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In Which I Offer An Analogy On The Prisoner Abuse Photos

May 14th, 2009 1 comment

So here were are.  Democrats won pretty much everything they could win and yet it’s still not enough.  For some reason (and it holds true for Republicans, too) we’re compelled to eat each other.  I recently listened to a conversation where the..well…combatants went after each other for not being liberal enough.  This kind of  political pissing contest just doesn’t help.  I’ll say it again – too many people projected their own views onto Obama in direct contrary evidence to the facts.  “I’m not anti-war.  I’m anti-stupid war.”  Which part of “not anti” don’t you understand?

You could have backed Dennis Kucinich but you didn’t so with all due respect – STFU.  (And DON’T give me your rationalizations about needing to win the White House.  If you compromised your values then you compromised your values.  End of story.)

The latest “outrage” comes over releasing more photos of prisoner abuse at Abu Ghraib.  Yes, Obama reversed course on this.  No, it’s not a betrayal.  Why?  Because we already know what happened.  The reports say that there’s nothing new.  It’s just more of the same.

For the past couple months, Obama has slowly begun mending fences with the rest of the world and making it clear that the US is not some kind of closet-gay, date-rape jock.  We need to focus on that.  We need to make the apologies we need to make, take our lumps when they’re warranted and, to coin a phrase, “Move On”.  Look – the bush administration was evil – utterly and non-debatably evil.   They shredded the Constitution, ruled with unbridled hypocrisy and forced us to say that we were Canadians when traveling overseas.

So now that we’ve got a decent President that wants to fix it, why would we want to remind everybody of this fact?  We’re in a relationship with the rest of the world.  We’re just getting out of the dog house and you want to put us back in?

Allow me to go Bob Newhart here for a sec.

Hey, honey!

Good day at work?  Did you get the flowers I sent?

Well, I love you and I just wanted to show you.  I’ve been kind of a shit lately and I know how lucky I don’t have to sleep on the couch anymore.

Yeah, I know.  Fucking your sister was wrong.  Taping it was even worse.  I’m really sorry.  I’m so happy that we’re working through it.  I really don’t know what I was thinking.  Thank you for forgiving me.

Oh, while we’re on the subject, there’s something I wanted to tell you.  We did it more than once.  A bunch of times, actually.  Dozens.  I’ve got a lot more tape.  Hours.  Man, your sister is a freak!  There’s this one part where she wants me to put underwear on her head and chain her to –

No, I know you saw that part, but this was a different time.  You didn’t see that specific one.  That was on…just a sec, lemme check the time stamp on tapes.  Have a seat, we’ll watch them together.  I feel really good that we can do this together.

Why are you crying, honey?  I thought we were past this?

See?  It’s not helpful.  In fact, it’s cruel and unproductive.  It’s going to put the US back on the couch again.  We don’t need to be there.

This isn’t about denying the truth of what happened.  The truth is already out there, backed up with photographic evidence.  The US abused prisoners under the bush regime.  It’s not useful to release every single photo of every single instance.  It changes nothing. A photo of a dog attacking a prisoner at 21:38 holds the same weight as a photo of a dog attacking a prisoner at 21:39.  It’s abuse.

The only reason to release more photos is a self-serving one – for Democrats to prove we were right all along.  But we already proved that.  Repeatedly.

So, to use my recently coined phrase, let’s move on and get to the business of healing the wrongs we committed.

In Which Todd Tiahrt Doesn’t Read People Magazine

May 8th, 2009 No comments

Just a little background – The Family Research Council is the political arm of Dobson’s Focus on the Family comedy club that Tony Perkins (not the dead, gay actor) runs.  Tony (not the dead, gay actor) puts out the Washington Watch Weekly podcast which tells the base who to hate and how much to hate them.  Thanks to the podcast I now know that abortion discriminates on the basis of “age, size and place of residence”.  I wish I was kidding.

Like most xtians, Tony doesn’t care about the truth and doesn’t expect his guests to, either.  They’re free to spout whatever egregious lies pop into their head as long as it advances their agenda.  In fact, at the end of the last weeks podcast, John Sununu, former governor of New Hampshire, railed against the legislature for legalizing gay marriage.  He darkly told the base that homos and liberals (and, please, sit down for this) used money to help candidates sympathetic to gay causes get elected!  Didn’t I tell you to sit down?  Yes, they used the American political process to advance their agenda which is just about the sleaziest thing a person could possibly do.  I’d feel badly but I’m too busy thinking about the Muslim kitties I’m going to have sex with after I finish this.

