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In Which I Write An Open Letter To Bryan Fischer’s Producer

March 4th, 2013 No comments

Hey buddy!

Y U keep deleting my comments on ur fb page, huh? Oh. Right. Because pointing out egregious lies and innuendo makes me anti-God. Sorry about that!

See, it’s just that the Jesus that I grew up with had this weird thing about the truth. He was for it. So when your boss, Bryan, ejaculates into Focal Point the mic about how gays and Muslims will allow NO dissent WHAT…SO…EVER and then goes on to praise CPAC for not inviting Christ Christie to the hate rally because he’s not ideologically pure enough…well, the Jesus I grew up with calls bullshit. And, even though I no long believe in Jesus, I haven’t stopped believing in the truth. I still have a fondness for him in my heart despite your efforts to turn him into a gun-totin’, libertarian he-man who punches fags in the mouth and sucker punches liberals.

You left a sweet response to someone saying that my accounts were only created for harassment.  Given that, let me tell you a quick story about this other guy who people found harassing.

Seems that in “olden days” these businessmen were in the public square doing what businessmen do – business. So this freak comes up and starts yelling at them to get out and they’re like, “DUDE, CHILL. We’re just doing business here like we always have. What’s your problem??” And the freak says, “you guys are in my dad’s house and he doesn’t like it” and the businessmen are like “DUDE, stop harassing us” and the freak starts screaming about truth and duty and honor and the businessmen are like, “whatever” so they leave.

I’m not gonna lie. I enjoy debunking your bullshit. There IS no biblical mandate for marriage in the Bible and the only reference you can come up with is a passage about divorce. That’s called a lose. You’re pulling your hair out because you think the Emergency Manager Law in Michigan acts as the precursor to the fascism. You’re right. And when I point out that the governor and legislature that enacted that bill both pay allegiance to the GOP, you delete and ban me. When I make a completely factual statement that if you obeyed the 9th Commandment your show would be two minutes long – you banned me. When you post a “prayer” asking for God to

“Remind us not to be alarmed when we hear of wars and rumors of wars, of nation rising against nation, of kingdom rising against kingdom, or when we hear of famines and earthquakes in various places” and then start pissing yourself because Iran might have a nuclear weapon, you’re acting like a fucking idiot and you deserve to be called out on it. NOT to harass you, but to help you see this little thing that Jesus called “the truth”.

And the truth is that you’re a fucking idiot. Any rational reading of the Bible runs counter to pretty much everything you say.

But it’s more than just your idiocy. It’s your blatant cowardice. To wit –

Grant us courage so that we may be willing, if necessary, to be persecuted and hated because of you.

Now you’re saying I’m harassing you…let’s even say persecuting you. This prayer make you look like a whiny little douchebag that plays with dolls. You’re asking God for the courage and then immediately go into your Chris Crocker impression crying LEAVE BRITNEY ALOOOOOOOONE and furiously pounding the delete key.

Did I call you a douchebag yet? Damn, I did.

Here’s the thing – you claim Jesus hung on cross in unbearable pain to make you clean. Man up and start acting like he gives you strength instead of running away like the little bitch-boy you are.

In Which I Post The Highlights From The Best Crosstalk Ever

August 9th, 2011 No comments

I’ve been off Crosstalk for awhile mostly because you can only listen to so much of this shit before I start having fantasies about playing Swimming With Sharks with Vic and the gang.

“Vic. There IS no homosexual agenda. What you claim is
the homosexual agenda was a satirical piece in a gay newspaper
that was read into the Congressional record without the pre-amble.
Say it!”

I’m not ashamed to say it. The lies and rationalizations warrant the harshest treatment imaginable. I heard a guy at an AA meeting once

If you wish good things for a person you hate for a month straight, that person at the end of them month that person will no longer be a problem to you. And it works. Usually, I wish that the person would go to Hell sooner rather than later.

A-fucking-men.

I guess it’s a sign of the times that the 8/5/11 Crosstalk stands out as the quintessential guide to xtianity. It literally shows you everything that’s wrong with this particular brand of SkyDaddy-ism.

Note: All clips are verbatim and not edited. There is one exception that I will flag. I cut out a chunk of crap for the sake of time.

Atheistic Scientists Waste Citizens Tax Dollars – Why do we bother exploring the universe when GOD created it? Three interesting things to listen for –

  1. “interesting”. Whenever a VCY host says this (and I’m pretty sure they’re trained on the proper inflection) you know that bitter, Christly sarcasm lurks just around the corner.
  2. “fiiiive yeeee-ers”. The setup for the punchline. Normal people might think, “wow! Jupiter! I wonder what that will look like?” xtians only see xtian oppression and proof America’s slow decline into Communism and race mixing.
  3. Faux-folksy chuckle – I actually admire their delivery. You can just feel the old folks sitting in their nursing home chuckling appreciatively and desperately trying to remember the joke so they can tell it to their nurse.

