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In Which SkullDUGGARy Is The Name Of The Game

June 10th, 2015 No comments

Woe unto them that call evil good, and good evil; that put darkness for light, and light for darkness; that put bitter for sweet, and sweet for bitter!
Isaiah 5:20

Always open with a joke, says conventional wisdom, and so I shall:

Q: What’s the difference between Josh Duggar and the right-wing extremist xtian perception of Mohammed?
A: Nothing! Both molest little girls!

Here’s a bonus joke – The Duggars will come out of this having learned something.

Boom! Suck it! No one writes comedy like I do! NO ONE!

But, cereally, folks! I had a vague understanding of the Duggar cult and Michelle Duggar’s vagina kept me awake at night screaming before I even knew who they were. I’ve never watched nor will ever watch their show.

If you’re just joining in, the Duggars had a reality TV show where…again, pure speculation because I don’t actually care…they travelled the country in The Mystery Machine exposing evolutionists as cranky old frauds in latex masks. Their show, Fifty Degrees of Fucked Up…err…19 Kids and Counting came to an ignominious end when it turned out Jim Bob (I shit you not, that’s his name) and Michelle were such shitty parents they couldn’t teach their son, Josh, not to finger his sisters.

I don’t hate Christians. I was raised Christian and left the church when I was 16 when it became apparent that “Christian” meant calling other kids “faggot”, stealing, drinking and in some cases grand larceny. Silly me, I actually took it seriously for awhile. But, unlike xtians, I don’t condemn the entire religion like they do with Muslims. Ironically, three of the people I went to high school with are ministers now. Two actually walk the walk. The other one (my best friend from high school) took a nose dive into the crazy pool, complaining about my cursing on Facebook, effectively calling me a baby killer and generally insulting my character. I put up with for awhile and then I started hitting back. And when I did that, he blocked me. Which is what Jesus would do.

Bill Hicks summed up xtians (fake Christians) perfectly:

These two rednecks came up to me after the show and said, “hey, buddy, we’re Christians and we don’t like what you said.” And I said, “oh, yeah? Then forgive me.”

That’s it in a nutshell. The actual Christian (as with the actual hero and soldier) feels no compunction to broadcast who they are. They don’t shy away from it but they don’t walk into a room carrying a cross and quoting scripture. I contracted at a company once. A lovely woman who worked there asked me if I’d work on her home computers and I agreed. Something seemed off at her house. I couldn’t put my finger on it until I saw the entire series of Left Behind books on her bookcase. At least she reads, I thought. Not once did she give any hint as to her religion nor did she evangelize. I admire that.

Not broadcasting your religion works on two levels.

One: You don’t come off like an asshole if you happen to meet someone of a different religion. Telling an atheist “I’ll pray for you,” works about as well as telling a Christian “hail Satan”.  It’s just not necessary. Period. Full stop. If you need to preach, become a minister. (BTW – I’ve been told the fastest way to become an atheist is to go to Divinity School.)

Two: You’re not setting yourself up for the kind of free-fall the Duggars are in now. Put another way – You don’t set yourself up as a pinnacle of “family values” who raised a child molester.

Frankly, I don’t know how Christianity survives. The Family Research Council where Josh “Gropey” Duggar used to work preaches a Santorum-like mixture of hate and hypocrisy. Tony “Not The Gay One” Perkins has Senator David “Dress Me Up In Diapers” Vitter on his program occasionally and calls him a “good man”. I’d understand “good baby” but “good man”? Why didn’t Tony “Not The Gay One” Perkins, who hates sin SO MUCH, not run against Vitter for his Senate seat?

I know this is all Dog Bites Man stuff but in the decade that I spent listening to xtian talk radio (extensively talked about on this blog) I heard the Isaiah quote over and over again with regards to pretty much any the heathen tried to do from make school lunches healthy to not blame all of Islam for 9/11.  It stuns me that anyone regardless of their religious bent could defend Josh Duggar. It defies logic.

Let’s end abruptly with some Lyle Lovett.

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[PS – I hope to be more coherent as I get back into the swing of this writing thing]

Categories: Navel (Gazing At) Tags:

In Which Jenner Changes Sex And I Have An Epiphany

June 7th, 2015 2 comments

People started experiencing Jenner Fatigue about 4 minutes after Vanity Fair announced the cover announcing the new and photoshopped Caitlyn Jenner. Surprisingly, the reactions run from highly positive to highly negative with the bulk somewhere in between. Kudos to Vanity Fair for referring to Jenner as a former Olympian rather than a “reality TV star.” I honestly didn’t even know he participated in the whole Kardashian experiment in fuckwittery.  (Note: I find it sad that “Kardashian” shows up in my spell check dictionary and “fuckwittery” does not.)