Todd Tiahrt (pronounced tee-hart and thank you Google for understanding what I meant when I searched for him) gave a bravura performance demonizing national healthcare by either 1) not listening to his wife during the passing of Natasha Richardson or 2) outright lying.  Let’s let Todd tell us a very scary story about how the Canadian healthcare system killed her.

A Very Scary Story

Now let’s hear what really happened.

On 16 March 2009, Richardson sustained a head injury, when she fell while taking a skiing lesson at the Mont Tremblant Resort in Quebec, Canada about an hour and a half from Montreal. The injury was followed by a lucid interval, when Richardson seemed to be fine and was able to talk and act appropriately. Paramedics and an ambulance which initially responded to the accident were told they were not needed and left.Refusing medical attention, she returned to her hotel room and about three hours later was taken to a local hospital after complaining of a headache. She was transferred from there by ambulance to the Hôpital du Sacré-Cœur de Montréal in critical condition and was admitted about seven hours after the fall. The following day she was flown to Lenox Hill Hospital in New York City, where she died on 18 March.

Tiahrt wants you to beileve that the evil Canadians refused her healthcare.  Except that she initially refused treatment and she wasn’t Canadian so blaming the Canadian healthcare system is (and there’s really no other phrase for it) fucking retarded.

But, wait, Todd’s not done.

Not only does the Canadian system suck but the Mexican system sucks, too, because it “hasn’t been able to cope with this swine flu”.

Another Evil Story

WHUH?

Let’s think of the swine flu as ants in your house.  You see a bunch of ants nibbling away at (in my case) the mound of cedar wood cat litter that gets scratched out of the box and onto the floor.  So you grab a broom, sweep the litter and ants into a dust pan and dump the contents into a plastic bag.  You knot the plastic bag, sealing the ants inside, and then throw it in the garbage.  It’s called “containment”.  Thus, the number of ants are significantly reduced.  If you just left them to their own devices you’d soon have a house full of ants.

Given that the swine flu was projected to kill every living thing on the planet and that Mexico pretty much locked everything down, killing of tourism for a week or so, I think the Mexican healthcare system did a pretty goddamn good job of dealing with swine flu.

It’s also interesting to note that Todd stresses that healthcare is 15% of our economy.  So it seems pretty clear that Todd doesn’t care as much about who gets help as he does about who’s going to finance his re-election campaign.  So that he can continue to advance his agenda.

In Which Our Country Deserves Better Than Hate Merchants

March 30th, 2009 No comments

I’m on a lot of wingnut mailing lists.  Every now and again, some press release or plea plea for money or request to step up the hate against Obama comes through and something just isn’t quite right.  Sure, they claim it’s not about hate but about protecting the country from horrible homo-loving, latte-sipping, book-reading socialists.  They even have names that make it clear that this is about bettering the country by using names like “Our Country Deserves Better Committee”.

Friendly!

And yet, something is missing.

Play along, won’t you?

Thank you!

As the Chief Strategist for the Our Country Deserves Better Committee (one of America’s largest conservative political action committees) I wanted to thank you for all the support you’ve given to our efforts to win the Special Election for Congress that takes place tomorrow (Tuesday).

We not only have faced a millionaire liberal Democrat (Scott Murphy) and all the money he put into his race, but we also have had to battle back against money and campaigning from Barack Obama, Joe Biden and Nancy Pelosi.  You’ve helped us ‘hold our own’ in this race, and kept the campaign competitive.

With just 2 days of campaigning left we are putting in the last minute contributions we receive into a final big push of radio and TV ads to win this race.  The polls show an absolute dead heat – it could come down to a handful of votes determining who wins, and the stakes are so high.  We must defeat Obama and Pelosi’s candidate and start to take back our country!

If you’re able to afford one last contribution to this campaign it would be very helpful in our efforts to secure victory.  We’ll be taking your contributions made throughout the day and purchasing more airtime for our final ad push.  The deadline for contributions to be received and used in our final push is 3:00 PM – TODAY (Monday).

Make your final, last-minute contribution online – CLICK HERE TO DONATE.

And again – our deepest appreciation and gratitude for all your efforts, kind words, and financial support!

SAL RUSSO – Chief Strategist, Our Country Deserves Better PAC

This message was intended for: hbeeinc@gmail.com

You were added to the system January 9, 2009. For more information click here.

Need a clue?  It’s a race to fill Hillary Clinton’s seat.

Need another?  We know that Scott Murphy is the evil, foul, venal, scumbag Democratic candidate.

But who’s he running against?

OOPS!  In their rush to demonize the opponent and to stoke the fires of hate, they forgot to included the name of the candidate they support.  It’s no small omission.  What it says is DON’T vote for Democrats.  They barely even care about who the Democrat is (since they put his name in parenthesises).  The shorter version, then, would be

Give us money to defeat Democrats.  You don’t need to know anything else.

