me a broccoli-phobe? According to Mr. Barney Frank, I guess that it does. I guess you’d better just ship me off to Barack HUSSIEN Obama’s food re-education camps that he’s setting up even as we speak. What kind of country has America become when you are forced to not only eat but to enjoy hummus? I guess you can call it “change” but I, for one, do not believe in it.

You well know, sir, that God founded America to spread democracy and the English language throughout the rest of the world. If this isn’t true, then why was the Bible written in English?! (And, parenthetically, thanks to President Bush Iraquis are now beginning to put u’s after q’s the way they’re supposed to. Mission accomplished!) As you said so eloquently in your dissent against the decision to let Texas become an openly homosexual state, the “agenda promoted by some homosexual activists [is] directed at eliminating the moral opprobrium that has traditionally attached to homosexual conduct.” If I was a smarter man, I’d understand all of those words but it seems pretty clear that you understand that the homosexual agenda wants nothing more than to make all heterosexuals get divorced and force them to “marry” someone of their own sex. We know this to be true because Dr. Dobson and the Rev. Ted Haggard have told us so.

What’s less known, and the reason for this letter, is that all of this is being driven by the powerful Unitarian Universalist lobby in Congress. How do we know this? All you have to do is follow the money. Who stands to gain from homosexual marriage and the destruction of the moral fabric of our society? Unitarians, that’s who. Besides Satanists, Unitarians are the only other “religion” that performs “same-sex” ceremonies. Thus, the Unitarians stand to gain untold riches from fulfilling Satan’s plan of turning America from a once proud and powerful capitalistic country bursting with nuclear weapon capabilities into a filthy, third world hippie commune overseen by Charles Manson. Was Jesus killed by the Jews for this? I think not.

I’d like to personally thank you for standing up for the American values of traditional marriage and Christianity as laid out in the Constitution of this great country of ours. I’d also like to thank you for helping Justice Thomas get comfortable with a job that seemed to be pretty much over his head. Fortunately, you’ve told him how to vote and everything has worked out for the best.

In closing, let me just say that you are my favorite Supreme Court Justice even though you’re a Catholic and you can look forward to my vote in 2012 to keep you on the court!

Yours in Christ,

Newton Wilcox
Board of Directors
www.Shelleytherepublican.com

Hbee Bible, Christians, Conspiracy, Dobson, Gay/Not Gay, Lovable Psychos, Political Whatever, Religion, Wingnuts Bible, Christians, Conspiracy, Dobson, Gay/Not Gay, Lovable Psychos, Political Whatever, Religion, Wingnuts

Not all Christians are assholes.  I pretty sure that I’ve said this before.  I know some very nice, kind, caring Christians.  Every year, it’s the churches that organize an MLK breakfast.  The woman down the street works in a food pantry and puts in time bettering the community.  I’d say, all told, that there are more nice Christians than not.  In my own odd way, I believe in the goodness of people.  Sadly, these are not the people that immediately jump to mind when many people (note the qualification) think of Christians.

They think of assholes like James Dobson.  They think of dickheads like Rod Parsely.  They think of absolutely losers like Jimmy Swaggart.

If there is a Hell then under the guidelines, I will be there and I will have many, many conversations with many, many Christians who will no doubt be shaking their heads as to how they got there.  It seems that no matter how many times you try to explain that telling other people that they’re going to Hell doesn’t mean you’re going to Heaven, they just don’t get it.  They also don’t seem to understand that Jesus didn’t preach that the way to Him was distorting the truth – AKA: Lying.

If I remember it correctly, there are sins of omission and sins of commission.  A sin of omission is failure to do what one can and must do.  Thus, Ted Haggard committed a sin of omission when he bought speed and had sex with a male prostitute.  A sin of commission is to know something is wrong and do it anyway.  Thus, James Dobson and his buddies knowingly and willingly tell lies in the name of Jesus.  These lies projectile vomit out of the mouths of their deluded followers.  People like this fine, caring xtian.

You may know a lot of atheists who help, but they are not the majority

Understand, they are taught that you cannot be moral without being a Christian.  I have heard someone say that homosexuals are more prone to murder because they have no morality.  They can kill and not feel anything.  I wish I was kidding.  And so, all atheists are homosexual sociopaths.

This is the way xtians survive to fill their coffers and preach their vision of the hateful Jesus.  In their view, extrapolation equals logic.  Thus, if Barney Frank calls Justice Antonin Scalia a homophobe what he’s actually saying is that any American that voted on a state Defense of Marriage law is a homophobe.  Which is not only stupid but a sin of commission.  xtian “leaders” knowingly and willfully took a satircal piece about a homosexual uprising, stripped out the prologue that explained

This essay is an outré, madness, a tragic, cruel fantasy, an eruption of inner rage, on how the oppressed desperately dream of being the oppressor.

and claimed it was the blueprint for the homosexual agenda.  Seriously.  When you hear someone claim that “I am holding a copy of the homosexual agenda in my hand” that’s what they’re referring to -  a satirical newpaper column in a gay paper.  (And I”m desperately trying NOT to make a joke about what’s in their other hand…OOPS)

It should be fairly obvious that these people are not Christians.  They are xtians.  Like the early Catholic Church, they are not about Jesus.  They are about earthly power.  I’m not even sure that they understand what they’re doing.  I do know, however, that Jesus wouldn’t have lied to spread lies about people he didn’t like.

See ya in Hell!

Hbee Bible, Christians, Dobson, Political Whatever, Republicana, VCY America, Vomiting in My Mouth, Wingnuts Bible, Christians, Political Whatever, Republicana, VCY America, Vomiting in My Mouth, Wingnuts

Ok.  So we’ve all been in the situation (probably) where even though we’re literally flat broke we blow a couple of quarters on a video game or give it to some homeless person.  After all, it’s fifty cents.  What’s fifty cents when you owe $5,000 on your credit card and $25,000 in student loans.  Granted, that’s fifty cents that might have been put to better use but…c’mon…we’ve all been there.

christcons, though, see the world through shit-colored glasses.  Like Katherine Harris said, “if you’re not electing Christians then in essence you are going to legislate sin.”  And when I say, “sin” I don’t mean the sin of not blatantly lying.  God’s ok with that.

It’s not surprising, then, that savecalifornia.com came out with this blistering attack on how sucky California is

At the same time that it can’t pay its bills or mail tax refunds, California’s foolish government is spending time and money on an advertising campaign that invites homosexuals, bisexuals, and transsexuals to adopt children.

To translate – CALIFORNIA LOVES HOMOS SO MUCH THEY’LL BANKRUPT THE STATE.

Or – The billboard contracts got negotiated previous to the crisis and it’s a non-issue, financially.  Billions of dollars in debt compared to, what, $1000 for a billboard?

Why should LGBTs adopt?  My lord, you’re naive!  Because…because…there’s this study that says…um…girls raised by lesbians are more sexuaully adventurous than those raised by the christcon fantasy of homophobic mom and pop operation.  Because gays and lesbians don’t have any morals.  They only adopt children to either turn them gay or eat them.  It’s pretty much spelled out in the press release and confirmed by a study.

In 2001, the University of Southern California conducted a “study of studies” regarding the effect of homosexual parents upon children. “(How) Does the Sexual Orientation of Parents Matter?” by sociology professors Judith Stacey and Timothy Blibarz was published in the American Sociological Review. The researchers found significant differences between homo-parented and hetero-parented children. Among them:

* A significantly greater proportion of young adult children raised by lesbian mothers than those raised by heterosexual mothers say they have experienced sexual intimacy with a partner of the same sex. They were not, however, statistically more likely to identify themselves as gay or lesbian.

