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In Which The Teabaggers Brag About The Great Big Shiny Nickel They Got

May 17th, 2010 No comments

“Hey! A big piece of tin foil! Am I lucky or WHAT?”
Pee Wee Herman

This is one of my favorite lines from the original staged version of the Pee Wee Herman show. And if you haven’t seen it, then stop reading this and find it by hook or by crook. It’s a wonderful funny and real moment, capturing the joy and innocence of being a kid (albeit one that jerks off in movie theaters). I remember getting giddy finding a stash of rubber bands lying around and spending the next 3 hours working on my rubber band ball. I loved that feeling – the feeling of accomplishing something absolutely pointless, useless and selfish that did nothing to benefit society in any way shape or form.

Hey. Wait a minute. That sound like the teabaggers! “Hey! A big piece of hubris! Am I lucky or WHAT? Last week we had four people show up to protest BIG BROTHER trying to keep our food supply safe and this week we have FIVE people! WE’RE A MOVEMENT!” As any good ad-man knows if you even have one new person that shows up at an organized gathering, even to gawk, you can de facto say that the movement is growing. Nevermind the fact that you had to bus people in from out of state to make it happen (this after to you condemned ACORN for…um…bussing people from out of state). It’s all good fun until somebody loses an election.

I understand the paradigm. Really I do.  When I start pushing triple digits on this blog, I start getting…well, I get excited. However, I’m not claiming I have a hope in hell of changing public policy and that at some point in time the numbers will drift downward.   It’s called “facing reality” and the teabaggers, like Pee Wee Herman get big pleasure in small things…and then go and jerk off in theaters.

What have they got to crow about? Take a look!

You can see the power of the people in the results from our fundraising drive for Conservative Republican Sharron Angle’s campaign to Defeat Harry Reid.

While Reid and other establishment candidates get their money and funding from lobbyists, special interest groups and big corporations, we here at the Tea Party Express have asked individual Americans to step forward and help give Sharron Angle a fighting chance to get her message heard.

The response has been overwhelming.  You simply won’t believe it unless you see it with your own eyes.

Take a look at the list of people who have contributed $100 or more in just the past 5 days and see how we are using real grass roots power to take our country back!

Hm. Asking individual citizen for small amounts of money so you can avoid corporate lobbyists? I’m not sure but I think I’ve heard of that strategy before. But when? No matter, I’ll figure it out.

Still – an overwhelming response? Man! Good for you! That’s just great!  You guys must’ve really cleaned up. If Michelle Bachman’s opponent in the 2008 congressional race picked up a cool $438,000 for a congressional race in 24 hours, I can just imagine how much you guys came up with in 5 days.

Oh. I forgot the last part of the email

We have a long way to go to reach our goal for this $150,000 Money Bomb by Friday evening.  If you can support this fundraising drive with a contribution of $100 or more contribute  – HERE.

You didn’t reach $150,000 in five days? That’s just $30,000 a day.  And what a “money bomb”? And you’ve still got “a long way to go”? Um…being pathetic in front of your base is NOT a good way to sell your ideology. Still, they put a brave face on. I won’t bother to reprint the names of the 301 people that, over course of five days (aka: 60/day) contributed $100 or more since the teabaggers already did that.  What I will print is just how much these brave, brain damaged patriots coughed up.

$35,359

Seriously. As they didn’t print the final total, I guess they have some self-respect, although not much.

$35, 359. That’s a little over a fifth of their “money bomb” goal. Even better – They didn’t even get money from all 50 state.  Most notably and hilariously – Alaska!

Think about that for a second: No money came from Alaska. None. Or at least not in a chunk bigger than $99. Follow my logic on this

IF no money came from Alaska
AND Sarah Palin, the current Heather of the teabaggers, comes from Alaska
THEN Sarah Palin is too cheap/greedy/opportunistic/avaricious to give back to those who give to her.

Which, I guess makes sense because that’s what the teaparty comes down to – getting the rubes in the door, fleecing them and kicking them out of the street.

In order to reach their Friday goal they’ll have to scrounge up $29,000 a day. Given that about 84% of the donations were the $100, they’re gonna have to do a whole lot of teabagging to catch up. I guess they could try to get Sarah Palin to do a fundraiser for free but we all know that that’s not going to happen.

Oh, and if you’re curious about the 9 dollars – that’s because Gerard from Alameda, CA sent in $189. I’m guessing he kept that other $11 for overhead.

That’s what Dick Armey would do.

In Which I Provide A Preview Of A Fox Spring Replacement Show

January 29th, 2010 No comments

Categories: ACORN, Fox, James O'Keefe, Jeff Gannon Tags: