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In Which Marco Rubio Heartily Deserves The Mockery He’s Getting

February 13th, 2013 No comments

rubiohitler

It’s being called the “sip heard round the world”, which is kind of a stupid moniker, but apt. No one thought that anyone could outdo Michelle Bachmann for Worst Performance During a GOP State of the Union response, but Rubio pulled off the upset.

But all of this mockery, the wingnuts whine – HE WAS JUST THIRSTY! Why can’t you leave Marco ALONE?? That’s a great question!

There are a few answers:

– Lying comes with physiological side effects such as sweating and dry mouth. If you’re choosing someone who still has the trace of a soul, they might experience some of those. Liberals simply want to point this out.

– If wingnuts want to jump on every single mistake Obama makes and hold it up as proof of his incompetence, that’s a two-way street. Obama said “57 states” so he’s not qualified to be president? Perfect. Take you lumps and move on, lil wingnut. Better yet, STFU and go pay attention to your kids. They’re not going to beat themselves, ya know.

– It’s just really fucking funny.

The most important answer, though, is less obvious. Water-Bottle-Gate acts as a great metaphor for the GOP. They have no plan. They are not prepared. In short, they don’t know what the fuck they’re doing. The GOP response to the SOTU provides a perfect opportunity to for the GOP to come out swinging – to bash that Kenyan, Socialist, Commie, Marxist, Islamo-Atheist where it hurts. Even among Democrats, there’s a lot to criticize. If you’re the opposition, this should be like T-Ball. What Rubio showed is that the GOP can’t even hit a ball that’s resting on a pedestal. Rather, they swing, hit the pedestal, the bat bounces back, the batter loses control of the bat and it smacks a five-year old right between the eyes leaving the kid brain damaged. Yes, it was an accident. Yes, it probably won’t happen again. No, you don’t get to walk away blameless.

And you certainly don’t make that kid the manager of the team.

Understand this – it’s not about the lies that Rubio spewed. It’s not about leading off with some bizarre pro-life message as the first point out of your mouth. It’s about the fact that the GOP could not properly stage manage possibly the biggest opportunity to talk to the American people. Wingnuts say it’s just a glass of water, a minor detail overlooked. That’s true. Guess what? Minor details are important. Kinda like having an exit strategy for wars you plunge the country into. Or thinking through the various attacks that might rise up if you choose to run ruthless, rudderless businessman for president.

There should be a protocol in place to deal with, say, the speaker needing a drink. Or going all flop-sweaty. There wasn’t. “Meh, Why should he need a sip of water when he’s addressing 10’s of millions of people?”

For his part, Rubio handled himself with the confidence of…a really bad confidence man. Rather than say, “excuse me, America”, take his sip of water, say “thank you” and continue, Rubio looked like a little boy trying to get away with shooting a spitball at the teacher…while the teacher was looking directly at him.

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And if it couldn’t have gotten any worse, the camera follows him down like some puppy dog saying, “OOOH! What’s he DOING, huh? What’s he DOING?! Is he gonna get a ball?? What’s he DOING??!”

With the advent of the teabaggers, the GOP, once reliable for its staid dullness and ploddingly deliberate actions, turned into some bizarre freshman high school reality show.

So, why don’t we leave Marco alone? Three words: You Built That.

(Here’s my own contribution to Rubio Tuesday)

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In Which I Compare Weiners and Boehners

June 2nd, 2011 No comments

O…M…G!

Wait. Are you saying that sex plays a role in our society??

Logically, there is no such thing as a Democratic sex scandal. Democrats, according to those who hate them, AKA Republicans, are godless and immoral to begin with. Thus, ANY action they take is godless and immoral. To commit an act of immorality you need morals to begin with. We have none. With in the framework of the stereotype of Democrats anything is fair game.

Look at it this way. If a dog shits on your lawn, you’re pissed but it’s a dog. They shit where they please. Because they’re dogs. Their framework does not encompass privacy or a sense of shame for shitting in public. If a Democrat sends a picture of their junk to some college student, well, that’s not news either. Democrats kill babies. Democrats heart anal sex. Democrats want to legalize child prostitution. We want to give school kids heroin. So, IF Anthony Weiner sens a picture of his jean-clad dick to someone – it’s just not news. It’s the same as a dog shitting on your lawn.

Republicans and, sadly, much of the population of the US fail to make a distinction between the godless committing public sins and the Godly committing public sins. If you, as a Republican pass laws against sodomy, abortion and child prostituion and then go out out and rape a 14yr old girl, get her pregnant and then pay for her abortion – that’s a completely different ethical paradigm.

To equate priest sexually abusing a little boy with a junkie sexually abusing a little boy is simply dishonest.  More so, because not only should the priest know better but those who either defend the priest or accuse the junkie should know better as well.  Let’s muddy the waters a little. Let’s say the priest is a junkie. Ethically, the priest still knows better.

This lapse in plain common sense is the hallmark of wingnuts and xtians. Islam is condemned because Mohammed had sex with a little girl. Guess what? That was community standards at the time. The same held true in Europe.

Let’s take a look at two examples the Bible.

1. “Marriage is between a one man and one woman”.  Not true. King David had wives up the wazoo. Lots and lots of them. He even had the husband of woman he wanted to bang killed so he could bang her…while he was married. And yet Americans decry polygamy. Even though it’s legal in the Bible they call the framework of this country. If Republicans actually believed in the Bible, like they say they do, John Ensign would have used the King David defense rather than resigning. “Hey,” he would have said at the press conference, “at least I didn’t have the husband of this chick I was banging killed. I’m a pretty good guy in the eyes of God.”

2. Kill your kids. The Bible says that you MUST kill your kids if they disrespect you.  MUST. Gotta do it or you displease God. And yet…the laws of America, which according to wingnuts are 100% based on the Bible, has all sorts of outright prohibitions on killing your kids. To rephrase that – the laws of the United States of America directly contradict the Biblical laws it was founded on. This cannot be argued.

…………………unlesss………………..

Unless you take into account the community standards of that time period in history. Mohammed fucked a little girl. You killed your kids for disrespecting you. No jail time. In fact, Ggod patted you on the back and said, “well done!”

Anthony Weiner may or may not have sent a picture of his dick to some woman. This means nothing since it’s not a crime and if it were, Anthony Weiner would probably support a bill repealing it. If it were a crime, John Boehner would support the law because he wants, Roy Zimmerman so aptly put it, the government out of our lives and into our pants.” If Boehner sends a picture of his dick to some woman, he is a defacto hypocrite.

Can you honestly argue against this?