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In Which They Shoot Horses, Don’t They?

April 9th, 2013 No comments

I’m on record as stating that Rick The Dogboy Santorum will be the 2016 GOP nominee should he decide to run. It’s his turn. At the heart of the GOP lies a rigidity to the rules that never does it service. Thus, since Santorum came in 2nd in 2012, he gets the nod in 2016 just as Romney (despite being the worst possible candidate) got the nod for coming in 2nd in 2008.

Ricky’s already spilling his political seed in Iowa, laying the groundwork for his dogged adherence (get it??) to some 12th century vision of a perfect world where no one is gay, sex is only for pro-creation and witch burnings happen every Tuesday in the town square.

“I’m sure you could go back and read stories, oh, you know, ‘The Republican Party’s going to change. This is the future.’ Obviously, that didn’t happen,” Santorum told the Register. “I think you’re going to see the same stories written now, and it’s not going to happen. The Republican Party’s not going to change on this issue. In my opinion, it would be suicidal if it did.

The Republican Party needs to kill itself. I think a lot of Republicans understand this. The real story of the Obama Presidency looks like how the GOP finally destroyed itself on its socially conservative rhetoric. It turns out that allowing gays to serve openly in the military didn’t bring about The Rapture. John and Jane Q. Public know that. Perhaps, when DADT still reigned, they thought it might. But it didn’t. It’s not that the Republican bosses lied to them about toads falling from the skies if DADT got lifted. It just didn’t happen.  Even Grandma and Grandpa Q. Public realize that, while it might make them physically sick (or aroused) to imagine the marital bed of two husbands or two wives, it’s really not their business and, anyway, that gay couple down the street always smiles and says hello.

Santorum and the other self-flagellators of the GOP represent the end of the line. Yes, the GOP as it stands today will continue to blather on about gays and abortion and God and guns. They may even damage the economy again with their instance that giving money to the wealthy makes they poor richer. But once Santorum and Rubio and Cantor get reverently tucked into their transports to Heaven and buried in the ground, this strain of legislating God’s Will™ via Republican policies goes back up to Heaven where it belongs.

The Religious Right had a really good run. They convinced otherwise sane people that God voted Republican and that Democrats only cared about the government financing their lifestyles of drugs, sodomy and bestiality. With the gay marriage debate and Sandy Hook, that script got retired. Say what you will about us, but Americans don’t want their children shot. If there’s a way to prevent that, we will find it. Anyone who gets in the way becomes a casualty. My guess is that any GOP House member that opposes some kind of gun control, no matter how mild mannered, will find a 2014 Democratic opponent plastering his face all over the district with the words “Child Killer” across his forehead. Any Democrat that doesn’t use a no-vote on gun control against a Republican opponent deserves to lose.

GOP: Background checks hurt our freedom!
Dem: So no background checks.
GOP: None!
Dem: So a terrorist operative can walk in off the street and buy an AR-15.
GOP: Er…
Dem: And a paroled murderer can pick up a Glock at a gun show and kill his prosecutor.
GOP: Um…
Dem: So no background checks.
GOP: Er…go back to Russia?

I used to think that its fiscal policies would kill the GOP and the Occupy movement would stir us up to reject this trickle-down bullshit once and for all. I’m not so sure anymore. Americans, while still overwhelmingly profess to believe in Jesus, find themselves looking at GOP social policies and asking, “Would Jesus really do that? Cuz I’m pretty sure that He wouldn’t.”

Organization like Christians Tired of Being Misrepresented have sprung up to reclaim God from the stranglehold the GOP put on Him. Their message is simple and clear – GOD judges, not the GOP.  They may consider America a Christian nation, but they understand that all Americans aren’t Christian nor should they be. In their paradigm, God gave his “children” free will. “Free Will” doesn’t not mean turning the Bible in House Bill #1. You make your choices. You die. God judges you.

Jesus, I’m told, died for my sins. I hope the GOP will, too, and whether that’s by suicide or crucifixion doesn’t really matter to me.

In Which I Write An Open Letter To Bryan Fischer’s Producer

March 4th, 2013 No comments

Hey buddy!

Y U keep deleting my comments on ur fb page, huh? Oh. Right. Because pointing out egregious lies and innuendo makes me anti-God. Sorry about that!

See, it’s just that the Jesus that I grew up with had this weird thing about the truth. He was for it. So when your boss, Bryan, ejaculates into Focal Point the mic about how gays and Muslims will allow NO dissent WHAT…SO…EVER and then goes on to praise CPAC for not inviting Christ Christie to the hate rally because he’s not ideologically pure enough…well, the Jesus I grew up with calls bullshit. And, even though I no long believe in Jesus, I haven’t stopped believing in the truth. I still have a fondness for him in my heart despite your efforts to turn him into a gun-totin’, libertarian he-man who punches fags in the mouth and sucker punches liberals.

You left a sweet response to someone saying that my accounts were only created for harassment.  Given that, let me tell you a quick story about this other guy who people found harassing.

Seems that in “olden days” these businessmen were in the public square doing what businessmen do – business. So this freak comes up and starts yelling at them to get out and they’re like, “DUDE, CHILL. We’re just doing business here like we always have. What’s your problem??” And the freak says, “you guys are in my dad’s house and he doesn’t like it” and the businessmen are like “DUDE, stop harassing us” and the freak starts screaming about truth and duty and honor and the businessmen are like, “whatever” so they leave.