You Are Automatically A Member Of Whatever Group Endorses You – The Communist Party endorsed Obama so Obama is a Communist. Makes sense, right? Hagee endorsed McCain so that make McCain and anti-semite. White Pride Preacher Pastor Pete Peters endorses Jesus. That makes Jesus racist.

This is the one that is edited. I took out Jim’s recitation of the speech the godless Communist made which is all standard blah-blah and cut straight to the incitement to outrage of “get your reaction to that later in the broadcast.” News round ups need that punching up in case granny needs her memory jogged.

Taxpayers Paying For The President Doing Things That President’s Does – Whuh?? The President of the United States of America is going to travel around the country he’s the president of and talk to its citizens??? AND WE’RE GONNA PAY FOR THAT??? How fucking dare he! Spreading commie propaganda, promoting the homosexual agenda and denying the supremacy of Jesus on OUR DIME! What has this country come to?

It’s this kind of bullshit that makes me insane. As if Obama should pay for this out of his own pocket. Obama’s townhalls accept all questions. He does them completely unscripted. I believe he’s at his most powerful when he does them. All these wingnuts that say he can’t function without a teleprompter need only to watch a townhall to know that he’s actually better without it. What’s next? “OMG! Obama gets room and board at the taxpayers’ expense??”

Census Shows Gays Are Taking Over – Why bother to explain something when just stating raw facts with no context is so much more frightening? Gay households up 49% sounds like a lot…until you find out that the Census didn’t previously include gay households. Kinda puts that into perspective, huh? Which is why it’s not mentioned. The last thing you want is people feeling like the news may not be as horrific as it sounds.

Why Can’t We Teach People That Jesus Loves Blowing Shit Up? – When you need to hold a class to twist the Bible to support your agenda, there’s something wrong with your agenda.  Thus the Christian Just War Theory class (“Hey! C’mon, you pussy! It’s just war“) shouldn’t really be needed. Since the Bible is God’s inerrant word, we should all be het up and raring to wipe out the infidel Muslims, Commies, yada yada. Of course, if you’re using the King James Version (commissioned by bi-sexual King James) it’s gonna come out all wrong. Instead, use the Conservative Bible Project’s version and all becomes clear.

Laws Against Lying Aren’t Christian – The case that wingnut girls over at the Susan B. Anthony List, rather than staying home and taking care of their kids and serving their husbands the way God wants, instead descend, harpy-like, on anyone they feel isn’t anti-abortion enough. They did this to Steve Driehaus, a Democrat who voted for the Health Care bill. Even though the bill does NOT include “taxpayer funded abortion”, the girls put up billboards saying that Driehaus voted for taxpayer funded abortion. In other words, they lied. It’s what Addison DeWitt would call “a stupid lie, easily proven.”

SBA claims First Amendment rights for “criticizing a politician”. But when does outright lying become criticizing a politician? SBA, like most wingnuts, screams to what they take to be the heavens any time someone challenges them. Like Jesus, they willingly climb on the cross, dripping blood on anyone foolish enough to come to close to them. Outside of the illegality of blatantly lying about your opponet, one would think that the whole “thou shalt not bear false witness thing” would come into play. You’d be wrong.

What amazes, amuses and saddens me about Crosstalk is just how far the rabbit hole they are. They do shows on how it’s in the Koran that you’re allowed to advance Islam with seemingly no clue as to how their actions mimic those of the heathen infidels. It’s the same thing with religious supremacy. While claiming that bloodthirsty Islam won’t rest until the entire world converts to Islam, they believe that they can’t rest until the same wicked Muslims that want to convert the world to Islam convert to Christianity.

Old Chestnuts Never Die – One thing you may not understand about Crosstalk’s special brand of xtianity is their deep and abiding hatred of any physical connection between body and soul. It’s just not ok. Wicked things like “yoga” and “feelings” lead straight to the pit of Hell. I’m not kidding. They’ve done whole shows on the evils of Christian yoga which, according to them, can allow you to relax to a point where Satan can physically enter you. Basically, the moment you start feeling ok about yourself is the precise moment when you sin. Brannon Howse once said that he wakes up every morning and hates himself…so that he doesn’t sin. I would think he hates himself because he’s a lying, scumbag race-baiter, but that’s just me.