* Young girls raised by lesbians are more likely to be sexually adventurous and active than their counterparts raised by heterosexual parents. However the sons of lesbians exhibit “an opposite pattern” and are likely to be less adventurous and active than boys raised by heterosexual households.

* Lesbian mothers reported that their children behave in ways that do not conform to “sex-typed cultural norms.” And the sons of lesbians are reportedly less likely to behave in traditionally masculine ways than those raised by heterosexual couples.

BOOM!  Take that you liberal so-and-so’s with your “tolerance” and “acceptance”.

Remember that part I said earlier about God being ok with lying?  That’s where that part comes in.

www.savecalifornia.com provides a link not to the study but to a Fox News story about the study.  That was pretty much the tip off.  I’m aware that the other side of the coin feels the same way about MSBNC and The New York Times.  Why, you ask, did they not link directly to a study that bolsters their position?  Because the Stacey/Blibarz doesn’t say that.  In fact, it doesn’t support their argument at all.

One of the actual opponents of same-sex parenting, Steven Nock, decried that all studies of same-sex parenting were crap because, well, same-sex marriage didn’t actually exist so you couldn’t quantify it.  That’s like saying that we’ve never actually been to Mercury so we can’t say with certianty how much we would weigh on Mercury.

Stacey/Blibarz testified and refuted pretty much all of Nock’s claims of apples and oranges before a Canadian court.  No, I haven’t read all 33 pages but I don’t believe I’m cherry picking (unlike some) when I quote from their opening statement

There is significant, reliable social scientific evidence that lesbian and gay parents are as fit, effective and successful as similar heterosexual parents. The research shows that children fo same-sex coupels are as emotionally healthy and socially adjusted and at least as educationally and socially successful as children raised by heterosexual parents. We conclude that granting same-sex parents the freedom to marry would likely result in positive outcomes for such parents, their children, gay and lesbian people, and society as a whole. We also reject the assertions of Professor Craig Hart. His analysis is intellectually flawed and the studies cited are irrelevant to the issues in this case. [Emphasis added]

Like Jesus said in the Sermon on the Mount – “the ends justifieth the means.”

Hbee Bible, Blatant Assholes, Christians, Culture, Religion, Republicana, Wingnuts

I’ve talked about Janet Folger’s ode to Hate Week,  The Criminalization of Christianity: Read This Book Before It Becomes Illegal!, previously and while I don’t claim to be an expert on christcon propaganda, I think you could easily use it as a template.  The most important thing about lying for jesus is to sound as if you’re not.  Keep two things in mind: 1) christcons aren’t actually Christians because if they were they’d know that 2) Jesus isn’t stupid.

I bring this up because @stacyharp started up with the “HUSSEIN” stuff again with this little mini-poem to dick-ishness:

Who else thinks calling Barack HUSSEIN Obama is insulting? I’m curious because if you do, take it up with his mom. She named him

Context means nothing to christcons.  Despite the fact that “Hussein” among Muslims is like “John” among Americans, there is only one “Hussein” and he blew up the World Trade Center for no other reason than that he hated freedom.  This means that all men named “Al” are Italian gangsters and all women name “Stacy” will, after they die, find themselves sitting next to the 9/11 hijackers in Hell sputtering, “b-b-but I was sooo moral!”  She repeatedly claimed that she wasn’t being snarky and that “I like middle names” and proceeded to spend the rest of the night calling him “Hussein”.

When I asked Stacy (who, if she doesn’t personally enjoy taking it up the ass, doesn’t mind other Christians who do as long as their married and not fags) if Jesus would be respectful and call him President Obama or be a dick and mock him, she oddly refused to answer the question.  It’s par for the course and the reason that christcons are not actually Christians but using Christ’s words as a jumping off point to rationalize their own hatred and to profit off the fear of others.  Does it really take a biblical scholar to understand that Jesus was not a sarcastic dick?

“Hey, Pilate, you must be a faggot because you keep talking about morning wood!”

(To a soldier in Gethsemane) “If you wasn’t carrying a spear then I wouldn’t call you a spear chucker.  The fact that you’re a nigger don’t have nothing to do with it.”

No – it doesn’t.  So why couldn’t she answer that question?  Because she knows somewhere in her tiny little hate-filled heart that she’s wrong.  I’ve heard Jesus described as a Libertarian.  I’ve heard him called a Repbublican.  I’ve heard him described as being against welfare.  Each of these claims takes so many leaps of logic and perversions of Scripture that you might just as well call Jesus a Nazi.

christcons love Janet Folger’s book.  I like it, too, because the lies are so blatant, the logic so loose and the hypocrisy so obvious that even christcons tend to back off when confronted with them.  Folger uses three main tactics -

1) Misdirection – A christcon judge got turned down for a federal judgeship not because of unwise, racist rulings he made but because (waaaaaait for it) he taught Sunday School.

2) Hypocritical Snark – It’s ok for Folger hack and slash at the gay community but the moment they criticize christcons it changes to “so much for ‘tolerance’ and ‘understanding’, huh?”

3) If Apples, Then Oranges – There is a whole section of the book on Nazi Germany.  Why?  Is America the new Nazi Germany?  In a word, yes.  Because if Hitler did [x] then a liberal politician will do [x], as well.  It’s the only logical outcome.  The vast majority of examples used in the book don’t actually bear relation to America.  There is so much prefacing of “In Europe…” and “In Canada…” that you wonder if you picked up the wrong book.

I guess Stacy used to write for Renew America until Folger called and said she wanted her act back.  Maybe that’s why a friend DM’d me and called her “unoriginal”.  I mean, when you resort to this kind of juvenalia

- P.S. are you a real BEE? If not, stop impersonating one here on Twitter

- is that the best insult you can do? You who hide behind a BEE

you’re drowning and, by the look of it, possibly NOT in water.

Notice, though, how she says “is that the best insult you can do?”  Not “argument” or “case” but insult.  I think, during the whole exchange, I did my best to stay away from the insults since that’s what they (and Folger) look for.  One of the scams works this way – spur the mark (in this case, me) on to a point where they call you a cunt and then rest your case because, after all, that’s proof of the evil of godless liberalism.  It’s the jesus version of “what choo say ’bout my mama?” ploy.

Because Jesus always talked shit about people’s mamas.

Hbee Bible, Blatant Assholes, Christians, Democrats, Liberal Faggot, Republicana, VCY America, Wingnuts

I’ve watched the two clips that ABC released of the [sarcasm] monumental [/sarcasm] interview with Sarah Palin and, gosh, maybe it’s my liberal bias but I don’t see anything that makes me think that (unlike Jamie’s mom) she’s got it going on.  In fact, it’s pretty goddamn scary.

One scary part is how ABC News parcels out the interview, making it next to impossible to quickly and easily find all the parts on their website.  Or why they’d want to cut it up to begin with.  Perhaps the McCain Cabal felt that by restricting her appearances to 2-3 minute clips, the full weight of what a cynical choice they made might be blunted.  That said, I’ve finally found a 9min clip dated 9/12.  I’m not going to link to it just so you can have the fun of finding it yourself.  As it stands, the fuzzy placard at the end of each of the…um…minisode announcing that Charley did an interview with Palin and be on the lookout for more, strikes me as almost sub-YouTube.

Palin’s answer to “are you ready to be the president” really should send chills up and down the spine of every American.

I answered him yes because I have the confidence in that readiness and knowing that you can’t blink, you have to be wired in a way of being so committed to the mission, the mission that we’re on, reform of this country and victory in the war, you can’t blink.So I didn’t blink then even when asked to run as his running mate.

Wow.  Let’s do a little metaphorical skit.  Sarah Palin applies for a job at Cirque du Soleil

CDS: So, Governor Palin, have you ever done any tightrope walking before?