I’m not gonna lie. I enjoy debunking your bullshit. There IS no biblical mandate for marriage in the Bible and the only reference you can come up with is a passage about divorce. That’s called a lose. You’re pulling your hair out because you think the Emergency Manager Law in Michigan acts as the precursor to the fascism. You’re right. And when I point out that the governor and legislature that enacted that bill both pay allegiance to the GOP, you delete and ban me. When I make a completely factual statement that if you obeyed the 9th Commandment your show would be two minutes long – you banned me. When you post a “prayer” asking for God to

“Remind us not to be alarmed when we hear of wars and rumors of wars, of nation rising against nation, of kingdom rising against kingdom, or when we hear of famines and earthquakes in various places” and then start pissing yourself because Iran might have a nuclear weapon, you’re acting like a fucking idiot and you deserve to be called out on it. NOT to harass you, but to help you see this little thing that Jesus called “the truth”.

And the truth is that you’re a fucking idiot. Any rational reading of the Bible runs counter to pretty much everything you say.

But it’s more than just your idiocy. It’s your blatant cowardice. To wit -

Grant us courage so that we may be willing, if necessary, to be persecuted and hated because of you.

Now you’re saying I’m harassing you…let’s even say persecuting you. This prayer make you look like a whiny little douchebag that plays with dolls. You’re asking God for the courage and then immediately go into your Chris Crocker impression crying LEAVE BRITNEY ALOOOOOOOONE and furiously pounding the delete key.

Did I call you a douchebag yet? Damn, I did.

Here’s the thing – you claim Jesus hung on cross in unbearable pain to make you clean. Man up and start acting like he gives you strength instead of running away like the little bitch-boy you are.

In Which I Write An Open Letter To Ingrid Schlueter

February 19th, 2013 2 comments

Hey girl!

First off, let me apologize for sounding so harsh in that last post.

Ingrid’s xtian Mockery

 On second thought, I take that back. You’re a miserable excuse for a human being. I keep trying to feel something other than disgust for you and every time I get close, I think about the hundreds of hours you spent trashing other people because you enjoy it. Perhaps Vic taught you how to hate. That excuse works for a little while. But you read (or profess to read) this thing called “The Bible aka “the inerrant Word of God”. As some point in your adult life, one would think you’d scratch your head and say, “hm…I don’t think Dad’s reading this thing right. This whole Matthew 25:31-46 seems to run contrary to what we’re doing here and sounds like I’m headed for eternal torment.” Why haven’t you thought that?

Because VCY is a cult and you’ve been brainwashed. Your dad, Vyc…err…Vic, “who has no pastor and has never belonged to a church as a member in his life” created his own version of Christianity that bears no relation at all to what Jesus preached. None. Period. Somehow you seem to cling to the basic tenants of a belief system so easily twisted into the exact opposite of what it means.

“Our Kids Are Being Conditioned To Accept This Lifestyle”

That’s your dad doing what he does best – exposing his own agenda by trashing other people’s agendas. “Interesting”, as Vyc…errr…Vic, might say. We agree on one thing: You’re father is evil. But your reaction is complete Stockholm Syndrome: VYCAmerica can be saved. Think about that. You want to save something built by someone evil. Maybe you’re too far gone to understand that. Do you honestly believe that, even if you could kick Vyc off the board, anything would change? Your dad set himself up as the pope. It’s his vision and that vision has nothing to do with Jesus and everything to do with some fucked up agenda created in his fevered, fear-driven head. Kicking him off the board has no effect on the “world view” of VYCAmerica.

Let’s talk about John 4:18 – perfect love casts out fear. Does that sound like VYCAmerica? Did you actually listen to yourself in your headphones? Almost every word broadcast over the airwaves of VYCAmerica radiates fear. Do you remember that interview you did with Howse?

Brannon Hates Himself And You Should, Too

You fell for this bullshit. That’s why Brannon became such a superstar and the spawn of evil that Papa Vyc always wanted. And, like your daddy, he’s a brilliant liar

Brannon Doesn’t Want You To Fall Into The Cult of Personality

I’ve actually called him (and your daddy) out on the air before. You know how you push the lie about “czars” proving that Obama is a communist? The communists overthrew the czars. They are the polar opposite of the czars. Brannon wouldn’t back down. He was wrong as are all xtian wingnuts about this. Brannon, if you listened to this clip, says he’ll apologize. He didn’t. He won’t. Why? Because he’s training to be take over the cult. This isn’t about God or Jesus. This is about fact and fiction. This is about truth. Truth does not exist in the VYC world. And you want to try to save that world? You want to try to save a world that shatters the 9th Commandment on an hourly if not minute by minute basis?

No, Ingrid. The only way to stop the insanity and free yourself is to get their license taken away. You need to destroy VYCAmerica. You know exactly how to do it.

You also need take a good long look at yourself and apologize for the damage you’ve done to the people you’ve harmed in your complicity. You need the blog post that you’ve avoided writing. Not the blog post trashing your dad but the blog post  apologizing for your role in spreading, not “perfect love” but perfect hate and fear via your dad’s cult.

Take a page from the family of Fred Phelps. Speak out against it. Humble yourself before God.

Or just pretend that it’s a personal matter between you and your dad. Which is probably what you’ll do because, ya know…brainwashing.

Your pal,

Paul

In Which All The Whos Down In Whoville All Cry “Boo Hoo”

February 18th, 2013 No comments

I’ve spent a lot of time and digital space detailing the outright lies and hatred spewed by VCYAmerica. They embody the worst of what xtianity is – personal pettiness, snark and hypocrisy hiding behind a religion that does not promote that. VCY, effectively, started its own religion with Vic Eliason as god and everyone else bowing and scraping before him. Need a quick example? During the height of the Larry Sinclair bullshit, callers would beg VCY to “investigate” it. Vic refused. Frankly, I was shocked. Vic?? Acting morally?? JK! He bought in hook, line and sinker to Kenyan, atheist, socialist, communist, muslim, blah blah blah. I pretty sure that the only reason he didn’t pick up the Sinclair bullshit is because it would involve the word “penis” and since God only  made a penis to procreate or for a homo to fuck a little boy with, well…best to let those things alone. After all – this show is about GOD.