Either way, Crosstalk never misses a chance to talk about how “new-age spirituality” and the apostates who love it, will no doubt bring down “the church” if they are not stopped and not stopped NOW. It’s really the same Pavlovian trigger as “communist” and “homosexual agenda”. The image of the earthy-crunchy devil worshiper with their beads and their crystals fires up the base as much a black man being president. So when some group comes out with the 10 billion beats to cure the world the through the power of a drum circle….well…I think it’s ripe for ridicule but it’s not evil.

HEYA! Let’s go to the phones! It’s really the main reason to listen to Crosstalk. The hosts and guests rarely match the level of crazy that Brother and Sister Xtian can bring. To wit –

I’d Rather Be A Terrorist Than A Commie – Mark came loaded for bear. He had a statement and he was gonna make it, gosh darn it! It doesn’t matter that it makes no sense. He mostly likely heard it last night at the bar. Note the conditional “if I was a Tea Party member”. That’s some commitment! Note, too, how pleased Jim sounds.

How Can Obama Push The Muslim Agenda AND The Homo Agenda? – What a great question! If Obama is the devout Muslim that Shirley believes him to be, how can he push the homo agenda when Islam (just like xtianity) hates gay people? My question would be “Why don’t we ever get pictures of him bowing to Mecca?” Shouldn’t there be tons of those? Jim can’t actually answer the question so he falls back on the “Muslims can do whatever they want to advance their agenda” line, effectively saying “do you expect consistency from the wicked Nation of Islam?” The question is answered by a caller later in the program. It turns out Muslims are using the homosexuals to destroy America and, once it’s destroyed, will kill all the gays. Clever!

They Want To Make Us Give Up Our Capitalism – I love the callers that pretend they’re actually sticking to the subject when they’re going somewhere completely different. I also love callers the define “the enemy” as everyone who is not them. Thus, the New World Order consists of Jews, Muslims, gays and pretty much everyone who is not American.

Exactly how would one be forced to give up their capitalism. I was pretty sure the whole New Word Order thing was based on capitalism. Right?

Uhhhhhh…Uhhhhhh…Uhhhhhh…I’m Crazy – Why is this best Crosstalk ever? Because, almost as if by (intelligent) design, they save the best for last. Daniel probably doesn’t get to talk to too many people because he’s busy cleaning he’s guns when he’s not collecting his socialist unemployment check and/or disability. You really have to wonder about folks who listen to Crosstalk and STILL have to ask what the “Muslim bible” is called. He’s not even functional enough to remember that. And yet…there he is. Think about the construction of his statement –

Uhhhhh….Uhhh…what’s the Muslim Bible called? Right. Uhhhhh…uhhhh…Isn’t Islam bad?

But the coup d’ grace comes with “the chemicals in our food are destroying us.” Where the HELL did that come from? Perfect!

I really can’t urge you strongly enough to listen to the whole show. Completely worth it!

In Which Jesus Is Not An Objectivist

April 20th, 2011 No comments

[Note: The audio version of this will be available sometime soon on The Pod Delusion. Thanks to Salim Fahdley and James O’Malley for that.]

The impending release of the film version of Atlas Shrugged reminds me of one of the lowest, darkest and most desperate periods in my life. Actually reading Atlas Shrugged.

Looking back, I realize that I fit the social demographic perfectly – I was emotionally retarded.  Just out of high school, friends with a lot of girls but with no girlfriend and having turned my back in mild defiance of Christianity, I desperately searched for some reason to explain why I always wound up on the losing end of things when I felt as if I gave so much. 21st century me now knows that I was simply an enabling co-dependent with low self-esteem and the solution lay in the halls of Al-Anon, a therapist’s office and perhaps some serotonin inhibitors.

20th century me, however, grabbed for the biggest, longest and most unwieldy book I could find to make me not feel stupid. At that point, it could have been any book, but it turned out to be Atlas Shrugged. During the summer of 1980 I devoured every line and possibly even masturbated to the image of sharp-featured, dominatrix Dagny Taggart. I knew nothing about objectivism  or Ayn Rand or what a miserable human being she was. All I knew was that, finally, I found good, concise, well-reasoned reasons to tell the rest of the world to fuck off.  I was, at last, better than everyone else.

And I’m terribly, terribly sorry for that.

If, for some unknown reason, you plan to see movie version of Atlas Shrugged, it’s important to arm yourself with this key fact – Rand was a loser who wrote books for losers. Objectivism isn’t so much about strength as it is about not being perceived as weak.  It’s about BIG talk and BIG ideas and BIG actions that can only exist in a self-deluded world of fiction where silly things like “fact”, “logic” and “the laws of gravity do not exist.