Palin:  No.  No, you betcha I haven’t.

CDS:  So, why would you be a good tightrope walker?

Palin:  I would be a good tightrope walker because I am confident that once I get up there, I’m not gonna fall down.

CDS: But, you have no real qualifications.

Palin: The local middle school put on a circus and I went to go see that.  I’m confident that I can do it.

CDS:  You’re hired.

That wouldn’t happen.  And yet, the ‘Licans are more than happy to have a VP that recently said that she hasn’t been following Iraq.  How do they get away with this stuff?  If Biden said something like that, the so-called “liberal media” would have him for breakfast.  Palin, though, gets Charley Gibson sitting across and pretending to ask Hard Questions (TM).

On the God question, she quickly and clunkily pivots her position right before our very eyes.  When asked about the performance at church in which is called The War (TM) a task from God, she hems and haws until Gibson asks her if, by deploying to Iraq, her son is embarking on a task from God.  “I don’t know if the task if from God, Charley.”  Let’s remember that the church video wasn’t years and years ago – it was three months ago.  That’s a pretty short time to turn your back on a task from God.

There are plenty more nuggets to mine, but the day job beckons.  I’ll leave off with a chipper lil fun fact courtesy of Sarah.  Did you know that Alaska is “the only arctic state in our union”?  IT’S TRUE!

Be very afraid.

Hbee 2008 Debacle, Bible, Blatant Assholes, Christians, McAble, McCain, News, Political Whatever, Religion, Republicana, Sarah Palin, Wingnuts

[Note - I'm am desperately going to try not to use the c-word.  It's warranted.  It's the precise word to use.  But I'm going to try my best to stay away from it.]

Let me say upfront that I don’t hate conservatitves.  When I argue with them, I do my best to be respectful and not pull a whole bunch of cheap rhetorical tricks.  However, there’s a certain breed of conservatitive that has such a loose grip on the facts that consversation is completely impossible almost to the point where after two minutes they’re screaming that I’m a freedom hating faggot that wants to fuck their son and clone Stalin.

Think I’m kidding?  I’m not.  Take a look at this c…..er…conservative name Lynn Thomas who goes by the name of Cao (pronounce it however you want).  Pick any post, it doesn’t really matter which.  The latest, as of this writing, is titled “shouldn’t we be allowed to have an opinion?”  Now, you’re thinking to yourself – what’s wrong with that?  We live in America, a country based on the free exchange of ideas.  It’s a right that many Americans lay down their lives for.  Not just soldiers, but civil rights workers, protesters, clergy and everyday people.  So the answer, obviously, is “yes, EVERYONE is allowed to an opinion.”  Or are we?  Cao continues -

And I think [thank?] God I still live in a country where we can agree to disagree and still remain friends.

That is – unless the people I’m disagreeing with – are marxist Obamanots. In that case, they’ll do their best to destroy people who disagree – because groupthink in their world, RULES, and you’re only allowed one opinion: theirs.

See what I mean?  By disagreeing with Cao you are attempting to destroy her because…your opinon doesn’t count.  Only hers does because it’s the correct opinon.  Calls of “why can’t we all get along” from the right (and left, sometimes) never mean that.   The paradox in the previous statement is stunning – “you are only allowed one opinion: theirs.”  Soooo…how many opinons does she allow when to disagree with her makes you a “marxist Obamanot”?  Answer – none.