Without cataloging all the reactions, the one that interests me the most is the “that’s the wrong person to advanced LGBT awareness” argument. In what way? I’m not sure. I had a Facebook discussion with someone who, responding to the refutation of the “Jenner’s not brave – soldiers are brave” argument, went on to explain she was tired of Jenner and everyone else should be, too. Having an average person changing sexes would mean much more than a celebrity. Long story short

There are plenty of transgender people who could be better suited for a docuseries. People that actually have a lot of obstacles to overcome.

…and a light clicked on.

My own paraphrase of this statement goes

It’s not enough to work through the issues, pain and trials of switching genders. To keep my interest, you must have even more shit to overcome or you bore me.

I couldn’t get into the show Transparent. As much as I wanted to watch it, I found most of the characters annoyingly self-absorbed and writing a little too precious. Jeffery Tambor, though, shocked me with the journey to coming out. The pain and doubt pervade his entire being. As a straight, white male, I can’t begin to fathom internal conflicts of effectively lying to people for decades about who you are and then the backlash (and freedom) of taking the plunge into living your authentic self. Annual income and public profile play no role in making that easier. That just seems logical.

But it’s not. According to this person, you have to have additional problems to overcome. I’m not clear what those would be nor did I ask. I’m guessing that a black, quadriplegic heroin addict might garner her sympathy. Maybe. That might still not be enough.

To quote her again:

It’s easier to relate to an average Joe than to a celebrity.

Maybe if one on one, but on a national stage, no one gives a shit about Average Joe…unless Not So Average Joe hires Average Joe a publicist and turns him into a media star. And then, obviously, Average Joe is no longer average.  And, according to my discussion partner, no one can relate to him anymore.

What she appeared advocate was giving someone already encased in concrete a backpack full of barbells, ankle weights and an i386 computer and telling them to start their journey. Then she would pay attention to them and call them brave. Until then, they’re just wasting her time and blemishing her page full of kitteh pics.

The epiphany comes in realizing that rarely do we (and I include myself) look at situations universally. A grieving parent is a grieving parent. A transgender person coming out is a transgender person coming out. They’re all taking the same base journey. Instead, we look at them with a built in bias based on the person in the situation. Thus, Natallee Holloway makes headlines (“it must be so hard for that white woman to lose her child!”) while thousands of minority mothers suffer silently far from the news cycle.

I don’t pretend it can or will change. Bias is part of what makes us human. It’s good to acknowledge that sometimes.

Categories: Jenner, Transgender Tags:

In Which I Present What My Closing Statement At The Zimmerman Trial Would Have Been

July 14th, 2013 No comments

Ladies of the jury, I don’t envy. Not in the least little bit. There’s a lot of pressure on this case. My job is to take the pressure off you. My job is to show you that you can make a calm, rational decision, based on the facts. That is what an adult does. Or at least what an adult should do. Kids, and I’m sure you’ve seen this first hand, do what they want when they want. They don’t have very good judgment. Think on your own childhood and some of the stupid things you did. I’ll give you a minute to do that.

Now. Take that incident in your mind and ask yourself – ok, that what stupid, but did I deserve to die for that? Did the worst mistake I ever made mark me for death? And if the answer is yes, how was it your fault?

There are a lot of people on both sides of this case that want to make it about race. Trayvon was a black kid. Convicting Mr. Zimmerman of 2nd degree murder is somehow, some way a travesty of justice because…I’m not really sure why, to be honest with you. Let me take the pressure off you – this has nothing to do with race. End of story.

This has everything to do with being an adult. This has everything to do with the judgment that we, as adult, grow into. Discernment. Morality. Doing the right thing. Not acting rashly.

Let me make a quick side trip here. We all remember the story of the Good Samaritan, right? There’s a guy beat up on the side of the road and no one will help him. Then the Good Samaritan comes along and feeds, clothes and heals the victim. I think we all like that story. But, what’s forgotten about that story is that Samaritans, at that point in time, were looked down on. They were the scum of the earth, so to speak. They were, effectively, spit on by the same people that left the victim dying in a ditch. They didn’t want to get their hands dirty or get involved. They were too busy going about their day to want to waste any of it helping somebody out. Keep that in your mind, please.

Let’s take this down to the very bare facts. Both the prosecution and the defense have done a lot speculating. It’s the nature of this kind of trial. But let’s strip all of that away. Let’s go with what we know.

  1. Trayvon Martin was unarmed.
  2. George Zimmerman had a gun.
  3. George Zimmerman is on tape, and you heard that tape, saying “those assholes always get away with it.”
  4. The 911 dispatcher told George Zimmerman not to follow Trayvon Martin.
  5. George Zimmerman killed Trayvon Martin.

That’s about as bare bones as you can get. Are we agreed that on that?