Which is another way of saying it’s the perfect Republican bible.  Or would be if Republicans didn’t already have a bible.  But they do. And it’s called “The Bible”

And the two books simply cannot co-exist in the same philosophical space. Sorry.  Just can’t happen. It’s like matter annihilating anti-matter – it ends in an explosion of stupidity and schizophrenia, which, now that I think about it, is the current definition of the Republican party.

If you’re unfamiliar with either books, here’s a brief synopsis.

The Bible: Book one –  God makes everything. He tells the Jews they’re the chosen people and to obey him. They don’t.

The Bible: Book Two – God takes a different tack and decides to rule by guilt. He kills his son, a nice young man who tells us to love each other and help the poor, and condemns us to Hell if we don’t continually thank him for that. And then the world ends.

Atlas Shrugged – The world is going to hell, so all the smart people leave and set up their own cool kids club in a magical pristine canyon that nobody can find. They live happily ever after never having to care about poor people or clean up after the mess they helped create.

Notice any areas of dichotomy there?

Jesus –  And again I say unto you, It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle, than for a rich man to enter into the kingdom of God.

John Galt –  Fuck the poor

Jesus –  Jesus said unto him, If thou wilt be perfect, go [and] sell that thou hast, and give to the poor, and thou shalt have treasure in heaven: and come [and] follow me.

John Galt –  Fuck the poor

Jesus –  Gimme some loaves and fishes and everybody eats

John Galt – If you think you’re getting any of MY food, think again, leech.

This is why America is so totally screwed right now – Right-wing Christian teabagging Republicans have the ideological hots for an amphetamine-addicted, atheist adulteress.  The party that damn near closed my government down because women shouldn’t have the right to abortion because God don’t like it reaches for the Viagra when they read Atlas Shrugged. The party that whines about gay marriage as an affront to God has no such problem when it comes to Ayn Rand. The party that spits on me because I’m not Christian swallows when it comes to Ayn Rand.

After all, I’m not the one that said “Faith is the worse curse of mankind, as the exact antithesis and enemy of thought.” That was Ayn Rand

In Which I Give You An Added Bonus!

January 3rd, 2010 No comments

While I’m going through Crosstalks, yanking audio, it’s worthwhile posting a few of the latest of the Back To Genesis series from The Institute For Creation Research. Their tag line is “Biblical. Accurate. Certain.”

“Certain”?

That’s one of those words that I use when I’m sure of something.

“I’m certain that I chanted ‘Hail Chucky’ three times before I put the chicken foot on my head….didn’t I?”

I don’t mean to get into my personal life.

I really wish they would podcast this series. Instead, they stick it in at the 20min break of Crosstalk so you have to edit them into their own file.  Perhaps that’s the point. If the rest of the nation heard what utter foolishness Creation “scientists” try to pawn off as fact, the series would shoot to number one on the comedy podcast list.

Lately, they’ve switched from talking about earthly matters such as how man couldn’t have come from monkeys

Proof Of Creationism – Man Can’t Swing From Trees

And proving that Noah’s Ark could have held two of everything

Noah’s Secret? Dinosaur EGGS!

BTW, BTG can’t even stay consistent within itself. “Dozens of horses”? Um. You’d only need two, right?

To heavenly matters such as solar eclipses

And…Um…God Made It

And how there is no fucking way that Jesus will walk on the Moon.

Fuck The Sun! God Loves The Earth More!

I wouldn’t go so far as to say they’ve jumped the shark, but they’re certainly running out of material. As my friend, Kevin Harrington, pointed out, “It’s kinda like they’re saying ‘here’s a bunch of information and, btw, God made the world.”

And, because I can’t seem to stop, here’s one of my top three

Noah’s Elves

See, the Bible is the inerrant word of God, right? It’s the history of the world and how God made it. So, just because God spends entire chapters on on geneology and sacrifices made unto doesn’t mean that everything is in there. Just because it doesn’t talk about Noah sub-contracting some of the ark construction to outside firms doesn’t mean it didn’t happen.

Got it?

Neither do I.

In Which Giving Your Life To Christ Doesn’t Make You An xtian

January 3rd, 2010 No comments

Xtians want you to believe that if only the Muslim president converted to xtianity, everything would be ok. He’d understand that Jesus would waterboard terrorists before putting two Godly bullets through their skulls. He’d get that personally killing pre-borns contradicts God’s laws. Jesus would lead him to the founding of the American theocracy that God created America for.

You see, they’re not hateful. They want the best for the other 80% of the population that is not totally fucking insane. All they want is for the rest of us to understand that America needs to be saved before God can destroy it in the Armageddon.