These disingenuous pleas for “understanding” and “tolerance” fuel my hatred for extreme wingnuttery.  They are not stable people.  None of them.  I’ve spoken with on the radio and 90% of their arguments whither in the face of very simple logic.  Case in point (and forgive me for being sketchy on the details) – A couple of years ago in Georgia, a defendent grabbed the gun from a cop and shot his way out of a courtroom.  Pretty embarassing, right?  Of course – because the cop was a woman.  If it had been a guy, the defendent would have been overpowered by the big, manly cop and order would have been quickly restored.  I think it was Mike Gallagher that used that example to argue for a male-only police force.  EXCEPT that a year or so later the exact thing happened with a male cop.  I called him, got on the air and reminded him of his previous statement which he ignored and asked what size Birkenstock I wore.  I’m serious.  He wouldn’t even address the issue because he had no leg to stand on. If you’re going to call for the firing of all female cops due to a single incident then you should, in a morally pure world, call for the firing of all male cops for the same offense.

Wingnuts, though, don’t care about morality.  They don’t care about anyone except the Wingnut Club.  How does Rush Limbaugh condemn drug abusers only to turn around, admit he has a drug abuse problem and continue to be respected.  He conciously bought drugs illegally.  In a morally pure world, he should be crucified in the public square and held up to small children as a prime example of hypocrisy.  Instead, he got a raise and higher ratings.  Newt Gingrinch fucked around on his wife while condeming Bill Clinton for fucking around on his wife.  Newt is held up, not as a pariah, but as a scion of the “Conservative Values”.  Larry Craig?  He’s a faggot so put him up againt the wall and pull the trigger.  Wingnuts hate faggots because Jesus hates faggots.

BUT, if you’re a useful faggot and you behave yourself, then, you’re ok.  Take David Brock, for example.  Brock, before he started the liberal Media Matters, was a Republican attack dog.  Remember Anita Hill and “a little bit nutty, a little bit slutty”?  That was Brock.  Pretty much everything in The Real Anita Hill was a lie, he later said.

I want to make sure that this is understood clearly – David Brock was paid to lie about Anita Hill so Clarence Thomas could get on the Supreme Court.  The Republican Party knew about these lies.  This, I add with a admirable understatement, was NOT a moral action.

Brock wasn’t an out-out gay man but everyone knew.  Why, then, would the memebers of the party of family values, memebers of the party of God, the members of the party of “gay marriage will destroy America” pay David Brock$300,000/yr to write for the American Spectator?  Aren’t gay people the enemy?  Answer – they…don’t…care.  The ends, as Stalin knew, justify the means.

Fun Fact – Ann Coulter fag hagged Brock!  Isn’t that sweet?

Now, the wingnuts reading this will no doubt use the tried and true rhetorical flourish of “OH YEAH?  BARNEY FRANK’S BOYFRIEND RAN A PROSTITUION RING OUT OF THEIR APARTMENT!!!  HOW DARE YOU PREACH TO US ABOUT MORALS???”  This has the effect of not answering the question.  Rather, it’s hoped that by bringing up some Democratic scandal they somehow magically absolve themselves of their own.  It doesn’t actually work that way but let me address it briefly

You can only hate something if you hate something

Most democrats don’t hate gay people nor do they find homosexuality immoral.  Most democrats don’t hate drugs and don’t find drugs immoral.  Most democrats don’t have that big of a problem with prostitution.  So, the Barney Frank thing is no big deal…especially since he didn’t know it was going on AND reported it to the House Ethics committee when he found out.  I know that wingnuts love oversimplification so let me help you out – democrats are, by wingnut standards, immoral and so explicitly embrace immorality, therefore to judge us by your strict moral codes is comapring apples to oranges.

But here’s the thing – we acknowledge your theoretical code of conduct where as you, in your best imitation of Christ, piss on ours.  Lynn calls us, of all things, Marxist.  Really?  That’s odd, because in three out of the four gospels, Matthew, Mark and Luke, there is the almost identical story of Jesus (yeah, THAT Jesus) telling some rich guy, “If thou wilt be perfect, go and sell that thou hast, and give to the poor, and thou shalt have treasure in heaven: and come and follow me.”  And, for special bonus points, what do you call the redistribution of wealth?

But it’s even better than that.