Our country really does deserve better than hate merchants like this.

In Which Chris Wallace Might Actually Be Retarded

March 22nd, 2009 No comments

Remember before the election I was saying some non-mean things about Faux Noise?  Hoo!  Dunno what I was thinking or even if I was thinking.  Anywho…

When I was 19-ish, I moved back home (and this was before it was trendy).  I’d done a year of college in a theater program and gotten an offer to keep on with the children’s theater I’d worked with over the summer.  The theater was in the town my parents lived in.  Serendipity!  Even more so, my mom had moved out temporarily leaving my dad to fend for himself.  So if I wasn’t exactly welcome, I was useful.  For a while, at least.

Then there came the day where I got the ultimatum or the GTFOOMH speech.  He yelled.  I yelled.  Conditions and counter-conditions flew.  I couldn’t put up with him.  He couldn’t put up with me.  I still kinda needed his money, though, and he hated grocery shopping and doing the dishes.  In the end, he gave me a month to get out.  I got out in two weeks.  I’d lost that symbiotic feeling.

The moral?  Where there’s a will there’s a way and no matter how broke you are, there’s more than one way to skin a cat.

I buckled down, stopped drinking my money away (for a little while) and made it work.  It wasn’t that hard.

So, now we have AIG that wants to leach off the taxpayers much like I leeched off my dad.  And they’re all pissy because we asking them to be in by midnight, make sure the car is gassed up and not piss away millions of dollars on retention bonuses for the people the fucked up the company and then left rich.  But they still want our money.  Even though other sections of the company are doing fine.

And along comes Chris “I’ll Have The Reagan Black Hair Dye” Wallace who, despite theorectically understanding capitalism, still thinks like a socialist.  Or a really bad parent.

Listen to Chris Wallace:  Suuuuper Genius

Chris – listen up:  No private company has to take money from the government.  Ever.  If it does, though, it is beholden to the government and therefore the people, because it took our money.  Corporatons should NOT get free, no-strings-attached money to do with what they wish.  That’s called “welfare”, Chris.  And as you and the rest of Fucked News love to point out – it’s a dis-incentive.  Give corporations free money with no responsibility and the next thing you know, AIG will be hanging out on streets corners, getting girls pregnant and then leaving them without a father.

Chris – you should know better than that.  No company needs to “do business” with the US Government.  For you to suggest they would want to suggests that you don’t even understand the whole conservative “small government” thing.  Let me explain – if you screw up you shouldn’t look to the government bail you out.  That’s not what the government is for.  You can’t disparage Obama for running up a deficit bailout loser companies and then complain that said losers have to do something stupid like follow rules.  M’kay?

Chris – put the football helmet on and apologize to your dad.

In Which I Am A Last Minute Person, Too, But…

January 1st, 2009 No comments

Parent-wise, I now kind of get the “do as I say, not as I do” thing.  It’s not ideal, I admint.  We, as parents, should model the behavior we expect from our kids but there’s an element of nature/nuture in the calculus.  Thusly, I’d rather teach my kids things that I didn’t learn and give them good habits that left me behind.  Some of it’s simple stuff like flossing. Some of it’s community stuff like opening door for people and not parking like an asshole.

With one child, though, I’d like to teach her that if you wait until the last minute then you get what you get so don’t whine about it.  My parents both grew up in the mid-west so nature/nuture-wise I got the stoicism gene and nature/nuture-wise I don’t think that’s a bad thing.  While it didn’t help me NOT be a last minute person, I’d like to think that when I screw up because of it I take responsibility for it.

So I get a little cranky when I read about how it technology’s fault that some kids had trouble submitting their college applications an hour before the deadline.  And I get even crankier when their parents say shit like

“This is completely unacceptable,” said Stephen Dear, a North Carolina father whose son was unable to submit his applications for more than an hour. “You have these wonderful kids who’ve been working so hard on their applications and they’re completely at the mercy of the Common Application.”

Sir – Your “wonderful kids” had more than a year to work “so hard” on his/her application as did all the other “wonderful kids” who overloaded the system with their hard work.  It’s not technology’s fault.  It may not even be your fault.  It’s your child’s fault.  That doesn’t necessarily make that kid a “bad” kid but rather than bitch to the New York Times about the failures of a system not built for the load placed on it why not sit your child down and talk to them about the virtues of time-management and planning?