But.

Converting to xtianity is not enough.

Apparently, Jesus doesn’t always save. It’s so confusing. Once upon a time, you turned your life over to Jesus and, BOOM, that was that. Past sins forgiven, milk and honey at the signing of the death certificate, moral clarity – in short, you, like the folks at Crosstalk, got a pre-approved ticket to Heaven. Guess not.

I’m not sure who gets to change the rules, but all signs point to Vic Eliason. Vic decided that just being xtian isn’t enough. Thus, even if President Obama converted to xtianity Vic still wouldn’t support him.

There’s really only one way that this works – Jesus can’t forgive all sins. If, after dedicating your life to Christ, your earthly judges (Vic, Jim and Ingrid, I guess) still find your soul tainted and wicked, then Jesus didn’t do His job very well.

Ok. I lied.  There’s another way it works. It works if Vic, Jim and Ingrid hold themselves pridefully above the rest of humanity in some special xtian skybox halfway between Heaven and Earth set up as Jesus’ hallway monitors. I’m a little rusty on my bible passages, but I’m sure they can tell me which chapter and verse gives them authority to judge the strength of someone’s faith.

Vic? Ingrid? Jim? Bueller?

Help me out, here.

Jesus Doesn’t Save

Caller: [I was asked] What if Obama had a conversion and got saved and became a Christian, what would your response be and my response sadly was, man, I’d start praying for him and asking God to protect him…

Sadly? Really? You’d be sad about an enemy of America converting from the dark side to the light side? I could have sworn that the a lost lamb coming back to the flock meant rejoicing. Boy! What a dumbass I am! It’s actually cause for regret and suspicion.

Still, Vic, as God’s Hallway Monitor, explains, after a conversion, it gets kicked up the chain of command to Vic, Jim and Ingrid. Only after they sign off on the new recruit, does God make the final judgment.  And, really, how can anyone know what God thinks. Maybe, Vic hints, God would kill the newly xtian Obama just to teach him a lesson.

Because, as stated earlier, Jesus can’t absolve all sins. Especially the sins of Socialism, Communism, Fascism, Saul Alinksy-ism and all those poor pre-borns that, had they been born, would have saved the Social Security system.

http://www.rnclife.org/faxnotes/2005/jan05/05-01-14.html

In Which Joseph Farrah, Jim Schneider, Vic Eliason, Brannon Howse and Ingrid Slueter May Rape Puppies

August 11th, 2009 No comments

First off, I have no idea if they do or not.  I can’t see into their souls or know what they do when no one is looking.  And if it’s true, I’m sure they wouldn’t want anyone to see the kind of shocking immorality personified by having forced sex with little tiny dogs.  One wonders how you would go about such a thing.  Would you have to tie them down?  Would you drug them first so they were docile?  I really can’t answer these questions.  No can know for certain if the founder of World Net Daily and the on-air staff of Crosstalk America, a Christian radio talk show, engage in the kind of acts that Jesus would most certainly frown on.  But no one can rule it out, either.

Can they?

After all, the halls of Christian broadcasting lie littered with the remains of the fallen – Baker, Swaggart, Haggard – you know who they are.  Circumstantial evidence would suggest that if you make your living broadcasting your love of Jesus that there’s a high probability that you hide some deep, filthy secret that at some point in time will come out.

To be clear – I’m not accusing them of sadistically and brutally violating cute, fluffy, innocent, cuddly puppy dogs for base, sick, sexual gratification.  I said up front – I don’t know if they do.

Still, I call upon them to devote a segment of Crosstalk America to address these possibly damaging allegations – to give them to proper airing and vetting that they demand of…say…the President of the United States.

You see, Crosstalk isn’t actually a Christian radio show.  I used to give them benefit of the doubt.  No longer.  They morphed into a political extremist group singularly focused on overthrowing the American government and replacing it with a theocracy similar to that of Iran.

When you allow so-called “journalist” Joseph Farrah to spout the most irresponsible lies and half truths about the President of the United States, you have left the realm of humanity.  And, as Crosstalk will tell you, once your morals go, anything is possible – even puppy fucking.

Here are few of the myriad pieces of filth that Farrah spews

  • There’s evidence that Obama’s grandmother is his mother
  • Obama may not actually know his true relationship to his family
  • Obama probably did not write either of his books
  • Maybe it’s a co-incidence that Hillary Clinton “who’s in succession for the Presidency” just happened to travel to Kenya
  • Farrah will not trust the Director Of Public Health’s confirmation of Obama birth certificate – he needs to see it himself
  • Every Kenyan believes that Obama was born there and that should be proof enough that he was

I’m trying think of another time in which a political figure was accused of not being the mother of her baby and people condemned the rumor as baseless and proof of how low the political process had sunk.

Oh yeah.  Sarah Palin. To even suggest impropriety in that case got the torches of the religious right burning and the nooses looped.  Of course, it wasn’t up them to prove that it wasn’t true.  The accusers had to prove it was true.  Sarah was too demure to get her feet dirty answering such spurious charges.

So, Crosstalk Staff, where the hell do you come off insisting that the President of the United States respond to shit that you fling at him?  Really – is this the biblical way to act?  Does Jesus condone the kinds of lies and whispering that you give voice to?  Is your faith in God so weak that you will not trust in God’s plan for us? Do you honestly believ that it is incumbent on YOU to bring down a democratically elected official?  Do  you hate America that much?

Once more, I have no proof whatsoever that Farrah and the staff of Crosstalk are anything other than garden variety hypocrites whose zeal causes them to forget the teachings of the God they profess to believe in.  Apparently, though, you don’t need proof to make conditional statements – “they may,”they might”, “it’s possible”, “evidence leads me to believe that”, “it’s within the realm of possiblity.”

Thus, I call on Joseph Farrah, Jim Schneider, Vic Eliason, Brannon Howse and Ingrid Slueter to take to the airwaves and spend the hour assuring me, personally, that, despite baseless claims to the contrary, they do not rape puppies.  Furthermore, they need to take calls from the listeners – I’m sure they’ll have some questions.

Note: I have never understood those who said they felt physically sick listening to something.  I know do.  I literally almost threw up listening to this show.

In Which I Didn’t Know They Had Integrity

May 19th, 2009 No comments

I totally forgot about one of my new favorite sound clip from Crosstalk.  I have to admit that I don’t listen every day because I’m too busy worshipping Satan and searching for new commandments to break – I mean, it seems like there’s a whole lot more than ten out there.  Anywho – somebody must have done some pretty good trolling because all of the sudden the policy on calling in changed.  No longer will they pick up any old call, no, no – you must have a valid caller ID or they won’t even pick up.

Vic Explains The New Policy

YOIKS!

My favorite part is “the integrity of this show depends upon it.”  Whuh?  Integrity?  Vic, you’re “integrity” is, for lack of a better word, shit.  Especially since you spent a fair amount of the first part of the show riffing on some black helicopter World Net Daily “article” about how the 2010 census is using GPS to map people’s front doors and how GPS was used in the Iraq to send missles through windows.  Of course, you assured people, you weren’t saying the government was planning on killing Americans.  Not American forces, at least, since Obama was “decimating” the military.  But if some force decided to invade America and had to locate a certain house, they probably wouldn’t know English and would have to rely on GPS to figure it out.  And since Obama had mapped all of the houses with GPS then what makes you think that he wasn’t working for…well…no need to say more.  As any lawyer knows, you don’t have to explicitly say what you mean to inflict damage.

Yes, Vic, among the sane and thoughtful, you’re integrity is like Ted Haggard’s butt – stretched and lax.  Remember that time you had the conversation with the guy that said that since homosexuals were immoral they couldn’t feel remorse and therefor could kill anyone they wanted to and not care?  A person of integrity would have at least challenged such insanity.  You didn’t.  A person of integrity wouldn’t allow a host like Ingrid to knowingly let a caller rewrite history

John Lennon Killed Immediately After The Bigger Than Jesus Statement

Rather, your integrity is like honor among thieves – it sounds good but it’s just not true.  They’re still thieves and by any objective standard, you still lie and, worse, enable others to lie through your silence.

In Which I Post Someone Else’s Letter

March 31st, 2009 No comments

[Note – Newton Wilcox on the Board of Directors of www.shelleytherepublican.com, which is to say he’s a fucking nutcase.  This letter was leaked to me anonymously and is posted without comment.]

Dear Mr. Justice Scalia

It goes without saying that God is the judge of us all, but until Jesus returns to earth to judge the naked and the dead (and if they’re naked it’s pretty much assured that they’re going to Hell) then you, and NOT Barney Frank, are the right man for the job. How dare he call you a homophobe!? This “politically correct” term is used simply to demonize those who hate gay people. I hate broccoli. Does that make me a broccoli-phobe? According to Mr. Barney Frank, I guess that it does. I guess you’d better just ship me off to Barack HUSSIEN Obama’s food re-education camps that he’s setting up even as we speak. What kind of country has America become when you are forced to not only eat but to enjoy hummus? I guess you can call it “change” but I, for one, do not believe in it.