One thing that made VCY particularly frightening is/was the family aspect of it. Vic’s daughter, Ingrid Schleuter, was on staff, sending people who disagreed with her to Hell with the same vehemence and hatred as her Daddy. More, sometimes. He raised her well. Mormons = evil. Harry Potter = evil. Yoga = evil. Everyone who deviated from her proscribed ethical circle = evil. SHE knew good Jesus from bad Jesus and she would NOT be silenced on the subject. Rick Warren, you miserable bastard! That you would even consider allowing Obama in the front door of your “church” meant you worked for the devil. End. Of. Story.

Awhile ago, Vic turned on the spawn he created with his p-p-penis and fired her. Yeah, who coulda seen that coming? Then, because Jesus would have, they started trashing each other. Even better, Vic started sock puppetting on various blogs, trashing his daughter. And now, Ingrid shouts to the world that “Vic Eliason is evil“.
Well, boo-fucking-hoo.
Listen up, Ingrid – you built this. The shit and bile that spewed out over the airwaves finally backed up. Where’s Jesus? You don’t know because you lost him decades ago choosing, instead to follow a path of hatred and politics that had nothing to do with him. Nothing. I have so much audio of you ripping apart your enemies like a feral dog, going for the throat and showing no mercy. What the fuck did you expect? Did you honestly think that Jesus (real or fictional) would put up with that? Did honestly think that bilking hicks out of their money for your radio Nuremberg rallies wouldn’t come back to bite you?
Year after year, you allowed the most ignorant statements to pass over the airwaves without one single syllable of protest.
Caller: After John Lennon said he was bigger than Jesus, he was shot six times
You: Well, you’ve got that right.
No. No, she doesn’t. She has that wrong. And you, you pathetic cunt, chose not the path of honesty but took a deep breath and consciously made a decision not to correct her facts. You knew that was a lie. You knew there was a loooooong period of time between bang-bang and bigger than Jesus. You also knew that correcting her negated your message of GOD KILLS EVERYONE YOU THINK SHOULD BE KILLED.
So, fuck you, Ingrid. I’d really like to have sympathy for you, but I can find none. Not one shred. I can’t even find empathy. I hate using this analogy, but it fits – it doesn’t matter how many Jews you killed or how badly you feel about it now. What matters is how happily and self-righteously you killed them. Your regret means nothing.
If I believed in Hell, I’d say you’ll end up there. But I don’t. Instead, your Hell is here on Earth and, honestly, I hope it never ends.
You worked hard for this moment, Ingrid. Sadly, I doubt you even have the self-awareness to understand that.

In Which “The Newsroom” Is 24 For The Intellectual Liberals

January 2nd, 2013 1 comment

I’m a bad liberal. I admit it. Sometimes I put stuff in the trash that belongs in the recycle bin. I flick my cigarette (bad liberal) out the car window. I got sick of Keith Olbermann, no matter how much I agreed with him and I despise Laurence O’Donnell. I mean, despise.  The second Rachel Maddow ends, the TV is off, hopefully before he starts speaking.

Let me put this right up front. I’ve never seen The Newsroom and, even if I had HBO (which I don’t) I wouldn’t watch it. I’ve seen clips from it and it looks great. I love the cast. The writing is top notch. The problem is – it’s not real life. It is, like all TV, a dream world. It’s a world I’d love to live in, full of the proper mix of reason and passion where you win arguments with facts (“All presidents have used stimulus and you’ve never called them socialist”) and you’re not told “SHUT THE FUCK UP!! YOURA FAGOT. GO BACK TO NOTRH KOREA!!”

(Sidenote: I love the new North Korea focus. They can’t use Iran anymore because they actually realize that they wish the US transformed into a theocratic society.)

A scant 2 months after 9/11, Fox TV came out with the show 24.  Stop and think about that. TV shows just don’t create themselves overnight. What this implies is that pretty much the day after or even of 9/11, some one saw and opportunity to turn it into cash. Not just cash, but an electronic bully pulpit preaching that all Muslims wanted to kill us and that only the US could save the day. And do it all in 24 hours. This kind of propaganda is not unprecedented but it took 20 years for a show about wacky Nazis to get to TV after WWII. Did the propaganda campaign known as 24 work?

A few years ago, One News Now, a fake news site run by the American Family Association, asked its xtian readers if they thought torture was a viable option in the war on terror. These salt-of-the-earth, turn-the-other-cheek, that-which-you-do-to-the-least-of-these xtians responded with a deafening FUCK YEAH! Just how loud was the response? 89% said they had no problem with it. Bear in mind that after WWII, the US prosecuted Japanese soldiers for waterboarding Americans.

Even liberals ate up the whole “they hate freedom” bullshit that 24 pedaled. And you can’t really blame them. Most people wanted comfort and assurance that a once in lifetime event wouldn’t happen again. So much so, that we took off our unalienable rights with the Patriot Act and put them in the bin with our shoes at the airport. In the end, though, 24 served only to increase national paranoia and hits on the job site at the CIA and FBI.

You’re going to tell me The Newsroom and 24 can’t be compared. Getting all sweaty from running around diffusing bombs isn’t the same thing as getting all sweaty because you’re living on coffee and running downstairs to not get caught smoking. True. But at the concept level, it’s the same thing: Intrepid People Intrepidly Saving The World From The Enemy. In the case of 24, the enemy wore turbans, long beards and spoke a foreign language. In The Newsroom, the enemy wears suits, flag pins and speaks a foreign language – Teabaggese.

