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In Which They Shoot Horses, Don’t They?

April 9th, 2013 No comments

I’m on record as stating that Rick The Dogboy Santorum will be the 2016 GOP nominee should he decide to run. It’s his turn. At the heart of the GOP lies a rigidity to the rules that never does it service. Thus, since Santorum came in 2nd in 2012, he gets the nod in 2016 just as Romney (despite being the worst possible candidate) got the nod for coming in 2nd in 2008.

Ricky’s already spilling his political seed in Iowa, laying the groundwork for his dogged adherence (get it??) to some 12th century vision of a perfect world where no one is gay, sex is only for pro-creation and witch burnings happen every Tuesday in the town square.

“I’m sure you could go back and read stories, oh, you know, ‘The Republican Party’s going to change. This is the future.’ Obviously, that didn’t happen,” Santorum told the Register. “I think you’re going to see the same stories written now, and it’s not going to happen. The Republican Party’s not going to change on this issue. In my opinion, it would be suicidal if it did.

The Republican Party needs to kill itself. I think a lot of Republicans understand this. The real story of the Obama Presidency looks like how the GOP finally destroyed itself on its socially conservative rhetoric. It turns out that allowing gays to serve openly in the military didn’t bring about The Rapture. John and Jane Q. Public know that. Perhaps, when DADT still reigned, they thought it might. But it didn’t. It’s not that the Republican bosses lied to them about toads falling from the skies if DADT got lifted. It just didn’t happen.  Even Grandma and Grandpa Q. Public realize that, while it might make them physically sick (or aroused) to imagine the marital bed of two husbands or two wives, it’s really not their business and, anyway, that gay couple down the street always smiles and says hello.

Santorum and the other self-flagellators of the GOP represent the end of the line. Yes, the GOP as it stands today will continue to blather on about gays and abortion and God and guns. They may even damage the economy again with their instance that giving money to the wealthy makes they poor richer. But once Santorum and Rubio and Cantor get reverently tucked into their transports to Heaven and buried in the ground, this strain of legislating God’s Will™ via Republican policies goes back up to Heaven where it belongs.

The Religious Right had a really good run. They convinced otherwise sane people that God voted Republican and that Democrats only cared about the government financing their lifestyles of drugs, sodomy and bestiality. With the gay marriage debate and Sandy Hook, that script got retired. Say what you will about us, but Americans don’t want their children shot. If there’s a way to prevent that, we will find it. Anyone who gets in the way becomes a casualty. My guess is that any GOP House member that opposes some kind of gun control, no matter how mild mannered, will find a 2014 Democratic opponent plastering his face all over the district with the words “Child Killer” across his forehead. Any Democrat that doesn’t use a no-vote on gun control against a Republican opponent deserves to lose.

GOP: Background checks hurt our freedom!
Dem: So no background checks.
GOP: None!
Dem: So a terrorist operative can walk in off the street and buy an AR-15.
GOP: Er…
Dem: And a paroled murderer can pick up a Glock at a gun show and kill his prosecutor.
GOP: Um…
Dem: So no background checks.
GOP: Er…go back to Russia?

I used to think that its fiscal policies would kill the GOP and the Occupy movement would stir us up to reject this trickle-down bullshit once and for all. I’m not so sure anymore. Americans, while still overwhelmingly profess to believe in Jesus, find themselves looking at GOP social policies and asking, “Would Jesus really do that? Cuz I’m pretty sure that He wouldn’t.”

Organization like Christians Tired of Being Misrepresented have sprung up to reclaim God from the stranglehold the GOP put on Him. Their message is simple and clear – GOD judges, not the GOP.  They may consider America a Christian nation, but they understand that all Americans aren’t Christian nor should they be. In their paradigm, God gave his “children” free will. “Free Will” doesn’t not mean turning the Bible in House Bill #1. You make your choices. You die. God judges you.

Jesus, I’m told, died for my sins. I hope the GOP will, too, and whether that’s by suicide or crucifixion doesn’t really matter to me.

In Which Marco Rubio Heartily Deserves The Mockery He’s Getting

February 13th, 2013 No comments

rubiohitler

It’s being called the “sip heard round the world”, which is kind of a stupid moniker, but apt. No one thought that anyone could outdo Michelle Bachmann for Worst Performance During a GOP State of the Union response, but Rubio pulled off the upset.

But all of this mockery, the wingnuts whine – HE WAS JUST THIRSTY! Why can’t you leave Marco ALONE?? That’s a great question!

There are a few answers:

– Lying comes with physiological side effects such as sweating and dry mouth. If you’re choosing someone who still has the trace of a soul, they might experience some of those. Liberals simply want to point this out.

– If wingnuts want to jump on every single mistake Obama makes and hold it up as proof of his incompetence, that’s a two-way street. Obama said “57 states” so he’s not qualified to be president? Perfect. Take you lumps and move on, lil wingnut. Better yet, STFU and go pay attention to your kids. They’re not going to beat themselves, ya know.

– It’s just really fucking funny.

The most important answer, though, is less obvious. Water-Bottle-Gate acts as a great metaphor for the GOP. They have no plan. They are not prepared. In short, they don’t know what the fuck they’re doing. The GOP response to the SOTU provides a perfect opportunity to for the GOP to come out swinging – to bash that Kenyan, Socialist, Commie, Marxist, Islamo-Atheist where it hurts. Even among Democrats, there’s a lot to criticize. If you’re the opposition, this should be like T-Ball. What Rubio showed is that the GOP can’t even hit a ball that’s resting on a pedestal. Rather, they swing, hit the pedestal, the bat bounces back, the batter loses control of the bat and it smacks a five-year old right between the eyes leaving the kid brain damaged. Yes, it was an accident. Yes, it probably won’t happen again. No, you don’t get to walk away blameless.

And you certainly don’t make that kid the manager of the team.

Understand this – it’s not about the lies that Rubio spewed. It’s not about leading off with some bizarre pro-life message as the first point out of your mouth. It’s about the fact that the GOP could not properly stage manage possibly the biggest opportunity to talk to the American people. Wingnuts say it’s just a glass of water, a minor detail overlooked. That’s true. Guess what? Minor details are important. Kinda like having an exit strategy for wars you plunge the country into. Or thinking through the various attacks that might rise up if you choose to run ruthless, rudderless businessman for president.

There should be a protocol in place to deal with, say, the speaker needing a drink. Or going all flop-sweaty. There wasn’t. “Meh, Why should he need a sip of water when he’s addressing 10’s of millions of people?”

For his part, Rubio handled himself with the confidence of…a really bad confidence man. Rather than say, “excuse me, America”, take his sip of water, say “thank you” and continue, Rubio looked like a little boy trying to get away with shooting a spitball at the teacher…while the teacher was looking directly at him.

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And if it couldn’t have gotten any worse, the camera follows him down like some puppy dog saying, “OOOH! What’s he DOING, huh? What’s he DOING?! Is he gonna get a ball?? What’s he DOING??!”

With the advent of the teabaggers, the GOP, once reliable for its staid dullness and ploddingly deliberate actions, turned into some bizarre freshman high school reality show.

So, why don’t we leave Marco alone? Three words: You Built That.

(Here’s my own contribution to Rubio Tuesday)

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