You well know, sir, that God founded America to spread democracy and the English language throughout the rest of the world. If this isn’t true, then why was the Bible written in English?! (And, parenthetically, thanks to President Bush Iraquis are now beginning to put u’s after q’s the way they’re supposed to. Mission accomplished!) As you said so eloquently in your dissent against the decision to let Texas become an openly homosexual state, the “agenda promoted by some homosexual activists [is] directed at eliminating the moral opprobrium that has traditionally attached to homosexual conduct.” If I was a smarter man, I’d understand all of those words but it seems pretty clear that you understand that the homosexual agenda wants nothing more than to make all heterosexuals get divorced and force them to “marry” someone of their own sex. We know this to be true because Dr. Dobson and the Rev. Ted Haggard have told us so.

What’s less known, and the reason for this letter, is that all of this is being driven by the powerful Unitarian Universalist lobby in Congress. How do we know this? All you have to do is follow the money. Who stands to gain from homosexual marriage and the destruction of the moral fabric of our society? Unitarians, that’s who. Besides Satanists, Unitarians are the only other “religion” that performs “same-sex” ceremonies. Thus, the Unitarians stand to gain untold riches from fulfilling Satan’s plan of turning America from a once proud and powerful capitalistic country bursting with nuclear weapon capabilities into a filthy, third world hippie commune overseen by Charles Manson. Was Jesus killed by the Jews for this? I think not.

I’d like to personally thank you for standing up for the American values of traditional marriage and Christianity as laid out in the Constitution of this great country of ours. I’d also like to thank you for helping Justice Thomas get comfortable with a job that seemed to be pretty much over his head. Fortunately, you’ve told him how to vote and everything has worked out for the best.

In closing, let me just say that you are my favorite Supreme Court Justice even though you’re a Catholic and you can look forward to my vote in 2012 to keep you on the court!

Yours in Christ,

Newton Wilcox
Board of Directors
www.Shelleytherepublican.com

In Which All Squares Are Ovals

March 26th, 2009 3 comments

Not all Christians are assholes.  I pretty sure that I’ve said this before.  I know some very nice, kind, caring Christians.  Every year, it’s the churches that organize an MLK breakfast.  The woman down the street works in a food pantry and puts in time bettering the community.  I’d say, all told, that there are more nice Christians than not.  In my own odd way, I believe in the goodness of people.  Sadly, these are not the people that immediately jump to mind when many people (note the qualification) think of Christians.

They think of assholes like James Dobson.  They think of dickheads like Rod Parsely.  They think of absolutely losers like Jimmy Swaggart.

If there is a Hell then under the guidelines, I will be there and I will have many, many conversations with many, many Christians who will no doubt be shaking their heads as to how they got there.  It seems that no matter how many times you try to explain that telling other people that they’re going to Hell doesn’t mean you’re going to Heaven, they just don’t get it.  They also don’t seem to understand that Jesus didn’t preach that the way to Him was distorting the truth – AKA: Lying.

If I remember it correctly, there are sins of omission and sins of commission.  A sin of omission is failure to do what one can and must do.  Thus, Ted Haggard committed a sin of omission when he bought speed and had sex with a male prostitute.  A sin of commission is to know something is wrong and do it anyway.  Thus, James Dobson and his buddies knowingly and willingly tell lies in the name of Jesus.  These lies projectile vomit out of the mouths of their deluded followers.  People like this fine, caring xtian.

You may know a lot of atheists who help, but they are not the majority

Understand, they are taught that you cannot be moral without being a Christian.  I have heard someone say that homosexuals are more prone to murder because they have no morality.  They can kill and not feel anything.  I wish I was kidding.  And so, all atheists are homosexual sociopaths.

This is the way xtians survive to fill their coffers and preach their vision of the hateful Jesus.  In their view, extrapolation equals logic.  Thus, if Barney Frank calls Justice Antonin Scalia a homophobe what he’s actually saying is that any American that voted on a state Defense of Marriage law is a homophobe.  Which is not only stupid but a sin of commission.  xtian “leaders” knowingly and willfully took a satircal piece about a homosexual uprising, stripped out the prologue that explained

This essay is an outré, madness, a tragic, cruel fantasy, an eruption of inner rage, on how the oppressed desperately dream of being the oppressor.

and claimed it was the blueprint for the homosexual agenda.  Seriously.  When you hear someone claim that “I am holding a copy of the homosexual agenda in my hand” that’s what they’re referring to –  a satirical newpaper column in a gay paper.  (And I”m desperately trying NOT to make a joke about what’s in their other hand…OOPS)

It should be fairly obvious that these people are not Christians.  They are xtians.  Like the early Catholic Church, they are not about Jesus.  They are about earthly power.  I’m not even sure that they understand what they’re doing.  I do know, however, that Jesus wouldn’t have lied to spread lies about people he didn’t like.