Wingnuts don’t have a problem with blood and violence. They love seeing people get the shit literally kicked out of them. Their default action is “punch”. Liberals don’t. We’d prefer our smack downs bloodless. We’d rather eviscerate with words (raises his hands) than violence. To put it in teabagger terms: Liberals think the motherfucking SHIT out of teabaggers – HOO-ah! The pen is mightier than sword, weak limbed thinkers are told, but smugness in the safety of your facts rarely protects you from getting stabbed. Paradoxically, reason tends to incite violence.

In dream world of  The Newsroom, that hermetic seal stays unbroken. Sure, danger will happen, but in the end everything works out. The danger, though, isn’t the lulling thoughts that every works out. The danger, or at least the reason I don’t watch it, comes from the knowledge that it takes a fictional character to speak the truth to power. Put another way, very few politicians want to speak the words spoken on that show. Even fewer want to act on them. And that’s a big problem – investing energy in a show that not only mirrors reality but outdoes it.

I’m not up for watching a show that leaves me saying, “Wow. If only someone had the guts to say that in real life.”

In Which I Post The Highlights From The Best Crosstalk Ever

August 9th, 2011 No comments

I’ve been off Crosstalk for awhile mostly because you can only listen to so much of this shit before I start having fantasies about playing Swimming With Sharks with Vic and the gang.

“Vic. There IS no homosexual agenda. What you claim is
the homosexual agenda was a satirical piece in a gay newspaper
that was read into the Congressional record without the pre-amble.
Say it!”

I’m not ashamed to say it. The lies and rationalizations warrant the harshest treatment imaginable. I heard a guy at an AA meeting once

If you wish good things for a person you hate for a month straight, that person at the end of them month that person will no longer be a problem to you. And it works. Usually, I wish that the person would go to Hell sooner rather than later.

A-fucking-men.

I guess it’s a sign of the times that the 8/5/11 Crosstalk stands out as the quintessential guide to xtianity. It literally shows you everything that’s wrong with this particular brand of SkyDaddy-ism.

Note: All clips are verbatim and not edited. There is one exception that I will flag. I cut out a chunk of crap for the sake of time.

Atheistic Scientists Waste Citizens Tax Dollars – Why do we bother exploring the universe when GOD created it? Three interesting things to listen for -

  1. “interesting”. Whenever a VCY host says this (and I’m pretty sure they’re trained on the proper inflection) you know that bitter, Christly sarcasm lurks just around the corner.
  2. “fiiiive yeeee-ers”. The setup for the punchline. Normal people might think, “wow! Jupiter! I wonder what that will look like?” xtians only see xtian oppression and proof America’s slow decline into Communism and race mixing.
  3. Faux-folksy chuckle – I actually admire their delivery. You can just feel the old folks sitting in their nursing home chuckling appreciatively and desperately trying to remember the joke so they can tell it to their nurse.

You Are Automatically A Member Of Whatever Group Endorses You – The Communist Party endorsed Obama so Obama is a Communist. Makes sense, right? Hagee endorsed McCain so that make McCain and anti-semite. White Pride Preacher Pastor Pete Peters endorses Jesus. That makes Jesus racist.

This is the one that is edited. I took out Jim’s recitation of the speech the godless Communist made which is all standard blah-blah and cut straight to the incitement to outrage of “get your reaction to that later in the broadcast.” News round ups need that punching up in case granny needs her memory jogged.

Taxpayers Paying For The President Doing Things That President’s Does – Whuh?? The President of the United States of America is going to travel around the country he’s the president of and talk to its citizens??? AND WE’RE GONNA PAY FOR THAT??? How fucking dare he! Spreading commie propaganda, promoting the homosexual agenda and denying the supremacy of Jesus on OUR DIME! What has this country come to?

It’s this kind of bullshit that makes me insane. As if Obama should pay for this out of his own pocket. Obama’s townhalls accept all questions. He does them completely unscripted. I believe he’s at his most powerful when he does them. All these wingnuts that say he can’t function without a teleprompter need only to watch a townhall to know that he’s actually better without it. What’s next? “OMG! Obama gets room and board at the taxpayers’ expense??”

Census Shows Gays Are Taking Over – Why bother to explain something when just stating raw facts with no context is so much more frightening? Gay households up 49% sounds like a lot…until you find out that the Census didn’t previously include gay households. Kinda puts that into perspective, huh? Which is why it’s not mentioned. The last thing you want is people feeling like the news may not be as horrific as it sounds.

Why Can’t We Teach People That Jesus Loves Blowing Shit Up? – When you need to hold a class to twist the Bible to support your agenda, there’s something wrong with your agenda.  Thus the Christian Just War Theory class (“Hey! C’mon, you pussy! It’s just war“) shouldn’t really be needed. Since the Bible is God’s inerrant word, we should all be het up and raring to wipe out the infidel Muslims, Commies, yada yada. Of course, if you’re using the King James Version (commissioned by bi-sexual King James) it’s gonna come out all wrong. Instead, use the Conservative Bible Project’s version and all becomes clear.

Laws Against Lying Aren’t Christian – The case that wingnut girls over at the Susan B. Anthony List, rather than staying home and taking care of their kids and serving their husbands the way God wants, instead descend, harpy-like, on anyone they feel isn’t anti-abortion enough. They did this to Steve Driehaus, a Democrat who voted for the Health Care bill. Even though the bill does NOT include “taxpayer funded abortion”, the girls put up billboards saying that Driehaus voted for taxpayer funded abortion. In other words, they lied. It’s what Addison DeWitt would call “a stupid lie, easily proven.”