  1. Trayvon Martin was unarmed.
  2. George Zimmerman had a gun.
  3. George Zimmerman is on tape, and you heard that tape, saying “those assholes always get away with it.”
  4. The 911 dispatcher told George Zimmerman not to follow Trayvon Martin.
  5. George Zimmerman killed Trayvon Martin.

Ok. Let’s think about this. What we, the prosecution, allege is that George Zimmerman had criminal intent to kill Trayvon Martin. He wanted to do it. He meant to do it. Let’s again, go back to, not the speculation, but the bare bones facts of the case.

  1. Trayvon Martin was unarmed – Did George Zimmerman know this? The fact is that he literally could not. He sees a kid walking home at night.
  2. George Zimmerman had a gun – Why did he have a gun? We don’t know. I guess that he felt unsafe on the mean streets of Sanford’s gated community. You never know when a felon might try to break into somebody’s house.
  3. George Zimmerman is on tape, and you heard that tape, saying “those assholes always get away with it.” – “Those assholes always get away with it.” Keep that in your mind. Which assholes? Why the word “assholes”. Personally, when I use that word, I’m making a generalization about a group of people. I want you to say that phrase to yourself. You heard him say it. Say it the way he said. What feelings does it bring up inside of you?
  4. The 911 dispatcher told George Zimmerman not to follow Trayvon Martin – George Zimmerman had no legal authority. That’s a fact. None. His job was to call 911 and report suspicious behavior. And he did that. He called 911 to report that someone he deemed to be one of “those assholes” was wandering around the complex. And that made him suspicious. So he called 911. What did 911 tell him? Did 911 tell him, “Thank you, Mr. Zimmerman, what we like you to do is to keep on his tail until we can get some cops over there.” Did 911 tell him, “We are so ineffectual that we need your help, Mr. Zimmerman, and we trust 100% that you know what you’re talking about and have judged the situation properly.”

    You know the answer to that question. It’s on the tape. The answer is no. The 911 dispatcher told George Zimmerman to drop and let the police take care of it.

    What did George Zimmerman do?

    I got fired once. Hard to believe, I know! I was working for Wendy’s as a kid. The manager told me to cut the potatoes for French fries. I thought he was an idiot because there were already French fries cut. So I made some hamburger patties instead because we were low on those. You might see this coming – we ran out of French fries. I was shown the door.

    How many of you have worked in a hierarchical organization? Hierarchies came about as a way to facilitate work flow. Someone has an overall vison. That person communicates the vision to others and tells them what needs to be done to make that vision a reality. If someone disagrees, that’s fine. They don’t work there anymore. It’s like the army – if you don’t like the way the army works, fine, you don’t join the army. But if you do join the army, you follow orders. If you don’t, bad things happen.

    George Zimmerman didn’t follow orders. George Zimmerman felt that he knew better than his superiors. George Zimmerman literally took it on himself, after being explicitly told not to, to get out of his car rather than drive away and let the police take care of the case of a kid wandering around the complex.

    George Zimmerman, in short, did not act like an adult. George Zimmerman acted like a child, pumped up on adrenaline because he was going to get to the bottom of this, regardless of being told not to. Was there an actual threat in a kid wandering around the complex? Had there been reports to the police of house alarms or gunfire? It’s a fact that George Zimmerman couldn’t know that. He’s not a police officer. Had there been murders in the complex? No. If there had been murders, was George Zimmerman of the Neighborhood Watch program the person to deal with a possible murder? No. It’s called a Neighborhood Watch, not a Neighborhood Police Force. How many of you own guns? Does owning a gun make you a police officer? Then why would George Zimmerman believe that he was somehow better and more capable to deal with the highly, highly dangerous situation of a kid quietly wandering around the complex.

    This, ladies of the jury, is why we brought 2nd degree manslaughter charges. This wasn’t a mistake. A mistake would be something like George Zimmerman saying that he didn’t understand what the dispatcher was telling him. THAT is a mistake. This was a willful and knowing disregard for the order of a superior that resulted in the death of a child. End of story.

    It doesn’t actually matter who was on top and who was on the bottom. It doesn’t matter if Trayvon Martin stalked and attacked George Zimmerman. The defense would like you to believe it but it’s simply not true. Frankly, it doesn’t even matter that George Zimmerman referred to “those assholes”. What matters is that he disregarded the order of a superior. Had George Zimmerman done as he was told – had he gotten back into his car and drove off or even waited inside his car for the cops to show up – Trayvon Martin would be alive. Let me rephrase that slightly – George Zimmerman would not have killed Trayvon Martin.

    As the prosecution, we are supposed to prove criminal intent. Trayvon Martin’s death was not an accident. There is literally no way to call it that. The minute George Zimmerman left that car, you have intent. The minute he decided on his own to take the law into his own hands, you have intent.