See ya in Hell!

In Which christcons Aren’t Concerned With Facts (Duh)

February 4th, 2009 3 comments

Ok.  So we’ve all been in the situation (probably) where even though we’re literally flat broke we blow a couple of quarters on a video game or give it to some homeless person.  After all, it’s fifty cents.  What’s fifty cents when you owe $5,000 on your credit card and $25,000 in student loans.  Granted, that’s fifty cents that might have been put to better use but…c’mon…we’ve all been there.

christcons, though, see the world through shit-colored glasses.  Like Katherine Harris said, “if you’re not electing Christians then in essence you are going to legislate sin.”  And when I say, “sin” I don’t mean the sin of not blatantly lying.  God’s ok with that.

It’s not surprising, then, that savecalifornia.com came out with this blistering attack on how sucky California is

At the same time that it can’t pay its bills or mail tax refunds, California’s foolish government is spending time and money on an advertising campaign that invites homosexuals, bisexuals, and transsexuals to adopt children.

To translate – CALIFORNIA LOVES HOMOS SO MUCH THEY’LL BANKRUPT THE STATE.

Or – The billboard contracts got negotiated previous to the crisis and it’s a non-issue, financially.  Billions of dollars in debt compared to, what, $1000 for a billboard?

Why should LGBTs adopt?  My lord, you’re naive!  Because…because…there’s this study that says…um…girls raised by lesbians are more sexuaully adventurous than those raised by the christcon fantasy of homophobic mom and pop operation.  Because gays and lesbians don’t have any morals.  They only adopt children to either turn them gay or eat them.  It’s pretty much spelled out in the press release and confirmed by a study.

In 2001, the University of Southern California conducted a “study of studies” regarding the effect of homosexual parents upon children. “(How) Does the Sexual Orientation of Parents Matter?” by sociology professors Judith Stacey and Timothy Blibarz was published in the American Sociological Review. The researchers found significant differences between homo-parented and hetero-parented children. Among them:

* A significantly greater proportion of young adult children raised by lesbian mothers than those raised by heterosexual mothers say they have experienced sexual intimacy with a partner of the same sex. They were not, however, statistically more likely to identify themselves as gay or lesbian.

* Young girls raised by lesbians are more likely to be sexually adventurous and active than their counterparts raised by heterosexual parents. However the sons of lesbians exhibit “an opposite pattern” and are likely to be less adventurous and active than boys raised by heterosexual households.

* Lesbian mothers reported that their children behave in ways that do not conform to “sex-typed cultural norms.” And the sons of lesbians are reportedly less likely to behave in traditionally masculine ways than those raised by heterosexual couples.

BOOM!  Take that you liberal so-and-so’s with your “tolerance” and “acceptance”.

Remember that part I said earlier about God being ok with lying?  That’s where that part comes in.

www.savecalifornia.com provides a link not to the study but to a Fox News story about the study.  That was pretty much the tip off.  I’m aware that the other side of the coin feels the same way about MSBNC and The New York Times.  Why, you ask, did they not link directly to a study that bolsters their position?  Because the Stacey/Blibarz doesn’t say that.  In fact, it doesn’t support their argument at all.

One of the actual opponents of same-sex parenting, Steven Nock, decried that all studies of same-sex parenting were crap because, well, same-sex marriage didn’t actually exist so you couldn’t quantify it.  That’s like saying that we’ve never actually been to Mercury so we can’t say with certianty how much we would weigh on Mercury.

Stacey/Blibarz testified and refuted pretty much all of Nock’s claims of apples and oranges before a Canadian court.  No, I haven’t read all 33 pages but I don’t believe I’m cherry picking (unlike some) when I quote from their opening statement

There is significant, reliable social scientific evidence that lesbian and gay parents are as fit, effective and successful as similar heterosexual parents. The research shows that children fo same-sex coupels are as emotionally healthy and socially adjusted and at least as educationally and socially successful as children raised by heterosexual parents. We conclude that granting same-sex parents the freedom to marry would likely result in positive outcomes for such parents, their children, gay and lesbian people, and society as a whole. We also reject the assertions of Professor Craig Hart. His analysis is intellectually flawed and the studies cited are irrelevant to the issues in this case. [Emphasis added]

Like Jesus said in the Sermon on the Mount – “the ends justifieth the means.”