SBA claims First Amendment rights for “criticizing a politician”. But when does outright lying become criticizing a politician? SBA, like most wingnuts, screams to what they take to be the heavens any time someone challenges them. Like Jesus, they willingly climb on the cross, dripping blood on anyone foolish enough to come to close to them. Outside of the illegality of blatantly lying about your opponet, one would think that the whole “thou shalt not bear false witness thing” would come into play. You’d be wrong.

What amazes, amuses and saddens me about Crosstalk is just how far the rabbit hole they are. They do shows on how it’s in the Koran that you’re allowed to advance Islam with seemingly no clue as to how their actions mimic those of the heathen infidels. It’s the same thing with religious supremacy. While claiming that bloodthirsty Islam won’t rest until the entire world converts to Islam, they believe that they can’t rest until the same wicked Muslims that want to convert the world to Islam convert to Christianity.

Old Chestnuts Never Die – One thing you may not understand about Crosstalk’s special brand of xtianity is their deep and abiding hatred of any physical connection between body and soul. It’s just not ok. Wicked things like “yoga” and “feelings” lead straight to the pit of Hell. I’m not kidding. They’ve done whole shows on the evils of Christian yoga which, according to them, can allow you to relax to a point where Satan can physically enter you. Basically, the moment you start feeling ok about yourself is the precise moment when you sin. Brannon Howse once said that he wakes up every morning and hates himself…so that he doesn’t sin. I would think he hates himself because he’s a lying, scumbag race-baiter, but that’s just me.

Either way, Crosstalk never misses a chance to talk about how “new-age spirituality” and the apostates who love it, will no doubt bring down “the church” if they are not stopped and not stopped NOW. It’s really the same Pavlovian trigger as “communist” and “homosexual agenda”. The image of the earthy-crunchy devil worshiper with their beads and their crystals fires up the base as much a black man being president. So when some group comes out with the 10 billion beats to cure the world the through the power of a drum circle….well…I think it’s ripe for ridicule but it’s not evil.

HEYA! Let’s go to the phones! It’s really the main reason to listen to Crosstalk. The hosts and guests rarely match the level of crazy that Brother and Sister Xtian can bring. To wit -

I’d Rather Be A Terrorist Than A Commie – Mark came loaded for bear. He had a statement and he was gonna make it, gosh darn it! It doesn’t matter that it makes no sense. He mostly likely heard it last night at the bar. Note the conditional “if I was a Tea Party member”. That’s some commitment! Note, too, how pleased Jim sounds.

How Can Obama Push The Muslim Agenda AND The Homo Agenda? – What a great question! If Obama is the devout Muslim that Shirley believes him to be, how can he push the homo agenda when Islam (just like xtianity) hates gay people? My question would be “Why don’t we ever get pictures of him bowing to Mecca?” Shouldn’t there be tons of those? Jim can’t actually answer the question so he falls back on the “Muslims can do whatever they want to advance their agenda” line, effectively saying “do you expect consistency from the wicked Nation of Islam?” The question is answered by a caller later in the program. It turns out Muslims are using the homosexuals to destroy America and, once it’s destroyed, will kill all the gays. Clever!

They Want To Make Us Give Up Our Capitalism – I love the callers that pretend they’re actually sticking to the subject when they’re going somewhere completely different. I also love callers the define “the enemy” as everyone who is not them. Thus, the New World Order consists of Jews, Muslims, gays and pretty much everyone who is not American.

Exactly how would one be forced to give up their capitalism. I was pretty sure the whole New Word Order thing was based on capitalism. Right?

Uhhhhhh…Uhhhhhh…Uhhhhhh…I’m Crazy – Why is this best Crosstalk ever? Because, almost as if by (intelligent) design, they save the best for last. Daniel probably doesn’t get to talk to too many people because he’s busy cleaning he’s guns when he’s not collecting his socialist unemployment check and/or disability. You really have to wonder about folks who listen to Crosstalk and STILL have to ask what the “Muslim bible” is called. He’s not even functional enough to remember that. And yet…there he is. Think about the construction of his statement -

Uhhhhh….Uhhh…what’s the Muslim Bible called? Right. Uhhhhh…uhhhh…Isn’t Islam bad?

But the coup d’ grace comes with “the chemicals in our food are destroying us.” Where the HELL did that come from? Perfect!

I really can’t urge you strongly enough to listen to the whole show. Completely worth it!

In Which Jesus Is Not An Objectivist

April 20th, 2011 1 comment

[Note: The audio version of this will be available sometime soon on The Pod Delusion. Thanks to Salim Fahdley and James O'Malley for that.]

The impending release of the film version of Atlas Shrugged reminds me of one of the lowest, darkest and most desperate periods in my life. Actually reading Atlas Shrugged.

Looking back, I realize that I fit the social demographic perfectly – I was emotionally retarded.  Just out of high school, friends with a lot of girls but with no girlfriend and having turned my back in mild defiance of Christianity, I desperately searched for some reason to explain why I always wound up on the losing end of things when I felt as if I gave so much. 21st century me now knows that I was simply an enabling co-dependent with low self-esteem and the solution lay in the halls of Al-Anon, a therapist’s office and perhaps some serotonin inhibitors.

20th century me, however, grabbed for the biggest, longest and most unwieldy book I could find to make me not feel stupid. At that point, it could have been any book, but it turned out to be Atlas Shrugged. During the summer of 1980 I devoured every line and possibly even masturbated to the image of sharp-featured, dominatrix Dagny Taggart. I knew nothing about objectivism  or Ayn Rand or what a miserable human being she was. All I knew was that, finally, I found good, concise, well-reasoned reasons to tell the rest of the world to fuck off.  I was, at last, better than everyone else.

And I’m terribly, terribly sorry for that.