And while I’m being judgmental about the NYT and luxury problems – OMG!  You’re saying you can’t get divorced because there wouldn’t be enough assets to divvy up for you to both buy comfortable houses?!  You poor, poor people!  Holy shit!  Let me start a telethon to raise the missing $300,000 out of the $2m the housing crisis sucked out of your home!  OMFG!  You’d rather live with someone you despise than rent an affordable apartment in a less-desireable section of town and shop at Johnny Foodmaster rather than Whole Foods (nee Bread and Wallet)?

Wow.  Wonder how your kids will turn out?

In Which I’ll Say Something Nice-ish About christcons

December 29th, 2008 No comments

Oh, OneNewsNow.com!  Not only does your URL sound stupid but you’re quickly approaching WorldNetDaily as my favorite christo-fascist “news” site.  Really “One News Now”?  What does that even mean?  As opposed to multiple news whenever you want?  “One” is in “jesus is the One” or as in the Orleans song “Still the One”?  Or like the anagram of Neo from The Matrix?  Back to the drawing board for a new name, fellas.  You can always write a re-direct.

I thought I’d written about this but I guess maybe not.  On 12/18/08, the wonderfully moral truthtellers over there put out a story called “Obama planning billion-dollar ‘bailout’ for abortion industry” that contained the follow suspect paragraph

Last week, the Obama-Biden Transition Project posted a report on its website that calls for dramatic policy reversals on abortion, including $1 billion in taxpayer money for international abortion groups like Planned Parenthood. The report, titled “Advancing Reproductive Rights and Health in a New Administration,” also calls for a 133-percent increase in funding for the Title X program, which funds Planned Parenthood clinics across the country.

Really?  A $1b bailout just like they did for the banks and the auto industry?  Shocking!  Obama probably posted it himself, right?  He just loves dead pre-borns.

Naturally, it’s got almost nothing to do with Obama.  It’s a third-part position paper advocating for reproductive rights.  You’ll also notice that the bit talking about “on  its website” links to change.gov and not the actual report itself.  Mostly, because if they linked to the report itself John And Mary Godliness would know right off the bat it’s far less ominous done-deal than it sounds.  Imagine if someone had posted a position paper called “Foreign And Domestic Terrorism: Peace Through Free Ice Cream” on bush’s pre-inaugural website and claiming that’s what he’d do.

In one of those acts of futility I engage in occasionally, I wrote to the “editor” (which you may or may not call “god”) to point out that, as christians, jesus wouldn’t much care for misdirection/ends justify the means kinda thing.  Oddly, I didn’t hear back from them and the article remains on the web.

So, imagine my surprise when my daily digest came in with the following title, “Abortion industry asks Obama for billions in funding“.  Even more surprising was the following paragraph

Over 50 pro-abortion groups have submitted a 55-page wish list called “Advancing Reproductive Rights and Health in a New Administration” to the incoming Obama administration. Jim Sedlak of American Life League’s (ALL) Stop Planned Parenthood, or Stopp International, has tallied the cost.

Huh?  Wow.  I don’t mean to take credit but they actually reported the story correctly and characterized the report as a “wish list”.  Even the title reeks of…um…lack of hyperbole.  So it seems somewhat uncharitable to carp about repeating the story (albeit, correctly).  However, they still, for some [sarcasm] unknown reason [/sarcasm] won’t link directly to the report and declining to even link to change.gov.

Still, good for them.  Baby steps.  Perhaps one day they’ll get to the part where god gives us free will to make our own decisions and that only he can sit in judgment of them.

Maybe.

In Which You Can Change Your Mind About A Girl

December 28th, 2008 1 comment

Via Right Wing Watch’s post about the WSJ’s piece about Sarah “16 Minute” Palin you can find out about bush as “The Dark Knight” but, even more amusing, Palin is actually Margaret Thatcher!

Funny!

Level 1 Funny: The title of the piece is “Conservative Snobs Are Wrong About Palin”.  Given that true Buckley conservative power brokers (you know, the ones that would get her into the White House) wouldn’t be caught dead drinking domestic beer or living in Alaska, the title truly sounds like…well…putting lipstick on a pig.

Level 2 Funny: John O’Sullivan makes a big deal quoting these “snobs” as saying Palin is “no Margaret Thatcher”.  I don’t pretend to be totally jacked into the political grid but this was a new one on me.  So, off to Google where a search of palin “no Margaret Thatcher” netted a paltry 959 hits.  By contrast, bush “the dark knight” nets 2.8m+.  Nothing like using an example that no one cared about to begin with.

Level 3 Funny: I’d like to posit that sexism is a form of snobbery.  By denigrating a woman with terms like “sweetie”, “baby” and “puppy lips” a man effectively negates a woman’s power.  Oh, and using the term “girl” does the same thing.