  5. George Zimmerman killed Trayvon Martin – he admitted it. George Zimmerman, who, as part of the Neighborhood Watch program, operated under very clear and explicit guidelines, made a conscious decision to ignore those guidelines. As result, a boy is dead.

Trayvon Martin was a child. The defense would like to have you believe otherwise but under the laws of Florida, Trayvon Martin was a child. Trayvon Martin had every right to be where he was despite whatever conclusion George Zimmerman jumped to.

George Zimmerman is an adult. Not only is he an adult, but he was given a certain amount of responsibility under the auspices of the Neighborhood Watch program. George Zimmerman failed. He failed on purpose. He failed as an adult and a protector of the community – a community which Trayvon Martin was a part of. When George Zimmerman left his car he assumed responsibility for anything that happened afterwards.

It was not Trayvon Martin’s fault for walking home and it’s been show that that was all he was doing – walking home. He did not deserve to die for walking home. Was Trayvon a perfect child? No. Did Trayvon make some mistakes? Yes. Did you make mistakes as a kid? I can’t answer that for you. Perhaps you had a mistake free childhood.

George Zimmerman is an adult. As adults, we have responsibility to act as adults.

I want to come back to the Good Samaritan. I want you to think about that story while you’re deliberating. I want you to ask yourself who in the story you are. Are you the wealthy, affluent and unconcerned people who passed by a beaten, bleeding and dying man because you couldn’t be bothered and you wanted to get home quickly? Or…are you the Good Samaritan that did the right thing.

I can’t decide that. That is your decision.

 

Categories: Navel (Gazing At) Tags:

In Which Some People Are Very, Very Touchy

June 2nd, 2013 No comments

Sometimes, all you have to do to incur someone’s wrath is link to a website. Sometimes, all you have to do is point out that their words and actions don’t sync up very well. Take this guy, for instance:

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Not only does he videotape himself in a bathroom stall and take more than four minutes to talk about how much something doesn’t matter to him, he then wipes his ass with that thing he doesn’t care about and flushes it down the toilet.

That’s some serious not-caring there!

I’m not going to disingenuously pretend not to care. I’ll put it succinctly – when you list yourself (even with the level of delusion that John Henry does) as a “public figure”, you are, for all intents and purposes, fucked. You relinquish all rights to privacy because…you’re a public figure. Get it? Public. It’s the opposite of Private.

In this particular social contract, you sacrifice your privacy for (possible) fame. This means that the PUBLIC gets to talk about you. And if they they (or some segment of the “they”) perceive you to be a whiny, hypocritical moran deserving of ridicule and contempt…guess what…they’re part of the public. What you’re actually looking for is a closed, Stalinist cult-of-personality where you’re unconditionally adored and never questioned.

John Henry, in one video, calls himself a journalist “in the style” of Rachel Maddow and Chris Hayes. Um…I want to make sure I phrase this correctly. If Rachel Maddow and Chris Hayes gave a master class on journalism, I’m pretty sure that “filming yourself in a toilet and literally wiping your ass with criticism” would not come up as a topic. HOWEVER, should someone (possibly John Henry) stand up during question time and ask something like, “On a personal and/or journalistic level, what are your opinions of filming yourself in a toilet and literally wiping your ass with criticism”, I think they’d probably laugh off the question. And then call security.

John Henry feels that any criticism of him denotes a conspiracy to shut him up. As such, and not surprisingly, he deletes all criticism. He moderates his blog and YouTube page comments. On his Facebook page, he writes things like:

Always cute when someone claims to “challenge” me and then immediately turns it into a handicap match.

Even cuter when I hand them their asses so completely they have to delete the thread…which I’m sure they’ll claim was my doing.

But the fact is that he does delete comments. And I’m pretty sure that the commenter did NOT have his ass handed to him. I had my comments deleted when I asked “How does deleting opposition comments make the mind of your readers free? Isn’t that more controlling the information in a Stalinist way?”

Really. That was all it took. Comment deleted. Profile banned.

And since I had another profile, I asked the same question. And that was deleted and the profile banned.

Call me naive, but I’m pretty sure that Rachel Maddow and Chris Hayes would frown on these tactics. I don’t care as much of having my profile banned as having my comment completely erased.

I have about a half a dozen people on my FB banlist for various reasons. One of them is a woman who continually posted outright lies like “I’m so glad you’re voting for Romney, Paul!” Another is a wingnut that I despise. Reading his bullshit makes me legitimately angry.

I’m pretty sure that John Henry’s banlist runs into the hundreds. That’s the type of control his mind is under.