If, for some unknown reason, you plan to see movie version of Atlas Shrugged, it’s important to arm yourself with this key fact – Rand was a loser who wrote books for losers. Objectivism isn’t so much about strength as it is about not being perceived as weak.  It’s about BIG talk and BIG ideas and BIG actions that can only exist in a self-deluded world of fiction where silly things like “fact”, “logic” and “the laws of gravity do not exist.

Which is another way of saying it’s the perfect Republican bible.  Or would be if Republicans didn’t already have a bible.  But they do. And it’s called “The Bible”

And the two books simply cannot co-exist in the same philosophical space. Sorry.  Just can’t happen. It’s like matter annihilating anti-matter – it ends in an explosion of stupidity and schizophrenia, which, now that I think about it, is the current definition of the Republican party.

If you’re unfamiliar with either books, here’s a brief synopsis.

The Bible: Book one –  God makes everything. He tells the Jews they’re the chosen people and to obey him. They don’t.

The Bible: Book Two – God takes a different tack and decides to rule by guilt. He kills his son, a nice young man who tells us to love each other and help the poor, and condemns us to Hell if we don’t continually thank him for that. And then the world ends.

Atlas Shrugged – The world is going to hell, so all the smart people leave and set up their own cool kids club in a magical pristine canyon that nobody can find. They live happily ever after never having to care about poor people or clean up after the mess they helped create.

Notice any areas of dichotomy there?

Jesus –  And again I say unto you, It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle, than for a rich man to enter into the kingdom of God.

John Galt –  Fuck the poor

Jesus –  Jesus said unto him, If thou wilt be perfect, go [and] sell that thou hast, and give to the poor, and thou shalt have treasure in heaven: and come [and] follow me.

John Galt –  Fuck the poor

Jesus –  Gimme some loaves and fishes and everybody eats

John Galt – If you think you’re getting any of MY food, think again, leech.

This is why America is so totally screwed right now – Right-wing Christian teabagging Republicans have the ideological hots for an amphetamine-addicted, atheist adulteress.  The party that damn near closed my government down because women shouldn’t have the right to abortion because God don’t like it reaches for the Viagra when they read Atlas Shrugged. The party that whines about gay marriage as an affront to God has no such problem when it comes to Ayn Rand. The party that spits on me because I’m not Christian swallows when it comes to Ayn Rand.

After all, I’m not the one that said “Faith is the worse curse of mankind, as the exact antithesis and enemy of thought.” That was Ayn Rand

In Which I Made A Mistake…But Not Really

April 5th, 2011 No comments

The other day, I noticed a picture in my BBN Facebook feed of not very flattering picture of a woman and a LOT OF CAPITALS. The gist of the post was that this woman was AN ASSHOLE and UGLY and a WICCAN and something about BUDDHISM, too. It also blasted her name all over the place and pretty much urged people to harass her for…her religious beliefs.  BBN left a comment praising the poster for doing exactly what Jesus would have done – kicking her in the face and sending her to Hell because “even Jesus knows there some sheep that ain’t worth saving.” Encouraged, I left another comment saying that Jesus didn’t like ugly people. I knew something was up when the author of the post liked both comments.

I don’t know about your Facebook experience, but with BBN I barely know anyone who on my feed. I may take a quick look to see if they’re in on it or if I’ve hooked someone, especially some xtian, but I generally forget who they are after that. Taking a look at this guy’s profile, it turns out he’s gay and probably not an xtian conservative. Rather, he was a radical atheist…kicking the shit out of a Buddhist…who probably deserved it because we know how pushy and evangelical Buddhists get.

The odd thing is, I’d already considered writing something about radical atheists because of this video

 

The guy that posted it crowed, “See what you’ve done, Terry Jones!”, a reference to the asshole that wanted to burn Korans because…um…burning paper is…um…fun…I guess. The first thought that entered my head was, “Hm. I wonder if this woman got bent out of shape of the Terry Jones flap?” The second thought I had watching watching her rip pages out of a cheap copy of the New Testament while saying “I believe compassion is everything”  was, “what the fuck.” Let me get this straight – you believe compassion is everything so rather than attempting to understand Christians you’re going to destroy the text their belief system is based on?

Here’s the dictionary definition for compassion

a feeling of deep sympathy and sorrow for another who is stricken by misfortune, accompanied by a strong desire to alleviate the suffering.

Where, in the burning of a bible, does the alleviation of suffering come in? Comparatively, where is the compassion in telling gays they deserve AIDS?

I’ve got the same problem with radical Atheism that I do with radical religion of any stripe. It’s not a new statement to say that Modern Atheism became its own religion. Rather than saying “religion is shit” they’re ironically hell-bent on getting everyone else to believe that religion is shit. Which, by the way, is one of the definitions of evangelism – getting everyone to believe what you believe.

Honestly, I don’t mind people telling me their opinions. I find it interesting to see other people’s thought processes. A line gets crossed when they expect me to believe they’re right just because they say so. Another line gets crossed when you start behaving like the “enemy”.  I like the bus-billboards atheists put out saying “Don’t believe in God? You’re not alone” and “Millions are good without God”. Those are good solid messages. “You know Jesus is a lie” does nothing to promote atheism. It’s just meant to piss off Christians, not all of which are lunatic assholes. All it does is make them feel superior. Which, I thought, wasn’t supposed to be the point. The point is not buying into some system of belief that causes conflict. The moment atheism becomes aggressive is stops being not-religion.