Second, Margaret Thatcher was not yet Margaret Thatcher. She had not won the 1979 election, recovered the Falklands, reformed trade union law, defeated the miners, and helped destroy Soviet communism peacefully.

Things like that change your mind about a girl….

Really?  A “girl”?  The head of Great Britain should be referred to as a “girl”?  A vice presidential candidate should be refered to as a “girl”?  HI-larious!

Level 4 Funny – Faulkland War!!

Leve 5 Funny –

Though regularly pronounced sick, dying, dead, cremated and scattered at sea, Mrs. Palin is still amazingly around. She has survived more media assassination attempts than Fidel Castro has survived real ones (Cuban official figure: 638).

Wait – let’s keep our heroes and villains straight here.  Palin=Castro?  BWHAHAHAHA!

Level 6 Funny:  Admitting defeat

But she has plenty of time, probably eight years, to analyze America’s problems, recruit her own expert advice, and develop conservative solutions to them. She has obvious intelligence, drive, serious moral character, and a Reaganesque likability. Her likely Republican rivals such as Bobby Jindal and Mitt Romney, not to mention Barack Obama, have most of these same qualities too. But she shares with Mrs. Thatcher a very rare charisma. As Ronnie Millar, the latter’s speechwriter and a successful playwright, used to say in theatrical tones: She may be depressed, ill-dressed and having a bad hair day, but when the curtain rises, out onto the stage she steps looking like a billion dollars. That’s the mark of a star, dear boy. They rise to the big occasions.

WHOA!  Back up!

“But she has plenty of time, probably eight years…”  Eight years?  So, you’re ceding that Obama is a two-term president and you’re screwed for 2012?  NICE!  Obama hasn’t even been sworn in and you’ve given up.

That’s kind of snobby, isn’t it?

In Which Sarah’s Plain And Small

September 12th, 2008 1 comment

I’ve watched the two clips that ABC released of the [sarcasm] monumental [/sarcasm] interview with Sarah Palin and, gosh, maybe it’s my liberal bias but I don’t see anything that makes me think that (unlike Jamie’s mom) she’s got it going on.  In fact, it’s pretty goddamn scary.

One scary part is how ABC News parcels out the interview, making it next to impossible to quickly and easily find all the parts on their website.  Or why they’d want to cut it up to begin with.  Perhaps the McCain Cabal felt that by restricting her appearances to 2-3 minute clips, the full weight of what a cynical choice they made might be blunted.  That said, I’ve finally found a 9min clip dated 9/12.  I’m not going to link to it just so you can have the fun of finding it yourself.  As it stands, the fuzzy placard at the end of each of the…um…minisode announcing that Charley did an interview with Palin and be on the lookout for more, strikes me as almost sub-YouTube.

Palin’s answer to “are you ready to be the president” really should send chills up and down the spine of every American.

I answered him yes because I have the confidence in that readiness and knowing that you can’t blink, you have to be wired in a way of being so committed to the mission, the mission that we’re on, reform of this country and victory in the war, you can’t blink.So I didn’t blink then even when asked to run as his running mate.

Wow.  Let’s do a little metaphorical skit.  Sarah Palin applies for a job at Cirque du Soleil

CDS: So, Governor Palin, have you ever done any tightrope walking before?

Palin:  No.  No, you betcha I haven’t.

CDS:  So, why would you be a good tightrope walker?

Palin:  I would be a good tightrope walker because I am confident that once I get up there, I’m not gonna fall down.

CDS: But, you have no real qualifications.

Palin: The local middle school put on a circus and I went to go see that.  I’m confident that I can do it.

CDS:  You’re hired.

That wouldn’t happen.  And yet, the ‘Licans are more than happy to have a VP that recently said that she hasn’t been following Iraq.  How do they get away with this stuff?  If Biden said something like that, the so-called “liberal media” would have him for breakfast.  Palin, though, gets Charley Gibson sitting across and pretending to ask Hard Questions (TM).

On the God question, she quickly and clunkily pivots her position right before our very eyes.  When asked about the performance at church in which is called The War (TM) a task from God, she hems and haws until Gibson asks her if, by deploying to Iraq, her son is embarking on a task from God.  “I don’t know if the task if from God, Charley.”  Let’s remember that the church video wasn’t years and years ago – it was three months ago.  That’s a pretty short time to turn your back on a task from God.

There are plenty more nuggets to mine, but the day job beckons.  I’ll leave off with a chipper lil fun fact courtesy of Sarah.  Did you know that Alaska is “the only arctic state in our union”?  IT’S TRUE!

Be very afraid.

In Which It The Message Was Distilled Into One Axiom

June 4th, 2008 1 comment