Categories: John Henry Tags:

In Which I Reflect On A Decade

May 19th, 2013 No comments

I’m not going to say I’m done because 1) I’ve already said that and 2) I may find a reason to dust him off in the future. But BBN no longer matters to me. As I’ve said before, this is 95% on me. I”m just not a hustler. It’s also just not a commercially viable character, as least as I envision it. The chances of making anything happen even as Fox News and Brietbart get more and more defacto racist approach infinity. Bottom line – when you have a “fan base” of 5000 and you can’t even raise $40/mo to pay for a Blog Talk Radio show that pulled in 1000 offline listens per show, you have to step back and go for a straight cost/benefit analysis. Which takes about 5 seconds to complete.

It’s not a reflection on my talent. I’m confident in that. It’s more about feeling tired of banging my head against a wall. I dislike comedy clubs for the most part. I don’t like hanging around and making idle chatter with people whose comedy sucks.

True story.

There was a comic who honestly, honestly sucked. Simply not funny. But he showed up almost every night to the club and sucked up to the owner and, viola, he’s made “comic of the month”. I ran the website for the same club and dutifully helped put chairs and tables away after my gigs and had to beg for stage time.

A comic told me, “you want everything handed to you.” And, to be honest, I guess there’s a certain aspect to that. However, if you go by Malcolm Gladwell’s 10,000 hours thing, I put in my time. The problem is – I don’t boast about it. I wrote and produced a one-minute podcast Monday-Friday for more than a year on Shelley The Republican. I’ve also done more than 600 hour long radio shows, 212 videos and a couple dozen songs. The body of work is not insubstantial.  Oh, I almost forgot the punchline – I had this comic on my radio show twice. This same comic never once asked me to be on the show he booked.

The writing on the wall came the day I was asked to do a free  show because it was Halloween and the  booker was trying to come up with comics who wore costumes.

It’s not that I haven’t done favors for people. I just did them for the wrong reason – aka: I didn’t do them to call them back in. They were gestures of friendship, which, if anything, shows that I suck at choosing friends.

So, what’s next?

For the moment, I’m happy as part of a collective of people, like me, who don’t fit the mold and want to do something different. I’m not going to gain any wealth or fame from it. There’s not a chance of that. We all work together in a way that comic’s simply can’t do. It’s truly a hobby in a way that, sadly, I can’t look at BBN as.

Lastly, if you ever sent a couple of bucks to paypal or bought the CD, thank you. You are the reason it went as long as it did. Without the love of people who chipped in, even once, I would have folded up a long time ago.

If you ever typed the word “genius” or “brilliant” and never bothered to contribute – fuck you.

Categories: Navel (Gazing At) Tags:

In Which Facebook Is Not A Right

April 28th, 2013 No comments

Recently, some idiot started whining about a conspiracy theory to shut down his freedom of speech on Facebook. Let me be clear – I vaguely know about this guy from other people but I’ve never followed him, barely read him and know nothing really about him. In short, I’m staying ignorant about it but for a good reason.

The ironically named, Low Genius, claims that “liberal” sites have conspired to shut down his Facebook page. Except it’s not shut down. His account got a thirty day ban. I’m not exactly sure why nor do I really care. I recently came off a seven day ban. My next ban, should it come, will be thirty days. Yes, it’s a pain in the ass but it’s the price you pay for voicing your varnished and unvarnished opinions. (I got a twenty-four hour ban for non-hyperbolically  saying, “I disagree with you”. Srsly.) I’m sure this happens on left-leaning pages, too, but many extreme right pages will cut off your ability to comment if you voice opposition to them or correct an outright lie. Many politically motivated people use the report button on Facebook as a weapon. It’s not right and I’m in no way defending this, having been on the other end of it.

Let’s take a moment to get some definitions correct.

A “site” refers to a website that you personally own and operate. You pay a service provider money. You admin your site. It belong wholly to you. You are the king of it.

A “blog” refers to a blogging service such as WordPress.com or blogger.com. These are free services although you can upgrade your service for a fee. The big point is that you are not in control of the service. You sign a terms-of-service agreement and that leaves you vulnerable to those who may disagree with what you post. Piss enough people off and you’ll get booted. This happens neo-Nazi and jihadist sites. It also happened to Baptists For Brownback, one of the funniest satire sites that I’ve ever read.

A “page” refers to a Facebook page (or Google+ page, if you swing that way). This is a free service. You sign a terms-of-service agreement and that leaves you vulnerable to those who may disagree with what you post. Piss enough people off and you’ll get booted. The big danger on Facebook is when you comment on other pages. Get some fanatic who thinks you’re Satan incarnate for calling him an idiot and it’s pretty simple for him/her to take revenge by reporting you. I honestly don’t know what the rules for timeouts are. I know that I’ve been through several of them and, honestly, I’ve deserved a few of them.