I hate the song “Imagine.” I’m not just saying that for effect.  I couldn’t quite put my finger on why until Elvis Costello pointed out “Was it a millionaire/Who said imagine no possessions?” The same holds true the “and no religion, too” part that gets atheists all squishy or hard depending on their gender. Perhaps Lennon really meant all that stuff. Personally, I doubt it, mostly because I’m suspect of “anthems” of any kind. It’s the paradox of leading a group of individuals. Plus you can’t discount the profit motive. If Lennon were still alive, he’d be right next to Bob Dylan while the Traveling Wilbury’s shilled for Diet Coke or Depends adult diapers.

Imagine endless comfort
You know the reason why
You know you’ve got a diaper
That always keeps you dry
….
You may say I’m a dreamer
But I’m not the only one
When you’ve got your Depends on
Then the woooorld can be fun!

 

If you consider yourself an atheist and that offends you, then I’d suggest you’re putting to much stock into some outdated notion of spirituality.

I’m just sayin’

In Which Brannon Howse Lies Through His Teeth

June 25th, 2010 5 comments

If you’re just an ordinary person trying to scrape by and don’t ‘t have a lot of time to check things out for yourself chances are good you find your “experts” and believe whatever they say. Despite the fact that Tony Perkins of the Family Research Council has a “good friend” that hires whores to dress him up in diapers, you’ll still believe Tony Perkins when he says don’t give money to left-wing, gay, socialist politicians. Despite the fact that Rush Limbaugh called for any drug abusers to go to jail, you’ll still forgive when he abuses drugs. Are there examples on the other side? Of course there are. But since the evangelical right never acknowledges their mistakes until someone holds their feet to the fire, then why should I?

The whole basis for the evangelical right (and I’m trying very, very hard to maintain some semblance of civility right now) is “truth”.  Not just “truth” but “biblical truth”. And not just “biblical truth” but unerring “biblical truth”. According to them only one “right” exists in the world. If you even acknowledge a second option in any question then you’re practicing “moral relativism”.  And that’s bad. Really, really bad.”  In their world, big-G God has one answer and one answer only. Of course, it depends on which sect of Christianity you belong to as to what that answer is. It’s simpler to quote their philosophy with a quote from David Mamet. “The other guy’s cigar always sucks.”

It’s that philosophy that allows them to hate the rest of the world and to decry “worldly things” simply because big-G God doesn’t, in their non-morally relative view, endorse them. Thus, they can decry mega-churches “diluting” God’s word in order to put butts in the seat while begging for money to keep their radio stations on the air. To put it another way – one side makes money from the folks who say “God is love” and the other makes money off the folks who say “God will destroy those who say ‘God is love’”.

One of the best ways to make someone believe something is through humility. Let me rephrase that. One of the best ways to make someone believe something is by listing all of the sins someone else is guilty of in the greatest possible detail and then saying that you don’t do those things.

Example:

There are a lot of ministers who, once the lights come down in the 10 million dollar mega-churches built with the money bilked from useless sheep that flock to their clarion call of sedentary salvation and moral relativism, think nothing of strangling little tiny baby kittens, freshly from their mothers womb and smearing their blood all over their faces. It’s not something I would ever do. Do I sin some times? Sure. We all do. We are of the flesh. I’m not holy. How can I be? But does that mean I can’t speak out about people strangling little tiny baby kittens, freshly from their mothers womb and smearing their blood all over their faces? No. It’s important that we do.

Another way is to tell your own sheep that if you’re ever wrong, all they need to do is bring it to your attention and you’ll apologize. Something along the line of this -

Beat Up Brannon Howse

That’s pretty straight forward, right? “I make a mistake, the Christian thing to do is admit, not make the same mistake and move on.” But built in to that statement comes a paradox. You worship someone because you believe they’re infallible. If you believe they’re infallible, chances are good that 1) you’re not listening terribly close 2) if you find some inconsistency then you’re hero is no longer infallible and 3) who has the balls to spit in Superman’s face. Because of these things, Brannon Howse can make these kinds of statements with 95% certainty that his audience will quietly accept what he says with even more docility than before.

What’s implicit in that statement is that it only applies to those who agree with him. He will only apologize to those who buy into his “world view”. Everyone else can, literally, go to Hell.

Proof – Of course!

Some quick background. Religious conservative and wingnuts in general love to point to Obama’s use of “czars” as proof that he’s really a communist.  In this paradigm, everyone who’s ever taken a bath is a Christian because you dunk yourself in water. The shell game works like this:

  • Russia had czars
  • The communists were Russians
  • Communism is bad
  • Czars are Communists

I’m not making that up.

Of course, the Communists overthrew the Czars. That makes Obama’s czars…um…not Communist.

Given this shockingly true information, a fair, thinking person would have to admit that the whole “czar” thing makes no sense at all. Right?

Wrong.

Did that sound like any kind of an apology? Did that sound like a man humbling himself before the truth? Or did that sound like a man struggling to maintain his hold on a lie that’s a central part of his hate?

Personally, I think the latter. Of course, as a moral relativist, I could be wrong

PS – Let’s see how legalistic his defense and/or defenders get. Legalism, btw, is also a bad thing. It’s either right or wrong and God decides.

In Which Jesus Mocked People When He Felt He Was Right

May 24th, 2010 No comments

45 And after Jesus and his disciples did leave
the sermon on the mount, Jesus did turn to
Thomas speaking thusly
46 “Did I not not tell you that enough food wouldst
be provided for all to eat? Did I not? Yea, verily,
I believe I didst, but, naaaaay, YOU insisted
there wouldst NOT be enough food.
47 “I guesseth that I was right and you were wrong,
you big pile of donkey dung.
48 Wouldst thou liketh more to eat? Plenty
remaineth shouldst thou still require food.
49 Although,it  didst occureth to me that thou couldst
stand to lose a several stone, if the truth be told.”
50 Then Jesus turned to the other disciple, saying,
“Wouldst thou not agree, brethern? Dost Thomas
not resembleth a fat sow, ripe for the slaughter?
Dost thou not think that several villiages wouldst
eat hearty and well for many cycles of the moon
off the flesh of him?”
The Book of Jesus – 8:45-50

Seriously. Who are these people? Do they have any concept of the life of Jesus? Are their lives so devoid of successes that every perceived success provokes a torrent of thinly disguised abuse and hubris?

