Archive for the ‘Tea Party News Briefs’ Category

In Which The Gist Is More Important Than The Whole

November 8th, 2012 No comments

This may come off as bragging or it may come off as stupid, but, to the best of my knowledge,  I’ve never used Cliff Notes. I was drunk for most of my brief and abortive college career so it’s possible that that I took a Lit class without knowing it.  Perhaps it’s selective OCD, but if you’re going to read something, read it. While I was courting my bride, I remember feeling shocked and somewhat outraged to find that, as she sat reading Wittgenstein for her MDiv program, she was actually reading it.

“How many pages do you have left,” I asked.

“Like a hundred or so.”

“WHUH? I really don’t know how you do it. One hundred pages of that stuff? And you’re just ripping through it so quickly!”

“Oh,” she said, “you don’t have read every word. Just enough to get the gist of it.”

“B-b-but,” I stammered, “it’s a philosophical argument! The words are important!”

She patted me on the head like a cute but incurably stupid dog and continued reading.

YouTube, it needn’t be pointed out, isn’t literature. About 90% of it isn’t even art. One notable exception is “Chimpanzee Riding on a Sequeway.”

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 But I digress.

Now that the election is over, we can all go back to our normal, non-batshit crazy selves, take our fingers off the triggers, flip the safety on and put down the guns.

JK! It’s gonna be even more fucked up than ever. Prime example: ShellyMicAB.

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 I guess she chose her name because someone already claimed “CrazyDrunkenPsychoticMess”. I’ve listened to about three of the twenty-four mind numbing minutes of this and unless there’s some masterful stroke of rhetoric at the end, I’m not sure I need to listen to anymore. The shorter version goes like this

We lost th’ election! I’m drunk! I didn’t get my own waaaaaaaaay! Nobody watches my YouTube videoooooooooooooooooooooooooooos! If you had shared my YouTube videos Romney would be President. But, NOOOOOOO! you didn’t want to OFFEND anybody.”

I could probably spend a couple thousand words analyzing the nihilistic camera work but why bother?  [<—– Philosophy joke!]

The video itself doesn’t matter and is nothing that special. It’s typical whackjob ranting. It’s a somewhat subtle point, but there are two features that make this a perfect microcosm for the Wingnut-o-sphere.

The first one is obvious.

Comments are disabled for this video.

The second only pops up if, like me, you wanted to ask CrazyDrunkenPsychoticMess shellymicAB to have your rape baby and tried to send her a message to plead your case.

User shellymicAB has enabled contact lock. You will not be able to send messages to them unless they add you as a contact.

What does that tell you? That she literally lives in a bubble, firewalled from the outside world. And, honestly, I don’t have any problem with that except that she makes this statement repeatededly

…you didn’t want to OFFEND anybody

This kind of one-way communication nests almost exclusively in the Wingnut-o-sphere. “You will LISTEN to what I tell you and because it’s true, you are NOT allowed to point out my logical mistakes and/or outright lies.

Put another way, she doesn’t wish to be offended.

Maybe irony did die on 9/11.

In Which A Corner Seems To Have Been Turned

June 1st, 2011 No comments

What wingnuts want (and xtians and radical muslims, too) more than anything else in life is to rule the world. So strong is their belief in the correctness of their world-view that everyone else has the obligation to kill themselves or convert.

Before going on, let me explain why liberals aren’t on the list. Liberals are cats: they do what they want, when they want and regardless of the desire of the other cats. For that reason, liberal fascism is an oxymoran. (And, yes, I misspelled that on purpose.)

Teabaggers are a slow lot and for that reason, technology scares them. But, like cavemen discovering fire, they eventually get less scared and figure out how to harness it. Judson Phillips over at Tea Party Nation figured out that sending out an email every three hours with a scary subject line such as “USA RIP” and a body that reads something like

America died today. It no longer exists. What happened to America? Click here to find out.

drives up his web traffic and thus his sales of “Teabagging for Dummies” and Ayn Rand pacifiers.

What’s the point of all of this? Read about it here!

The ever entertaining Christian Newswire recently delivered the following press release.

DES MOINES, Iowa, May 31, 2011 /Christian Newswire/ — Tea Party News Brief, LLC is the nation’s first nonpartisan news service for the Conservative Movement with an animated news show with news anchor, Ava. The Tea Party News Brief now provides daily news alerts on (Emphasis added)

Hopefully, you spotted the anachronism.

What does this mean? I emailed Dr. Jessica Davis to find out.

I’m having trouble understanding this. Are there now partisan factions within the Conservative Movement? And if so, what are they?

Surprisingly, she wrote back.

Thank you for your question. The premise is that both Democrats and Republicans are involved in this 21st century Conservative Movement.  We have common ground, the core beliefs identified on The mission of @TPNewsBrief is to provide nonpartisan information so our citizenry can make educated decisions versus being told what to think. We have very few legitimate news services any more. Our mainstream news services are clearly partisan. We can do more together. We can hold more accountable for their decisions if we work together.  I invite you to follow us on twitter and the website for a full understanding of what we are trying to do as a new source of nonpartisan conservative information. I hope this is helpful. (Emphasis added)

Really? Democrats are involved the Conservative movement? Maybe I’m running with the wrong Democrats but I’ve yet to hear one call Obama a socialist. Or compare him to Hitler. Or to claim that he’s from Kenya.

Once upon a time, say, three years ago, the “Tea Party” stood for fiscal responsibility. Or so they said. To that end, good for the Tea Party. It quickly became a front for anti-Democrat and anti-Obama demagoguery. Tea Parties rapidly filled up with racist and Nazi paraphernalia.  Ask a teabagger why they weren’t pissed off about government waste during the bush administration and they won’t and can’t answer you.

I’ve spent a fair amount of time trying to rationalize how you can have “non-partisan” news about the “conservative movement”. I keep coming up short. Reagan’s 11th Commandment “Thou shalt not speak ill of any Republican” consistently gets in the way. Reagan, as the father of the modern conservative movement, would not allow non-partisanship. Take this clip from the GOP’s 1984 convention

Her comment about having “very few legitimate news services any more” piqued my interest. So, I asked

What is regarded as a legitimate news service

She responded in a Sphinx-like manner. That is, if the Sphinx were actually a hologram that you could see through and looked like Sarah Palin

If you follow the tweets, you will see that a news source is a source that provides the facts not commentary as if it is fact. If we provide commentary, we try to make it very clear that we are providing commentary. News is what, where, and when?  If you have enough information, you can make your own conclusions.

Dr. Jessica Davis

P.S. I challenge you to analyze the next news program you see with this criteria and tell us what you conclude. Are they providing news or commentary? If they provide commentary, is it presented clearly as such?

The answer to “What is regarded as a legitimate news service?” contains actual new services rather than some vague statement of condemnation for the “lame stream media”. It seemed obvious that straight answers and non-partisanship don’t mix. Ever the optimist, I wrote back.

My question was – what do you consider a legitimate news source.  Are you doing original reporting? If not, which new source will you rely on to be factual?

Can you guess her response? Can you? I bet you can’t. Come on. Click that PayPal button, drop in $5 and bet me that you know her response.

Thank you for your inquiries. This is our last individual response to you at this time given the limitation of our time. However, I again invite you to follow us on Twitter and As you already know, the best news is going to the source directly. Again, we have appreciated your questions tonight.

Shit. I owe you $5.

Given that my audience appeared ended, I threw in the towel

Thank you for not answering my question in a factual and straight forward manner.

NOTE: I would, in the interest of non-partisanship, like to point out that I spoke with the Dr. Jessica Davis the theologian and NOT Dr. Jessica Davis who is in manure management.