I said that I don’t know anything about Low Genius except what he told me. The biggest fallacy he operates under (outside of his page being taken down…it’s not…he just can’t post to it) is that Facebook is a website. In one of the numerous emails he sent to me, he tried to make that case that his page being down (aka: not being able to post) or having his comments removed from opposition pages is the same thing as a service provider removing content from someone’s website. It’s a cute argument and, if you take away the part where it’s free and you signed a terms-of-service agreement that puts you at the mercy of Facebook and those who moderate it, it might work. But…it’s free and you signed a terms-of-service agreement that puts you at the mercy of Facebook and those who moderate it.

Rightly or wrongly, Facebook doesn’t give a shit about your “free speech” nor does it have to. When you sign up for Facebook, you’re signing your right to free speech away. That’s not to say you can’t say whatever you want. You can. But if it gets taken down because someone reported you, you don’t get to whine about censorship. Why? Because when you sign up for Facebook, you’re signing your right to free speech away. Facebook is a business. It’s not America. Facebook dictates the rules to you and doesn’t care if you don’t like them. The best you can do in that circumstance is to get a hold of Facebook and plead your case. In Low Genius’ case, it’s that there is an evil cabal of liberals that are OUT TO DESTROY HIM AND TAKE AWAY HIS FREE SPEECH.

I hope I’ve written this well enough for you to see where it’s going.

Low Genius’ free speech has not been taken away. He still has it. Granted, for the next thirty days, he can’t use Facebook as a soapbox. He might, however, use his Google+ account…or his website…or MySpace…or Reddit or any number of other services that allow communications with other people. Put another way – John Henry is not in a dark dungeon somewhere with a blindfold and ballgag in his mouth.

I don’t need to know the topic or political bent of John Henry because it’s not important. The Facebook TOS governs Facebook. If you don’t like it, get off of Facebook. But don’t whine about your free speech getting taken away when you’re not paying for the service to begin with.

IRONIC POSTSCRIPT – Early this morning, I posted on John Henry’s Google+ account. In the process of checking the address for it I found out that (and I hope you’re sitting down) he’s blocked my access to it. HE’S STIFLING MY FREE SPEECH!!!

In Which They Shoot Horses, Don’t They?

April 9th, 2013 No comments

I’m on record as stating that Rick The Dogboy Santorum will be the 2016 GOP nominee should he decide to run. It’s his turn. At the heart of the GOP lies a rigidity to the rules that never does it service. Thus, since Santorum came in 2nd in 2012, he gets the nod in 2016 just as Romney (despite being the worst possible candidate) got the nod for coming in 2nd in 2008.

Ricky’s already spilling his political seed in Iowa, laying the groundwork for his dogged adherence (get it??) to some 12th century vision of a perfect world where no one is gay, sex is only for pro-creation and witch burnings happen every Tuesday in the town square.

“I’m sure you could go back and read stories, oh, you know, ‘The Republican Party’s going to change. This is the future.’ Obviously, that didn’t happen,” Santorum told the Register. “I think you’re going to see the same stories written now, and it’s not going to happen. The Republican Party’s not going to change on this issue. In my opinion, it would be suicidal if it did.

The Republican Party needs to kill itself. I think a lot of Republicans understand this. The real story of the Obama Presidency looks like how the GOP finally destroyed itself on its socially conservative rhetoric. It turns out that allowing gays to serve openly in the military didn’t bring about The Rapture. John and Jane Q. Public know that. Perhaps, when DADT still reigned, they thought it might. But it didn’t. It’s not that the Republican bosses lied to them about toads falling from the skies if DADT got lifted. It just didn’t happen.  Even Grandma and Grandpa Q. Public realize that, while it might make them physically sick (or aroused) to imagine the marital bed of two husbands or two wives, it’s really not their business and, anyway, that gay couple down the street always smiles and says hello.

Santorum and the other self-flagellators of the GOP represent the end of the line. Yes, the GOP as it stands today will continue to blather on about gays and abortion and God and guns. They may even damage the economy again with their instance that giving money to the wealthy makes they poor richer. But once Santorum and Rubio and Cantor get reverently tucked into their transports to Heaven and buried in the ground, this strain of legislating God’s Will™ via Republican policies goes back up to Heaven where it belongs.

The Religious Right had a really good run. They convinced otherwise sane people that God voted Republican and that Democrats only cared about the government financing their lifestyles of drugs, sodomy and bestiality. With the gay marriage debate and Sandy Hook, that script got retired. Say what you will about us, but Americans don’t want their children shot. If there’s a way to prevent that, we will find it. Anyone who gets in the way becomes a casualty. My guess is that any GOP House member that opposes some kind of gun control, no matter how mild mannered, will find a 2014 Democratic opponent plastering his face all over the district with the words “Child Killer” across his forehead. Any Democrat that doesn’t use a no-vote on gun control against a Republican opponent deserves to lose.

GOP: Background checks hurt our freedom!
Dem: So no background checks.
GOP: None!
Dem: So a terrorist operative can walk in off the street and buy an AR-15.
GOP: Er…
Dem: And a paroled murderer can pick up a Glock at a gun show and kill his prosecutor.
GOP: Um…
Dem: So no background checks.
GOP: Er…go back to Russia?