The American Fucktard Family Association believes itself responsible for…well…the downfall of Ford Motors:

According to AFA, during the 24 months the boycott was in effect, Ford sales dropped an average of 8 percent per month. The organization said its boycott was not entirely responsible for the drop in sales, but played a very significant role. A total of 780,365 individuals had signed AFA’s Boycott Ford petition.

It had nothing to do with a floundering economy or job market tanking. No. It was all about the homos. Of course, AFA doesn’t want to boycott companies but if they’re going to keep insisting on this “all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights” bullshit, well…what choice do they have? In the world of xtianity there are only two options given to you by the Savior of Man – shit or get off the pot.

It’s pretty evident that not only was Jesus pretty passive-aggressive (“Oh, yeah? Then maybe I’ll just go and get myself EXECUTED for you – how’s that??”) but also petty and vindictive.

Again, from the Book of Jesus:

83 And after he did wash Jesus’ feet, the Savior did look at them and he did turn to John, saying
84 “Dost thou call this clean? Wouldst thou by any standard of heaven or of earth attempt to passeth this off as a ‘good job’? I am the Way and the Light! I have come to offer you everlasting life free of earthly pleasures and this is the thanks I get?”
85 And he did pusheth John roughly onto the stool, saying
86 “If thou be too retarded to knoweth the meaning of clean, alloweth me to show you.” Wherein Jesus did scrub John’s feet until they be bloodied and blistered.
87 And Jesus did laugh at John’s pain, telling him firmly, “Let this be a lesson to thee.”

As many xtians already know, Jesus sneered a lot. He was sarcastic, rude, bullying, denigrating and, above all, holier-than-thou. Thus, being “Christ-like” to an xtian is different than being “Christ-like” to an actual Christian.

Case in point? Oh, there are too many to count but for the moment, let’s use Gary McCollough who runs one of the funniest and/or saddest sites around – Christian Newswire. I’m guessing that McCollough probably gets a discount when he puts out a press release like “DeGeneres Hurt American Idol — I Told You So“. And indeed, he did

I propose that those behind American Idol view Lambert’s defeat as evidence of an underlying anti-gay bias among voters. As good community activists in the skewed world of Hollywood, this season’s change in judges was an opportunity to confront this homophobic bias. Thus viewers to the ninth season will get a steady dose of wit from one of the nation’s most well known lesbians, Ellen DeGeneres.

Personally, when I think of American Lesbians, I think of Eleanor Roosevelt but that’s probably just me. Like the American Fucktard Family Association, McCollough has no use for and no capacity to view reality because of the big Jesus shaped mirror he keeps in front of his face. He looks at himself and sees the world as he imagines Jesus would see it. I’m not sure at what point xtians teach their children that Jesus only hung out with the upper middle class and not with beggars and whores but it must be in the curriculum some place.  xtians care nothing about healing the lame and everything about laying the blame. It’s rare that that an xtian will step up to the plate and admit some wrong they committed against another. Pat Robertson, using slave labor in a Zaire diamond mine certainly doesn’t. He was great pals with the oppressive dictator down there…just like Jesus would have been.

McCollough, an xtian’s xtian if ever there was one, stands triumphantly pissing on the not-yet-dead corpse of American Idol because…he predicted it. Him. He. Gary McCollough. LESBIANS! It had nothing to do with American Idol’s falling ratings since season four, or Paula Abdul leaving or Simon announcing his departure. If ONLY they’d listened to him and had either a straight man or woman rather than a LESBIAN take over Paula’s place, they would have been back on top again. Stupid, stupid Fox. And, of course, McCollough follows the trend of LESBIANS on American Idol to its logical conclusion – pedophiles on Dancing With The Stars. Duh!

All of this really is just he basic xtian bullshit and had I not bothered to read the whole thing, I wouldn’t be writing this. However, this one paragraph jumped out at me.

DeGeneres’ “Yes, I have loved a woman,” comment from the May 11th show, was the most obvious lesbian-one-liner, but it wasn’t the only one, and it is hurting the show’s ratings. I can hear the bloggers loading their homophobe-blasters, but think this through with me.  If one of the judges was an abortion activist, or a political right winger — and continued to insert comments in line with their activism — the same criticism would be true, and the show would suffer. The advice, “Shut up and sing!” comes to mind [emphasis added]

Shut up and sing” isn’t even code in the wingnut world. It’s a threat of violence and almost a rallying cry. It comes from a letter from some wingnut psycho in Texas sent to Natalie Maines, lead singer of The Dixie Chicks, threatening to kill her for exercising her First Amendment right to disagree with the bush administration. Seriously.

Am I saying that McCollough wants to kill Ellen DeGeneres (or, as Jerry Falwell, resting uncomfortably in Hell, called her “Ellen DeGenerate“)? No. Well, maybe he does. Rather, if he did, he’d consider it another in a series of proofs of God’s existence and/or hatred of the things McCollough hates.

Let’s make this clear – Jesus didn’t hate people. He wasn’t a libertarian. He wasn’t a republican. He was neither gay nor straight. If you read the actual Bible itself, rather than lazily allowing Dobson, Eliason, Perkins or Wildmon to tell you what’s in it, it’s pretty obvious that Jesus would never endorse the kind of twisted perversion of His message that Gary McCollough spews.

Have fun in Hell, Gary.