The only version of the Bible that most evangelicals recognize as the one that God wrote is the King James Bible.  There’s a great book (soon to be a VH1 Special) about the making of the King James Bible called In the Beginning: The Story of the King James Bible and How It Changed a Nation, a Language, and a Culture.  Turns out that at least a few pious folks murdered other pious folks to get this new version or the Word of God done.  And, oh, yeah, there’s compelling evidence that King James was at least bi-sexual.  Yes.  That’s right.  The book (or at least the most accepted version of the book) is the result of a sodomite.  If you can deal with the Marxist Word of God (TM) being finance by a bi-sexual, what’s the big deal with a gay negro crackhead for President?

And so, wingnuts turn to self-deception to ferret away all these nasty questions that threaten the vicious and closed-minded world they fester in and stave off some truths they’d rather not face.  If one-man/one-woman is so important, why isn’t their an eleventh commandment?  Why did God let polygamy flourish without retribution?  Isn’t interpreting “Thou Shalt Not Kill” as definitive proof of God’s stance on abortion akin to “activist judges interpreting the Constitution”?  How do you justify the slaughter of hundreds of thousands of innocent in the Middle East when the same commandment holds true?

Oh.

Wait.

That’s right.

They’re towelheads and will not rest until Allah reigns supreme over every surface of the world.  After all, didn’t Allah say, “He that sacrificeth unto any god, save unto the LORD only, he shall be utterly destroyed. “  Wait, that was the GOOD GOD insisting that he reign supreme over every surface of the world.

And, of course, when you gotta kill the women and children for the glory of Allah, you gotta kill the women and children for the glory of Allah

32 Then Sihon came out against us, he and all his people, to fight at Jahaz.

33 And the LORD our God delivered him before us; and we smote him, and his sons, and all his people.

34 And we took all his cities at that time, and utterly destroyed the men, and the women, and the little ones, of every city, we left none to remain:

Oops!  Deuteronomy!

See, you can’t bring these points up with wingnuts.  They can’t talk about them.  They refuse.  Lynn and her Lynn-nots herself once tried to convince me that Jesus was actually very free-market economy.  True!  Jesus wasn’t into welfare, according to them and when, in the space of five minutes, I could get my search terms right to get the passages I quote above, they attacked me as ignorant about what Jesus actually said.  The irony?  If they actually knew, believed and followed the Bible they should have known those verses off the top of their heads.  The four Gospels don’t tell the same stories so for three out of four to stress the rich casting off thier wealth to help the poor…that’s pretty significant.

Wingnuts cherry pick their morality and when to observe it.  They don’t have a problem telling God to go screw when it suits their agenda to do so.  “Pious Rich Christian”, according Jesus himself, is an oxymoron.   John McCain had lobbyists working for dictatorships and the wingnuts shrugged.  After all, you gotta make your money somehow, right?  Obama goes to a party where there might have been drugs and it’s proof that he’s a drug addict.  The bush family has close ties to Saudi Arabia where almost every terrorist involved in 9/11 came from and not one wingnut questions that relationship or demands to invade Saudi Arabia.  Obama sits on a board with Bill Ayers, a founding member of the Weather Underground, and Obama is consorting with terrorists.

Lynn, I know this mean nothing to you.  You probably can’t even wrap you’re mind around your own contradictions.  I’m not an Obama supporter.  I did give him $25 just to piss off Hillary, but chances are good that I will vote, not as my party, or my friends or God wants me to.  I will vote my conscience because I have a conscience.  You don’t, so you’ll vote for who you’re told to.  And against every single teaching of the Jesus you profess to love you will tirelessly work to tear down by any means necessary those who disagree with you.

Jesus might have saved you from stoning.  I wouldn’t.  I’m not Jesus.  And neither are you.

Hbee Bible, Blatant Assholes, Christians, Culture, Dobson, Navel (Gazing At), Religion, Republicana, Ridicule, Vomiting in My Mouth