I used to think that its fiscal policies would kill the GOP and the Occupy movement would stir us up to reject this trickle-down bullshit once and for all. I’m not so sure anymore. Americans, while still overwhelmingly profess to believe in Jesus, find themselves looking at GOP social policies and asking, “Would Jesus really do that? Cuz I’m pretty sure that He wouldn’t.”

Organization like Christians Tired of Being Misrepresented have sprung up to reclaim God from the stranglehold the GOP put on Him. Their message is simple and clear – GOD judges, not the GOP.  They may consider America a Christian nation, but they understand that all Americans aren’t Christian nor should they be. In their paradigm, God gave his “children” free will. “Free Will” doesn’t not mean turning the Bible in House Bill #1. You make your choices. You die. God judges you.

Jesus, I’m told, died for my sins. I hope the GOP will, too, and whether that’s by suicide or crucifixion doesn’t really matter to me.

In Which I Write To Michelle Malkin

March 25th, 2013 No comments

Dear Ms. Malkin,

I was just reading the comments on your Facebook hatefest about Jim Carrey and I have a question. Before you answer, though, please read through a few

Joe Hebert- Hypocrites must absolutely hate the internet!!!
Faith Hisgen – I never liked carry anyway never saw a single movie he was ever in and would never want to he sucks as an actor … just makes me like him even less now!!
Pete Ayers – we the people put these filthy rich elitist scums where they are today and in turn they want to dictate us , screw you holly wood politicians ………

And, of course, my favorite

Frances Hollander – I’m so sick of Hollywood ignorance trying to ME what’s right!

Here’s my question – Are you actually proud that your job consists of throwing red meat to ignorant assholes that can barely put two words together, let alone turn those words into some sort of complex thought?

Almost every single comment comes to down to “FUCK JIM CARREY”. Personally, I find him annoying, but it’s one thing to say that and another to start a bonfire in the middle of the town square and to shout, “I THINK JIM CARREY  SHOULD BE THROWN ON THIS BONFIRE, DON’T YOU??”

I know you make a pretty good living as a hate monger. But do you ever look at your children as they giggle away at Ace Ventura – Pet Detective and wonder if it’s worth it?

In Which I Write An Open Letter To Bryan Fischer’s Producer

March 4th, 2013 No comments

Hey buddy!

Y U keep deleting my comments on ur fb page, huh? Oh. Right. Because pointing out egregious lies and innuendo makes me anti-God. Sorry about that!

See, it’s just that the Jesus that I grew up with had this weird thing about the truth. He was for it. So when your boss, Bryan, ejaculates into Focal Point the mic about how gays and Muslims will allow NO dissent WHAT…SO…EVER and then goes on to praise CPAC for not inviting Christ Christie to the hate rally because he’s not ideologically pure enough…well, the Jesus I grew up with calls bullshit. And, even though I no long believe in Jesus, I haven’t stopped believing in the truth. I still have a fondness for him in my heart despite your efforts to turn him into a gun-totin’, libertarian he-man who punches fags in the mouth and sucker punches liberals.

You left a sweet response to someone saying that my accounts were only created for harassment.  Given that, let me tell you a quick story about this other guy who people found harassing.

Seems that in “olden days” these businessmen were in the public square doing what businessmen do – business. So this freak comes up and starts yelling at them to get out and they’re like, “DUDE, CHILL. We’re just doing business here like we always have. What’s your problem??” And the freak says, “you guys are in my dad’s house and he doesn’t like it” and the businessmen are like “DUDE, stop harassing us” and the freak starts screaming about truth and duty and honor and the businessmen are like, “whatever” so they leave.

I’m not gonna lie. I enjoy debunking your bullshit. There IS no biblical mandate for marriage in the Bible and the only reference you can come up with is a passage about divorce. That’s called a lose. You’re pulling your hair out because you think the Emergency Manager Law in Michigan acts as the precursor to the fascism. You’re right. And when I point out that the governor and legislature that enacted that bill both pay allegiance to the GOP, you delete and ban me. When I make a completely factual statement that if you obeyed the 9th Commandment your show would be two minutes long – you banned me. When you post a “prayer” asking for God to

“Remind us not to be alarmed when we hear of wars and rumors of wars, of nation rising against nation, of kingdom rising against kingdom, or when we hear of famines and earthquakes in various places” and then start pissing yourself because Iran might have a nuclear weapon, you’re acting like a fucking idiot and you deserve to be called out on it. NOT to harass you, but to help you see this little thing that Jesus called “the truth”.

And the truth is that you’re a fucking idiot. Any rational reading of the Bible runs counter to pretty much everything you say.

But it’s more than just your idiocy. It’s your blatant cowardice. To wit –

Grant us courage so that we may be willing, if necessary, to be persecuted and hated because of you.

Now you’re saying I’m harassing you…let’s even say persecuting you. This prayer make you look like a whiny little douchebag that plays with dolls. You’re asking God for the courage and then immediately go into your Chris Crocker impression crying LEAVE BRITNEY ALOOOOOOOONE and furiously pounding the delete key.

Did I call you a douchebag yet? Damn, I did.

Here’s the thing – you claim Jesus hung on cross in unbearable pain to make you clean. Man up and start acting like he gives you strength instead of running away like the little bitch-boy you are.

In Which White People Can’t Keep Their Grubby Mitts Off Anything

March 1st, 2013 No comments

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Anti-Rock: The Opposition To Rock ‘n’ Roll isn’t, per se, about how white people stole rock and roll from the blacks who created it but the theme runs strong through the book. As with most things American, the original art form scares the living bejesus out of John and Mary Whitebread so steps must be taken to either kill it or to suck out what makes it great. I mean, really? Pat Boone??

The lobotomizing of rock began when white men started fraternizing with the help. This isn’t a bad thing but, sadly, rather than hang out at the help’s houses they grab their food and anything that’s not nailed down and take it to our own houses where the help is not welcome. It’s not that they wouldn’t invite them into their  homes but…ya know…society is so cruel and maybe one day that will change but…until then, keep your eyes on the prize, proud, noble, black people!

Public Enemy got into a shitload of trouble with the lyric

Elvis was a hero to most
But he never meant, shit to me you see
Straight up racist that sucker was
Simple and plain
Mother fuck him and John Wayne

But this is what they talking about.

“HUH? Elvis Presley didn’t write Hound Dog?”

No. No, he didn’t.

“But Elvis was a champion of black music! He loved black people!!”

I’ve heard arguments that Elvis did black people a lot of good by stealing songs from black people. I think Big Mama Thorton would disagree with that. Again, back to Public Enemy

Most of my heroes don’t appear on no stamps

The plot goes like this – you get white people “discovering” rock and roll. The parents get outraged over their kids listening to “nigger music” even if it’s performed by white people. The “good music” industry tries to literally kill rock and roll but, in the end, it’s too profitable so they allow it to live.

Kind of.

What they actually do is take Little Richard, straighten his hair, bleach him white, put a suit on him and nail his feet to the floor so he can’t move. Then they attach their names to the songs he wrote and take his money. It’s enough to make you quit rock and roll. Which Little Richard did for a time.

More insidiously, you replace Alan Freed, who truly loved rock and roll and played the original black versions of songs, with some smiling zombie like Dick Clark. This industry did this on purpose and Dick Clark knew what he was doing. The industry invented a payola scandal and pinned the blame of Freed. Payola, of course, existed well before rock and roll and Clark took his fair share of it. But, not so oddly, Congressional hearings at the time believed Clark when he shunted away owning a stake in the music he was pushing as simply “promotion” and condemned Freed for accepting money from the industry that was behind his own prosecution.

Clark came away smelling like a rose because he was so boring and drenched in industry-approved deodorant that his shit literally didn’t stink. The government continued to hound Freed until he drank himself to death.

Read that again – “The GOVERNMENT continued to hound Freed until he drank himself to death.

Yes, the government. Freed spent his last years simply trying to cobble together a living as the IRS continue to break down his door demanding back taxes on the over-inflated amount of payola they accused him of taking.

Obviously, Dick Clark won because now we have Justin Beiber.

But the extent of the victory, the sheer Genghis Khan devastation of rock may shock  you and, hopefully, make you weep.

Rock and Roll started as black music. Budding white rock and roll bands knew this, covered the originals and sometimes did a great job. But what’s the end effect? I did a very unscientific poll with my Facebook friend asking, “When you think of rock and roll, who or what band first pops into your head?”

With the exception of two people, everyone thought of a white band. There was one black guy that said Jimi Hendrix and a white woman that said Chuck Berry.

Such is the extent of the theft of rock and roll that black rockers like Lenny Kravitz, Fishbone and Living Color prove the exception rather than the rule. And, to my shame, when Lenny Kravitz first came on the scene, my first thought (and I wasn’t alone) was, “black people don’t play rock and roll! What the fuck?”.

While this book focuses on rock and roll, the pattern shows itself in jazz. How do you go from Louis Armstrong to Glen Miller? When you hear “jazz” what first pops into your head?

Thus far, rap/hip hop seems to have broken this pattern. But let’s remember it took MTV seven full years to recognize rap and, if I recall, Blondie’s horrible “Rapture” got play before actual rap music did. But despite the Beastie Boys, Vanilla Ice and Eminem, rap manages to keep it roots intact.

So maybe that’s progress.